We get it, if you’ve accomplished a lot, you might really be feeling yourself. You might want the world to know. You feel GOOD. But I think there’s a very thin line between being proud of your accomplishments and being pretentious.
And I toe this line often, admittedly.
What I’ve Learned:
Honestly, don’t bring things up if they’re not relevant to the conversation. Don’t try to “sneak” it into the conversation. You know how you can tell when someone is lovestruck because they constantly name-drop their boyfriend, or say “oh, my boyfriend and I…” in every sentence, when the conversation is about school loans or something TOTALLY irrelevant? Yeah, exactly. It can get annoying. Having a boyfriend, or receiving an award, is not your WHOLE identity (I hope).
It is way more impressive to be humble about your achievements in most settings. Unless this is an interview or you are helping someone who is interested in your experiences, there’s really no need to brag that you got a full ride or how you’ve gotten a 4.0 GPA unsolicitedly. There’s a time and place for everything. Even with forums like LinkedIn which are meant to showcase your professional accomplishments, you need to watch your tone and wording so that the post does not come off as snarky or pretentious!
Life is not a competition. I’ve realized my need to share accomplishments is because I like the validation, but it’s like ??? That’s no bueno. I am actively working on not seeing everything as a competition because that makes life unnecessarily more dramatic and stressful. There’s a difference between confidence and pretentiousness!
Tldr; share only when needed, be humble (sit down), and take a chill-pill. Keeping this points in mind have helped with my mental health too!
I recently started graduate school and have been very fortunate to land a TA, or teaching assistant, position! I help teach three sections of an undergraduate introductory science course.
It’s been about a month of being a TA, and whew… it’s a lot of work! Here’s what I want you all, as undergraduate students, to know:
I’m a college student too. Like you, I am here at this university to study. I may be at the graduate level, but I still have classes to attend, assignments to complete, research to participate in, etc just like you. I am not at your beck and call, and cannot be expected to respond to emails immediately, unfortunately. I try to reply to emails within 1 business day.
I don’t know everything about this class topic. Yes, I have a background in the subject and was chosen from the applicant pool to be a TA. But that does not mean I know the answers to every question you have about the material. I will do my best to answer or point you to good resources, though. But please don’t expect that I’m a walking encyclopedia! I’m finding that I get very specific questions or “what if” questions - and I love it! But just know many times this may not be within the scope of this course.
I have imposter syndrome. I’m not sure how I got admitted as a graduate student. I’m not sure how I was chosen to be a TA. I still feel very unqualified in many aspects of my life!
We are not necessarily close with the professor. We likely have meetings with the professor weekly to discuss things, but it’s a very professional friendly relationship. TAs are not necessarily chosen because they work in the same field or research lab as the professor; certainly not me!
As a first-time TA, know I’m anxious before each section I teach! Try to be understanding and have patience. I’m doing my best! If a TA has taught before, they are likely more experienced and less likely to get flustered.
Grading actually takes … a while. Don’t expect your papers to get graded ASAP. I have 3 lab sections to teach, and it’s about 80 students total for me. That’s 80 assignments I have to grade… every week.
Understand that being a TA is much more than teaching a section and grading papers each week. I have to attend a required teaching pedagogy course (on top of my busy coursework!), weekly TA meetings with the professor, host weekly office hours, spend hours before section to prepare, respond to student emails which range from anxiety/mental health issues to wifi problems to confusion over a topic, etc. PLUS, throw in COVID-19 right now and it can get hectic! I’m at 20 units this quarter! I know not all TAs are this busy (some are in their last quarter, or just focusing on research) but just a FYI!
Why do we want to TA? Benefits include great experience, tuition remission, networking, etc. Receiving a TA position gives you amazing experience to interact with students to teach them a topic you’re (hopefully) passionate (or at least, proficient) at. It looks great on a resume, plus it doesn’t hurt that most TA positions offer fee remissions. AKA most of your fees for the quarter/semester are paid as a result of your employment AND you get a monthly salary on top of that. It’s not “cushy”, it’s appropriate given the amount of work. Lastly, the chance to network with professors and leaders of the field is amazing too!
Please participate in class! It’s really awkward for us when we do our best to teach, and … no one participates. Or students do the bare minimum. If it feels awkward for you, trust me, it’s awkward for me too.
Many times, the class is structured and formatted in a specific way and the TA is just a facilitator. I’m very fortunate that the course I help teach is very structured: specific powerpoints, assignments, worksheets, homework problems, etc. I do not really have a say in how the lesson planning of the overall class. I have more say in the individual sections I lead, but even then I have to abide by certain rules (no recording of lecture, no posting of powerpoints, etc), use specific powerpoints (I can add my own slides, or modify a little bit), etc so that there is consistency between all TAs. That makes sense, right?
tldr; Being a TA is a lot of work. Since becoming one, I honestly have had a shift in how I formerly thought of TAs… I find there are ups and downs to being a TAs but overall my experience has been positive. But just know, we are people too! We have other responsibilities and we get stressed out too! :)
Let go. Let go of the past, any resentment you have, any “what ifs” you have. Anything. Live in the present and don’t spend so much time thinking about the past.
I’ve wasted a lot of time overthinking about the past and it was just so … unnecessary. Do I really think my ex gave me a second thought after we ended things? Not really, and definitely not to the extent that I analyzed our relationship for his flaws! Sometimes, overthinking and analyzing the past re-opens your wounds and you get hurt again (and again… and again…)
Stop comparing. There will always be someone better than you but also someone worse than you. Comparing is a fruitless endeavor! If you must compare, do it for the purpose of bettering yourself. Like “Wow, I love Shay Mitchell’s make-up. She’s so pretty. What products or makeup techniques does she use, so I can try on myself?” or “This girl got a full-ride scholarship. What does she have for experience? Maybe one of her experiences is something that would be relevant for me and can help my professional career.”
Truthfully, I’ve learned that each person in my grad program has something that obviously shined in the eyes of admissions committee and got them in here. It may not be obvious to me as an outsider, but I can’t keep comparing. We’re all at the same school, aren’t we? And funding wise, too. I got a pretty good chunk of $ and I need to stop comparing!
Stop surrounding yourself in toxicity. If you have a relative who is toxic or is negative or you always feel DRAINED after your interaction with them repeatedly, then that’s a sign they need to be O U T of your lives (or realistically, reduced interactions). Same with friends. Same with coworkers. This is probably the most important part of this whole “bettering yourself” vibe. How can you get better if the people around you constantly drag you down?
For the people who you can’t just cut off contact, I reduce contact. I stop sharing anything that’s particularly important to them. (God knows I have an older sister who uses anything and everything I say to her as ammunition in arguments.) I share boring stuff only. Safe stuff. Small talk. Act cordial but not BFFs. Stonewall them. Minimal contact. They might say you’re cold and standoffish, but who the fuck cares? Mental health matters and you don’t need to share every single thing with every single person in your lives. I’ve learned it’s best to confide in only a couple people.
Make time for “you time.” If you’re busy at work or school, still try to carve out some time where the goal is just to relax you. Maybe grab a solo lunch with yourself at your favorite place, maybe binge on Netflix for a teeny bit, maybe treat yourself to a spa day. Whatever relaxes you - you deserve it!
If I’m really stressed out, my body will show it. I will breakout on my face. I get easily irritated. I will have dark bags under my eyes. I have to remind myself that I need to take deep breaths and not to let my body “feel” stressed because I don’t want my body to “show” signs of stress. Because god knows it takes forever (seemingly) for a pimple to clear up! And even longer if I pick at it and it scars… I reason with myself, “Do I want to have a breakout on my face that might last longer than my stress freak-out period?!” I think not!
Learn what your triggers are and try to remedy it. For example, one of my triggers to anxiety is feeling overwhelmed with my workload. But if I get better at planning my workload and being honest and transparent with myself, it eases my mind. I recently bought a Passion Planner that is coming tomorrow!
Mental health is a very important thing. PLEASE take active steps to make sure you feel okay! What are your tips for ensuring good mental health?
i’m going into my junior year of high school, the time when many students are getting ready to apply for college. many of my friends and peers have been concerned about what, exactly, they should be doing to prepare this year, and when. so, we held a college information session. this may be geared towards my specific area/region, but hopefully everyone can take something out of this. here are some tips that we learned:
ON COLLEGE VISITS
questions to ask:
what is your freshman retention rate?
what is the percentage of students that graduate in 4 years? (new statistic: ¾ of students don’t; the average student takes 5 ½ years to graduate)
make sure there is written documentation of your visit
when reviewing applications, colleges note “touch points”– these include things like taking an official tour, sending in those cards you get in the mail, or something as easy as emailing one of their admissions counselors with a simple question. they’ll keep your information, and it may give you an advantage over other students because you showed you’re seriously interested in their school. so, even if you’re taking an informal campus tour, make sure to stop in the admissions office and fill out one of those cards with your information. it’ll be added into their system as a touch point– and you’re already one step ahead!
TESTING
some things to remember:
the SAT and ACT are, for the most part, equally accepted by colleges.
certain schools may require an SAT subject test. make sure to check out programs you’re interested in so that you can prepare all of its requirements.
the SAT is a test of aptitude, while the ACT is more knowledge-based and straightforward.
if you’re bright and a good test taker but maybe you don’t get the best grades, the SAT may be more fit for you.
if you’re more studious and focused on grades and retaining information you’ve learned in class, the ACT may be a better match.
a guidance counselor recommends: take both tests once, and whichever you feel you performed better on, take it again.
many colleges like to see growth in scores because it shows you’re really working towards something. this may change depending on the selectivity of the school, but consider this before only sending your best score.
if you know what colleges you’re interested in, check and see what they prefer/require before taking the tests. most likely, you’ll save yourself a lot of time, effort, and money in the long run.
SO, WHEN SHOULD I BE DOING ALL OF THIS?
here’s a timeline of what was recommended for your junior year
October:
take the PSAT again (this is the year that you can qualify for NMSQT). i’m not sure if this applies everywhere but i know where i live, this is a requirement.
if your school uses Naviance, make sure you have your login information. you should be using the tools it provides to research colleges and find out more about jobs you may be suited for.
November/December
take the ACT or SAT. if you’ve already taken the SAT, i suggest taking the ACT before doing the SAT again.
this is around the time you should start visiting colleges if you haven’t already. if you can’t go to schools, look for information sessions and college fairs near you. if you’re on a college’s email list, they’ve likely sent you dates that they offer tours or perhaps are even hosting information sessions closer to you.
April/May/June
start asking for letters of recommendation!! many teachers give letters on a first-come-first-serve basis, so get ahead. usually you want to have 2-4 of these. think about programs and schools you may apply for, and think about what subject teachers may be most helpful in your application. also, check schools’ websites and see what they recommend/require. outside letters are also okay, if they’re from someone who knows you and your work ethic well.
consider taking the SAT or ACT again.
schedule your senior year. it’s no longer a time to slack off; colleges now look at your grades as late as third marking period. continue to challenge yourself, but also take electives that interest you to get a better idea of what careers you may want to pursue.
get the Common App essays from your guidance counselor. you should at least think about these over the summer to get an idea of what you’ll say in your application essays.
August
this is when the Common App is available for that year. many, but not all schools, use this. do your own research to decide if it’s a necessity for you.
MISC. TIPS
very few students partake in college interviews anymore. requesting and interview may set you apart from other students (touch point!), but it is definitely not required or even recommended by the vast majority of schools.
if you know you will be going to grad school or a higher ed program, think about where you want to concentrate your money. a cheaper but respected undergraduate school may be a great idea to save money for a great graduate school. (you probably don’t care where your doctor went for their undergrad, but where’d they go to med school?)
MAKE SURE YOU’RE MEETING YOUR SCHOOL’S GRADUATION REQUIREMENTS.
check to see what courses certain colleges recommend you take in high school. this may be a good way to plan the rest of your high school schedule, and also gauge whether or not you can achieve a college’s expectations.
Use one notebook for all your classes. Make sure it has binder holes so every few weeks you can transfer work you don’t need for the moment into individual class ring binders at home. Also keep a plastic wallet for sheets for each subject in your bag too, so you can transfer these into your ring binders when not required in class anymore. This is a simple organisation method and makes every super easy to access for both class and revision in the future.
Carry around a huge ass water bottle or a super cute water bottle, as this will motivate you to drink more. I have to physically hold mine in my hands otherwise I just forget about it and go buy unnecessary drinks.
On the first page of your note book- start a never ending to do list. Put all assignments and tasks there and cross everything off as you complete it. This is helpful because it is somewhere you will see it literally every day- you cant lose it. Also seeing the tasks stack up stresses me out and makes me want to complete the tasks more.
If you struggle with revision/ lots of reading. Podcasts are a life saver. Youtube videos too! Research around your topic for useful videos, then take short notes while listening/ watching.
Quick breakfasts for those who never leave time to eat- 2 minute oatmeal sachets, take it to go in a polystyrene coffee cup
Cut up some fruit and grab a cereal bar
A peanut butter/ banana wrap
Smoothies take like 5 minutes and are so gooood
Big love to all my bleary eyed students, forgetting papers and assignments, going to class in the clothes you slept in, eating the strangest diets. Add any tips below if you’ve got em!
Contact Student Disability Services (SDS) ASAP!! They are your friends and will help you facilitate conversations with your professors and with housing for any accomadations you may need!
TALK TO YOUR PROFS!! They do not bite I promise! As soon as they see that you are registered with SDS, they will do everything they can to see you raccomadations met within there class. Plus this is a great time to introduce yourself to them so you aren’t just a nameless face in the class. This will help if you ever need favors or letters of recommendation from them later.
Make sure you stay in the right dorm for you! Many campuses have several different styles of dorms for you to pick from and they have different price points. DO NOT SETTLE ON A DORM. This is where you will be staying a majority of the time and you want to make sure you are comfortable. This means taking in account for your bad days. How close are you to where your classes will be? How close are you to food? How close are you to health services? These are all important factors in where you choose to live.
Start small with how much you take on! Give yourself time to build up to college life. Start with smaller hours and maybe one student organization and build from there. It will always be easier to add on to your list of responsibilities than it is to take away. I started out with 15 hours, and being a member of an organization, then became and officer of said org, then got a campus part time job, and now I have a full time job on campus along with a steady increase of my hours throughout the process.
Don’t be afraid of communicating with your new friends about your disability. I know it can be hard to open up about something you may view as a negative quality about yourself, but 1) it isn’t a bad thing about you, and 2) college is such an accepting place! You will find your safe spot and make understanding friends. Now I’m not saying you wont come across a couple of bad apples, but college is such a huge community. You WILL find your group eventually and they will completely understand your personal ups and downs and be there through it all and even help you though those low spoons days. I absolutely adore my group because it has gotten to the point I don’t even need to say anything and they already know what I need, and they will even get food and class notes for me before I even ask them to do so.
Definitely plan for meals inside your dorm. I know there are some bad days where even if food is just downstairs, I cant even make it that far. If that means having hella snacks, or even making sure you have a fridge, do that! We do not want a starving spoonie who already doesn’t feel good. Dats bad. No no. Same thing goes for water! Hydrate or Die-drate!. Most schools will have a place where you can get a gallon of water using your dining meal plan.
Roommates! Love em or hate them, they will be apart of your college experience. Make sure you communicate with them about your needs. At the very beginning of the year, you will most likely sign a roommate contract with each other that outlines your expectations for your dorm. Again, DONT SETTLE! If you need quiet hours, don’t be afraid to ask for them. If you don’t want guests at certain times, or at all, talk about that. I know it may seem daunting but I promise it is absolutely worth it to fight for your needs. You will be living there 24/7 and it is as much as your home as it is theirs. There should also be a CA/RA that can help you and your roommate find common ground and negotiate peacefully!
This is all I can think of at the moment, BUT if y’all have any questions or just want to talk about your college experience so far, my DMs and Asks are open!
Here is my token Tippy picture for this post! Enjoy! She is still a little brat but I adore her.
