Grad School Life Update: 1.9 years in. | Love, School, Work, and Home

Okay I graduate next month so I’m calling this my 1.9 years in update, haha.

LOVE: Relationship is steady! At this point, I feel like I’m getting really comfortable with him and the relationship, and I often have my guard down. I am still a little worried about life after graduation when we will be in different locations but ultimately through therapy, I’ve come to a place where I can genuinely say I’m taking it day by day and not overthinking.

SCHOOL: One *MONTH* left! Is that crazy?! These past few weeks have been crazy hectic with assignment deadlines and capstone requirements. I recently took my graduation photos and it made graduation feel so real. Overall, I’m very excited to graduate and leave this chapter for a new one!

WORK: I have had my full-time job offer secured since the Fall and I’m very grateful that I haven’t had to stress about job hunting on top of finals, etc. I’m trying to enjoy my last couple of months of “freedom” before I have to work full-time until I’m 65. I’m also TAing this quarter (as I have most quarters while in grad school) and I am getting a little burnt out with everything. But the end is near!

HOME: Similar update to before. My roommate has not really changed: she’s still messier and not as courteous as I’d like (or that I am to her) but the lease is almost up at this point. Living with her and just overall looking back at my experiences living with others has reaffirmed that I want to live solo. I also think it’s important to live by yourself (if you’re able to) and see how that experience goes.

All in all, I’m enjoying my last month as a graduate student. Life is good!

Five Things I Learned from Therapy

I recently started therapy and although I’ve only had a few sessions so far, I wanted to recap some lessons I’ve learned.

1. Your feelings are always valid. Sometimes in my therapy sessions, I preface by saying “I don’t know if I should feel this way, but …” and my therapist will always reply that my feelings are my feelings, and that my feelings are always valid. She recommended I take a brief moment to try to understand why I’m feeling this way, but not to linger too much on negative thoughts and feelings.
2. Thoughts aren’t facts. This is connected to the first point. Just because I feel a certain way about something, or I’m thinking about something through a certain perspective, it doesn’t mean that it’s a fact.
3. Things are not always connected, nor are they always about you. For example, my roommate has been closing her doors (even bathroom) all the way when she leaves the house. It might sound weird, but it wasn’t something she used to do. So I thought maybe she was being passive-aggressive towards me. Then I realized that it’s to literally hide her room because inside was a complete mess: trash everywhere, clothes on the floor, etc. It’s very easy to attempt a logical rational behind why people behave certain ways or why something has happened to you, but sometimes it’s literally not about you.
4. Learn to let the little things go. Be chill. This is something I’ve realized internally before, but I can have a tendency to overthink things or to be fixated on certain things. But it honestly does no good to be like this. I’m better about this now but need to still work on learning to let the little things go. Like my therapist said, I need to pick my battles and if I’m fixating on every little single thing that’s bothering me, I’m not using my resources wisely.
5. You don’t need a reason to go to therapy. I know many people go because they’re experiencing a lot of stress or anxiety. Or after a major event. But for me personally, I find it soothing to talk to a non-biased source about what’s been going on during my week. It’s nice to see her perspective but also to feel like I’m prioritizing my mental health. I know people may have friends and family members to talk about issues but there’s something about talking to a third-party who truly doesn’t judge and who won’t gossip that I really enjoy!

Life Advice: Trying to Live One Day at a Time

Something I’ve realized is that I tend to get really worried about the future. It isn’t good for my mental health and it’s not so good to be focused on something you can’t change as much as you can the present.

I’ve been working on just focusing on one day at a time and not worrying incessantly about the future. This includes things like:

• My boyfriend and I will be long distance after graduation. What’s going to happen to our relationship? I’m still trying to decide for myself but I’m not putting pressure on it. The way I see it: even if we break up due to the distance, I would rather be with him until we aren’t together, instead of trying to find another relationship or be single. And I think our relationship will solidify in the next few months as well. But I know we also have to have the discussion.
• My roommate has anxiety and isn’t the best roommate. But because I know she has bigger things she’s worrying about (her mental health), I try to let some of her behavior slide. That’s not to say I’m not annoyed by it still, though– I definitely am.
• Life after graduation: I’ve been browsing apartments and I do have a little bit of anxiety trying to find a cheap enough apartment so that I have more spending money.

But for now, instead of thinking about the future and worrying myself too much, I will just enjoy the present!

2022: Speaking Up & No More People Pleasing | Apartment Living Rant

One of the things I’ve come to learn is that I can be quite non-communicative when living with housemates. There will be an issue and instead of me communicating with the person, I’ll kinda stew on it and rant to my friends because I don’t want to be dramatic and make a big deal out of nothing. After all, it can be awkward living with someone who you’re at odds with and you’re locked in a lease for a year! But I’m learning that my feelings are valid and as long as I have good intentions and appropriately air out my grievances, it should be ok.

With 2022 starting, I especially didn’t want to continue living with my roommate in this non-communicative, stewing-silently mode. Shortly after I came back from winter break, I asked for two things:

1. Food in the fridge/freezer is no longer communal. My roommate ate my tofu and used up all of my wine, and I was just fed up. I felt disrespected: I didn’t even have any of the wine! And this is the second time she’s used all of my tofu! Obviously, she agreed to the rule because it’s not like she can’t. She did use my ketchup without asking but I’m okay with spices, sauces, and condiments being communal. Anything more, I will speak up against.
2. We take turns taking out the trash now. Previously, I felt like I was always the one taking out the trash. Even if she made a meal and the trash was 80% hers and was overflowing, she wouldn’t automatically take out the trash. I HATED looking at an overflowing trash can and having flies swarm around it, so I would take it out myself. I think I enabled her. Now at least things are more balanced. I printed out a trash schedule calendar so it’s totally clear who has what week.

These rules were enacted recently so I hope they stick. Remember when I told her my meat, eggs, and produce weren’t communal and she still ate my tofu and broccoli? Remember when we agreed that no dirty dishes to be laying around and to wash dishes the same day you use them? Sigh.

I really think living with housemates/roommates can be such a toss-up.

I don’t want to end this post on a negative note so I’ll try to say something positive. My roommate recently got a new boyfriend and so far (fingers crossed), he has not slept over at the apartment or overstayed his visit. He comes for dinner about once a week or other small stays. This is something I really appreciate because I absolutely despise it when boyfriends become an informal “third roommate”. I feel uncomfortable going outside my room when there are guests in the house.

Can’t wait to live on my own after graduation!

Grad School Life Update: 1.5 years in. | Love, School, Work, and Home

Alright, my fall quarter is officially done! I just have two quarters left to go before I graduate this upcoming June. Here are my thoughts of where I stand:

LOVE: Relationship is still going strong! No complaints at all. I’m amazed at how refreshing it is to be in a genuinely healthy relationship for once. We have open communication, clear boundaries, and he’s honestly becoming one of my best friends.

SCHOOL:One quarter done, two quarters left! These upcoming two quarters will be more intense, especially since I’ll be working on my capstone but I’m excited. I’m thrilled and grateful to be living in Los Angeles, to have a great friend group, and to be able to have time to balance both work, school, and friends.

WORK:I quit my internship that had a long commute (45 minutes to one hour ONE WAY). I felt like I gained enough from it and it wasn’t worth the commute. I stayed on technically for 8 months total (virtual office), although it was just 3 months of commuting. I’m grateful to have secured a full-time job after graduation so I don’t feel like I need to continually bolster my resume.

HOME:Not much to update here! My roommate is still the same ol’ roommate: messier, disorganized, and ditzy. But my mentality is more now “well, I’m halfway done with the lease at this point!”

Rant: Roommate

I’ve been trying very hard not to write down a list of things I dislike about my roommate because then it will make it seem very… concrete and final. But I have to let it out.

1. She often has her meetings and phone calls on speakerphone. When this is in the common spaces of the apartment, I find it to be quite rude. I generally don’t mind when she has her calls on speakerphone/loud music in her room because that’s her personal space. Even when she has her music at maximum volume in her room, I try not to say anything. Instead, I just close my door all the way and use my noise-cancelling headphones and I think she gets the message.
2. She’s not good about washing her dishes and cleaning up after herself. Early on, we established two rules: wash dishes the same day you use them & do not have dirty dishes laying around the house. She followed this rule initially but started breaking it a few weeks ago.
3. She eats my food, even when I told her not to. When we first moved into the apartment, we said food was communal. After a while of her eating my food and me not eating hers (I don’t like her food and I buy what I like to personally eat), I told her I didn’t want my meat, produce, and eggs to be communal anymore (I was too scared to give a blanket statement but I should have) and if she needed to use something, please ask. She agreed. But lo and behold, she continued to use my food. Now, when I grocery shop, I meal prep the same day. I guess it’s been helpful in making me be intentional about my meals.
4. She’s ditzy and disorganized. I typically wouldn’t care if someone’s personality was ditzy… until it starts affecting me. She’s locked herself out on the balcony, forgotten her apartment keys, came late to our dinners and/or cancelled last minute, forgotten about the no-communal-food policy, etc.

The thing is, it’s difficult to “hate” her because I know she has good intentions and I genuinely do think she is just very … ditzy. However, ditzy or not, the result is the same: I don’t feel respected or comfortable in my living space. I try not to let her occupy too much of my mental energy though so hopefully this is the last post I have about her on my blog.

What I’ve learned during this process is that:

• Communication is important. This should be the first step in trying to resolve things.
• … However, when you communicate to your housemate your requests, and she ignores it/is too ditzy to remember…. the only thing you can do now is to change your own behavior. I now use noise-cancelling headphones to reduce the noise I hear from her, encourage the use of dishwasher so that we don’t have dirty dishes for days, meal prep the same day I buy groceries so she can’t use up my groceries, and generally try to let things go and not hold a grudge…

Sigh.

Grad School Life Update: 1.25 years in. | Love, School, Work, and Home

Alright, so it’s halfway through my Fall quarter of my second/last year of this Master’s program. I am graduating next June. Thought I’d do a little update of how life has been going!

• LOVE: I have a boyfriend! Remember all of my mopey, pessimistic posts from years ago? Haha! So far, this relationship is awesome! Very fresh but very much loving it. For those of you who are (jokingly) complaining about being perpetually single, my three quick tips for you are:

1. Get out more. Go to more social events, classes, etc. The more you go to more events, the more likely you’ll meet cool people. (Doesn’t even have to be a partner, but you can meet friends!)

2. When you’re at the events… socialize! Mingle! Grab their social media accounts! There’s no point in going to events if you’re not going to socialize and/or grab the cool people’s social media accounts.

3. Keep your personality attractive. This is a big one, but what I mean is: stay humble, keep up your good work ethic, don’t take things too seriously (don’t be petty and keep grudges), and be confident. Haven’t you ever come across a SUPER attractive person and realize their personality was absolute shit? Yeah, exactly. Work on yourself before you jump into a relationship. This is % true.

• SCHOOL: Classes are going well! Just trying to hammer out all of my Master’s program requirements. I’m basically trying to do the bare minimum because I want all of my free time to be spent exploring the city and enjoying life before I have to work until I’m 65….
• WORK: Got a full-time job offer! This is the same company I interned at but surprisingly, I actually had to go through two additional rounds of interviews because I wanted to work at a different office that I was interning at. I’m relieved I got this offer (which I accepted) because this means I don’t have to worry about this anymore.
• HOME: Apartment living is overall going well! Truthfully, my housemate eats my groceries more than I’d like, she’s clingier than I’d want, and she’s messier than I’d prefer… but compared to my last roommate situation, this is a waaaay better living situation. I also know I have the tendency to overthink and OVERBLOW situations so I’m trying to keep my cool here. If I’m being 100% honest, I think the main reason I find her “annoying” (this is much too strong of a word) is because I’m trying to have very separate boundaries with her because of my last housemate experience. BUT my housemate seems to want to be 100% besties with me, which I’m not down for. So there’s a bit of weirdness where she always wants to hang out and talk about her day and asks me about mine, and I’m more like “Welp, I just want to relax at home. I have other friends I can talk to about this stuff.” She is definitely more extroverted than me.

OVERALL: Life is going awesome for me and I’m so grateful.

This quarter, I’m taking 22 units. Yes, 22. These 22 units include 18 academic units, and 4 units serving as official credit for being a TA. Oh yeah, I didn’t mention that I’m also a TA this quarter? I have to lead 3 discussion sections of 30 students each, grade 90 assignments a week, and keep up with student emails. 

Yeah.

Last quarter, I had a similar workload but it was more manageable because a couple of the courses were not as academic (i.e. a career prep course, or the required teaching pedagogy course). 

Sometimes i feel very overwhelmed, stressed out, and that I’m drowning in work and responsibilities. But then I remember what Nemo said: “Just keep swimming.”

What has helped me manage this workload is simply being on top of all of my deadlines and managing my time well. This means:

1. Listening in lecture and being 100% attentive (ok fine, 75%) 
2. Starting assignments early, and submitting them when I’m done
3. If there are group assignments, I need to coordinate early.
4. Tracking all due dates in my planner and calendar so there are no surprises along the way
5. Taking “me” time - Netflix, face masks, eating ice cream. You name it!

Easier said than done right? Definitely. When I do get overwhelmed, I have to remind myself of why I’m in this program, too. This graduate program is only 2 years long, and I want to prepare myself for the workforce and my career goals. And maybe throw in another quote, “no pain no gain”!??!

We can do this! Just keep swimming.

I recently started graduate school and have been very fortunate to land a TA, or teaching assistant, position! I help teach three sections of an undergraduate introductory science course. 

It’s been about a month of being a TA, and whew… it’s a lot of work! Here’s what I want you all, as undergraduate students, to know:

• I’m a college student too. Like you, I am here at this university to study. I may be at the graduate level, but I still have classes to attend, assignments to complete, research to participate in, etc just like you. I am not at your beck and call, and cannot be expected to respond to emails immediately, unfortunately. I try to reply to emails within 1 business day.
  
• I don’t know everything about this class topic. Yes, I have a background in the subject and was chosen from the applicant pool to be a TA. But that does not mean I know the answers to every question you have about the material. I will do my best to answer or point you to good resources, though. But please don’t expect that I’m a walking encyclopedia! I’m finding that I get very specific questions or “what if” questions - and I love it! But just know many times this may not be within the scope of this course.
• I have imposter syndrome. I’m not sure how I got admitted as a graduate student. I’m not sure how I was chosen to be a TA. I still feel very unqualified in many aspects of my life! 
• We are not necessarily close with the professor. We likely have meetings with the professor weekly to discuss things, but it’s a very professional friendly relationship. TAs are not necessarily chosen because they work in the same field or research lab as the professor; certainly not me!
• As a first-time TA, know I’m anxious before each section I teach! Try to be understanding and have patience. I’m doing my best! If a TA has taught before, they are likely more experienced and less likely to get flustered. 
• Grading actually takes … a while. Don’t expect your papers to get graded ASAP. I have 3 lab sections to teach, and it’s about 80 students total for me. That’s 80 assignments I have to grade… every week. 
• Understand that being a TA is much more than teaching a section and grading papers each week. I have to attend a required teaching pedagogy course (on top of my busy coursework!), weekly TA meetings with the professor, host weekly office hours, spend hours before section to prepare, respond to student emails which range from anxiety/mental health issues to wifi problems to confusion over a topic, etc. PLUS, throw in COVID-19 right now and it can get hectic! I’m at 20 units this quarter! I know not all TAs are this busy (some are in their last quarter, or just focusing on research) but just a FYI!
• Why do we want to TA? Benefits include great experience, tuition remission, networking, etc. Receiving a TA position gives you amazing experience to interact with students to teach them a topic you’re (hopefully) passionate (or at least, proficient) at. It looks great on a resume, plus it doesn’t hurt that most TA positions offer fee remissions. AKA most of your fees for the quarter/semester are paid as a result of your employment AND you get a monthly salary on top of that. It’s not “cushy”, it’s appropriate given the amount of work. Lastly, the chance to network with professors and leaders of the field is amazing too!
• Please participate in class! It’s really awkward for us when we do our best to teach, and … no one participates. Or students do the bare minimum. If it feels awkward for you, trust me, it’s awkward for me too.
• Many times, the class is structured and formatted in a specific way and the TA is just a facilitator. I’m very fortunate that the course I help teach is very structured: specific powerpoints, assignments, worksheets, homework problems, etc. I do not really have a say in how the lesson planning of the overall class. I have more say in the individual sections I lead, but even then I have to abide by certain rules (no recording of lecture, no posting of powerpoints, etc), use specific powerpoints (I can add my own slides, or modify a little bit), etc so that there is consistency between all TAs. That makes sense, right? 

tldr; Being a TA is a lot of work. Since becoming one, I honestly have had a shift in how I formerly thought of TAs… I find there are ups and downs to being a TAs but overall my experience has been positive. But just know, we are people too! We have other responsibilities and we get stressed out too! :)