a/n: based of this au that i thought was super cute and also super fit for connor :-) sorry if it’s not that good,, im a sucky writer who’s trying their best :’)
word count: 1.9k
The flower shop had been in your family for decades. Some of your earliest took place with your parents carrying you down the aisles of flowers and succulents, telling you strange facts about them and each of their meanings–most of which have engraved themselves into your brain.
As time went on, your parents found other sources of income (since the flower shop just wasn’t enough), which left you to take care of the store by yourself. Not that you minded, of course, to you the shop was the only thing right about this broken world.
You opened today and most days with the intentions of it being a relatively slow day. There wasn’t any holiday coming up and Valentine’s day was a month ago. You figured you might get the odd husband getting flowers for an anniversary or someone getting flowers for a birthday. But for the most part, you knew today was going to be boring.
You stood behind the counter, absentmindedly watering the bouquets with the bright yellow can, staring out the window in the front of your shop watching people stroll by. Your attention was drawn to a brown-haired teenager, a look of irritation written all over his face. Maybe it was the frown etched into his face. Maybe it was how beautiful he was. But you could just about recognise the light eyes paired with the long hair, you just couldn’t put your finger on it.
The last thing you expected was for the man to enter your shop. But he did. The bell above the door rang and he stomped towards the counter, approaching you. He slammed 40 dollars onto the counter, “How do I passively-aggressively say fuck you in flowers?”
You eyebrows shot up in surprise, your mouth trying to form some sort of response but you didn’t expect those words to come out of his mouth. But you had to admit, the expletive that dripped from his mouth couldn’t have sounded sexier.
“I–um. Excuse me?” you asked, slightly confused. The man, who must have realised what just came out of his mouth, sighed. He relaxed his tense shoulders and looked you in the eye. And you couldn’t help but notice how his blue eyes had a few hints of brown in them. Quite beautiful really.
“Sorry. That-that came out wrong.” the man said with the smallest of laughs. You shook your head.
“No. You’re fine, I just…” you trailed off, trying to think of the right thing to say. “I just wasn’t sure if I heard you correctly. It isn’t everyday that someone comes in with a request like that.” you replied with a sheepish smile, that was returned but the beautiful boy in front of you. You could practically feel the multiple shades of red and pink creep onto your cheeks.
“Sorry,” he repeated. “It’s a long story–”
“I’ve got time. That is, if you want to talk about it.” you smiled lightly with a shrug. You really weren’t expecting him to take the offer; who would want to share something seemingly pretty personal with someone they hardly knew? But a part of you was secretly hoping he’d confide in you because who wouldn’t want to converse with a beautiful human being?
He pulled up one of the metal barstools and leaned his elbows on the counter, running his hands through his hair. “Well, I just started high school, just a few blocks from here actually–“
You jaw dropped slightly and that’s when you realised who you were talking to. Connor Murphy was sitting just opposite you. Obviously you heard a lot of talk about him through school, most people thought his was a freak but you weren’t so quick to believe that. If you were totally honest you found him quite cute.
“Your Connor Murphy, yeah? I know your sister.”
“Uh, yeah,” he sighed. “And don’t even get me started on my sister. That’s who the flowers are for.”
You nodded understandingly, though there was a twinge of surprise in your face.
“Anyway, I just started high school and it feels like my entire life is falling apart. My parents fucking hate me and their entire lives revolve around my sister, like they couldn’t give less of a shit about me. So I’m being forced to buy a present for Zoe’s birthday.” Connor laments. “I figured a nice passive-aggressive bouquet of flowers would be the perfect present.”
You laughed a bit. “That certainly is an odd request, but I think I can help you!”
“You can help me?” Connor asked, his face lighting up and you nodded.
“Of course! That’s my job.” you stood up, motion of the boy to follow you. He trailed behind you, shadowing you around the aisles of flowers, watching as you picked out a flowers.
“First geraniums which symbolise stupidity,” you say motioning to the orange-red flower. “Then foxglove for insincerity and meadowsweet for uselessness. Yellow carnations say ‘you have disappointed me’ and orange lilies for hatred.”
He watched as you effortlessly tied a white bow around the bundle of flowers and wrapped the stems in plastic.
“You know, if I hadn’t just heard all those meanings, I would’ve thought these flowers meant something beautiful,” Connor said, resting his hand on his head once you were back at the counter. You giggled.
“I mean, the bouquet itself is quite beautiful, though, if you wanted a passive way of telling someone off, this it it!” you said cheerfully arranging the flowers nicely.
“Well thanks for the help, (Y/N),” he said sincerely. You brushed it off, though you blushed at his first use of your name.
“It was no problem. It’s not everyday that I get to make an arrangement that means anything less than ‘I love you’ or ‘happy birthday’ or whatever holiday it happens to be. So the pleasure is all mine.” Connor nodded with a smile. You could see that he was wanting to ask something else, but you didn’t pry.
“That would be $25 dollars.” you said as he slid you the forty dollars he previously slammed on the counter not ever fifteen minutes ago.
You proceeded to make out his change before his voice stopped you. “No, no. You can keep the change.” You looked up in surprise, wondering why he’d just give away fifteen dollars. “Are you sure? Why would you just give me money?”
“Will that fifteen dollars get you to show me what flower someone would buy to ask someone on a date?” he said with a shy smile not able to look you in the eye any longer.
Your heart sank slightly. There was a small sliver of you was hoping he was wanting to ask you on a date, but the chances of that happening where very minuscule. You knew you shouldn’t feel so down, you hardly knew the guy after all.
“I guess roses would be the way to do that. But I think roses are a little over done. I’d either go for their favourite flower if you know. Or a pink carnation which means deep love or affection.” you perched your lips to the side, trying to think of something else. “Oh! Or tulips! Those represent declaration of love.” you said making eye contact with Connor, suddenly losing all the words you were going to say. “Those are my favourite for an occasion like that.” you said quietly a light blush covering your cheeks.
You handed him the bouquet of flowers he initially bought, his hands brushing against yours for a long period of time. Not that you were complaining.
“Thank you for the help, (Y/N).” Connor said with a small smile. You nodded appreciatively as you watched Connor Murphy walk out of her shop, regret filling you to the brim, wishing you’d stopped him.
It had been a couple of days since the encounter with Connor and you couldn’t seem to get the boy out of your head. You knew it was silly. It was just a stupid little crush and you’d get over it in a few days. In school, the two of you never talked and if you happened to walk by each other in the halls the two of you would send friendly smiles to the other. You were secretly wishing he’d come up and talk to you and try to make a move, but you knew not to get your hopes up.
Thankfully, your days at the shop had been pretty busy so your mind was occupied with something other the Connor. Apparently a lot of people really wanted to get married this month for some reason.
But now it was near closing time and you decided to close-up a bit earlier than normal, not really feeling up for staying late. You turned the sign to closed and began watering some of the plants that needed it. You’d only just started when you heard a light knock on the door.
You were prepared to turn around and explain to the person, who clearly didn’t read the sign, that you were closed, but the words caught in your throat when you saw Connor Murphy. You set down the watering can and went to open the door.
“Connor, hi!” you said, not bothering to hide the surprise in your voice. “Surprise visit?” Connor shrugged and you noticed he had one hand behind his back, but you didn’t want to give it to much though, although you felt your anxiety rising.
“The flowers work out okay?” you asked and he nodded.
“They obviously didn’t know the meaning and now they’re actually acknowledging me for doing something good for once; well, my mom is, my dad still hates me. But, whatever, it did the trick.” Connor responded, ending his sentence with a small smile.
“That’s… good. But uh, what are you doing here?” you said not thinking about the words until you saw Connor’s face dim. “Not that I’m not happy to see you!” you follow up quickly.
The boy looked down at his feet momentarily shuffling, then looking back up at you. “I, um,” he started. “You remember how I asked you about flower meanings for asking someone out the other day?”
You nodded slowly. You really hoped Connor wasn’t about to tell you about that flower working out too.
“Yeah?” you said cautiously, wondering where he was going with this. You questions was answered when Connor brought his hand out from behind his back, presenting you with a bouquet of pink, yellow, and purple tulips.
Your eyebrows shot up in surprise.
“I was… sort of hoping that–well…” he struggled with his words. You reached out and hesitantly took the flowers from his hand. You inspected and a small smile appeared on your face.
“I was hoping you might join me for ice cream or something tonight? I mean–Only if you want to! I know it’s kinda short notice but I really liked talking to you the other day. If you don’t like ice cream–“
You smiled at his rambling before cutting him off. “For your information, I love ice cream. Let me finish closing up here?” you asked.
Connor grinned and nodded.
“Feel free to sit at the counter. I shouldn’t be long.” The two of you shared a smile and your heart fluttered as you set the tulips in a pale blue vase on the counter.
i hate treebros in deh it’s super toxic evan literally used connor’s death to his advantage and connor bullied evan and the fact that y’all liked it so much that y’all had to come up with a quirky shipname for it does not sit right with me.
most days Connor spends the night at the Hansen’s not only to get away from his family but because both he and Evan sleep better together
Connor tends to wake up early and instead of trying to weasel his way out of Evan’s grip, he just stares down at him and thinks about how glad he is to be alive
Evan is actually pretty good at helping Connor with his anger issues
Their dates consist of a lot of nature walks
For their senior trip, the boys + Jared, Alana, and Zoe take a road trip to Yellowstone national park
Evan creates a swear jar that funds most of the gas money for said trip thanks to Connor and Jared
Connor tends to be pretty bad at taking care of himself sometimes but will immediately cook Evan a five-course meal if he finds out he forgot to eat
On the really bad days, Connor sings to Evan during panic attacks
Evan makes a lot of really bad puns to get Connor to smile
on Connor’s bad days, Evan just listens to Connor talk about what’s bothering him and plays with his hair while Connor lays on his lap
Weekly board game nights are a thing, Uno has been banned.
“Connor if you put down draw 4, we’re breaking up”
Evan definitely wears Connor’s clothes home ‘accidentally’ and Connor wants to be mad but his boyfriend looks adorable in his oversized hoodies
They don’t end up going to prom but the gang goes over to the Murphy’s after and they watch movies all night
around 3 am, Evan finds Connor sitting outside looking at the sky and they talk until the sun comes up
at some point, Evan tells Connor he doesn’t know how to dance so Connor stands up and tries to teach him, mostly they’re just swaying back and forth and laughing
Evan still writes his letters even after he stops going to therapy, most of them are addressed to Connor now and he’ll sometimes give them to him to read when he can’t verbally explain how he’s feeling
They’re at the Orchard the first time Evan tells Connor he loves him
Lately I’ve been really into Alex Boniello’s music so here’s a mini comic of the computer lab scene based on his song I’m So Tired. The lines I used for this drawing are from the second verse.
I definitely recommend listening to Alex Boniello’s EP if you haven’t already! It’s called Hi and it’s got 4 tracks, all of which are amazing.
also like. i mean we know connor tried to kill himself before and earlier versions of deh make it clearer but do we know that he was trying to die or was it the presence of a letter that made everyone convinced it was intentional? is it possible connor accidentally overdosed on something and the connor project not only spread a false story of his life, but also his death? in this essay i will
• Jake is in a wheelchair because of what happened to his legs, Rich comes with him to every physical therapy appointment.
• Jake eventually is able to use crutches and everyone gets him fuzzy socks to put on the handles so it doesn’t hurt his hands.
• Chloe has a few symptoms of being a sociopath but she’s too afraid of what a psychologist will say if she gets checked out so Brooke helps her understand people’s emotions better.
• Christine is the Mum Friend. She loves baking and brings in treats for her friends every Friday.
• Michael is trans. That’s just facts.
• He can’t wear his binder when he’s on his period so he wears the most oversized, baggy sweaters he owns.
• Jeremy loves it because Michael just looks So Cuddly.
• Jeremy is fluent in Hebrew and he tries to teach Michael some phrases.
• Michael is fluent in Tagalog and tries to teach Jeremy some phrases.
• Rich’s burn scars get quite painful in the heat and Jake always keeps a bottle of burn ointment on him at all times just in case.
• Jenna Rolan had Vine account and the others tease her for it.
• Brooke is as addicted to Pinkberry as Michael is to slushies.
• Chloe is a nerd at heart. She loves Star Wars and space movies, Brooke and Jake are the only ones who know this.
• Chloe and Jake are literally like brother and sister.
• Jenna is so observant it’s scary, she’s always the first one to notice when one of her friends aren’t okay.
• Jeremy is very self deprecating, he doesn’t even do it as joke, he genuinely doesn’t like himself at all because of how he acted with the Squip.
• Michael helps as much as he can, he once came over at 3 in the morning because Jeremy wasn’t okay.
• Michael eventually realises that Jeremy needs some help so he talks to Mr Heere, this ended up with Mr Heere and Jeremy having a heart to heart.
• Jeremy was mad at Michael for a while because he was “fine and didn’t need any help!” They actually fought about it quite a lot but eventually made it through together.
• Mr Heere found Jeremy a therapist and the therapist prescribed Jeremy antidepressants.
• Jeremy sometimes forgets to take them so Michael reminds him.
• Brooke has alopecia like Lauren Marcus, she wears hats and wigs and Chloe thinks she’s beautiful regardless.
• They’re all just trying to find their way in the world but they’re doing it together. Comment some more!
Theatre kid; Yeah, I’ve been going to ballet and tap classes since I was a fetus and I got the lead in the last three shows I’ve been in and my aunt is Idina Menzel. Anyway, what shows have you been in?
Me, with my zero ounce of talent but obsession with musical theatre;
It was rundown, the few other families that were there didn’t look as happy as they were supposed to be, rotten apples were just strewn across yellow grass where groundskeepers hadn’t bothered to pick them up, even the swing set which Connor and Zoe used to play on had turned orange with rust from age, and Connor doubted that it’d even be able to hold a child’s weight anymore.
The Murphy family were having a picnic at the orchard.
“I think we could all do with some reminisce of the glory days.” Cynthia had said when the family argued on what a terrible idea that was.
Connor had attempted suicide, nearly successfully too. That was why they were participating in this sad state of affairs, “family time.” He’d had it planned for months, the suicide, but finally worked up the bollocks to go through with it a couple of weeks ago. He took pills out of Larry’s medicine cabinet and fucked off to the park after a big fight about his hair.
His hair. Connor nearly killed himself because his dad disapproved of his hair. The one thing he felt like he had control over and it nearly made him loose everything.
Obviously it wasn’t just his hair that made Connor not want to live anymore, but it was what pushed him over the edge that day.
Now, however, saw Cynthia sitting on an old, threadbare, checkered picnic blanket on the rough ground. Larry was next to her, resting on his knees and a pitiful spread of food was laid out before them.
Zoe was laying down, Connor couldn’t tell if she was cloud watching or asleep.
And Connor? He was just sitting with his long legs stretched out, covered by the heavy fabric of his jeans even on such a hot day.
The silence was near unbearable. The only sound was that of the family on the other side of the field. Two parents and two young toddlers, a girl and a boy. Like the Murphy family had once been, hopeful and young and full of laughter.
There wasn’t much hope anymore. Hell, there was fuck all laughter either. And Connor hadn’t been young for a long time, his childhood was ripped from him by mental illness before he was done with it.
He hadn’t been done dressing up for Halloween. He hadn’t been done with getting excited over Christmas, waiting up till midnight with hot chocolate. He wasn’t done with Easter Egg Hunting or having birthday parties.
Connor wasn’t done with living, but by the time he realised this, he was too late and his brain had decided for him.
“Isn’t this nice?” Cynthia asked in a falsely sweet voice, “That family over there reminds me of you two. My God, you were so young.” She sighed and clutched at her heart, looking over at the family as if she could pretend her children were still babies and that her family was not falling apart at the seams.
“How is this nice?” Zoe asked quietly. Ah so she wasn’t asleep, Connor thought.
“Zoe.” Larry warned. Suddenly the whole mood shifted from a quiet, depressing silence to a heavy and tense atmosphere.
“So is this why you brought us here, Mum?” She asked, propping herself up on her elbows so she could really glare at her parents, “To relive the ‘glory days’ and pretend that your son didn’t just try to off himself?”
Connor didn’t dare steal a glance at Cynthia, he knew what her facial expression would be. Heartbreak and disappointment, the same damn expression she wore every day of this pitiful little life.
He could hear the tears welling up in his mother’s brown eyes, so much like her daughters when she next spoke, “Zoe sweetheart, please don’t bring up-“
“Bring up what?” Zoe said in a much louder, firmer voice. “The fact that Connor nearly died? Are we just going to come back to the last place where we were all fucking happy for once and that suddenly fixes everything? You’re not even talking about getting Connor help!”
“Connor doesn’t need-“ Larry began, but Zoe cut him off with a harsh, ironic laugh.
“You’re not going to get him into therapy then? For what? A reputation?” She asked mockingly, “You know what you’re doing?” She hissed, eyes glazed over in tears, “You’re killing my brother.” She punctuated each word with a swift punch to the ground, leaving quite an impressive dent in the yellow grass.
“No!” Larry yelled, standing up and glaring down at his daughter. “Connor is killing himself!”
Don’t get involved, Connor thought, you’ll only make it worse. Don’t get involved. Don’t get involved. Slam on the brakes. Don’t-
Connor stood up and rounded on Larry.
For a moment he questioned whether or not he should punch him square in the jaw. He could, it’d certainly be deserving and he’d had more than enough practise with his wall and other dickheads in the past.
Connor reeled his arm back, balled up his fists, narrowed his eyes and-
He couldn’t do it.
Instead, he did the next best thing. Dropping his arm down at his side, Connor starred his father right in the eye and hissed, “Fuck you.”
He jammed his fists into the pockets of his black hoodie and stormed off. He was a good distance away from the explosion he’d just created when he realised he was crying.
Connor liked to think he never cried and if you just saw him passing on the streets, you’d never peg him as the type of guy to cry himself to sleep every night. The tough persona was both a beautiful blessing and a painful curse.
But he did. Cry. At night. In the shower. About his depression, his family, the pressure of school, or something stupid like an advert on TV that reminded him of something.
And it always started out the same, a few tears cascading down his cheekbones like a great, unfinished symphony of a waterfall before the dam broke and soon he was gasping for air between sobs.
Connor was always an ugly crier, the sobs were loud and choking and were ripped out from his throat so violently he felt as if he’d lost all control. Tears flooded his blue/brown eyes before his vision got blurry and he couldn’t see where he was going but he didn’t want to see. He didn’t want to know. He just wanted to go. Far away. Away from Larry, away from the people are school who called him a freak, away from his fucking brain and it’s fucked up thoughts and it wasn’t fucking normal to be feeling this way!
Everything was heavy, putting one foot in front of the other was effort. He could feel the blood running through his veins and he wondered, just for a moment, what it would be like if he were to… to-
Stop.
Stop everything.
To die. What does it feel like to die? Some people call it ‘The Big Sleep’.
Would it be peaceful? Would it be loud? Would he be able to hear the voices in his head until the very end? Or would the threat of death scare them away? For good? Would they come back? Where? In heaven? In hell? Even if Connor believed in heaven and hell, which he didn’t, he knew he’d definitely be going to the latter.
He suddenly got the urge to lay on the ground. To lay on the soft, healthy grass now that he’d created a safe distance between himself and the orchard, and stare up at the sky. It was a light blue, a few clouds dotted here and there and then Connor was laughing. He was laughing so hard he couldn’t tell whether the tears were from his breakdown or his laughter.
God, it was ridiculous. Life is ridiculous. It’s like some cruel joke, he was so free lying on this grass but he’d never felt more trapped, more insignificant than he had lying on this grass, starring up at the sky, at the universe which had cleverly, oh so fucking cleverly, trapped us all.
And he was so caught up in his laughter that Connor didn’t hear the footsteps cautiously approaching him. He didn’t notice the figure hovering over him.
Until he did.
“H-Hi.” Someone stuttered and Connor was pulled out of his detachment to stand up properly and see who the fuck was talking to him now. It was a boy, around his age, short and blond with a blue polo shirt and brown khakis and a cast on his arm.
“Hi?” Connor asked, an eyebrow raised and he was probably being rude but did he care?
Maybe a bit.
“S-Sorry.” The boy began, “Its j-just you looked, um, well I saw y-you crying and-“
“I’m sorry,” Connor interrupted in the most unapologetic tone, “But who are you?”
“Evan Hansen.”
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Hey guys, this is the first chapter to my Dear Evan Hansen Treebros fanfic ‘Firefly’ I really hope you like it and if you did there are 24 other chapters ((and more coming!!)) on my AO3 account @drac_hoe_no
