But I’ll try to make some sense. Please read this post if you can, it’ll clarify a lot of things that I don’t feel comfortable in repeating because they are traumatic and painful.
First, I would like to say thank you to everyone who helped, you guys literally saved my life.
Times are hard for everyone, but better times are coming. There’s something that I tell myself everyday, since I lived with my abusive mother, “nothing lasts forever, and your pain & suffering are not an exception”.
Things around here are not going so well, to say the least. We have the worst financial situation ever, the last time something was THAT bad, it was 18 years ago (according to news sources, you can search if you want to). There’s no jobs available, we are reaching 3k deaths daily because of Covid, no vaccines because our president is an asshole and a genocide, everything is dark and miserable, which contrasts perfectly with how we feel at the moment.
To top it off, I’m a mentally disabled person in the middle of this chaos, without any support from my family (they don’t really like me, they are the source of every mental illness I have and even if they did, they are struggling a lot).
I was diagnosed with chronic fibromyalgia, severe depression, generalized anxiety, insomnia, bulimia, etc… I need, at least, 4 different medications daily to be 50% functional, and at the moment, I don’t have my medications for weeks, I’m going through a terrible withdrawal, and they are extremely expensive (just one box of antidepressants are 125 reais, and i need two of each).
At the moment my mental health is in shambles, I feel extremely depressed and suicidal again, sometimes dealing with so many illnesses at once can be extremely difficult and exhausting, but I feel like I have some kind of path in this life, I can’t give up now, even if I cry myself to sleep every night. I’m trying to be stronger than I feel, but gods, it’s so hard…
I feel extremely ashamed with asking for help, but at this point I don’t see a way out, I have to at least try it.
If you can help with anything, our situation is so bad that sometimes 1 dollar reach 7 reais, so really, anything helps immensely. I apologize in advance.
I’m sorry if this does not make much sense, I don’t have my fibro medication and my brain is barely working.
Stay strong. And for other Brazilian simmers, better times will come eventually. Please don’t give up. We are a strong people, we’ll survive this.
May the gods bless all of you. Thank you for taking your precious time to read this.
Even if you can’t donate, reblogging would help a lot.
My mental situation is getting worse as time goes by, I only managed to buy 1 medication (the one for anxiety), but my depression is awful right now and I’m on the verge of a breakdown. If you can spare anything, please, any amount makes literally a huge difference.
My situation is so bad right now that I had to give my boyfriend some space so he could care for his own mental health, he is completely drained and I understand this. It’s not easy to deal with someone so mentally ill, specially when this person have no kind of treatment available. I don’t brush my hair for almost a month and my house is so filthy that I’m having allergies, at this point suicide just seems like the most reasonable option. I’m sorry for reblogging this again, but I don’t know what else to do.
If you can’t donate, please reblog, it helps a lot.
Got some updates on the subject
I’ll have to have a session with my psychiatrist on Thursday because he wants to do a checkup on how my recent prescriptions are working for me, and I’ll probably have to change my antidepressants because the side effects were making my insomnia and anxiety worse, I don’t know if he’ll prescribe anything more or change any other prescription, so I’m terrified because only the session is R$ 200 and on top of that I’ll have to buy the medications as well, and I don’t have more than R$ 500 left.
I can’t begin to describe how hellish these past weeks and the entire month has been to me, so if you can help or even reblog, I would appreciate more than you could ever imagine.
Again, I’m sorry for reblogging this so often, but I don’t know what else to do at this point.
Unfortunately,I tried to commit suicide today. I took 45 pills of pregabalin, I was very close to getting into a coma. Friends almost called an ambulance to take me to the hospital, but for some reason, it wasn’t enough to kill me, putting me in a coma very close to death.
I’m not going to describe the symptoms, what I felt and things like that, because I don’t want to trigger anyone, more than I already am. Just know that I got medium to high symptoms but I stayed awake the whole time. I posted some things about it on social media because unfortunately, it is my window to the world, since the world does not exist for me here, and a bunch of people, some friends, came to talk to me about the situation, and I was so affected by the medication, and still am, that is hard to type a word, it’s still hard to type, I don’t know when I’ll be myself again.
I came here to update you guys on my situation, I took one and a half month of medications for my fibromyalgia, and now, looking at it, I feel so stupid, I wasted that much and I can’t fucking afford my meds, and I have to go to my psychiatrist, which is 200 reais, i don’t even know how I’m going to do it.
In the picture there are the empty tabs of pregabalin, I feel ashamed by this whole situation, and even more ashamed because I’m posting about it.
im so tired of mental illness being a trend and a competition. i never feel skinny enough or sick enough. that’s a struggle in itself and then it becomes a trend?? my struggles are not your newest fad. my struggles are not for you to laugh about. you all want mental illness until your parents are crying and asking you if you meant it. until you start doing things you don’t mean out of impulse. until it gets “ugly” for you. so please, think about who your jokes are affecting.
I am so incredibly close to overdosing right now, my mom keeps stressing me about my future and tells me that I am the worst person to exist and I can’t do this much longer.
I have strong painkillers downstairs and could take all of them and it’d be over.
No paro de llorar, simplemente quiero desaparecer dejando todo atrás, cada día me cuesta seguir viviendo más y más, caigo en un colapso al cual no le veo un final, pienso en el suicidio desde hace años, me gustaría morir de una vez , por favor suplico mi muerte , estoy harto de llorar noche tras noche preguntándome lo que hago mal, por qué mi esfuerzo es nulo?, ayuda me desgarra el alma seguir adelante, temo y anhelo el día que decida ponerle fin a lo que empezó como un malestar emocional y termino como crisis sentimental.
La misma palabra retumba en mi, observando la libertad pero encandedadola más y más, quiero llorar, gritar, disfrutar, pero me venció, por más que odie perder simplemente cai, en abismo infernal, sin ser alguien especial como solían decir, solo fui mal hijo, sobrino, nieto, novio, amigo, solamente ocasionó un mal, podrá ser la decepción acompañado de depresión, no lo soportó más, quiero morir y ya.
Cada noche de desvelo me acaba más, absorbe lo que queda de mi, con gusto daría mi vida por hacer un bien, pero ni eso logró hacer bien, joder!! Ya no puedo más, ayuda, por favor, quiero salir pero las mismas personas que me ayudaron a avanzar, me hundieron más
You have no idea how many nights I’ve spent crying over you. We used to talk everyday but now I can barely remember what your voice sounds like, you don’t answer my texts either. You only ever speak to me when you need to vent, I feel so used. That doesn’t matter, I still love you even if it’s wrong ❦
Living with memory loss is hard, I can’t reminisce about my childhood, I can hardly experience nostalgia. At least I get to make new, happy memories everyday. That’s the only thing that makes me happy and that’s enough for me.
The way you give me attention and affection so unpredictably makes me miss you even more. Everytime I see your name pop up on my screen I immediately forget how miserable I feel and become even more desperate for you. Can you feel it too, the kind of pain made out of real love?
You know those times when there’s a really significant event in your life and so your abuser reaches out to you but you have to be nice to protect yourself?
