Try to describe the character in a wider setting and gradually narrow to a specific location. Go from a description of the country/state/region, then move to the town, then neighborhood of the town.
You may also want to go from physical setting to the population by describing the type of people who live in the town. This is a common way to transition from inanimate objects to living beings that think, feel, and care. This starts to give the story meaning.
3. Keep The 5 senses Involved
Think about what the room smells like. What does the sand feel like under the characters feet? Is the edge of mountain cutting into the character’s hands? Describe the way the character’s favorite meal tastes.
For example: She entered the front parlor. Lady MacDougall sat enthroned like Queen Victoria on a blue chintz-covered settee and motioned Elizabeth to take the matching armchair opposite. The salmon-painted walls made the duchess’ white hair glow pink. Elizabeth flinched when a log shifted in the blazing fire in the enormous fireplace surrounded by the marble the previous Lord MacDougall had brought back from Egypt himself.
4. Don’t Let The Description Get In The Way Of The Story
The setting should enhance the story, not block it. This can happen if you stop in the middle of the scene to provide a lengthy description of the world around the characters. Instead of providing separate setting description in the middle of a scene, describe the setting through the characters’ actions. The setting should be integrated along with what the characters are doing.
For example, if the character is running from a vampire in the woods, don’t stop and describe how scary the woods are. Have the character notice how dark it is and the lack of sound. Have the character trip over an exposed root and get a cut on her cheek from a branch. Focus on how the character can’t see anything, but can hear the footsteps behind her. This incorporates the setting with the action so it doesn’t block the story.
5. Show, Don’t Tell
“Don’t say the old lady screamed, bring her on and let her scream.”
- Mark Twain
To do this, use vivid language. Choose nouns and descriptive adjectives to describe the setting. Use concrete action verbs.
Telling: The girls were excited.
Showing: Giggles and screams filled the arena. The soft curls were now damp with perspiration and the anticipation of the event. They held tight to each other in a mock effort to contain themselves. Arms flailed upward, and voices echoed in varying tones. The moment was here.
6. Focus Only On The Important Details
Choosing The Setting
1. Begin With Location
Start by choosing a country, state, region, city, or town. You can be more specific, such as describing a neighborhood or a street. Decide if your location is an urban city, a farm, islands, or mountains.
2. Describe The Room
When you do this, setting helps give meaning to your story.
For example: The walls were made of dark stone, dimly lit by torches. Empty benches rose on either side of him, but ahead, in the highest benches of all, were many shadowy figures. They had been talking in low voices, but as the heavy door swung closed behind Harry an ominous silence fell.
3. Time Setting Is Key
Time of day. Does your story happen in the morning, the middle of the day, or at night? Each time of day has a specific association with it. Also keep in mind the different ways that characters may act at various times in the day.
Time of year. Is your story set in the summer, the winter, or the spring? Is it centered around a holiday, like Christmas or Halloween? Time of year can also include the anniversary of a significant historical or personal event.
Elapsed time. Think about the transition of time in your story. This includes hours and even months. You have to describe the passing of time through the setting. This can be time progressing as the story unfolds, or situating the reader within a flashback.
4. Weather
If your story is set in a harsh climate, you need to describe this for your reader. Describe the difficulties of living in the desert or arctic temperatures. Or explain the ease with which someone lives in their beach house.
For example: And after all the weather was ideal. They could not have had a more perfect day for a garden-party if they had ordered it. Windless, warm, the sky without a cloud. Only the blue was veiled with a haze of light gold, as it is sometimes in early summer. The gardener had been up since dawn, mowing the lawns and sweeping them, until the grass and the dark flat rosettes where the daisy plants had been seemed to shine.
5. Geography
Think about geographical formations, like mountains, rivers, lakes, or forests. The character should interact with these things and they should be important to the story. Otherwise, ask yourself why you are setting the story there in the first place.
6. Historical, Social, and Cultural Settings
Think about social and political settings. This is important for a modern or historical story. These things influence the values and actions of the characters.
Cultural settings can include religion, traditions, and community interaction. Population of your location can play into this. Is the place densely populated, or is it remote?
Use Character To Describe Setting
1. Action
Have the character react to the setting. This can provide important character and plot development.
2. Experience
A native New Yorker would describe the subway very differently than someone from a southern, rural farm. Decide whose point of view you want to describe the scene from and why it’s important to get that character’s perspective.
3. Mood
Think about how a high school freshman and senior would view a school dance. The freshman might be excited because it’s her first dance, while a senior may groan and complain about being there. A kid who has been bullied may be afraid of going to the dance in case the people who bully him are there, while the popular president of the student council is excited to see all her friends at the dance.
Plot events can also affect the mood of the character. A forest stroll in the afternoon may be a relaxing event for one character, while another character may be lost in the woods and be scared.
It really irks me when reading if and I see the phrase, “my cheeks redden”… they do not, I’m black
I saw some people had a few questions about alternatives, so I thought I would throw a few out there! In my opinion, here are some ways to portray shyness, attraction, and being flustered without using terms like “turning red” or blushing, as these indicate having light skin or being pale.
Averting eyes, or looking askance
Feeling your face heat up
The term “Visibly flustered”, which can imply a whole lot!
Chest thumping, heart fluttering
Butterflies in the stomach
Peeking through lashes
Covering face or mouth with hands
These are just a couple I like to read/use. It’s good to think about these things so that we have writing that not only doesn’t break immersion, but also writing that doesn’t lean into whiteness as the default. Hope this helps anyone who might have been curious!
Often I see writers striving to reach a certain word count instead of worrying about by type of content they’ll be producing. I also often see writers attempting to stretch a scene out instead of simply sharing the bare necessities. I’m not saying that you can’t be detailed in your writing, but realize that some things are better without excessive detail.
Here are a few reasons why less is sometimes more:
Too much detail can cause your readers to lose interest
If you go on and on about a character’s appearance or about how a room looks, your readers will eventually feel bored by it. Not only that, but they’ll feel like you’re holding their hand too tightly. Leave some stuff up to the reader’s imagination because they’ll never picture it exactly how you intended.
You don’t need to explain everything
Not everything needs to be explained or sorted out or tied up. As I mentioned before, readers can figure it out themselves as long as you drop enough information. You don’t have to have a character enter a room and describe every little thing they see. Most people don’t think like that in real life.
More can sometimes lead to info-dumping
You don’t want to info-dump. Too much exposition can ruin a novel. You need to trust your readers to discover certain information on their own or find a way to seamlessly add it to your story. Give it some time to naturally occur!
It’s more important to show
We’ve all heard show, don’t tell a million times, but it really means something. Don’t say your character is tall, dark, and handsome. Show us through the way they act. Reveal through the interactions with other characters. Don’t flat out tell us information, show us through the narrative.
What senses do they rely on the most? Not all animals rely primarily on sight. Also keep in mind that some of their senses might be significantly weaker or stronger than ours and they might even be able to sense things we can’t at all.
How do their beliefs about morality differ from ours? Do they even view things in terms of good and evil?
How intelligent are they? Are their certain concepts they can’t understand?
How do they communicate? What is their primary method of communication and how has that shaped their culture?
How have historical interactions with humans shaped their view of us? Do they view us as helpful? Threats? Just plain weird?
How anthropomorphic are they? It’s inevitable for all of your characters to act like humans to some extent (readers couldn’t relate to them or understand them well otherwise), but different works can give the same species different human traits (religion, art, complex thinking, etc.).
What kinds of resources do they need to survive? Consider the food they eat, the kinds of shelter they use, and other basic survival needs.
How has their environment shaped their behavior and culture?
How similar are they to real animals?
What is the species’s role in the food chain? What do they eat? What eats them?
Hey everyone, Abby here! Today I want to talk about imagery and descriptions, and how to include them effectively in your writing.
What is imagery?
For the purpose of this post, imagery is defined as “[the use of] figurative language to represent objects, actions, and ideas in such a way that it appeals to our physical senses”. Put simpler, imagery is just a form of writing that helps the reader create vivid mental images of what’s going on.
Why is imagery important?
Do you remember in second and third grade, when your teacher would always ask you if the characters in your story were floating around in space? That’s why imagery is important. Your reader may not be that young, but having (even a vague) idea of where your characters are is better than nothing.
Neglecting imagery in your writing can sometimes make your readers think that a) you don’t care about this place or person, no matter what’s happening or b) this area or this person’s appearance has no relevance to the story at all. Let’s de-bunk these two.
You don’t care about this place or person, no matter what’s happening. This can often come of as unprofessional on your part. If you don’t care about the subject in question, why include it at all? You should probably try to include at least a phrase of description for everything you introduce.
This area or person’s appearance has no relevance to the story at all. Someone is going to find it relevant; many, many readers like to have a base for creating a mental image. As one of these readers, a lack of description of any sort is something I find highly annoying. And the same point above: if it’s completely irrelevant, why include it at all?
How much imagery should I use?
In order from least to most descriptive, I’m going to give four examples of imagery that I’ve seen before using an original character. Accompanying each one will be a quick description with some tips.
She had dark hair, brown eyes, and glasses.
This is a good method of description if you want to give a baseline introduction to a side character. It also works if you want your readers to be (vaguely) aware of a character who’s going to play a larger role in the story later, but in that case I would go a level up.
The phone in her lightly tanned hand reflected on the lenses of her glasses, hiding her dark brown eyes. There was a streak of electric blue in her shoulder-length brown hair.
This one is probably closer to the description level you would want to use for a character who will later be important to the story. You could also use this for major characters if you need the introduction to be a quick one, but if you have the time than you should probably step it up a little bit. Using this level of description for characters who play a very minor role in the story may be superfluous, depending on how they contribute.
Oblivious to the world around her, she scrolled on her phone. The light from the screen reflected brightly on her glasses, hiding the deep brown of her eyes. The cord of a single earbud disappeared in her shoulder-length dark brown hair, almost entangled in the streak of electric blue. She had a light tan that showed on her arms and through the rips of her dark jeans. She had the broad shoulders of someone used to fighting for her way and wore a t-shirt from a band she was sure nobody had heard of.
This is the general way I would go about introducing a main character. It’s a good way to show a bit of this character’s personality while also giving the reader a good idea of what she looks like. I personally prefer not to go much farther than this, unless there are any details that are screaming out for attention.
The phone in her hand lit up the lenses of her glasses in a cold light, masking the deep muddy brown of her eyes. Hidden behind those glasses were long, thick eyelashes, dark bags, and lightly applied makeup with a cat-eye wing. Her round, lightly tanned face was framed by dark brown shoulder-length hair, though the part at which she wore it revealed a streak of bright blue. She smiled down at the screen, revealing two wide front teeth and a dimple on one cheek. She wore an earbud in one ear, the cord dipping down below her phone before looping back up. Her black jeans, riddled with rips all the way to the upper thigh, were almost the ensemble of her outfit — they would have been if it weren’t for the leather jacket covering the t-shirt representing her favorite band. Masking brightly patterned socks were a pair of lace-up combat boots that climbed up to her mid-calf.
In all honesty, I cannot think of a regular situation in which this would be a suitable first impression. That is, unless your PoV character has a thing for recognizing every little detail or has an hour to spare to notice every single detail of this character. If you find yourself reaching this level of description, you wander into the dangerous info-dump zone.
Instead of introducing everything at once like this, try to include it all through context. Maybe at some point a wind picks up and she hugs her leather jacket tighter for warmth; that’s a lot better than just stating she’s wearing one.
Including Imagery in Your Writing
We got a little taste of the “levels” of imagery, but what else can we use hose levels for? Here’s a little set of guidelines that I like to follow in my own writing.
Level I Imagery
Use this one for:
Bare basics introductions
Moments when there’s not enough time for anything more
Somewhat relevant details that you think the reader should be aware of in the moment
Baseline description for a character that will be important later (usually in rare cases)
Characters that have less than five lines or don’t play a large role in your story
A quick run-down of a new place that the characters won’t be spending much time in
Returning to already established details in your story
Introducing details that are important to the story in the moment but may not play a large role later
Level II Imagery
Use this one for:
Describing characters that will be important later
Quick introductions of main characters
Regular introductions of side characters
An object or theme that will be important or recurring in the story
A place that the characters will be spending a moderate amount of time in
Introducing new details that may later become important in the story or that your PoV character would take the time to notice
Level III Imagery
Use this one for:
Introducing main characters in regular situations
A place that your characters will be returning to a lot or that will play a large role in the story
Anything major in your story that you want to draw your reader’s attention to
You’ll notice that I didn’t include anything about new details in the third level of imagery; if a detail is important enough to warrant an entire paragraph of description, if should probably be included in the main introduction.
So, that’s all I’ve got for today! In the future I’m going to make a post about actually writing with imagery that branches off of this one. Now that I’ve talked about how to include it, I should probably give some tips for how to actually write it. (Great planning on my part.)
If there’s anything you want to see me talk about in my next post or if you have any questions about this one, please don’t hesitate to leave a message in my ask! Until next time, much love! <333
Easy enough. Replace all the ‘tells’ with ‘shows’ and voila!
Okay. But, like, how??
How I ‘show and not tell’ in my work
If the ‘Show, don’t tell’ rule feels redundant and useless to you, I’m here to help. I LIVE by this rule. This rule saved my soul and cleared my acne. Okay, not really, but it did save the soul and cleared up the unnecessary bumps in my writing. So, here are three things I do to make sure I am keeping it at the back of my mind.
* Use the five senses
Okay. But like. How?
Staying aware of the five senses is SO important to your story and gives it that extra ‘umph’ that you’ve been missing. You don’t want to overload your reader with senses but making sure you’ve got a few in place will keep you from having to go back and add a bunch in later.
I find it easier to sprinkle them in as I write. It also helps keep you in the zone. Let’s say you are writing your character outside a bar in the rain. Instead of saying:
Luke stood outside the bar. The rain poured from the sky. It was cold and he shivered.
You say:
Fat drops of water (sight) splattered over Luke’s bare toes as the garbled music and clinking glasses faded behind him (hear). The sharp air stung his lungs (feel), sinking into his throat until puffs of smoke slid between his chattering teeth. Huddled against the damp brick wall, Luke licked his cracked lips lifting the faint methanol and mint residue onto his tongue (taste).
Of course, you don’t have to elaborate every single instance where the 5 senses can be used. But, they help a lot when it comes to creating fuller scenes. Keeping touch, sight, hearing, smell, and taste in the back of your mind while you write will dramatically help you with the ‘Show, don’t tell’ rule. This is especially important if your character is missing one or more of these senses. You will need to focus on the others and make them stronger.
*Eliminate filler words
Easy. Right? But, like, how?
I keep a list of filler words next to me at all times when I’m editing. Once you get the hang of what words to avoid, it’ll become easier in your writing. Since paying closer attention to the filler words and actively choosing stronger words, it has helped avoid 'telling’ immensely. A lot of filler words are also senses that need filling out.
Instead of saying: Ted saw the yellow ball.
You’d say: A yellow ball bounced away from Ted.
But to get away from senses, I’ll use another example.
Instead of saying: Isa thought about going to the store. (Thought being the filler word here)
You’d say: Isa opened the fridge, frowning when there was no milk. Closing the door, she grabbed her keys off the counter and jotted down a quick list of household items.
Instead of 'telling’ your readers that Isa thought about going to the store, you 'showed’ her thought process.
*Read your work out loud
Okay, but…wait? How will that help?
My editor @fmtpextended taught me this neat trick and it has helped so much! It is crazy how much this small tip has improved my writing, especially where 'show, don’t tell’ comes in. If your sentences feel choppy, don’t flow, and kind of jump from one to point to another, you’ll want to read it out loud. This will help your brain connect things that maybe you didn’t catch while writing or reading. Our brains also have a bad habit of filling in or correcting mistakes without us even realizing it.
When you read out loud, you catch those mistakes much easier the first time around. It also helps you know what it will sound like to others. And you can easily pinpoint where you can add the senses and eliminate filler words.
That’s it! There are plenty more tips and advice about this process. And, everyone has their own way about writing through the 'show, don’t tell’ rule. These are the three things that help me most and I hope that they’ll be of use to you. Happy writing.
Third month of doing WritingTipWed on my Twitter where every Wednesday I post a writing tip! If you want to see these weekly, follow me @/EmilyLaJaunie.
～✦～✦～✦～✦～✦～✦～✦～✦～✦～✦～
#WritingTipWed 9: Talking to someone will often lead to more ideas and more solutions than mulling it over by yourself. It can be a close friend or an internet stranger. It will also help you catch problematic and/or offensive concepts that you weren’t aware of.
#WritingTipWed 10: If you’re defensive of your writing, like I was when I started, then ask yourself why are you afraid of criticism? Why is it so bad that you didn’t write something good? Why are you afraid of “failing”? Why do you view it as a failure?
Whether you show someone your 1st or 6th draft, don’t think you won’t receive criticism. If you always think your work is flawless, or you can do no wrong, you’ll always be disappointed. Accept that you’ll make mistakes and learn from them.
If you get negative feedback on your work, you are not a failure, you did not fail. You simply learned how to make it better than it was before. Constructive criticism is necessary to improve as a writer. You can’t get better on your own.
The root of my defensiveness was not wanting to admit I was wrong in front of the critiquer. I learned to listen to them quietly, thank them, think it over alone, and later discuss with them about the changes I made from their critique.
#WritingTipWed 11: Research if you’re writing outside of your race, gender identity, sexual orientation, disability, and/or culture. Know what is considered offensive/a stereotype, how things are described, and how their viewpoints/beliefs differ from yours.
Also, hire a Sensitivity Reader for the groups you are writing about. They will spot cultural inaccuracies, biases, stereotypes, and problematic language. Salt & Sage Books have excellent Sensitivity Readers -> saltandsagebooks.com/sensitivity-expert-consultants/
#WritingTipWed 12: When introducing a new environment, decide how much detail you need to put in your description to set the atmosphere and align with your character’s traits. Don’t make it like a screenplay unless it’s necessary.
There’s a writing tip I’ve heard a lot over the years claiming that a thesaurus can be your best friend because it can expand your vocabulary and help you avoid repetition. There are also posts floating around promoting the whole “said is dead” idea, bringing attention to the fact that there are many other words that could be used in place of “said.” While I think this is great and having an extended vocabulary is important, especially being a writer, this can also get you into trouble.
In lexical semantics (i.e. the study of word meanings), synonymy and antonymy are things that come up kind of a lot. One of the most basic ways that we humans conceptualize the world around us is by comparison–saying something is like something else, or the opposite of something. The same is true when ascertaining meaning. For example:
Person 1: So, what is a wolf? Person 2: Well, it’s like a dog, but has x, y, and z features.
Person 1: What exactly does “day” mean? Person 2: It’s not night, for one thing.
And so on.
One of the main features of language in general is that it’s efficient, or at least it tries to be. Taking this into account, it’s hard to believe that there would be two single words that express the same exact meaning. Even words that appear to have the same exact meaning, upon closer inspection, have subtle differences which makes them two separate words. They may belong in the same semantic field, but there’s still some tiny difference in meaning that warrants the existence of both.
Take, for example, the word scared. If you were to look this up in a thesaurus, you’d probably find words like afraid, terrified, andfrightened. Sure, they all have the same general meaning of a feeling inflicted by fear, but they’re not all the same. Each word is a varying degree of fear. Even afraid, despite being almost the same as scared, can’t always be used interchangeably without slightly changing the meaning of the entire clause it’s a part of.
It’s really important to take this into account when writing. Take those advice posts with a grain of salt. Sure, those posts can give you a hundred different substitutes for the word “walk,” but if you really mean walk, don’t say ambleorsaunter because they’re entirely different types of walking. True synonyms don’t actually exist. Write exactly what you mean, and don’t try to flower it up by plugging in a bunch of words you found in a thesaurus.
Hello friends! I’ve been RPing for at least 7 years with many different characters, and one thing that I find pretty common is nervousness/insecurity about para-based RPing. So I decided to make a quick guide of things to keep in mind and little bits of etiquette too, because even seasoned folks want some pointers now and then.
(I am by no means an authority on this! Obviously these rules aren’t universal, but they’re a good starting point!)
What to include in your post:
What your character says- This is generally the most important aspect of the RP. The dialogue between characters is important as it guides the flow of the thread. (Obviously not if your thread is more action-based, like a fight or sex, but this rule generally applies.) If you don’t have enough dialogue, it may be harder for your partner to think of a way to reply. But if you have too much dialogue, it may be difficult for your partner to get a word in edgewise where necessary. Instead of filling your whole post with dialogue, consider these other things to add..
What your character does- When you’re having a real conversation with someone, you don’t stand there motionless. You may be walking somewhere, you might move your hands, you’re almost always going to have a facial expression. Describe these things! It helps to make the thread more realistic, and it helps your partner to get an idea of what you were thinking when you wrote your post.
Icons and GIFs are really helpful tools for this! If you have some of your faceclaim, use them! Otherwise, make some or search Tumblr tags for reaction images. (never claim something as your own if it isn’t!) Most posts will limit the amount of icons to one or maybe two so as not to distract from the thread.
What your character feels- Important to give readers and partners an insight into whyyour character says/does what they do. This helps to discern voice tone, too- if your character is being sarcastic, you don’t want your partner to think they were being intentionally rude!
What your character thinks- This is similar to the above point. But take caution when using thoughts/inner monologue- since your partner will almost never be able to know exactly what your character is thinking, it is important to also give your partner something in the post that they are able to play off of and respond to.
It takes practice to find a good balance between these aspects, but I find it helpful to run through all of these and see what I can add if I find my response is too short.
Length! When writing a reply, it is helpful and considerate to try and match the length of your partner’s reply. They took the time to write it out, and it makes everyone feel good to see that you took just as much time. It also makes it easier for them to reply in return. Obviously it is sometimes difficult to match the length of your partner, but most RPers use the general rule that you try to at least match halfof their length.
If you still struggle with length, look at the above list of things to include in your post and see what you can add. Or consider…
Description!Describing your character’s surroundings is also a helpful tool. Your character is probably 99% of the time not going to be in an empty void. What do they interact with? What do they see? Think of the five senses. This is a great way to add length to your post if you are struggling.
When using description, one must still be careful. Try to avoid purple prose, and don’t spend so much time describing the environment that you neglect to move the plot along or give your partner something to respond to.
Also keep in mind that setting the scene is important when starting a thread.
Other guidelines/etiquette to keep in mind:
Godmodding- Most people are familiar with this. Basically, godmodding is when an RPer takes control of/decides the actions of another player without permission. It’s like the biggest faux pas in the RP community. So just be careful, ask your partner if you’re unsure of something, and don’t make too many assumptions about your partner’s character.
Threads with more than 2 characters- It happens sometimes and can be really fun! If you plan something out, make sure all players involved are aware of it. Also, it is Very Important to set a reply order to avoid accidentally skipping turns, or worse- people replying to different people and the thread splitting and nobody knowing who replies to what when. I can’t even explain how confusing and frustrating this is, so avoid it at All Costs if you can.
Don’t jump into someone else’s thread. This also can make things awkward. Two characters might even be talking aboutyour character, but threads are closed and don’t involve you. If you want a part in the action, it is best to privately message the player(s) involved and discuss it with them then. They might just do a new separate thread with you.
If you have questions, ask. Confused about your partner’s reply? Want to plot? Wondering what to do next? Just message your partner. It’s always okay, honestly. So many people just Don’t Do This and I have no idea why.
Check out your partner’s about and rules page, if they have one. Do this BEFOREyou start interacting with a new character. The player might have specific rules that apply to you, triggers you need to know Not to Use, or helpful headcanons that might make your replies a lot easier if you know them. I can’t stress enough: please do this. We all put a lot of time into these pages so that they can be a resource to our partners.
That’s honestly all I can think of right now, but I hope this is helpful to some people! Please feel free to reblog this, and if anyone has anything to add, don’t hesitate to do so!
Idiots to lovers 200 hours in the Hinterlands speedrun
I am marking this Valentine’s day with my first adoribull fanart
Dorian and Bull’s relationship is quite literally why I even got into video games as a whole so there’s that
[IMAGE IDs: Image 1: A drawing of Iron Bull and Dorian facing each other and holding hands against a background of dark trees. Dorian is wearing a dark blue cloak and smiling, and Iron Bull is wearing a black cloak. / Image 2: An image of a man in front of a series of progressively larger white rectangles set up to knock each other down like dominos. Progressively from the smallest it says “seeing adoribull and thinking “wait that’s my type of shit”” “video games are actually neat” “wait I can actually draw things I like” “gamr grill” /END IMAGE ID]
(I want to start sharing these to get better at then myself!)
I took an intensive Fiction workshop class at college this year, and our professor was a very accomplished writer with a few published novels. He taught us a bunch of useful fundamentals, one of which being how to convey emotion from a character without explicitly giving away that emotion.
You need to pretend like you’re experiencing that emotion as the character would feel it. Here’s an example of an emotional sentence you could doctor up:
“She looked at him, heartbroken.”
It’s easy for the reader to understand the emotion as it pertains to the story, but this sentence fails to capture the physical aspect of emotion that would create a greater connection for your reader.
Think about how heartbreak feels. Heart pounding, eyes hot, fingers shaking, feeling like a huge boulder has fallen from the sky and crushed your soul to the ground…there are also different levels of heartbreak, like any feeling, and you can establish the intensity of the heartbreak by delving into the character’s mind and writing out those physical changes that they would feel in that situation.
Here’s how I would write this sentence if I were trying to convey emotion:
“She looked at him, fighting the weight that held her neck to the floor. Her heart felt frozen and her body was shaking, and as soon as she made eye contact, she couldn’t stop the tears.”
We can tell the character is heartbroken because of the way the sentence outlined the feeling of heartbreak. Thus, we have no need to tell the audience that the character is heartbroken.
Everytime that Tumblr post about “You can’t use the word bungalow in fantasy worlds!” or whatever and then it’s all the fucking reblogs of all the words that have “specific origins” that you “can’t use” because “those people don’t exist” or “those places” or whatever.
Do you know how many fucking basic words we use to describe the world are derived from very specific people and very specific events? Or are stolen from languages in which those words come from VERY SPECIFIC PEOPLE and events? If you get rid of one, you might as well get rid of them all! Because just because YOU don’t know the VERY SPECIFIC HISTORICAL ORIGINS of this word, doesn’t mean your AUDIENCE doesn’t and wouldn’t that break immersion??
No. No it fucking wouldn’t. Not if you, you know, make it work.
What else would you do? Write in a god damn conlang? Because all I’m hearing is “because I know the origin of this word, therefore it can’t be in fantasy” and honestly fuck off.
I’m gonna go put bungalows in my fantasy now.
This is how you get Uncleftish Beholding, a very clever sci-fi short essay by Poul Anderson, written in English without any loanwords. E.g. you can’t use the word ‘science’, that’s from Latin - so it’s called ‘worldken’. You can’t say ‘atom’, that’s Greek - it’s an ‘uncleft’. You can’t say ‘theory’ because that’s also Greek - so it’s ‘beholding’. The title, therefore, means ‘Atomic Theory’.
There are other books, even novel-length ones, that have taken similar restrictive or highly theoretical approaches to the use of language - Riddley Walker by Russell Hoban is one of the more famous, with its opening sentence of, “On my naming day when I come 12 I gone front spear and kilt a wyld boar he parbly ben the las wyld pig on the Bundel Downs any how there hadnt ben none for a long time befor him nor I aint looking to see none agen.”
They can be fascinating but extremely challenging to read, and I can only imagine writing one is an enormous task, simply because you have to think about every single word as you go. It’s not something you do casually on a whim, it’s a huge part of the construction and worldbuilding of the story itself.
So sure, maybe don’t say “French braid” in a world that doesn’t have France, that might throw someone out of the immersion, I guess. But if you start trying to limit words back down to their original meanings and saying you can’t use them because whatever language they originally come from doesn’t exist in [fantasy world], you’re going to end up with a ridiculously limited vocabulary.
Whereas if you’re Terry Pratchett you just mention cars and computers and whatever else because he is telling us about a fantasy world, it isn’t always meant to be an in-universe telling of a tale
As with most things in creative writing… DON’T tie yourself in knots over this; DO make decisions on purpose. There are a few standard approaches to this language problem. Some only address part of it and need to be combined with others. Most are easier to do alone than in combination, but easier doesn’t always mean better.
1. The work itself is a translation, rendered in English (or whatever language you write in) in terms that will most closely convey the sense and meaning of the words of the “original”. This is the Lord of the Rings approach, and Tolkien explicated this conceit, but you don’t have to. Note: in real life, translation can be undertaken with any number of lenses or objectives, in some cases yielding very different results. This is underutilized in fantasy. I would pay real money for it if anyone got their friend to write like, a new, literal translation or something of their fantasy novel, complete with a snarky Forward implying that the original, translated to maximize appeal and entertainment value, was vaguely problematic.
2. You, the English (or whatever) speaking author, or your English speaking fictional proxy, wrote this story in English, from experience, observation, or verbal record rather than an existing text. You can say “computer”, “post office”, or even “McDonald’s” if it helps the reader understand what was going on. You will likely make comparisons between the things of that world and the things in yours, rather than trust the reader to accept the difficulties of translation when you use a word that the characters would not have had. This does not require a frame of any kind, but you can certainly use one. This is often the best approach if you’re trying to be funny (see: Pratchett), but it works for a lot of other things. It is not the best approach if you want to create a highly-immersed experience - the reader will be periodically reminded that they are reading a book.
3. Trust the reader’s suspension of disbelief and make a reasonable effort not to break it. Typically this involves assigning in-world place names to things that reference real-world place names. Your delicate needlework doesn’t use French knots, it uses Ebdazhen knots. (That’s a placename from my epic fantasy WIP). This may involve inventing or avoiding specialized terminology for activities that use a lot of loanwords in English, like dance, but you can also just say fuck-it and use the loanwords (see: Tamora Pierce’s later Tortall books). Generally you make some effort to avoid too-modern-sounding names and words. Up to you whether you actually check the age and history of words.
4. Trust the reader’s suspension of disbelief and try really hard not to break it. Not only do you avoid or invent placenames and loanswords, you also avoid or invent other words likely to get readers thinking about geography and etymology, like “chocolate” and “cactus” or even “demise”. This is a great deal of work and not often worth it, but it can be the right choice if you want your fantasy to be Extremely Serious.
5. Justified fantasy. Technically this is our world, but we’re in the mysterious past, the far future, a nearby parallel dimension, or another planet. Whether a given word or thing exists depends on what exactly is going on. This is less research, but more decision-making, than option 4. You can explicate the nature of the setting, or drop hints and trust the reader to figure it out. (See: Wheel of Time).
6. Fuck it? It might be the far future or another planet, but that doesn’t entirely explain what’s going on. Some words reference real placenames or languages, but the geography doesn’t bear out the possibility of their ever having existed, and some concepts that ought to exist just… don’t. An object is described to the reader which is clearly a laser pointer. Another has unambiguously magical effects. The characters do not make a distinction. Let the reader make of it what they will. I have only ever seen this in Catherine Fisher’s work, and a little bit Maria V. Snyder’s, but I’d love to see more of it.
Note: If you want some made up words that sound like they go together, and a phoneme inventory for names, but don’t want to construct one or more entire languages by yourself, I enthusiastically recommend Vulgarlang.
starting off femslash february with some disney girls!
[Image Description: Two digital images, one of Elsa and Isabela Madrigal, and one of Ariel, and Moana. The first image is Elsa and Isabela Madrigal. They are in a heart that is half pink, and half blue, bordered in flowers and snowflakes. Elsa is in her blue dress, and Isabela is in her lilac dress. Isabela is holding onto Elsa, who is blushing.
The second image is Ariel and MOana, in a blue heart, with a border of water. Ariel is a human, in a blue dress. She has one arm around Moana’s back, and they are smiling at each other. End ID.]
“A compact, vesicular or slaggy metamorphic rock of any composition containing more than 20% vol. of glass, either produced by contact metamorphism in volcanic to subvolcanic settings or generated by combustion metamorphism.
An uncommon metamorphic rock type composed mostly of glass, formed by the melting of a sedimentary rock or soil by extreme heat from an adjacent lava flow or scoria eruption, or the burning of an underground coal bed. Buchite is a product of a special type of metamorphism, called pyrometamorphism (contact type, high to very high temperature, low pressure, often connected with coal fires). Buchites are often confused with obsidian, which is a volcanic glass rather than metamorphic glass. The so-called para-obsidian is a buchite with small amounts of mullite and tridymite forming microlites. Rarely, buchites can be colorful and transparent, and faceted as gemstones, as for example a few blue-green gems from the Eifel hills in Germany.
The original description of buchite was for partly fused, glassy sandstones associated with basalts (in Germany). Now the term also covers more pelitic rocks. The first described buchite contained relic, cracked quartz with tridymite overgrowths and inclusions, feathery or needle-like clinopyroxene, magnetite, cordierite crystals, tiny crystals of a spinel, small voids, pores interfilled with goethite and brown glass.
Basically what this means for this rock, is that there was a scoria eruption (a volcanic eruption with lots of air bubbles in the magma) that came into contact with some sandstone. The intense heat of the magma was able to melt some of the sand, which then rapidly cooled and became glass. You can even still see the darker bands beneath the glassy layer, displaying this xenolith’s sedimentary origins!
This is my first time playing with the “Read More” function in order to provide some more information or an explanation, so please let me know if you read it and/or it is something you’d like to see more of in the future!
Chances are, if you are writing a story longer than 2000 words, characters will move from one location to another. Sometimes this will mean that they walk into the next room over, in which case it isn’t too hard to describe. But if they are going on a long journey, or hopping in the car to drive to the town 30 minutes over, or if they are flying on an airplane to another country, the transportation question gets a little bit tricky.
The central challenge is this: How can I effectively and logically show that there is a transition in location without boring the reader and slowing down the plot?
So we’ll break it up into some questions to figure out what is best for different types of transportations!
1. Does anything important/notable happen during the travel?
If so, you should probably include it and talk about the scene. In this case, you don’t have to write the whole scene out. It can go like this:
“Jim was silent for two hours as he drove us across the desert. Then, out of nowhere, he said, ‘I’ve seen those aliens before.”
Let’s say that the information Jim talks about is important to the plot. You can just introduce the setting as “during the travel” just like how you would introduce the setting of any other important scene.
If nothing super important happens, that doesn’t mean it is irrelevant. It just brings us to the next question:
2. How does the travel reflect the characters?
Let’s say we’re still on that desert drive, and there is a new character sitting in the backseat. This is a good time to show their—or any other character’s—traits though the way they respond to traveling. Maybe the new character is an annoying backseat driver, or maybe they are so funny that the whole car is entertained for the rest of the drive, or they say nothing because they’re too busy reading or studying up on aliens. Each of these says something different about the character, and is a good way to create natural “showing” of character traits and personalities.
But let’s just say it’s going to be a boring car ride without any character development. Then that brings us to the ultimate question:
3. Would it change anything if you skipped it?
That is, you could always say, “After a four-hour-long drive across the barren desert, we were finally here. ‘Welcome to Las Vegas’ said Jim as he slid out of the driver’s seat.”
There’s nothing wrong with skipping the scene. In fact, I usually recommend that if you can skip/shorten it, you should. If there’s nothing of note that happens, don’t tell us about it! Some writers might worry that readers will get confused with a lack of information. But if you say “We drove across the desert,” a reader will assume that everyone got in and wore their seatbelts and maybe took a bathroom break. And even if that didn’t exactly happen in your head, as long as it doesn’t matter urgently to the plot or characters, you can leave it up to the reader’s interpretation.
Skipping transportation scenes or summarizing them with only a few sentences will speed up the pace of your story, keep it interesting, and typically not confuse the reader as long as there is some explanation.
My final tip is to not drastically change locations too often. The more you do, the higher risk you run of slowing down the story and confusing the reader. It can also lead to blank settings or all of the settings blurring into one background. Of course, there are exceptions: adventure stories, or other stories that require constant travel. But this is just something to keep in mind: if you can keep it to only 3-4 general locations throughout the story, try to do it!
A good way to get better at certain aspects of writing is to expose yourself to something similar in real life.
Having trouble writing dialogue? Listen to podcasts or read transcripts of them. It’ll help you learn the cadences of different people and how to recreate those cadences in writing.
Having trouble writing action sequences? Watch some live fighting with a commentator, or try out a martial art if you have the time/money. Knowing the moves and how professionals describe them will help you picture that stuff more clearly.
Trouble with describing things clearly and concisely? Read those image descriptions online, or try and write some yourself! Think about how you’d describe something to a friend, if you had to do it from memory, and copy that down. Look at landmarks in real life. How would you describe them?
Trouble with character creation and development? Go out and meet new people! Or try some introspection. Think about who you are and why you are that way, and you may find a lot of inspiration!
FOOD FIGHT – Stella (Violet Brinson) and Colton (guest star Jalen Thomas Brooks) plan a Walker / Davidson family dinner. Meanwhile, Liam (Keegan Allen) gets an unlikely ally when trying to prove that the Davidson’s were up to no good on the day Cordell (Jared Padalecki) raced for the ranch and Cassie (Ashley Reyes) vows to learn the truth about the last case her previous partner was working on. Tessa Blake directed the episode written by Aaron Carew and Anna Fricke (#219).Original airdate 6/16/2022. (x)
AUSTIN NICHOLS DIRECTS – Cordell (Jared Padalecki) and James (Coby Bell) make a shocking discovery. Meanwhile, Stella (Violet Brinson) and August (Kale Culley) have a traumatic afternoon and Liam (Keegan Allan) takes a concern to the Davidson’s door. Austin Nichols directed the episode with story by Seamus Kevin Fahey and Bret VandenBos & Brandon Willer and Teleplay by Bret VandenBos & Brandon Willer (#218). Original airdate 6/9/2022. (x)
