daddyssinfulxbabygirl:

daddyssinfulxbabygirl:

daddyssinfulxbabygirl:

daddyssinfulxbabygirl:

daddyssinfulxbabygirl:

Don’t allow anybody to push on your boundaries. Have them set and made clear. If anybody tries to push you into doing something you’re not comfortable with, forget them. They are not interested in serving you but rather themselves, and they lack the respect that they ought to have for you. Do not allow yourself to be made uncomfortable so that some wank job can get his rocks off. Not worth it!

Always trust your gut instinct. If something feels wrong, or seems too good to be true, chances are that’s the case. You’ll do yourself a huge favor by trusting these instincts. You’re having them for a reason.

ALWAYS get paid before doing ANYTHING, EVER. Never start playing with a boy until he has paid, and you have received that payment. Even if he says he has sent it but you haven’t received it yet, WAIT. Do not begin until that payment has been accepted on your end. If he has purchased items from your wish list wait until you have received them in the mail. It’s very easy for people to purchase items from your list and then cancel the orders later.

When payment is sent accept it immediately! Do not let it sit long enough so that they can cancel it, or in more extreme cases, somebody can access your account and steal it (this does happen!).

When somebody says that they will pay you it does not mean that they will. It’s actually more likely that the majority won’t. he’s promised you his entire pay check? It’s bullshit. He says he’ll give you $1000 if you do this thing for him? Yeah sure. Oh but there’s a catch too! He’ll give it to you, but tomorrow, or on Friday, because he’s still waiting for the the money to come in. Yup, more bullshit! This money doesn’t exist, and if it does you’ll never be the one to see it. He’s trying to get a free session/wank bait with promises he doesn’t intend to fulfill.

NEVER give out any sort of personal banking information. It doesn’t matter how much they’re promising to send you, don’t do it!

Do not give discounts just because a boy feeds you a sob story. Chances are it’s all bullshit anyways, and it’s not your job to care regardless of whether it is or not. They use these sob stories to try to emotionally manipulate you into giving freebies or cheaper rates. Don’t fall for it. 

Do not feel bad about watching the clock during paid sessions, ending the session after the agreed upon time has been reached, or demanding more money if they want more time. If they whine and won’t pay, then that’s the end of it for him, bye! Do not give in to his whining.

Be careful of the payment methods you choose to use. Read every site’s ToS and use the site carefully. Paypal is notorious for being anti-sex work and screwing sex workers over. When using sites like this only use them with trusted long term subs, do not share the email associated with the account on any public sites, and make sure the sub doesn’t leave any notes along with the money.

If a sub sends you a message asking about what you’d do to him, or what “x, y, z” means, what you do with your subs, etc, do not tell him a thing! This is wank baiting. They want for you to explain these things to them so that they can sit there and get off, and without ever paying so much as a dime for it.

There’s another type of “wank baiting” that comes in the form of fantasy sharing. A boy will send a message asking to be blackmailed and providing “personal” details, and beg you to expose him (or to not expose him, depending on which way he wants to play), or send you a message along the lines of, “hey would you tie me to a tree and feed me to mosquitoes for $500?”, etc. Do not bother with these. They’re trying to bait you into free play, or free chit chat involving their fantasy that will get them off.

If somebody sends you a message insulting you, whether it be a sub, female Domme, or male dom, ignore it. Do not waste your time. Delete and block. Most of the time these are people looking to get a rise out of you just for a free wank. On some sites the “Dommes” are actually men posing as such. And in other cases it really is a woman who’s trying to start petty drama with you or run you off. A lot of them may say you’re a man, a fake, a scammer, that you look like a man or “tr*nny”, etc, trying to get you worked up. Pay none of it any mind and focus on what will make you money and get you subs.

Remember that it’s the year 2017 and people can do reverse image searches. Don’t use any photo on your profiles or send one to a sub that can be easily traced back to your other social media, such as Facebook or personal Twitter and Instagram accounts.

Sometimes Facebook will show you in these men’s “people you may know” suggestions. Be careful of that. I’ve seen a guide on how you can avoid this, so if it’s a concern it’s something worth looking for.

Do not complain that you keep getting scammed, can’t find subs, that all you’ve gotten have been shitty subs, etc. Putting negative energy out there will make you less appealing to the subs that are serious about serving. Also do not post that you need money or else your power will be shut off. Find a better way to bring money in (some girls offer discounted clips, photos, and/or sessions). Looking as though your life is an unstable mess will again, make you appear less appealing to serious subs.

It’s okay to be inspired by another Domme’s profile, or really like how she has worded things. You may even want to make your profile in the same way, which is fine … So long as you don’t completely steal it, or copy word for word pieces of her profile. A lot of Dommes put time and effort into making their profiles just right. It’s incredibly rude and offensive to come along and steal something she has worked hard on. And trust Me, nine times out of ten you will get caught and called out. You don’t want that drama on your plate.

These are just some of the basics. There’s so much more to learn though, and if anybody would like to add anything, feel free!

If I had only known…

Recognized

Realized…

Not wasting another second…

Why do you deny me?

You know I am here, waiting, wondering if you’ll ever realize the energetic exchange we had/ve is unlike most.

Why are you denying yourself?

I see you.

I see the things you

I know you have been watching from afar.

No need to sit in the dark.

Just reach out, we can move forward. I have grown, you have grown, every second passes is a second we don’t get back. There is no future, there is only now so why do you deny yourself the pleasure of knowing me?

There is nothing to be scared of, you can come out and play, you can embrace the world and be beautiful and sexy and truly full of joy.

I trust you, that never has changed.

I trust myself, that is what has changed.

I am no longer on my knees. Embrace me, feel my energy.

So please just reach out and say hello. I have been patient.

I will be the one who reaches down and lifts you when you fall. As you did for me so many times.

I have learned so many lessons and I believe that together we will be magical.

Part 2: Going to London

As I step outside I lift my face to the sun, breathing in the fresh air, my chest fills with air and I exhale.

I am in heaven. I have finally made it to London.

The flat I rented for the past two weeks is superb, minus this pesky side door - for some reason I can’t lock it, oh well, no one notices me leave it open, it’s hidden behind shrubs anyway, and besides I am in London!

Weeee - Twirling around like a schoolgirl in my new sundress, I am giddy with excitement, I can almost skip. I love my new purchases, so many sundresses, all flowy and freeing, smiling to myself because I purchased this one and the five others, because they accentuate my curves, I feel sexy and exotic and I don’t need to wear a bra as they hug me in all the right places.

Giggling as the wind brushes across my nipples and they grow hard as if responding to my thoughts. That’s the only thing this dress does not conceal when I am turned on and London turns me on.

Walking around the square, I go about my morning routine, a morning coffee, and decadent buttery treat, exploring the shops, seeing where the day takes me. I’ve loved my adventures around town, walking and admiring the beauty, the architecture, I will never tire of it. Marveling at the simple thought that I am finally in London.

I can’t believe I have been here for almost three weeks. I love that I have no return ticket home, just adds to the adventure of it all.

Savoring my flaky crescent and coffee, I walk along the shops admiring the unique treasures inside, that is when I see him; he is magnificent, pure beauty. Putting the saying “tall, dark and handsome” to shame. He seems to be looking my way but he can’t be, can he? No, as my body is facing away, my ass turned to him. I feel as if I am gawking but he can’t see that I am staring back at the glass reflection.

I can barely move. He is so stunning.

Breathe, he is just a man. Oh but what an exquisite man, he is sitting but I can tell he is tall, lean, muscular, delicious. I would like to treat myself to him. Can he see that I just wiped my mouth? I’m literally drooling.

Control yourself. Try to regain your composure and flaunt what assets you know you have, maybe he will sit up and take notice. Sashaying to the next shop, peering in the window, purposefully sticking my hips and ass out towards him. Presenting myself as an animal would.

“Come mount me” I think and giggle out loud. I can’t stop staring at him and I am excited to see that he still seems to be looking my way. I feel naked, exposed, my nipples react to his gaze, it is so intense, is he staring at me?

Moving along, acting as if I have no care in the world but feeling his breath on my nipples from ten feet away.

What this man does to me, I don’t dare turn to look him in the eyes, surely if he is staring at me he will come to say hello. So he must not be staring at me as he seems fixated on something, in a trance almost.

We continue our dance most of the morning, into the afternoon. Finally dusk falls and I am so exhausted.

My mind has been thoroughly fucked by my imagination of him taking me on every street corner, alleyway, shop, restroom, etc. He imprinted on my brain and I can’t shake him.

At some point, while I was in a shop he left and I was devastated, but the memory of his beauty stayed with me the rest of the day. I felt his presence yet did not see him. But my mind did.

We had lunch together, went into stores, had long conversations, the mind can play cruel tricks on you but this was delicious as in between every normal event he was bending me over the bridge railing fucking me as passerby’s looked on. He was pulling me in a dark alley corner and devouring my nipples with his mouth. He was sliding two fingers inside my dripping pussy while we made every attempt to remain discrete at the restaurant. I was thoroughly fucked or manhandled by him everywhere I went and I was weak in the knees and my pussy had completely drenched my underwear. It was dark when I finally arrived back home, letting myself in, I grab a glass of water and head straight to my bedroom, I have no other plans but to fantasize about that mystery man. He mind fucked me all day and I needed to be filled immediately.

Leaving all the lights off, I strip naked, like we are rushing to the bedroom. It’s a very quiet night, calm is in the air, but I can hear myself panting. Needing to this release. Stripping off my sundress, I am feeling exotic so I go to the dresser and pull out a sexy black see-through negligee, it feels erotic on my skin, adding to the anticipation. I run a brush through my hair, run some chapstick over my lips, dab on some y-lang y-lang oil, as I love smell myself and climb into bed. I laugh that I am preparing myself for a night of passion…with myself. But no it is a night of passion with Mr. Beautiful. The man who haunts me.

Laying on my back, legs stretched out in front of me, relishing in the comfort of the bed and feeling my body buzz in anticipation. Reaching in my side drawer, I wrap my hand around my vibrator, like it is his cock, and lay it between my breasts. The window is open and I can hear the traffic drive by, the breeze hardens my nipples, or is it the knowledge that I am presenting myself. Ready. My breathing labored, I slowly run the vibrator cock head over each nipple. My body arches in reaction. Closing my eyes I imagine he is standing there, in the doorway, watching me. Slowly moving the vibrator between my breasts, over each erect nipple, down over my belly, teasing my belly button, down further until it circles my clit, teasing, coaxing, adding fuel to an already ignited fire. Continuing further I thrust the vibrator deep inside me, one firm thrust, FUCK YES, I am so wet that I did not need to go slow to adjust or stretch, my pussy needed a cock to be deep inside her ASAP. I begin a constant in-and-out building, milking the vibrating cock that fills me with one hand, the other massaging, pinching and teasing my nipples. God, I am so wet, juicy even, I can feel my juices run between my ass cheeks, dripping is an understatement. What that man did to me. I just wanted him to approach me and devour me. My pace has quickened, I need to cum, with every thrust I am closer, I am so wet. The sounds of me fucking myself are intoxicating. I am putting a trance on myself. The air smells like sex and essential oils. I feel my body build until its breaking point. Waves of pleasure wash over me. Moaning loudly, a grown and howl. Holding the vibrator in place as my body bucks in reaction, waves of pleasure running over my body.

Sedated and satisfied. Turning off my vibrator I lay there in bliss. Smiling as I thank him for the orgasm, I roll to my left side, my body still buzzing. After my breathing gets under control I permit sleep to take over…

Deep in sleep, I feel my legs being parted and what feels like a cock sliding inside me. This must be a dream.

Alarm hits, WAIT, this is not a dream!

WHAT THE FUCK, startled as I am filled completely. Fully awake now, scared but oddly at ease, as the sensations my body is feeling is responding. Defying my fear, with pleasure. A forearm drapes across my shoulder blades and although I am pinned, I am in pure bliss by the motions of what I can only assume is a man’s cock entering me. The weight of his body feels overpowering but gentle. My body betrays me and a moan escapes my mouth.

“I won’t hurt you, I needed this”, The man whispers in my ear as almost a plea, considering the situation, such an odd thing to say yet so soothing, I try to shift so he will release me but it only makes him enter me deeper, with every thrust my resistance breaks and I need more, it feels like an eternity that his cock seduces me, nothing about this feels wrong, but it is, my body continues to betray me as my ass and hips begin to meet his thrust, milking his cock, needing him deeper, opening for him. FUCK this feels incredible. An actual cock instead of a vibrator, and whoever this man is has a magnificent cock, it fills every inch of me, I can feel the tip hit the top of my vaginal ceiling. No one has ever done that.

Our rhythm is in sync now, we are fucking each other. I WANT MORE. I NEED MORE. I feel his thumb play with my ass hole and I almost cum, fuck! We are fluid, moving so fast and with each thrust deeper I am losing control. I want to let him control me, I want to give myself to him. Submit to the pleasure he brings me. He can feel my need and he asks me to prop myself up on my elbows, I obey as I am told. FUCK I am letting this stranger fuck me like he is my Master. As if to respond to my question, he squeezes my breasts, one and then the other, his touch is so caring, needing. Yet in control and powerful. So many contradictions my mind is being fucked too. I want to give my release to him. I want to cum for him. Our breathing is in sync, his breath on my ear is undoing, my pussy starts contracting, milking his cock for more, his thrusts go deeper and I lose myself, I let out a deep low moan and cum all over his cock. He doesn’t stop though and once again my body responds, the slow build up growing with every thrust of his cock. I can hear my wetness on his balls and thighs.

FUCK This is incredible. He is incredible, and I trust he isn’t here to hurt me. WOW. Who is this man? My body is in heaven, cloud 9, overwhelmed with sensations.

Sadly he moves and removes his cock from inside me, I actually whimper but the next thing I know it’s thrust into my mouth and he is fucking my throat. FUCK YES! He grabs the back of my hair and is relentless, not caring if I gag or not, my mouth is his fuck hole. I can’t help but moan on his cock. I can tell this is affecting him to his core. It pleases me that I affect him. I love cock and his is particularly magnificent. I desire to let him use me whenever he needs as his fuck-toy, as this cock is divine. I feel dirty and I love it.

As if he heard my thoughts he asks me, “You love cock, don’t you, you dirty little slut.” and all I can do is nod, staring into his dark eyes. FUCK he is beautiful even with a balaclava covering his face. His pace slows as if to ease any worries I may have as if to ask me to trust that he won’t hurt me. Trying to reassure myself I begin to caress my tits, my nipples betray me and harden, how could they not, I was just thoroughly fucked and now my mouth is being assaulted, my two favorite holes being fucked. He has awakened the beast in me and I want more.

This man is honouring who I am to my core and I have no clue who he is but a magnificent cock and he’s letting me be used by him.

As if reading my mind that my pleasure is not for me, it is for him, he stops his assault on my mouth and I whimper silently. What will happen next? OH FUCK Why did I ask that, in one motion he pushed me on my back and his mouth of on me. Like a wolf who just found fresh meat. Feeding on my pussy, lapping up from arse to clit, like I am a plate to lick clean. I want to dig my hands in his hair and hold him there for life. I can’t do that but again my body betrays me and I wrap my legs around his head, pushing his face into my pussy. I can feel his hands on my hips like he is holding his serving platter as he devours his meal.

GOD, please never stop what you’re doing. My body needs this man’s mouth, cock, and everything that goes with it.

I feel his hand pull at something and I realize he is going to reveal himself to me. Such a bold move. He is trusting me. And as he removes his balaclava I gasp! “OH, IT’S YOU!!”

HOLY FUCK I say to myself. The man in the town square. The man I have lusted and fantasized about all day. The one I came for earlier. Imagining he was standing in the door jam, watching me masturbate. Wait was he there the entire time? OH MY!

He doesn’t even acknowledge my comment and continues his assault on my pussy, like a man eating his last meal. And then he inserts two fingers, gently, which is shocking to me considering the fact that I do not know this man, but I do know him, he has been in my fantasies all day, we’ve had conversations, we’ve explored, we’ve fucked, we’ve tasted, we’ve eaten each other. His fingers are screwing me now, FUCK, like a corkscrew motion, clockwise to counter-clockwise. My pussy begins to milk his fingers, I can not deny him, I must cum, I need to cum again, please let me cum, I want to beg him and it’s like he knows as his ravenous licking stops and his fingers continue to fuck me and he replaces his tongue on my clit with his other hand to rub the swollen bead in a circular motion. His fingers begin to rub all around inside my pussy walls, seeking, enticing, claiming the pussy as theirs.

I blurt out “I’m Cumming” and he does not stop, as my orgasm washes over me. Creaming his hand. As he removes his fingers from my pussy, my breathing is labored and I can’t help but stare into those dark eyes, they are beautiful and ominous, how is he completely in control after I just lost all control. He gifts me with the taste of my orgasm, running his fingers inside my mouth, I love licking my own fingers clean after I cum, but to lick his, makes my cum taste incredible. Tasting him, his cock, and my cum, God help me I could become addicted to this man’s flavor. I can’t get enough as I lick it all off. I feel him move down to lick my ass where the rest of my orgasm has drained to completely back up to my clit and another moan escapes my lips. I can feel that this pushes him over the edge. Panting I watch as he raises himself up and grabs my erect nipples, pulling at them to spread them apart, he places his cock between my breasts and begins to tittie fuck me. GOD does this man know my weaknesses. His motions are slow and sensual as to again soothe and reassure me that I am to trust him. Gliding up and down, in between my tits, I can’t help I need to taste him, so I tuck my chin into my chest and lower my mouth onto the tip of his cock on the upstroke. God, what a magnificent cock it is. Who is this man! He continues like this, slowly gliding, using my body for his pleasure. Claiming me as his fucktoy. He slowly pulls away from me and I know what is about to happen, laying me back on the bed, he pats my thighs, lines up his shaft with my pussy, and slides deep inside me. Zero resistance, his cock belongs there. He places his hands behind my knees and begins to thrust slow and deep inside me. FUCK this is incredible. I have never been fucked like this. My pussy is made for his length and girth, so thick, such a pleasing cock. I can tell there is a change in his demeanor as if he trusts and is confident. Good, I want him to feel this way and he rewards me with filth, claiming me as his, calling me names that to me equal titles, words of affirmation in the nasty of ways. “His” dirty little slut, “His” fucktoy, “His” property, “His” pet. “His” Cunt. Claiming me with every disgusting title. How does this man know what I need?

He is fucking me now with an animalistic frenzy, we can not get enough of each other. I cum again and I can tell that is the end of him, and he pulls free of now “HIS” pussy and begins to stroke his cock and shoots his beautiful load all over my tits and my face. I open my mouth to receive his gift. When he is done emptying every last drop he has in his balls. I can’t help it but I am smiling. As he removes himself from my body, I don’t want him to go so I scoop up the cum he gifted me and lick it off my fingers. God, he even tastes divine.

“You know I could have you arrested for this?” I say licking my fingers clean with a smile on my face and humor in my voice.

“I know, but it was something I just had to do.” I smile to assure him that I would never ruin what just transpired with silly justice. And then he did something unexpected, he leans forward and gives me a slow, sensual kiss, his tongue tracing all around my mouth as to taste himself on me. And like a schoolboy discovering tits, he reaches down and cops a quick feel like he won’t ever get to touch boobs again. And slaps them like a spanking.

“I know you won’t.” He plants one last kiss and somehow he is fully dressed, says Goodbye and that he’ll see me around.

I can only respond with three words. “Thank you, Sir.”

{Read Part 3 Here}

{Part 1: Is not for me to post}

Hard Limit Pusher

Should there really be any hard limits in a relationship? If you TRULY TRUST. Then wouldn’t you trust that he/she will know what you need? What you want? And isn’t it the role of your partner, male and female to push your hard limits, not aggressively or with intent but with purpose? Is it not the dynamic to get out of your comfort zone and see how uncomfortable you can get?

To live life on edge?

Speaking of edging…. Mmmmm

Master has tasked me with edging for five minutes every hour today, I know there is a lesson to be had, there always is. Over the past few days since I returned to him, needy and wanting, understanding the last lesson that I did not need answers to return, I needed to get out of my own way and trust he knows what is best for me. I have been learning so much. He truly is a Master. He fascinates me. How one human can be so in control of what his purpose is but missing the mark on other things. But I know he is the Master of his own self and it is not my role to push him, he does not permit me to do that. I know and accept what my role is with him. I know my purpose is to serve his needs. He is free to use my body whenever he wants. I no longer need him to receive and feel love because I love myself. What I need is to be taught a lesson. To continue to learn about my submission and my purpose to serve. And holy crap does this man teach me: not in the school girl being punished way you kinky fucks are thinking. (Although I am sure I would look cute in that getup) however I am all woman, goddess, alpha to my core, sadly dominant in my past relationships, it’s why men have been who they have been with me in the past. I learned and accepted that about who I used to be on day two of returning to London. But he has always known I am submissive, as are all women if they get out of their own way, they push past the uncomfortable zone of lacking trust, feeling unworthy, …

Hold please time to edge… and the alarm says “LUNCH”… so that is my fantasy…

Laying on the couch, legs hanging over the side, your mouth on my Crown Jewels, feeding on your pussy. Lapping up your juices, like it’s a ripe peach, messy and sticky, dripping down between my ass crack, covering your face, suckling on your clit, teasing and torturing me with that magnificent mouth of yours. Your strong arms wrapped around my thighs pinning me in place as I squirm and try to grind on your face. Purely teasing me as I know you’ll stop in 5…4…3… 2…1….

Fuck I love edging….

THE DYNAMIC

The dynamic is as old as time. It began with Adam & Eve.

Do not mistake Dominance & Submission for some sexual kink act. You will be sorely disappointed. I am sure many will appease your temptress ways, if you think your kinky desires will sustain you are mistaken. Without understanding and accepting of your true calling as a woman, your relationship will not withstand the storm of life. True submission is to accept who you are, what you were created for, your purpose and where you are going. The when and why and how are the mystery.

I am a woman, created to submit to my God in the universe and my Master, a man on earth. We are equals. I know my role in my life and in his. He gave me his rib upon creation and I let him feed upon my apple. Together we can create life, love and true happiness. As a spiritual divine union.

We have one need. LOVE. That is the only need in life, for to truly Love yourself, you are healthy mind, body, soul and spirit. And if you love yourself, only then can you love another, trusting that he will be there by your side as long as it is Gods will. And once you surrender to God’s will, the unknown of universe, the lack of control, the mystery of the unknown won’t be scary. To live in fear is to dance with the Devil. To give your devoted faith to two, is the most beautiful thing a woman can do and through that beauty, life will be balanced, calm and she will find peace.

God’s Will.

What would it look like if you actually surrendered to God’s Will?

Or whatever deity you choose to worship?

What if you were to stop saying the simple things like; “I’ll be back” or “I’ll focus on that later” or “See you tomorrow”. We don’t have control over that. Why do we say such false statements? Why lie?

I am sure this topic will annoy most because they do not want to think about the fact that they truly have no control but for me being true and honest is important. Changing the way I communicate is crucial to the way I live my purpose. I lied to myself for 43 years, why because my parents lied to me?

Because society sugar coats things and tells “white lies” to soften the blow of reality?

It’s what we know so why not follow?

Because we have been told that our words can manifest themselves? {This one is the only version I so choose now.}

Example: I was walking out the door and simply said, “I’ll be back later” (to my cat) and he looked at me smug. And I stopped and said, will I? I have no control over this statement. I “hope” I return. Why did I feel the need to lie, to my cat! To console him? To reassure he knew I would return? Does he actually understand the words coming out of my mouth? Entirely different blog post. I digress…

Here I go, again on my own… getting into an automobile that has sadly taken away a lot of people in my life, beginning at 12 with my mother, the root of where I felt I lost control in my life and decided I needed to control everything, yet sadly had no control over anything. Which brings me to today…

I accept, I have no control. I surrender to God’s Will. If it is God’s Will I will return. And sadly there is evil in this world so I will wear my seatbelt. Do my rituals, say a little prayer, and be on my merry way.

What would it look like if we stopped telling ourselves the little white lies and surrendered to the Holy Spirit, the Universe, God, Goddess, etc. etc. etc.?

I dare you to try it.

I know you’re going to do 1 thing. Shock the heck out of people. Probably gain trust and possibly respect. And I know another thing, someone(or ones) is smiling down at this post saying to themselves, “it’s about time.” (Could be you) And quite possibly this 1 little change, could make a ripple in the outcome of my and others lives. That is the mystery of life, and the beauty.

So I am off, to check a box, close a chapter. Namaste a home that should have been divine, but there was no true love there so it failed.

I often wonder if I should remove some of the chaos below. The glimpse into my insanity. He drove me crazy, literally and figuratively.

I may remove it someday. His hold over me is still there but weaker. There is a part of me that wishes it was gone. Do all dominate men know the hold they can have over you? That’s a dangerous thought.

I compare all my encounters to you all, the men that changed my life since I have embraced who I am.

I Am submissive in a sea of sharks.

Not Wolves, Not silver bearded Bears, Not beacons of light, No teachers from afar, surely not the dabblers, but sharks. And although I am a starfish in this vast ocean, a mermaid, a gypsy, a student still learning, healing, I feel like a minnow compared to most.

But maybe I am a baby shark and will get my jaws on someone worthy of my love. But knowing my luck in love, I’ll pick a hammerhead. *Giggling*

Well time to enjoy the beautiful waters of where my father grew up. In a city with a large Marina and I accept that I am ignoring one of my No’s of this month but I also realize the one I have entrusted to my healing, does not understand me because she has not accepted her submission and although No means No, I have been alone my entire life and my writing is all I have, and the man who once gave me a firm hand, is being laid to rest.

Tomorrow I reunite my parents, a divine union, twin flames, that never had a chance. I fulfill my life purpose to mend their marriage and on Friday, the day of my 46th birthday, I will reunite my father with his children who drowned before they could become magnificent sea creatures. And then I trust I will be set free in this ocean to swim with the dolphins and run wild like the mustangs.

And how I wish you were here to guild me, reassure me, place your hand on the small of my back and reassure me that I will love again. That he isn’t the only shark in the sea. The only wolf in the forest or bear in the woods.

But know I miss you Sir.

You know who you are. And I am still holding a space for you. When you are ready I hope I am here. And if not, see you next life as we did not learn our lesson and our flame still burns bright.

Until tomorrow…

XO

Simpler times…

I miss the simpler times when a telephone was all you had to communicate with someone. No social media, no texting, no blocking someone. You were forced to communicate or listen to the obnoxious phone ring over and over until you answered. Heck I even remember tying a string to two cans and playing telephone as a kid (still confused by that as it is a bit too much science for this blonde brain to comprehend how those two cans and a string worked)…

I wanted to reach out to you the other day. I reached out last month on the day of the Star and you forgave me. The intent was not to get a response but to bring something to light. To bring to your attention that I made you feel. And that is why you walked away. There is no other reason. But I chose not to send the email as I do not wish to be a hard limit pusher. You need to heal on your own terms, as I am mine. Please don’t misunderstand this post, for me, to write is to heal, to speak my truth and my needs come first. I am not selfish. That is the dynamic. I am happy you walked away this time as you were correct, I was not healing, you were a distraction. You were right, I wasn’t focused on my work.

I will trust that when/if that time comes I won’t need to seek the cards or outside sources, I will trust myself and that it’s the right time. I will trust that I will know without a shadow of a doubt when the right time will be to post this to the masses. Hoping you read. And it may never happen. Parts of this letter are over 2 months old, from our first lesson. You may just be a chapter in my life. An incredible one but who knows, only time will tell. For now I hold space for you as our story was pure magic and you said you would wait until June. But I have no idea if you’ll be at the other end of this journey, sadly I am not psychic.

I recognize that that I anxiously attached to you. Shut down the entire world except focusing on you, feeling a deep connection with just you, but that is not healthy. I need balance, strength and justice. I need to sit in the space and recognize why I chose you. It is my choice to choose you and your choice to choose me. Free will is a beautiful thing. You’re not the only person in the world. You don’t have to be a mathematician to recognize that there is way more than 1 person in the world for me. The subject of “The One” is beautiful but there are many ones, it’s just about who are we willing to work it out with, who are we meeting at the right time in our lives. So I need to sit in this space and recognize that you were brought into my life. And I was brought into yours. I chose you, and you chose me, and you said you would wait, but you have walked away three times now. Was it truly for my healing, or yours or some other lesson. I currently trust that it is all 3. And it may not be our time. I am doing the work without you, focused on the end goal. Up for the challenge. I heard you when you said I was jeopardizing my healing and myself for you, because by accepting that you are my Sir, my owner, my master and my divine union, I give myself over to you completely. That is submission. You were shocked by the transformation. And I accept that scared you. It made you feel. Not something you wanted. But do you need it? It’s a intimidating thing. I am sorry I triggered you, but to be triggered is to heal. If you choose to process. I hope you see that. Because in order to be in a life with me you will need to be open and honest and true to who you are, you will need to no longer deny your heart, your truth or your magic. To return to me, you will need to walk through the door knowing you’re entering a divine spiritual union.

To know is to enter.
To enter is to heal.
To heal is to love.

Hear me. I know you listen, but do you hear me? See me? Feel me?

Humbly yours,
XO

Part 3: Going to London

It’s been almost a month now since he walked out of my life.

But he’d been in my thoughts every day.

The dark-haired man with piercing black eyes who took capture of my mind, body, and soul.

I’ve been watching him for several weeks now sitting at the coffee shop probably knowing that I’m watching him but acting oblivious.

Looking for the right opportunity to approach him the way that he approached me however he was meticulous and everything that he did was so in control and so confident he knows his surroundings that’s why it’s hard for me to believe that he didn’t know I would be coming.

Today’s the day; I need him, I no longer just want him, he gave me a taste and I wanted more. I put on my sundress wearing nothing underneath knowing that he would want easy access if he decided to let me in, knowing that this would please him, I slid on my sandals, my nerves twisting my gut. I trusted that this is what he needed too, that he craved me as much as I did him. I had observed his every move for the last few weeks; I knew where he had his morning coffee, got his mail, ate his lunch. I didn’t feel like a stalker only because this was exactly what he did to me. I knew where he lived, but sadly he was very aware of his surroundings and cautious so every door and window locked, I knew there would be no surprise entry, my only option was through the front door which meant I would have to knock, that alone almost derailed me because he could very easily shut the door in my face. As I approached his gate I was happy to find that it was unlocked but I still knew the front door was locked. Walking up to his stoop I raised my hand to knock and the door opened before I could make contact.

We simply stared at each other knowing what the other needed, my mouth watering at the sight of him, my body reacting, flushing under his gaze. My insides tightened and contracted, feeling myself grow wet between my legs, I yearned for him and my body reacted. God he is beautiful, the mere sight of him makes me weak in the knees; it seems like hours as we stood there staring at each other neither of us saying a word.

We hadn’t talked in weeks.

We didn’t need to talk.

We just wanted each other sexually as we had not healed yet.

I knew what he wanted.

He knew what I wanted.

I knew what I needed.

He knew what he needed.

He only needed to instruct me and I would know what to do.

“Go.”

All he said was the one word, to others it would have meant, leave. And I could’ve turned and walked away but that’s not what he meant as he raised his arm for me to walk through. It was a clear instruction.

As if I’d been there before I knew exactly where to go straight to his bedroom and as I walked past him slightly sauntering so that he would see the shape of my hips through the sundress I lifted the sundress to reveal my naked body and stripped it in the hallway leaving it at the bedroom entrance, discarded in a heap. We would not need clothes. Lowering myself onto my knees, I crawled on all fours to get into his bed knowing exactly what I was showing him, knowing he would love that view of my ass, taking my time letting him watch, I turned over to see him leaning against the door jam, as I predicted, arms folded, watching my every move, it was daylight outside so I was completely exposed. I crawled to the top of the bed and roll onto my back, propped against pillows, positioning myself in the position he prefers, palms up, legs bent, slightly apart, exposing my pussy, presenting myself to him, without speaking a word, calling to him to come to me and use my body for it is his.

My breasts heaving, breathing labored in anticipation. Still no words being spoken just staring at each other knowing that we are crossing each other‘s boundaries, tossing our hard limits aside, ignoring our No’s, for the primal need of each other. It was empowering and intoxicating.

I inhaled deeply, not realizing I was holding my breath, I needed to remember to breathe. And as if to acknowledge he was suffering too, he took in a deep breath and exhaled, he had been holding his breath. I was affecting him as much as he was affecting me. And I was igniting him as he was igniting me.

We continued to stare at each other. A test of strength. He was a magnificent specimen of a man. Leaning against the door, looking effortless, unaffected. Arms folded across his chest. Eyes hungry. I scanned his body, barefoot, clad in jeans and a T-shirt. God this man is stunning, he oozed confidence and sex appeal, he was freshly showered, he must have just finished up his daily errands, come home to relax but could still feel his tension. We had our encounter a few weeks ago and had not spoken since, for good reason, but that didn’t matter right now. We needed each other, we needed an escape, the primal desire to taste each other, feed off each other. We were good, no, great at this, the other stuff was messy but it didn’t matter right now. I continue to survey his beauty and my breath catches in my throat as my gaze stops at the outline of his hard cock. Clearly, he is as turned on at the thought of me as I am of him. His cock is magnificent, some men have beautiful cocks, but his is perfect, designed for pleasure. My pleasure. It’s anything but average. Thick, long, incredibly perfect in shape and it fills me completely. Made for me, I like to think. Oh, how I have missed my cock. The one thing that he permitted me to use, call mine, that is connected to him. My mouth waters at just the thought of tasting him. I can hear my own breathing, see my chest rise and fall as I gaze at his cock, hungry, growing ravenous, I am shocked I am not drooling. He is fully erect under my gaze, it is straining against his jeans, confined, wanting to be released. As if he knew what I wanted, he unzips his jeans freeing himself so I can have a better look. My eyes return to meet his and there is a new fire. He knows I want to taste him. I instinctively licked my lips and I could tell it made him weak in the knees as he shifts his body but he is in control and I knew that I could not speak nor would I make the next move without his instruction. I glance back at his cock and bite my lower lip. It seems like an eternity before he speaks but when he does he grants me what I want with two words, two words that I needed to hear from his lips.

“Touch yourself.”

His words snap my head up, to meet his hungry gaze, it’s almost as if he was punishing me with that sharp tone, but I can see the desire in his eyes, he’s breathing is labored too. Lowering my gaze in a bow, I slowly move my hand between my legs, two fingers softly outlining my pussy lips, I can feel my moisture and slide my fingers just between my lips to moisten them. Moving my fingers back and forth encircling my clit. My hips react and begin to move in a circular motion in sync with my fingers. My breathing deepens, my gaze moves back to his cock and he is stroking himself watching me. My cheeks flush when I meet his gaze, he is so hungry for me but restraining his needs while I pleasure myself. Doesn’t he know I want him more than to pleasure myself? Eyes locked I continue to tease my clit, I can feel how wet I am getting, I can see his stroking quicken, as I quicken my pace, he’s matching my pace. Never breaking eye contact, almost as if we can’t break apart or we will lose our connection. Our breathing is matched, our hands pleasuring our own bodies. I need him to come to me but he needs to stay across the room.

I mouth one word.

“Please.”

And it’s all he needs, in one movement he is out of his jeans and shirt and on top of me. Spreading my legs apart, entering me quickly. Fiercely. Not being gentle. I don’t want gentle. I want him. I need him. We both let out a huge sigh of relief. Oh my god, do we fit together. He fills me completely. He sets the pace, slow and steady, savoring each thrust, our bodies quivering, I am so close already. God, we needed each other I can feel him holding back. I wrap my legs around his hips and draw him in deeper, I hear him growl “FUCK” and my nails dig into his back. His pace quickens. My body matches his. I mumble “Fuck me, Master.” And he sits back on his knees, grasping my hips yanking me to him, watching my breasts bounce as he fucks me, holding my legs behind my knees, to gain deeper access, locking eyes with me, watching my body react to him, chest flushed, breathing labored, hungry eyes, I need his release. I need him to fill me with his seed. I want to explode around him but this feels so incredible. I can barely hold my eyes open. The pleasure is overtaking my body. My hands move to his chest and I grip with my fingers, nails digging into him. Trying to pull him towards me as I push him away. I need to release but don’t want this pleasure to stop. He is fucking me hard and fast, animalistic, primal. Our bodies are drenched with sweat as we hold back our orgasms to enjoy the pleasure of fucking. It’s overwhelming, intoxicating, I can not, will not cum without his permission. He knows this. He is my Master and he controls my orgasms.

As if he knew I could take no more.

“Cum for me.”

He didn’t need to say anything else, for my orgasms, are his. I explode all around his cock, my body bucks, and waves of pleasure crash over me. Grasping whatever I can hold onto as my body is overcome with pleasure. Moaning loudly I hear and feel him release inside me and another wave of pleasure washes over me.

He collapses forward, our bodies sweaty, our breathing labored, tingling from our release, he reaches behind my back and rolls me with him as he moves to the bed. Never releasing my body, tucked close to his chest, his cock still deep inside me, the most pleasurable aftercare. Tucking me nicely under his chin, our breathing is in unison, breath for breath, inhale…exhale, no longer panting but still labored, the scent of him and our sex intoxicating, savoring the scent, entering my nostrils with every inhale. His arms wrapped tightly around me he is not letting go and I was in no hurry to leave but we still spoke no words. I knew that words would just wake us up and put us back in reality and I was in no hurry. I wanted to enjoy this moment for I had no idea when our next encounter would be.

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes seem to turn into hours, we just laid there holding each other, breathing. I had no desire to leave the comfort of his embrace. I needed him and he needed me, as we lay there I could feel his body relax and drift off to sleep. Eventually, his tight grip on me went limp, as did his cock inside me, I smiled that it still completely filled me. Our legs intertwined, it felt like he didn’t want to ever let go and it was the most beautiful embrace I’ve ever felt; feeling needed, wanted, and desired all in one. I didn’t wanna get up and leave but I knew that I was not ready yet. I wanted to come to him completely, a new woman, a woman he deserved. And sadly I had not healed yet, I still had more work to do. Healing would be forever but the tools I am learning is how to cope and function and be the best possible me I could be for myself. For him. And he is a distraction and I would just waste more days if I stayed. He deserved the best version of me. I deserve the best version of me. The magical version, not the broken woman he came to in the beginning. He said he would wait, and June is right around the corner. I needed to honour him and go. Leaning in, I kissed his chest and whispered against his skin. “Please wait.”

As if on cue, he started snoring and I knew it was safe for me to leave. Slowly removing my legs from his, letting his cock slide out of me, his embrace loosened, he was in a deep sleep now. Getting up off the bed I walked to the doorway and gathered my sundress sliding it over my shoulders, letting it fall and cover on my body. The moisture between my legs reminding me of what just happened, I turn and glance back to see him watching me. I smile softly and turn and walk myself to the door gripping the handle, I pause. Resisting the urge to run back into his arms and tell him everything that I have learned and all the healing that I’ve done so far but I know that I’m not done and he wants a Goddess and he deserves fun, laughter, and orgasms. Not a hydra of mental chaos. He does not want the stress or the emotions and I have to trust that he’s working on his own healing and then we will come back together in the future. Hoping it is not the last time I would be in this house; trusting that we will come together again in the future, I step outside into the darkness, it’s nighttime now; I have no idea how long we were together. It does not matter, walking briskly back to my flat marveling at the beauty of the man I just left, saying a silent prayer that he will come to me once we have both healed.

{Read Part 2 Here}

{Part 1 is not for me to post.}

A friend posted “I have been dominating men most of my life without even realizing I was doing it. I much prefer being submissive. It has taken me to new heights…”

It’s a calm to my storm.

It’s who I Am.

I am submissive.

Sadly I let my alpha get in the way at times.

Learning to fully let go has been my hardest lesson in this journey. Not with him. But if my mental shit. With him I was able to let go, trust. Submit but sadly I could not stay in submission all day. I had to put my go to work, therapy, spend time with others hat on… and my alpha reared its ugly head(s). It is hard being alpha during to the outside world and submissive inside. Especially when trying to learn balance with so many other aspects of my life.

I know he did not understand why I needed him but I did, do. He calmed me, brought balance. Accepted my I Am.

But in doing that I made him feel. And he did not want to feel. He only wanted fun, laughter and orgasms. And although it came from a place of the heart, it was his hard limit. For he lacks emotion, his body tells me so.

And no matter how I forced it, you cannot dominate a Dominate man. And don’t even think about domineering one. For he will release you at the drop of a hat and even kick you in the stomach as he walks out.

I am sorry Sir.

I let him feed on me…

The release was real.

I felt it to my core.

I cried out in agony. For help.

And the wolf came to me. As he often does.

Concerned.

Protective as he always has been.

Our connection always undeniable. But he chooses another and I understand. I have no expectations of him. For I know he chooses her, putting her needs over his. While his needs and wants sadly get ignored.

So I let him feed on me.

His hunger undeniable.

For I know he has been starved.

He needs the release.

And selfishly I needed the release as well.

For I was not chosen.

By him or the others.

But I choose me.

And I choose to let him feed off me.

And out of fear I did not dare touch myself without permission.

I needed him to heal, put his needs first as so many others had with me, but this time it was my choice.

And then he called, knowing I wouldn’t pleasure myself without permission, so that my needs were met. And this is the one way I will obey even though he does not own me, as I can not deny his voice. His growl.

And I did need to know that another could make me cum.

That my former Master no longer had control over my orgasms.

No longer held the leash.

The leash had been cut.

And the wolf told me to feed off him.

As he licked my wounds.

Devoured me.

Fed on me.

Ravished me.

And our release came.

Waves of pleasure.

And I was once again brought to my knees, humbled, by a man…

A wolf.

Who I marked.

And I tasted my orgasm when it was done.

Knowing it is what Master would have wanted. And I liked pleasing master. Orgasms brought him joy so he would never deny me that.

And I know he watched. From afar. Leaning on the door jam of my mind.

For our connection is strong.

And I remembered he granted me orgasms in his absence.

And although there is no leash. No control.

A collar still remains…

And if Master never returns…

my hope is that in time I will have the strength to remove it on my own.

•••

Time to heal little one.

Yes, Master.

Thank you Lord.

Namaste

Amen

Om Blessed Be.

Love Heals. Period.

XO

Nod to the lighthouse…

You are still a beacon of light. Forever the lighthouse keeper guiding those who seek. Standing on duty, keeping the light lit at full intensity until sunrise, a person in service, never absent from your station or duty without authority. Spending your day, surveying the weather and the tide conditions, journaling in beauty and grace, forever enslaved to the masses denying yourself. Ready to launch a lifeboat for those in need.

And although we are no longer friends your light shines bright for all to see. I still see your guidance from afar and nod in acknowledgment to the reminder that at any point I could become high and dry.

I hope you are well in the tower by yourself. My wish for you is someday your light finds someone who is adrift, as I found you, but this time you and her connect. And you come down from your tower to guide her on her passage to your home. For you were pointing me in my direction, towards my home. Away from the shore, as I have an oceans to travel, much to still learn, hopefully no more hurricanes to endure.

Thank you for waving me on, for I was sailing close to the wind, ready to sink or swim. And with you, I would have sunk, left dead in the water.

Now the waters are calm and I am smooth sailing, wind in my hair, sun on my face. Guided by the moon and the stars. On the right track. For my Master runs a tight ship and I am at peace.

I wish you farewell my friend, I shall keep you at bay, and wish you fair winds and following seas.

Well said, my beautiful follower! Thank you.

I recently had the courage to fully explore my desire to be involved in a Dom/Sub relationship and I couldn’t be happier! Those who take 50 Shades seriously are clearly uneducated about the real lifestyle. I realized that every Dom and sub have their own style and no two relationships are exactly the same. Stay true to yourself, regardless of what people who don’t understand say, and you will be truly happy!

Oh, and I never even bothered reading 50 Shades!