#xiv temperance

Woke up to a very important message

One I will keep to myself but know I am going to be cloaking myself after today.

In fact the timing and message couldn’t be more appropriate. As tomorrow is Lent.

What is Lent?

Lent is a period of fasting, moderation, self discipline and self-denial.

What am I giving up for Lent? Social Media.

Yes, even Tumblr.

So today is my last day to speak publicly to you, for 40 days. My other feed has Que’d messages and I thought about moving all the Que’s to saved drafts but I have better things I can do with my time. So I shall have presence there. I am deleting the apps from my cell and can not be reached unless you know me outside of tumblr, and I will be sharing myself with those worthy.

Today also marks a day of healing as I have a date. Yes I am sitting in my anxiety around this as my mind and body are still yours, but opportunity knocked, on Valentine’s Day of all days, a stranger from the past, a love never explored because he was not healed. Oh the irony. But I am excited and I am open to receiving. So we shall see what 7pm holds. {Yes, I picked this time for my the House of my Loving Queen}

You’ll be asleep, but I know my thoughts will wonder if this message has you awake or reaching out to me in your dreams, where we often met. Sending me a message from across the ocean. Will the message be one of disgust or despair, or will you be encouraging and loving wanting me to heal and find love that is deserved? I already know you’ll be protective, it was a quality I admired in you. My Strength.

So here is to 2nd First Dates…

Here is to healing…

Until then…

XO

I give you my strength.

For you to heal.

As I journey down my path know that my illumination is dim. For the Star does not shine bright without you.

All that I am I offer to you at the alter of Love.

I offered myself to you.

You deny Love, so take my Strength.

Cherish it, as it is my other half.

I Am Strength & Justice.

I am patient. I will wait. For now.

A friend posted “I have been dominating men most of my life without even realizing I was doing it. I much prefer being submissive. It has taken me to new heights…”

It’s a calm to my storm.

It’s who I Am.

I am submissive.

Sadly I let my alpha get in the way at times.

Learning to fully let go has been my hardest lesson in this journey. Not with him. But if my mental shit. With him I was able to let go, trust. Submit but sadly I could not stay in submission all day. I had to put my go to work, therapy, spend time with others hat on… and my alpha reared its ugly head(s). It is hard being alpha during to the outside world and submissive inside. Especially when trying to learn balance with so many other aspects of my life.

I know he did not understand why I needed him but I did, do. He calmed me, brought balance. Accepted my I Am.

But in doing that I made him feel. And he did not want to feel. He only wanted fun, laughter and orgasms. And although it came from a place of the heart, it was his hard limit. For he lacks emotion, his body tells me so.

And no matter how I forced it, you cannot dominate a Dominate man. And don’t even think about domineering one. For he will release you at the drop of a hat and even kick you in the stomach as he walks out.

I am sorry Sir.