#ezilion

Into the astral

My dragon has been very active in my life, it makes me feel empowered in a sense. He has been steering me in what I feel is the right direction. Last night I decided to jump into the astral.

When I got there I went straight to the spot Persephone had made me and it made me sad since I haven’t been working with her and vice versa, it made me miss her. So I plucked a few of the flowers and set them on a nice spot and gave a small thank you for her guiding wisdom in the time I got to work with her.

After that I made my way towards Ezilion, he was rolling around a chunk of something, bored…

E: do not sneak up on me child

Me: I didn’t have any intention of sneaking but I’m sorry if I scared you.

Ezilion, breathing a cloud of smoke: You dumb child you couldn’t scare me if I were a common lizard, you certainly couldn’t scare me as a dragon.

I rolled my eyes in response and he blew smoke at me, I pulled out my journal that has all of my information on him out and began asking random questions that threw him off guard. A get to know you questionnaire. He flicked his tail in approval and began answering my question no matter how trivial they were to him.

I always hear him when I’m out shopping and he’ll tell me he likes something or wants something and most times I just laugh and indulge him. I’ve learned a lot about him over the last few times I’ve gone to see him. I’ll share everything if he’s ok with it. He’s definitely an interesting dragon lol

Update and new path

Long time no post!! I’ve been extremely busy expanding my knowledge on the different paths of witchcraft and researching, it’s been an interesting journey and I believe I’ve found which path I’m going to go down next.

On a different note I think my kitten is connected to my dragon in some way or may even be a familiar… I have a small altar for him set up next to my bed because low spoons and all, but every once in a while she’ll climb up my shelf and only mess with his section so I’ll usually light his candle and the flame dances happily.

BUT

I’ve think I’ve found the path that Hades and Ezilion were both talking about and it’s going to be rough… Hades is pushing and hinting at shadow work, which I’m all for working through my traumas to find why I am the way I am.

I’ve also began automatic writing and learning how to decipher it’s meanings, Ezilion seems to really like communicating that way, I’ve also began getting to know him better. He’s pretty interesting and has some questionable hobbies (lol) but I feel like I’m ready to start this new chapter and I can’t wait to see the witch I become going down this path.

At least my dragon cares

Please excuse this rant, it’s been bottled up for a while….

It’s been a rough 24 hours…

My aunt’s got Covid

I’m being ignored by my best friend and my husband (which doesn’t make my anxiety feel good)

(I’m about to sound so selfish and IDGAF) my needs aren’t being met or the goals I thought my husband and I had set aren’t being met…

I’m tired, I haven’t slept in so long

………

I feel like Ezilion is the only one who cares which is saying something since y'all know how his attitude and general self is. I’ve been in my thoughts all morning being mad and depressed and he nudged me to light an incense and a tea light for him. Which I obliged.

The flame of his tea light is small and calm and I feel a warmth and it only makes me want to cry more, it’s almost like he’s wrapped his wings around me. My heart rate has slowed down from it’s panic and I feel a slow warmth. Again my anxiety tells me it’s a fever and I’ve got Covid…. Ezilion kind of flicks those thoughts away with his tail…. Hades had been on edge and almost yelling at me because I haven’t been taking care of myself because of my depression. Which of course only makes me feel like complete and utter shit….

I’m just at a loss…

I haven’t been able to travel because I can’t get in the ‘right’ mind set. I can feel Hades and Ezilion but feeling and seeing are of course 2 different things….

How I’m feeling makes me feel like I’m not good at my craft… Or I’m not strong enough to walk down the paths Hades wants me to…

It honestly sucks.

At least my dragon cares

Please excuse this rant, it’s been bottled up for a while….

It’s been a rough 24 hours…

My aunt’s got Covid

I’m being ignored by my best friend and my husband (which doesn’t make my anxiety feel good)

(I’m about to sound so selfish and IDGAF) my needs aren’t being met or the goals I thought my husband and I had set aren’t being met…

I’m tired, I haven’t slept in so long

………

I feel like Ezilion is the only one who cares which is saying something since y'all know how his attitude and general self is. I’ve been in my thoughts all morning being mad and depressed and he nudged me to light an incense and a tea light for him. Which I obliged.

The flame of his tea light is small and calm and I feel a warmth and it only makes me want to cry more, it’s almost like he’s wrapped his wings around me. My heart rate has slowed down from it’s panic and I feel a slow warmth. Again my anxiety tells me it’s a fever and I’ve got Covid…. Ezilion kind of flicks those thoughts away with his tail…. Hades had been on edge and almost yelling at me because I haven’t been taking care of myself because of my depression. Which of course only makes me feel like complete and utter shit….

I’m just at a loss…

I haven’t been able to travel because I can’t get in the ‘right’ mind set. I can feel Hades and Ezilion but feeling and seeing are of course 2 different things….

How I’m feeling makes me feel like I’m not good at my craft… Or I’m not strong enough to walk down the paths Hades wants me to…

It honestly sucks.

A guide meeting, Persephone left

It’s been a while since I actually wrote on what’s going on and I gotta say I’m confused. A few days ago I was watching TV when I heard some weird creaking noise, when I looked around I saw one of Persephone’s jars fell over and then a few second later the other one followed. I said ok and got up and lit her a tea light and it burned for 6 hours…. A tea light!!

Then yesterday I felt weird, I’m not sure how else to describe it, and I told my husband I felt like Persephone didn’t want to work with me anymore. He asked me why and I said I wasn’t sure, a little while later I was standing in front of my altar looking at it and he asked me if he thought it was because my friend (who isn’t a witch) would leave offerings for both Hades and Persephone. I thought for a second and responded I didn’t know and I’d have to go into the astral to talk with them.

Last night after my husband went to sleep, I decided to project. When I got there Ezilion, Persephone and Hades were all waiting there. For the first time in a while I was a little nervous to be in the astral.

H: Good, you finally got the message.

E: I keep telling you she’s not the brightest

I stood there for a second and Persephone smiled somberly and walked towards me and grabbed my hand leading me away from the others. We walked hand in hand for a while in silence and she brought me to the little meadow she made me. We sat in silence for what felt like forever until I decided to break it

Me: did I do something wrong?

She smiled and let out a jolly laugh that made me feel giddy

P: no child, you did nothing wrong, but I do think you have outgrown what I can teach you.

Me: but that means you’ll leave right? I don’t want you to leave.

She placed a hand on my head and smiled at me again

P: I will always be with you even when you can’t feel me there.

I was worried. The last deity that had helped me through something major in my life, left without a word and I don’t feel her at all anymore.

Me: is it because my friend left you things?

P: no child, your friend leaving offerings wasn’t the issue. You have learned what I needed you to learn about yourself.

Me: what was the lesson? I don’t feel like I’ve learned anything new…

P: Self love. Balance. Duality. Strength. Feminity. Child, you have learned much in our time together.

Me: but, I still need you, especially for all of those things!

I started feeling distressed and could feel myself almost lose the connection, she placed a hand on my shoulder and calmed me.

Me: I need you because I’m still not strong enough….

P: you have been through so much and came out with self respect and confidence. That’s all I could teach you at this time, child I do not mean I will stay away forever but until you need that extra push again, I will be gone. You may deconstruct my side of the altar, just don’t forget me or my lessons.

I just stared at her, I felt like I had let her down. Hades began walking toward us and I felt my heart drop.

H: I, however, will be here with the dragon, you still have much to work on and learn.

I felt a wave of relief honestly.

Me: for how long?

H: until you have learned what I need you to. I see talent in you for a path you’ve yet to discover or fear to walk down.

Me: which is?

I began getting impatient and felt like it was all a big joke at my expense.

Hades let out a hearty chuckle.

H: in do time child. In due time.

I felt the ground shake as Ezilion tromped towards us, he blew a ring of smoke and knocked me back into my bed where I tossed and turned dreaming about being left alone in a field.

I feel so empty currently, I can feel Persephone but not as strongly as I did before. Ezilion is going to be here to stay (no matter what) but I’m not sure how much time or even what I’m supposed to learn from Hades… I guess time will tell.

I’m alive, sorta

It has been a while since I posted and I apologize, there has been way too much drama in my life.

My astral travels have been…. Interesting, for a lack of a better word. It’s been a while since I’ve seenHades or Persephone, but I can still feel them and when I leave an offering a candle will react as kind of like a ‘Hey, we are still here we didn’t abandon you’ kind of response.

Ezilion though, he’s a full force I can feel burning in the pit of my stomach telling me, he has never left and will always be by my side. Ezilion has become a demanding force in my life and I’m thrilled he chose me. He reminds me regularly how far I’ve come.

I reorganized my altar, again, if only my ADD would leave it alone lol

Excuse the trash bag, but this i THINK is going to be the final set up but then again I’ve said that at least 4 or 5 times now since I started posting about my journey.

I’ve been doing a lot of 'soul searching’ recently and it’s tired… My soul is tired of the drama I’m in but given the situation I can not up and leave just yet, not at least for a few more months… Ezilion and deities give me strength to stay or freeze my heart not to care.

Ever make a dragon blush?

Well… he didn’t ACTUALLY blush but the sentiment was there. I’m a terrible writer, in the sense I’ve projected A LOT recently and haven’t shared my experiences with you. So ill hit some key points and write about last night’s excursion.

• Ezilion still thinks I look like a dandelion fuzz but has gotten used to the look
• Persephone has been very impressed with how I’ve been carrying myself, she told me shoulders back and head held high and I have been
• She also visits me in my dreams frequently (I really should look into lucid dreaming)
• Hades is also proud of how I put my foot down with my aunt and I’m not wavering even though she’s family
• He doesn’t really visit my dreams often but when he does its to yell at me about self care, which is about once a week right now
• Ezilion was extremely flattered by the extensive research I rewrote on dragons in my grimoire, he knew I had it digitally but to see it ALL written was exciting to him (about 16 pages)
• He was also a little giddy about having his own page in there
• Ezilion has promised that in the next few weeks he would begin guiding me through that section that gives me bad vibes (its dangerous. I’m aware. I’ve already recharged and recasted my wards as well as charged my asteal protection spell bottles, I trust my guide as he trusts me and believes I’m ready.)
• Now that Persephone is back on Earth, I see Hades less (he says he’s been rather busy, which I fully believe. I saw him last week and he seemed somber and looked tired mostly)
• My husband is very supportive of my practice and has been from the beginning or rather when he found out and last night he wished me a Happy Beltane before going to sleep and it made me feel warm and fuzzy

Beltane 2020 astral

I made Ezilion blush a little (not really, more figuratively), when I projected last night, being in a bubbly mood (yay alcohol) I saw Ezilion and gave him a bow and he was rather amused because I was tipsy. I drank more than half a bottle of prosecco and I’d rather smoke than drink so, it didn’t take much ANYWAY I felt light and giddy. I even danced around him a little bit and he chuckled at me.

E: what are you doing?

Me: dancing! It’s Beltane!

E: ah yes, I miss those days, I used to see tons of flower crowns, smell the vanilla from he baking and would watch the humans enjoy the festivities.

Me: you dirty dragon!

E:*scoffs* please.

I then stopped dancing and ran full speed toward the field my goddess made me, Ezilion was yelling after me about being careful and when I got the I plucked some of the flowers and made a haphazard flower crown (embarrassed to say I’ve never ACTUALLY made one), I took it back to him and he looked confused at the tiny (comparatively) ring and then shocked.

Me: Happy Beltane!!

E: i… thank you, blessed Beltane to you child.

He then blew a cloud of smoke and disappeared, I was left in the Astral for the first time in a while, I couldn’t help but feel lonely, my space is always occupied but it gave me a moment of peace. I stared into the darkness and watched it bend and jump as a sign it was time to leave, I stood up, relaxed and fell back dropping peacefully in my body (which THAT hasn’t happened in a LONG time lol) I felt peaceful and happy as I fell asleep.

Beltane 2020

I didn’t get any pictures, I feel bad lol but I didn’t do anything big. My husband is an ‘essential worker’ and has been working 6 days a week for the last month and a half so nothing lustful happened but I’ve never been confident enough in myself to try sex magick so I wasn’t too upset lol.

I’ve spent the last 5 or 6 weeks hand writing all my information in a physical grimorie. I finished one full book of research and started my herbs and plants now. My first one has 158 pages in it and I’ve never been so proud of myself for writing all that I did, there’s so much information in it and its not even the tip of the iceberg, maybe I’ll show some of my favorite pages later but ANYWAY

Beltane 2020! I hung out with my kitties, began writing in my other grimorie about herbs and plants, fed the birds and squirrels outside, repotted my succulents, shared a drink with Hades and Persephone, lit a candle (no bonfires here), I even projected last night and said hello to Ezilion lol (ill do a separate post about my travels the last few weeks in a bit) but over all it was a wonderful day. I really wanted to bake some cookies but never got around to it.

Excuse my furry ankle

So I make these anklets when I feel these urges… I dont ever have a set color when I start but as soon as I look into my container of beads something whispers to me and tells me which to pick and what pattern to do. The pearl one I made right before Ezilion ‘came back into my life’ (if you dont know Ezilion has been following me since a child and I forgot him, check out #ezilion to read the story) I’m not sure why he chose white pearls because he is black with red accents but I think it’s because they’re shiny and look like real perals, the middle one I made right before Persephone came into my life and I just finished the Red and black one… I’m not sure who that one is for but I have a pretty decent idea.

I wear them everyday and they make me feel like every step I take they’re with me. Does anyone else feel the need to do something before a deity comes to work with them? Any rituals?