#fluffy bucky barnes
History - pt.1 | b.barnes
Pairings: Bucky x reader, Natasha x reader (Platonic sorta), Steve x reader (Platonic)
Word Count: 3.5k
A/N: Found this deep deep in my drafts so that’s cool, its not edited or proof read, just trying to clear old fics out! There will be a part 2 I never finished this or made a part two when I wrote this so working on that now! Enjoy
Bucky and you had a long history, and I don’t mean long as in only a decade but 7 of them.
You were the girl next door literally,you grew up directly next door to Bucky. You moved in right before puberty hit not just the boys but you too.
It was always just you three and it was the first time you had any real friends, your father was part of the army, science sector of it so you were constantly moving never having enough time to actually make any life long friends let alone fall in love but when he went missing, later discovered dead in some secret lab he had under your house, your mother and you packed up and moved to the city that everyone wanted to live in, New York.
With the endless amount of possibilities or more so the endless amount of men your Mother could shack up with and have them support her and yourself. You didn’t mind of course as long as she was happy, you were happy.
That was until her latest husband David started yelling a lot, then he started drinking a lot, then he hit you for the first time. Your mother told you it was the wrong place at the wrong time, you walked into the house right as they were fighting and he struck you. You never said anything except went straight to your room, then climbed out your window back to where Bucky was.
And when he saw you, you broke down. He promised he’d always be here for you and you were the only girl that would ever have his heart. He was true to his word to a certain extent. That was until puberty hit and every girl was throwing themselves at him, it was inevitable he was gorgeous.
He went out with every girl in town, except for you because you weren’t as pretty as them even though he always would get drunk and end up climbing through your window instead of his, telling you just how you were the most beautiful girl he’d ever laid eyes on how he was so lucky to have you, but then the next day when you woke up he was gone, back out the window and back to holding some other dame in his arms.
But when the war got worse and people were getting their letters left and right you knew Bucky’s were coming and he stopped seeing other girls and he spent all his time with Steve and you.
It was different, he would hold your hand on the street, he would take you dancing, he would take you on dates. You found yourselves constantly under the sheets intertwined with one another and then one night when he thought you were sleeping he told you while running his fingers through your hair that it was only ever going to be you, it was only ever you and when he saw any future it was always with you.
He told you he was hopeless in love with you since the day he saw you standing by the moving truck holding a box and you tried your hardest not to open your eyes and tell him you were in love with him too.
The next day he enlisted and spent the last night he had with Steve and you at some Stark thing you cared nothing about but at the same time everything about because Bucky cared about it and you cared about Bucky.
And just like that he was gone and the first decade of your history had ended before it ever really started. When Steve showed up on your step to tell you about Bucky and to give you the book that Bucky wrote to you every single day, he told you he was going to avenge his death and he would come back to you, and then he never did either. When Peggy Carter knocked on your door to tell you about Steve you shut the door and shut anyone out that was left in your life.
Till sometime in the 50’s in the paper it said Howard Stark was looking for volunteers and you never forgot how much Bucky would beam at the opportunity so you showed up at the base and he said yes before you could even speak after hearing how you were Steve’s best friend.
You were injected with the closest hope to the next super soldier serum without the drastic physical changes. They called you Miss America, and you hoped you would have made your boys proud but when Howard noticed you weren’t ageing as you should they ran tests, discovering that your cells rengernated at an extremely fast rate now allowing you to age as you should before you could run more tests and possibly find an antidote or even how enchanced you really were, Howard was killed.
You were alone again, Peggy tried her best to keep you company and to keep you hidden, you should have been in your late 60’s like her but instead you looked 3 decades younger than her, she thought it would be best to fake your death so that’s what you did.
Y/N Y/L/N died in 1995 at the age of 75, your cause of death was undetermined. That’s when Lily Barnes was created, born in 1965 making you 30 years old, which is what you would stay looking for the next 2 decades, when they found Steve on ice you could have sworn you saw a wrinkle that was never there before.
When he found out Peggy was alive he was of course over the moon but when he saw you he couldn’t believe his eyes. He had Fury look into you and when he saw a death certificate, they found where you were buried and it was beside Bucky. But yet you were standing directly in front of him looking like you had only aged 5 years in the last 70. You told him everything, he was so mad at first but he came to terms with it when he realised he wasn’t going to be alone.
Fury tried to recruit you for the avengers but you wanted nothing to do with making new friends and losing them your heart simply couldn’t handle it. Fury understood told you he didn’t like it but he understood, he put you in a safe house Steve respected your wishes and besides Fury, Steve was the only one who knew where you were that until a red head knocked on your door, Steve beside her and he told you to suit up, you did no questions asked.
The next thing you knew you were on a jet, getting debriefed about someone by the name of Thano’s. But when you were getting close to a place called Wakanada, your heightened sense picked up on something you.
“Steve, what’s wrong?” You stood by Natasha putting all your weapons in their correct spot.
“What isn’t wrong?” Natasha tried to joke but you ignored it.
“Stevie” You asked again “You know I can tell that I can sense literally everything right?”
He gave you a soft smile “I forgot you were enhanced” he sighed “There’s something i haven’t told you”
“No shit” You smiled
“She doesn’t know?” Sam asked from the front seat, Steve shook his head in response.
“How much doesn’t she know?” Natasha whispered
“None of it”
Natasha looked at you, placing a hand on your shoulder “I’m sorry in advance, I didn’t know” she then proceeded to sit by Sam, giving Steve and you the space you apparently needed for this conversation.
“I’m so sorry y/n, i just, there was so much going on and you wanted to stay out of it and i know if you knew you would have been brought back in, but then Natasha happened and i didnt know about there history and he was so happy, I haven’t seen him smile like that since you, then Wakanda happened, he deserved to be free, he deserves to be happy and so do you and it was wrong of me not to say anything, your my best friend you took care of Peggy, I – “
“Steve, slow down, what are you talking about?” Your senses were in overload, you could feel every atom, every fibre in the air, alerting you that you needed to run, that you needed to fight.
He gave you the same eye’s he gave you when your Ma past, the same eyes he gave you when Bucky forgot about your birthday because Dot said yes to a date, the same eyes he gave you when he told you Bucky died. “He’s alive, Bucky’s alive”
“What? Steve that’s not funny”
“I know, I’m not joking” He reached just beside the shield and handed you a file that said CLASSIFIED in big red letters “Were arriving in an hour, I’m sorry I should have told you sooner, everything you need to know is in here. I’ll be right over there if you need me, I’m here for you”
The file was heavy in your hands, your mouth was dry. When you read his name at the top it felt you were swallowing a razor blade. You read everything as fast as you could, you held back tears, letting the metaphorically razor blade cut any emotions you wanted to have. You were angry, so angry, so hurt that this was kept from you, you wanted to kill Steve Rogers, you wanted to murder Captain America. But no more than you wanted to kill yourself, he was alive this whole time, the same time you were alive. You could have done something, why didn’t you know to do something? You should have felt he was still alive and in pain, he was your soulmate, he said you were soulmates. That was until you got to the second last page in the file, it was an HR paper from Stark Industries and your eyes were blurring with tears when you saw the world’s relationship and saw two signatures at the bottom one reading James Barnes and the other Natasha Romanoff.
“Landing in 5, 4, 3 – “ You heard Sam counting down, you placed the file down. You took a deep breath soaking in every fibre of information presented to you in the last hour. You stood up having an internal battle of whether you should kill Steve now or later, you wanted to strangle Natasha, but it wasn’t her fault, you couldn’t blame Bucky, she was amazing if you swung that way you would have fallen for her too, you should have known the second Steve told you he was alive, before you even opened the file, he always had a thing for redheads. You clipped your last knife to your thigh.
You gave Natasha a small smile and she returned it. You could feel Steve’s presence hovering beside you, as the doors whired open “Does he know?” you didn’t even look at Steve as the doors slowly opened.
“No” He sighed “Im so sore –”
You shook your head “Don't”
Natasha was the first one out, no doubt in your mind wanting to see Bucky, Steve followed shortly after, then Sam, then Bruce, the Rhodey, than you’
Her arms wrapped around his neck, her lips grazed his you heard her mumble an ‘i miss you’, that metaphorical razor you swallowed sliced your heart in half.
Steve hugged Bucky, whispering something to him and his blue eyes searched for you, disbelief written all over his face. He started to make his way to you, but stopped just before he could reach you, his eyes trailed over your figure, tears brimmed his eyes “Doll, I -”
You cleared your throat, shifting your demeanour from heart broken and love sick back to someone you swore you never wanted to be again and that was Miss America “We have a fight to win Sargent.”
He blinked a few times, shifting his gaze to Steve and he shrugged in return, he turned back to you “But I - “
Steve came up beside him “She’s right Buck”
Bucky looked like he was having an internal battle within himself before he nodded and the team made their way to the battle ground, Bucky never leaving your side, his pace stayed with you the whole time until the fight started, he kissed Natasha on the cheek wishing her good luck, before he got the chance to say something to you, your back was already turned getting in your fight stance.
You lost him for a while during the battle, while still keeping an eye on him without being too obvious. You did the same with Steve you knew he was more than capable and was no longer that little boy from brooklyn, even though you were still mad at him he was still your best friend, well one of them.
The fight dragged on, and when you thought you had any possible chance of winning, people started turning to dust all around you “no no no” you mumbled running closer to Steve, your eyes locked with Bucky “Y/n….” he trailed off before he was completely gone.
F i v e whole years.
Five whole years of losing Bucky again, five years of growing so close to Natasha you would consider her your best friend. It was just you two in the compound, you came back to the whole superhero lifestyle and tried your best to do anything you could to keep things running smoothly. It was hard half the fucking world was missing, but your whole world was.
You wanted to hate Natasha you did, she had everything you ever wanted in the palm of her hands and yet you couldn’t. She was everything you aspired to be. You were nothing like her and it made sense why Bucky kept anything you thought you had in the dark, it wasn’t because you thought he was savouring it, soaking up every moment, no it was because he was ashamed.
You wanted nothing more than to hate her, it would have made things so much easier but she was just as amazing as everyone made her out to be, you hoped you could somehow find a way to get Bucky back and selfishly you hoped he would wildy confess his undenying love to you but you knew that would never happen, and at the same time you were rooting for them, he was your everything then and she was your everything now.
You could push your heart break aside for decades again couldn’t you?
Could you die from a broken heart? You hoped it would make everything so much easier.
But you didn’t and here you were about to do fucking time travel. Standing on the platform you tried to tune out all the energy and nerves you could feel radiating off of everyone, a hand found its way on your shoulder “Were gonna get him back Natasha smiled at you before turning to the rest of your teammates, her family “See you in a minute”
“You know, i thought living as long as i have would have been the craziest thing to ever happen to me” You smiled thinking of all the crazy shit you experienced in your overly lived lifetime.
“But here we are, in space going to some place called Vormir, don’t be too full of yourself y/n’’ You laughed, bumping your shoulder against hers.
“Welcome” A voice echoed behind you. Grabbing your knife, Natasha reached for her gun. “Natasha, daughter of Ivan. Y/n, daughter of Lilith.
As you both made your way forward you tensed immediately recognizing who is in front of you.
“Who are you?” Natasha questioned, your knives still raised.
“Consider me a guide, to you and to all who seek the Soul Stone”
You eyed her cautiously before taking a step forward “Oh good, you tell us where it is, then we’ll be on our way”
Red skull looked at you “If only it were that easy”
He turned around starting to move forward, you looked at Natasha, she shrugged in response and then the two of you followed him near the edge of a cliff, what looked to be a sunset in the distance.
“What you seek lies in front of you, as does what you fear”
Natsha pushed ahead peering over the edge “The stones down there” Her back to you.
“For one of you” Red skull respond
You were overwhelmed, you could feel the stone, you could feel the calmness, the sureness radating off of Natasha, her pure willingness. Your feet dragged you forward, peaking over hoping the stone would be in reach, which you knew it wouldn’t be, because it would be crazy for something to be that easy.
“For the other” He continued “You must lose that which you love, an everlasting exchange” He paused dramatically, you swallowed the lump in your throat “A soul for a soul”
She took your hand in hers, pulling you away from the ledge. Taking a seat on a rock, while you leaned on one. You knew what you had to do, what had to be done “Y’know, I think our hopefully chatter doomed us”
She smiled at you “We cant seem to ever catch a break huh?”
“People like us never really do it seems”
She stood up turning to face you “And here i thought we found a little bit of break in each other the last 5 years”
You smiled back at her “It’s always too good to be true”
“Whatever it takes” She took your hand in hers
Swallowing back the lump in your throat “Whatever it takes”
She stared in your eyes, you felt nothing but love and longing radiating off of her “If we don’t get that stone y/n, millions of people stay dead, Barnes stays dead”
Nodding in agreement “He deserves a life Nat” You placed your other hand on hers “A great one and you —“
“I’m starting to think we mean different people here y/n”
“For the last five years Nat, all we’ve been trying to do is get to right here, that’s all its been about. Bringing every body back, getting Bucky back”
“Don’t you get all sappy on me now y/n/n”
“Nat..” you trailed off
“You think I want to do this? I’m trying to save your life you idiot”
You squeezed her hand “Yeah, well I don’t want you to. I’ve lived long enough Nat, this would be a great way to go” You smiled back your tears “Bucky has you, i have you” you looked off towards the sunset “It’s not that bad of a sight, y’know if its the last thing i see”
She placed her free hand on your cheek, turning your head to face her again “I loved Bucky” her eyes piercing into yours “But i love you more”
“No, Nat -“
“I wasn’t finished” Her thumb swept one out of a dozen fallen tears finding their way down your cheek “But he could never love me, his heart belonged to someone else but the little piece of it i got to see” she took a deep breath “was so good, so i know that when i do this it’ll be worth everything for you to finally get whats already been yours”
You shook your head as she brought your forehead to hers before she continued “Whatever it takes”
You savoured this moment the best and longest you could “Okay, you win” You released her hand before sweeping your leg under hers, placing your arm across her chest and pinning her down “Tell Bucky and Steve i love them”
She grunted before hitting your arm, and using her legs to flip you around before standing up and pointing her widow bite at you “You tell em’ yourself” before shooting it at you, an electrical charge attacked your body.
She started to run towards the edge before you recovered, grabbing your knife and aiming it at her leg grazing the side enough to knock her down.
Before you started to charge at full speed to the edge, as you were about to fall, she wrapped her arms around you shooting your grappling hook at the top of the cliff, you both swung back at full force smashing into the edge, you looked up “No no no” you tighten your grip on her but you could feel her slipping “How do you know i love you! This could be for nothing you dont know”
“I know”
You tried to reach her with your other hand for a better grip but failed
“Let me go”
“No” you sobbed “No please no”
“Its okay” she smiled
“Please” Tears were burning down your face, before she kicked off the wall her arm ripped from your grip.
“No!” You screamed till your throat was raw, as you looked down you saw her lifeless body laying there.
Everything went black and you could hear water running, you sat up frantically, you were no longer hanging off the cliff, as you lifted your hand out of the water a single stone laid in it. Your tears meshed with the water before you were being brought back.
“Did we get ‘em all?”
“Are you telling me this actually worked?”
You dropped to the ground, cheeks raw from crying, you could feel all eyes on you, “Y/n? Where’s Nat?” Bruce questioned, you turned to look at Steve, shaking your head no, avoiding all the other eyes because you wouldn’t dare look into there eyes, you were nothing to them.
She was everything.
She was suppose to be his now, not his then.
You were his never was. His never going to be.
She was their family. You were their burden.
She loved you, they didn’t.
But you came back and she didn’t.
Giving up - Pt.5 | b.barnes
Word Count: 1.5k
Warnings: depression, talks of suic!de
A/N: Not edited or proof read, next couple chapters gonna be pretty angsty, I promise one of the next parts will finally have the reader/bucky content.
Masterlist
After you were sure everyone was settled and no one would get in your way on the way to your room you finally left the jet. You felt like a ghost, your clothes smelt like a wet towel, your hair was frizzy and waving, only two things went well for you today: the overall mission of whatever those things were although you were sure they would be back, and that everyone on the team was safe.
You were trying your best to not focus on what you didn’t do, what you failed to do but what you could still do. You could run away and make sure you were never found, you could pretend you were okay and the whole thing was a misunderstanding, you could spill your guts to everyone but you weren’t sure which was the best option, you were praying they would be fourth.
When you finally made it to your room you couldn’t help but stop and stare at Bucky’s door just for a second, your hand lingering on yours a little part of you hoping he would sense you there and would open the door. The events of what happened mere weeks or was it months ago, replaying in your mind. You shuttered at the thought of it all, you slammed your door shut and instructed Friday to not let anyone in under any circumstances. You had tons of things you should be thinking about but your mind could only think of one thing, one person and that was Bucky.
You didn’t know what to make of the situation with Bucky. You could admit the timing of everything was absolutely horrible and you were absolutely not thinking straight when you did what you did. You were blinded by the darkness that was in you, the rage that’s in you, the guilt of every drop of blood that was on your hands and maybe this was your punishment for everything you had done wrong in life which was a lot. You didn’t even think of how it might affect certain people and by certain people you only meant two people, your ‘sister’ and Bucky.
Bucky would think it was his fault and of course it wouldn’t be it’s not like he pushed you over the edgeliterally, he actually jumped down with you, which made things even more confusing. No, he was just a factor to the whole equation, a huge factor but it was again your fault you relied on him too much for your own happiness it was greedy, right? Of course it was and that was the first mistake you made in the disaster of finally having your own life back after the Red Room. You didn’t even want to think of the three words you always dreamed of coming out of this mouth and when they finally did you thought you would feel more, you thought you would be overjoyed but you didn’t. Did you even want to be loved?
And god, your sister, you had loved her unconditionally and surely you could have told her how you were feeling but she would either call you a baby, tell you everyone has their own shit or she would cuddle you, you weren’t sure which option you wanted so you just never said anything. When you wanted, no needed someone the night you confessed your love to Bucky only to have the door slammed in your face you wanted to go to her but she would just simply tell you love was for children and you knew of her pass with Buc – the winter soldier. But when Sam said what he said about the noises he heard coming from Bucky’s room that night you could only assume the only person he would have in his room at that hour doing thatwas her because of their history and you couldn’t be mad at her you knew you couldn’t she didn’t know, no one knew to them it was just playful flirting between Bucky and you. But it didn’t mean it hurt, Natasha was your sister after all, the betrayal you felt was still there even if her knowledge of the love you had for Bucky wasn’t.
“I knew she was sad, i just didn’t know she was that sad” Wanda breathed out, after listening to what Sam had to say.
“Aren’t we all though? We all have baggage but nobody jumps off cliffs because of it” Natasha mumbled, picking at her nails.
All eyes snapped to her, Sam was quick to rebuttal “That’s a little harsh don’t you think?”
“Maybe a little but that wasn’t the point i was trying to make” She sighed leaning forward.
You came around the corner “Then what was it?“ You cocked your head to the side.
When no one said anything you laughed, it wasn’t a humorous laugh, it was dry and filled with pain “Weird my ears were bleeding like someone was talking about me, had to find out for myself” you grabbed a drink from the bar pouring yourself a glass of whisky, taking a sip “Oh please do continue, just pretend i’m not here” you winked.
“Y/n…” Sam took a cautious step forward eyeing his teammates.
You slammed the glass down “Really? No one has anything to say?” You started to pace “So you all freely can talk about me and the situation you know nothing about behind my back but when I am here” You gestured to the room, to everyone “Standing in front of you, no one cares? No one has anything to say?” You were almost yelling, your voice was raised suely echoing through the compound.
You weren’t going to lie to yourself. It felt good to yell, to finally express the emotions you were stacking on top of one another and pushing down for so long. But the longer the silence dragged on for, the longer you stared at the people that were supposed to be your family, the one you didn’t feel a part of anymore. You couldn’t help but think of all the times you were there, shoulders to cry on, the ears they wanted to, all the times you made sure they were truly okay, hoping that they would see that you weren’t okay, that you were just falling deeper and deeper into a hole.
“I am standing right here” Your voice no longer warranting the force it had just moments ago, but instead it was cracking at the seams “I am right here” your chest was rising and falling rapidly “I was hurting” a sharp inhale “i am hurting and i’ve always been here” a shaky exhale “I’ve always been here for all of you. I’m here now and you’re all here but no one is ever really there”
Natasha was the one that took a step forward, she just stared at you, the fire in her eyes burning into yours. Nat and you were close, she was your sister, the two of you a product of the same environment, you both lost each other along the way but when she escaped you were punished for her doing so, and was handed over to Hydra to be used as lab rat or a punching bag i depended on the day, while she was joining SHIELD. Her only request and requirement for joining the avengers was they had to find you and after ultron they did, you were finally home she said but nothing ever felt like home till Bucky.
Her voice firm and unwavering, ready for a challenge, her fist clenched “You were being selfish”
You were stunned, you flinched at her words, shock taking over your body soon followed by pure rage “I was, I was what? I was hurting! I am hurting”
“We’re all hurting!” She screamed a slight crack in her voice “But you don’t see us doing what you tried to do” Her finger jabbed into your shoulder pushing your back.
Tony came from behind Natasha placing a hand on her shoulder “Alright let’s calm down” She shrugged it off giving you a look you have never seen on her face, before she tried to stomped out of the room but your feet pulled you forward, heart racing “No, you don’t get to say that and leave!”
“Were done here” she whipped around “Im done”
You blinked, you could feel burning rage creeping its way up your spine “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I risked my life to save you! I risked my career to save you and this is how you repay me?” Her water line was brimming with tears, she scoffed “Your no sister of mine, my sister would never do something like that.”
You swallowed down your anger and betrayal “Your right” you smiled “Were not sisters and we haven’t been for a long time and we never will be again, Im done here” You turned to face the rest of the group “I quit”
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Element - Sneak Peek
Happy Wednesday! I won’t be posting anything for almost a week because I have family coming in so I thought id give y'all I little sneak peek since its been awhile since I update that series lol
Masterlist
“You stopped coming so i stopped showing up i checked out”
“I wasn’t ready to have someone rely on me like that, i was still healing myself”
“We started this journey together and you just left me in the dust”
“Don’t you dare put that on me!” His voice was hoarse, the vein in his neck prominent.
You dragged your hand down your face “It’s not fair! It’s not fair that I was there for you, for everything! And y-you just left me behind like i was nothing!”
