Sarah lets herself in the back door and nearly drops the package she’s holding when she hears Bucky say, “Hey!”
“What?!” she asks, one hand on her heart in a futile attempt to still its racing.
“Happy Valentine’s Day!” he yells in unbridled excitement as he enters the kitchen carrying her gift. “I got you a tree! It’s a fig tree. I love you this much. I got it at, uh, at a flower shop; and I saw it and I was like ‘fuck flowers, guys, she wants a tree!’ It was hell to get in the car, but I did it.”
“Oh my gosh, Bucky! It’s perfect! Can you put it in our bedroom? Right by the window?”
“You got it, doll.”
“Thank you. And, uh, stay there. I’ll be up in a few minutes.”
He pauses mid-stride and looks at her over his shoulder, eyebrows raised in curiosity.
She waves the package in her hand at him and says, “I’ve just gotta put your gift on. Shouldn’t take me long… there’s not much to it.”
➳summary: When your best friends Peter, MJ, and Ned drag you along to a concert, you never expected to fall head over heels with the band, more so the drummer. Wild and erotic, Bucky Barnes is a rich rock star who gets everything handed to him. Between the money, fame, and platinum records, he has a nasty reputation. But when an innocent girl like you comes along, he can’t stay away.
➳pairing: rockstar!Bucky Barnes x College!Reader
➳warnings: features heavy angst, drug abuse, drinking, partying, cheating
➳summary: When your best friends Peter, MJ, and Ned drag you along to a concert, you never expected to fall head over heels with the band, more so the drummer. Wild and erotic, Bucky Barnes is a rich rock star who gets everything handed to him. Between the money, fame, and platinum records, he has a nasty reputation. But when an innocent girl like you comes along, he can’t stay away.
➳pairing: rockstar!Bucky Barnes x College!Reader
➳warnings: features heavy angst, drug abuse, drinking, partying, cheating
“Bucky?” You called his name groggily as you felt him slip underneath the sheets of the California king-sized bed.
“Shh,”Bucky shushed you and you closed your eyes, snuggling back into the warmth that the blankets provided. The bed began to dip and curve, soon a pair of strong tattooed hands were wrapping around your thighs and pushing them apart. Before you could recognize what was happening, a pair of warm lips started to press kisses to the innermost parts of your thighs, bringing you to gasp.
That was when you realized what had happened. You and Bucky had stayed up practically all night, playing catch-up. It had been officially a week since he left rehab and his entire demeanor had shifted. He was a completely different person; a better man. He was a joy to be around and the two of you couldn’t keep your hands off one another.
Last night was a blur.Of course, no alcohol or drugs had been intermixed, but it was the simple high you two felt off each other. Bucky and you were camped out in his built-in studio, where he attempted to teach you how to play drums. What surprised him the most was the fact that you could play piano and sing, which started turning the creative gears in his mind.
One thing led to another, and a few take-out boxes later, the two of you were settled in a bath filled with warm water and luxury bubbles. You were seated in front of each other, your hands rested on his thighs while he used his thumbs to stroke the length of your hips.
“Thank you for staying,” Bucky whispered to you as you focused on his face.
You giggled, leaning forward to brush your lips across his. Soon, he was pulling you into his lap, warm water sloshing around your naked bodies. He savored every moment he had with you, understanding that life was soshort, that he had to live it to every advantage. He wanted to experience every single high and low with you, no matter what they may be.
“Bucky, I’m proud of you. I can’t ever say it enough.” You smiled, kissing him passionately. When the two of you finally emerged from the bath, you changed into one of his shirts and a pair of underwear, both of you hopping into bed together. You were digging into a container of gelato together, deciding to share the spoon.
You spoonfed him a mouthful of the cold delicacy, watching as Bucky’s eyes rolled at the taste. “You know, without being doped up all the time… I think my senses got stronger? Everything tastes and smells better,” He laughed, kissing you on the cheek with a pair of cold lips.
You giggled loudly as Bucky took the spoon away from you so he could feed you. When you purposely made him miss your mouth and allowed the cold dessert to drip down the corner of your mouth, Bucky’s eyes widened.
“Baby girl,” He whispered huskily.
You smiled, licking your lips. The light in Bucky’s head suddenly turned green and he pounced on you, removing the container of gelato from your hands and throwing the spoon into it. Soon, the drummer had you pinned beneath him as he flicked his tongue over the running gelato, your insides churning. A soft moan ricocheted through the air as Bucky pinned your hands above your head while he kissed your neck, paying close attention to every inch of your exposed neck.
Your hips bucked upwards to meet his, Bucky growling in response. Soon, he was stripping you from his shirt that donned your body, his hands exploring your flesh until you were given over to the heightened pleasure that only Bucky could offer in the moonlight.
Now? You were stirring awake this morning, feeling as his tongue licked a surprising stripe against your heat. A gasp fell from your mouth as you immediately reached to your sides to clutch the sheets. Bucky hummed, sending pleasurable vibrations through your core that somehow managed to shimmy up your spine.
“Oh, Bucky!” You groaned heavily as his lips wrapped around your sensitive bundle of nerves, giving it a delicate suck. He threw your legs over his shoulders and buried his face in between your legs, the light burn of his stubble brushing across your core bringing you to echo a scream.
Bucky used your words as a means to pinpoint. Using his ringed fingers, he pushed two of them into your spongy walls, your insides capturing him immediately. Your head lowered to rest on his head where you curled your fingers around the strands of hair and tugged, earning a delighted groan from your lover’s mouth as he licked into your folds while scissoring his fingers.
Your breaths were coming out in pants as Bucky pushed you over the edge, his name being screamed relentlessly into the air of your shared bedroom. He gripped his hands around your thighs and coaxed a few orgasms out of you, bringing you to the point of overstimulation. You were nearly having to push yourself away from his mouth, but he could see the intense pleasure he brought over you, and it only made him press harder.
He came off your heat with an audible pop before he crawled up the length of your body. Lowering his head, the strands of his jet-black hair tickled your cheeks as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him down. Bucky kissed you long and slow, his tongue touching yours for a passionate exchange. You groaned sweetly into his mouth as you tasted your release which coated his tongue, his large palm slipping underneath your back.
Bucky flipped the two of you over so you were straddling his waist, his hand tangling through your hair as he kept you close. Your hips rolled into his, a sticky mess between your legs where his mouth and fingers once were. He felt it on his abdomen and it made him smile wickedly.
“Good morning,” Bucky winked, his blue orbs vibrant and full of life.
“Good morning,” You whispered, lowering your head to his chest. You laid on top of him, your exposed skin pressed together as you hummed while he drew circles into your backside. Bucky held you close as his eyes looked out the large window of his bedroom, watching as the light and view of the ocean met his eyes.
“So, I have a surprise for us…” Bucky announced after silence brewed. Your eyebrows pinched together as you lifted your head.
“A surprise?” You laughed.
Bucky nodded. “We’re getting on a plane tomorrow morning,” He informed you, causing your eyes to widen.
“Tomorrow?!”You exclaimed. Bucky smiled and nodded again.
“It’s a part of my redemption plan,” He breathed out. You looked at him questionably.
“Redemption plan?” You repeated.
Bucky laughed, twirling his fingers across your warm skin. “I think before you start back up with classes, we just need a vacation for ourselves. And since the tour isn’t happening anymore, my time slot has been freed.” He explained.
“Where are we going?” You asked with a hint of excitement lacing your voice. Bucky rolled his eyes playfully and kissed your forehead.
“It’s not a surprise if I tell you!” He reminded you.
“But I hate surprises!” You shot back.
Bucky shook his head. “You’ll be fine until tomorrow morning.”
You sighed heavily. “You’re so mean for that…” You trailed with a smirk. Bucky shrugged his shoulders and planted another kiss on your lips.
“But you love me,” He laughed.
“Yes I do, Barnes…. Yes, I do…” You smiled back at him. “But speaking of surprises, I have one for you, too… We’ll be leaving within the next two hours, so we better get dressed.”
“What is it?” Bucky asked.
You scoffed, choosing to repeat his words. “It’s not a surprise if I tell you!” You winked, rolling off him. You extended your hands and wiggled your hips. “Have a shower with me?” You smiled.
Bucky was flinging himself out of the sheets and racing in behind you, his hands wrapped around your hips. The two of you showered together which also resulted in sex against the wall, but it was worth it. The two of you stepped out, high on your own adrenaline, hurrying to get dressed. You put on a cute yellow sundress while Bucky resorted to his jeans, a gray t-shirt, and his belt. His tattooed arms exposed, you couldn’t help but run your fingers down the length of his arms before pulling him for a delicate kiss.
You two were soon in the car, you asking to drive. You entered the address to the restaurant you were taking him to, his surprise waiting there with nervousness building in the pit of their stomachs.
Bucky and you listened to some of Civil War’s music before you opened up your playlist. Kickstart My Heart by Mötley Crüe played and you shot Bucky a mischievous look.
“That should’ve been your theme song when they pumped those two shots of adrenaline into your heart… Get it? It kickstarted your heart?” You teased behind the wheel of your Ferrari that was purchased the night you two got married, which had been delivered to California.
“Do you think you’re funny?” Bucky asked seriously.
You glanced between him and the radio, soon singing the lyrics while adding a small “Ba-dum tsssss,” For extra hilarity that finally made Bucky burst at the seams.
“I hate you but I love you at the same time, Doll,” Bucky laughed.
You giggled with the sunglasses over your eyes. “I love you too,” You smiled.
Soon, the two of you pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. Bucky’s eyebrows pinched together as he looked around at his surroundings.
“What are we doing here?”He laughed.
You walked around and grabbed his hand.
“There are a few people who want to see you,” You answered quietly, Bucky’s eyes lifting.
As you walked inside, Bucky’s eyes drifted. You saw the table ahead and you smiled to yourself, leading him over. While you approached, they all turned their heads. Bucky’s eyes grew wide as he recognized the three individuals seated at the table.
“Mom? Dad? Becca?” Bucky called their names.
Winnifred, George, and Rebecca Barnes all shifted their eyes up to their son and brother, Winnifred’s eyes brimming with tears. George stood to his feet, Rebecca doing the same.
And for the first time in years, Bucky was engulfed in a hug from his mother, father, and sister. He couldn’t help but burst into tears as he melted into their touch, Rebecca shooting you a smile as she rubbed her brother’s back comfortingly.
➳a/n:this chapter just makes me squeal. WE ALSO FIND OUT THE TWINS NAMES. i gave them so much thought, and i felt like the two i chose were utterly sweet . enjoy! :) also domestic Bucky is my favorite Bucky.
➳summary: When you experience the most intense night of the summer alongside Bucky, who you nickname Steel Blue, you weren’t expecting to fall pregnant. When a positive pregnancy test meets your eyes a few days before school starts, you know it belongs to the man who you’d never see again. Until you walk into your Romanian Linguistics class and he’s your professor.
➳pairing: Professor!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader
➳warnings:unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy, slight age-gap, smut throughout book, angst
➳ dedicated to my beautiful best friend pitifulbaby
As the month continued to pass by, you were now settled into October.Midterms were up, you were slowly preparing for the babies’ arrival in February, Millie was helping you with nursery themes, and somehow Bucky and Nikki became best friends despite being polar opposites of each other.
➳a/n:this chapter just makes me squeal. WE ALSO FIND OUT THE TWINS NAMES. i gave them so much thought, and i felt like the two i chose were utterly sweet . enjoy! :) also domestic Bucky is my favorite Bucky.
➳summary: When you experience the most intense night of the summer alongside Bucky, who you nickname Steel Blue, you weren’t expecting to fall pregnant. When a positive pregnancy test meets your eyes a few days before school starts, you know it belongs to the man who you’d never see again. Until you walk into your Romanian Linguistics class and he’s your professor.
➳pairing: Professor!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader
➳warnings:unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy, slight age-gap, smut throughout book, angst
➳ dedicated to my beautiful best friend pitifulbaby
As the month continued to pass by, you were now settled into October.Midterms were up, you were slowly preparing for the babies’ arrival in February, Millie was helping you with nursery themes, and somehow Bucky and Nikki became best friends despite being polar opposites of each other.
➳a/n:this chapter just makes me squeal. WE ALSO FIND OUT THE TWINS NAMES. i gave them so much thought, and i felt like the two i chose were utterly sweet . enjoy! :) also domestic Bucky is my favorite Bucky.
➳summary: When you experience the most intense night of the summer alongside Bucky, who you nickname Steel Blue, you weren’t expecting to fall pregnant. When a positive pregnancy test meets your eyes a few days before school starts, you know it belongs to the man who you’d never see again. Until you walk into your Romanian Linguistics class and he’s your professor.
➳pairing: Professor!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader
➳warnings:unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy, slight age-gap, smut throughout book, angst
➳ dedicated to my beautiful best friend pitifulbaby
As the month continued to pass by, you were now settled into October.Midterms were up, you were slowly preparing for the babies’ arrival in February, Millie was helping you with nursery themes, and somehow Bucky and Nikki became best friends despite being polar opposites of each other.
Opting for baggier clothes to at least try and seclude your growing bump, it was getting harder. Students were beginning to stop and stare, Bucky consciously paying attention to the room’s shifting. He would give you gentle gazes and darling smiles to help push you through to the end of each lecture before he’d finally wrap his arms around you when the classroom had emptied.
“Alright, remember! Our midterm is on Wednesday.As long as you answer the questions in the study guide and practice, all of you will be fine. Don’t hesitate to ask any questions, either. I’m here to watch you succeed.”Bucky informed the students as everyone began to pack up their belongings.
Once the room had cleared except for Millie who was checking her phone, she turned her eyes over to you. “Nikki’s waiting for me out front. Have fun house-searching!” She exclaimed. She lowered her head to press a quick kiss to your belly before hitting Bucky on the arm and leaving.
He greeted you with a wide grin, those gorgeous steel-blue eyes casting into yours. “Come here, mama,” He said, walking forward to wrap his hands through yours. You erupted into a quiet giggle as Bucky pulled you close, your bump pressing to his well-defined abdomen. He sighed, reaching his hands forward to wrap around your stomach.
“Not going to lie, I miss being able to hold you close,” He chuckled, making you smile.
“Well,your children are wreaking havoc in the womb right now. I swear one of them is bouncing on my bladder,” You sighed heavily. “And hey! We can still touch… I’m not that big yet.” You growled, earning Bucky to smile, and leaned forward to peck your lips.
“I know, I know… I’m just teasing. Are you ready to go look at these houses? The realtor just texted me.” He questioned.
Your heart flooded with warmth. “I can’t believe this… We’re actually getting our own house together.” You breathed out, gently biting at the skin on your lip. Bucky hugged you as close as he could.
“It’s surreal, I know… But I can’t wait to start this journey with you.” He whispered, kissing your ear. “And just think… Whatever house we do decide on? I’ll get to have sex with you in every single room, just to break it in and really make it ours.”
“Bucky!” You exclaimed, swatting his shoulder. “It only took one night in a hotel to make this happen… Be careful.” You reminded him, eyes narrowed.
Bucky beamed with another laugh before grabbing his keys off the desk and leading you out of the classroom. As you two walked down the halls and hopped on the elevator to take you to the bottom floor, you leaned your head on his shoulder. Life had become so much different since Sharon disappeared.
The last you saw of her, she was being handcuffed and thrown into the back of a cop car while Millie was essentially let off the hook for beating Sharon to a bloody pulp with a baseball bat. Your and Bucky’s relationship only seemed to strengthen and it gave you both ample time to focus on one another plus the idea that you would be parents sooner rather than later.
The car ride to the first house was filled with you and Bucky exchanging words back and forth about what you were both looking for in homes; family homes. When you arrived to the first listing, your eyes widened. It was beautiful.A two story brick home with a fenced in backyard. Flowers dotted the outside area with a well-manicured lawn, bringing you to gasp.
“Wow, this is stunning,”Bucky admitted with a smile, wrapping his hand through yours. The two of you exited the car and were greeted by the realtor, a friendly woman by the name of Denise. She grinned at the two of you, a folder in hand with some of the property’s biggest hits.
“Bucky, Y/N! What a pleasure to see you both,” Denise grinned as she shook both your hands before her eyes settled on your swollen belly. “Wow, I think you’ve grown since I saw you last week!” She exclaimed, bringing you to smile sheepishly.
As she led you inside, your eyes were captivated by the large front entryway. It was decked with cherrywood floors and the space was huge.
“This home is four bedrooms and two baths… It also has a fenced-in swimming pool in the back. Bucky, since you’re a professor, there is also an in-home office for you.” She explained. You could hardly listen, your excitement was bubbling when you walked into the spacious kitchen that looked out into the living room. The bar was set up with a huge chandelier hanging overhead, the countertops were a fine marble. The color scheme was simplistic, but with pops of color being introduced on the cabinet doors. There was a huge pantry with a sliding barndoor that you were obsessed with, Bucky quickly noticing how you gravitated.
Bucky fell in love with the in-home office. He could already see himself settling in and getting classwork done or maybe he visualized you seated on his lap for a round of fun while he sent his stressors away. He could envision house parties here with Steve, Sam, Millie, and Nikki. He saw the potential in the home and already, this was both of your favorites on the list.
The bedrooms were huge, with a grand master easily decided to be your and Bucky’s if you opted for this home. The bathroom seemed even bigger with a tub big enough to fix three. His and hers vanities were colored in a dark grey paint with marble countertops that had flicks of silver.
Another room was seen, this one quickly being envisioned to be the twins’ nursery. You could already see you and Bucky painting the walls different colors and theming it to whatever you had come up with. Tears welled in your eyes as you passed throughout the other areas until you were finally taken onto the balcony that was attached to the master bedroom. Large french doors opened up to a well-manicured backyard with a swimming pool in the very center that was fenced around with a slide attached.
“I can already see myself having coffee out here every morning,” You whispered, hanging onto the railing of the balcony. Bucky smiled, leaning forward to kiss your cheek as he wrapped an arm around you. Denise had left the two of you alone to explore the home for yourselves after she listed the other pros such as the best school in the district wasn’t but two miles away. Recreational activities for the kids were on every corner, along with it being in close proximity to the college for Bucky.
“Doll, I’m already in love with it, and this was only the first house.” Bucky laughed, kissing your neck as he wrapped his arms around your waist. He rested his two large palms on your belly and gave it a subtle stroke, feeling light taps of feet kicking against his hands. “And I think the twins agree.” He added with a gentle, heartfelt smile.
Giggling quietly, you couldn’t believe this was happening.
“Let’s check out the pool then head to the next one?” You suggested, Bucky agreeing. When you made it down to the backyard and you saw how large it was upon stepping out of the two french doors leading toward it, you had to cover your mouth to withhold the threatening gasps. Denise already knew that sound meant you were hooked.
“Should I even show you two the other three homes?” She laughed, bringing you and Bucky to share a look.
“I think it’s a good idea, yeah,” Bucky answered. “Just so we know.Right, Doll?”
“LOOK AT THE SWING! THEY HAVE A BACKYARD SWING!” You exclaimed from somewhere out in the open. Bucky’s eyes lifted when he saw you seated on the wooden swing, kicking your legs back and forth as you giggled like a teenager. Bucky broke out into a wide grin.
When Denise showed you two the other three homes, immediately none of them compared to the one with the pool and in-home office. As the day drew to a close, Denise was already preparing an offer on the first home.
“Decision has been made? The two-story home on Carter Avenue?” She asked for clarification. You and Bucky held each other’s hand, both of you grinning from ear to ear.
“That’s the one,” You smiled, already seeing yourself in the future. You envisioned the pitter-patter of toddler feet racing down the halls while you and Bucky chased in behind them, until they would turn into elementary, then middle, even high school teenagers. It swelled your heart and made your world spin quickly, causing you to leane further into Bucky for support.
“Alright, let’s get an offer together and I’ll send it over to the owners.” She smiled in satisfaction.
As you both left with your hopes lifted that this very house would be yours soon, Bucky and you sat in the car for a few moments of sweet silence. You both looked up at the home, your smile erupting.
“I can’t believe this… We’re actually looking to buy a house together.” You expressed with a bright smile. Bucky laughed, reaching a hand over to wrap it around your thigh.
“I know… I can’t wait to do this with you,” He said, his eyes casting into yours. You slowly turned your head to face him, not helping but to lean over the best you could in order to give him a kiss.
You felt a few more kicks swell in your belly, making you gasp. They were much harder than before and you giggled, hurrying to grab Bucky’s hand. You rested it on your side and his eyes widened as he felt them for himself.
“You guys are excited too, aren’t you?” Bucky asked in a sweet voice.
Soon, the two of you were back at Bucky’s shared home with Steve and Sam. The two had gone out for the night while Millie opted to spend the night at Nikki’s, giving you and Bucky some privacy… And that meant the two of you were sprawled out in bed together, binge-watching a series while Bucky graded last-minute papers.
Once he wrapped up and joined you for cuddles, you licked your lips. “Bucky, what are we going to name them?” You asked.
“I thought they’re being named Razzle and Dazzle Barnes?” He laughed, referencing Millie. You slapped his shoulder playfully, rolling your eyes as you tossed back a chip.
“I’m being serious!” You smiled. “I’m due Febuary 25th, but honestly, twins normally don’t make it to 40 weeks… And even though it seems like we have time - we really don’t. I’d like to start calling them by their name… Even if they don’t understand it yet.” You laughed.
Bucky nodded his head in agreement. “What were you thinking? Twins usually have rhyming names or the same letter.”
You bit down on your lip. “But do we really want to go traditional?”You asked.
Bucky shok his head. “No, these kids are different from others. So, they deserve two different names… How about we compromise. You name one baby, I’ll name the other?” He suggested.
You smiled excitedly. “You name the girl, I’ll name the boy?” You raised your eyebrows.
Bucky wrapped his arm around you. “I was hoping you’d let me name her… Because I already had a name in mind.”
Your eyes widened. “Really? Because I already have a boy’s name in mind…”
Bucky moved to sit up, taking this moment seriously. “You go first.” He ushered.
He helped you to sit up. You swallowed the lump that threatened to form. You had the name picked out since you were younger and you hoped Bucky would appreciate it. The first name was easy, and now that you knew Bucky, you wanted to honor him.
“Lucas Buchanan,” You answered. “And we can call him Luke for short.”
Bucky’s eyes widened. “You… You want to give him my middle name?” He asked, his eyes suddenly blurring. You nodded and that’s when you felt him pull you into his lap, his arms wrapping around you.
“Lucas Buchanan Barnes… I love that,” He laughed, kissing you passionately. You smiled widely, thankful and relieved that he approved.
“Alright! Tell me what you have for a girl,” You grinned excitedly.
Bucky smiled. “I’ve given it a lot of thought.. I have a feeling you’ll certainly be up for it, but I was just thinking of how one person in our lives has helped us so much. After all… I wouldn’t have found out you were pregnant without her telling me…”
Your eyes started to widen.
Bucky inhaled.
“I want to name our daughter after the best…Eliza Millie,”He announced
“Bucky,”You gasped, covering your mouth. It was your turn for tears to well up. He held you closer, his lips pressing against yours as you held his cheeks.
“Luke and Eliza,” You whispered. “I think they’re perfect.”
Bucky grinned. “Just like the woman carrying them,” He winked, making your cheeks heat up.
Before you realized it, the two of you found yourselves tucked away beneath the sheets, your hands roaming across one another freely. You were basking in the glow of Bucky,never having been more thankful for somebody in your life. Everything was beginning to make sense now.
➳a/n: MY HEARTTTT! I’M FREAKING OBSESSED WITH THIS CHAPTER AHHH!
➳summary: When your best friends Peter, MJ, and Ned drag you along to a concert, you never expected to fall head over heels with the band, more so the drummer. Wild and erotic, Bucky Barnes is a rich rock star who gets everything handed to him. Between the money, fame, and platinum records, he has a nasty reputation. But when an innocent girl like you comes along, he can’t stay away.
➳pairing: rockstar!Bucky Barnes x College!Reader
➳warnings: features heavy angst, drug abuse, drinking, partying, cheating
➳a/n: MY HEARTTTT! I’M FREAKING OBSESSED WITH THIS CHAPTER AHHH!
➳summary: When your best friends Peter, MJ, and Ned drag you along to a concert, you never expected to fall head over heels with the band, more so the drummer. Wild and erotic, Bucky Barnes is a rich rock star who gets everything handed to him. Between the money, fame, and platinum records, he has a nasty reputation. But when an innocent girl like you comes along, he can’t stay away.
➳pairing: rockstar!Bucky Barnes x College!Reader
➳warnings: features heavy angst, drug abuse, drinking, partying, cheating
I can’t believe it. Today marks freedom. I’ve been in this rehab facility for exactly one month and while many days I nearly ripped my hair out when the cravings got so bad, I discovered resilience. It made it a touch easier knowing that Sam and Steve were here too alongside me fighting off their own addictions, but we all know between the three of us; I was the worst. After all, it took me being clinically dead for two minutes and two syringes of adrenaline to the chest.
I haven’t spoken to Y/N since giving my life over to the faculty. However, I did bring this journal with me and although Y/N never mentioned to do it, I decided to journal my thoughts. My own personal diary of my account. Maybe one day I can help those who have also struggled with addiction. But for now, my main concern is getting better not only for the wife who I hope doesn’t decide to seal our fate with a divorce, but for myself. I can’t keep living like this.
I’ve realized that I want more in my life than platinum records and adoring fans. I want a family. I want to be an inspiration for people, not someone who they looked to in remembrance of dirty deeds. I’ve thought about Zemo a lot. He was my friend and while I wished things would have turned out better for him, I’m one of the lucky few who received a second chance in life. At first, I wasn’t sure why someone like me was being offered that second chance, until I realized;
Y/N. I’ve discovered that I’m head over heels in love with her and even if she doesn’t choose to stay with me, I won’t be angry. I’ve put her through so much hell the last three months that I wouldn’t want to be with me either. I’ve never been more ready to see a woman in my entire life. First, I want my relationship with her repaired and then I’ll hopefully make amends with others who I’ve hurt on this dangerous path.
My parents.
My sister.
Sobriety is going to be a big change for me, but a change that’ll be worth it in the end. I understand the consequence of my actions and now, I want to repair the damage.
“Bucky, are you ready?” The friendly nurse smiled in his direction as she knocked on the door. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt along with his leather jacket. His raven locks of hair had grown out a touch and he reminded himself to get a haircut once he was settled in at home.
“You bet… Thanks for all you’ve done, Sarah.” Bucky smiled at her as he stood to his feet. As he walked out of the room, he was reunited with Steve and Sam. They both had brightened eyes and a look of relief covering their faces.
“How are you feeling, Buck?” Steve asked as he realized all the color in Bucky’s face had returned.
Bucky nodded his head. “I feel like a brand new man.” He said, clasping the blonde on the shoulder. As they began their journey to the front door while the faculty congratulated them on graduating from rehab, they all broke out into solid grins. While they embarked for the door, you and Natasha were waiting outside for them to emerge.
“I’m nervous… I haven’t seen him in a month.”You whispered, feeling as your palms were coated with a sweat. You stood outside of the rehab center where Bucky had driven himself to after getting out of the hopsital for his overdose. Your nerves were jumbled and you just hoped that this was the beginning of a new chapter.
“It’ll be okay,” Nat smiled, rubbing your shoulder as she watched the doors like a hawk. You drew in a deep breath as you rolled onto the balls of your feet and back down, your insides twisting with a nauseating feeling.
Praying that she was right, you closed your eyes. Suddenly, the sound of the automatic doors separating caught your attention. Natasha’s hand tightened on your shoulder as she saw Steve and Sam pushed their way forward, wearing big smiles.
You reopened your eyes and your heart fluttered intensely in your chest when your eyes rested on him.He looked so much different.The color had returned to his face, the dark circles vanished. His eyes scanned the area, obviously in search for you. When they landed on you, Bucky released the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.
Tears welled in your eyes at the sight of him. Bucky also felt his blue orbs glisten with tears and his chest jumped violently. His heart was thrown into overdrive as he craved to hold you. You watched when he started to quicken his steps, you doing the same. Not able to contain it any longer, you sprinted. Bucky gasped when he saw you running toward him at full-speed.
Opening his arms, Bucky caught you as you jumped into them. Your legs wrapped around his waist as he gripped onto you. His face buried into your neck, both of you started to cry in each other’s embrace.
“I’ve missed you so much,” Bucky called out, kissing your neck.
You clung onto him tighter as his arms held you close to him. “I’ve missed you too,” You whispered pulling back. Bucky’s eyes scanned your face and you couldn’t wait any longer. Holding his cheek, you leaned in and kissed him deeply.
Bucky was shocked at first, but he melted into your lips. You kissed him harder and it seemed as if time around you stood still. As you finally gained the courage to pull away for a breath of air, you licked your lips and stared at him. Bucky had a lot on his mind and while he was gone for a month, he decided that you deserved much better.
“How do you feel?” You asked him quietly.
Bucky nodded. “It was rough… But I pulled through. Each day got a little better. I had you on my mind the entire time.”
You smiled widely, nodding. “I’m so proud of you,” You whispered.
Bucky laughed, his eyes brimming with tears. “I’m so ready to go home,” He breathed out. You nodded your head, allowing him to set you on the ground. You pulled out the keys to his Ferrari which you had driven and passed them over.
“Lead the way, drummer,” You smiled, wrapping your arm around his waist. Bucky laughed, kissing your cheek as he led the two of you over to the car. He pulled open the passenger’s side door, making you squeal. Rushing to the driver’s side, he was soon putting the top down and flashing you a wide grin.
Just as he started the drive, you leaned over and kissed him softly. “I love you,” You told him. Bucky’s heart sped up.
“I love you too,” He smiled, kissing you back.
Soon, the two of you were winding down the road towards his home in Malibu.You had been staying in the home. Bucky informed someone to give you the keys to the house and make it yours.You had less than a month left before you would have to return to Brooklyn for college, yet you were somewhat dreadingit.
“What are you thinking about?” Bucky asked, turning the radio down low.
You bit into your lip. “Classes start back up next month,” You cleared your throat. “Ned, Peter, and MJ went to Spain.”
Bucky’s eyes widened. He remembered how you were supposed to do the same before he convinced you to join the tour.
“Doll, why didn’t you go?” He asked.
You looked at him through your eyelashes. “Because I wanted to be here for when you got out of rehab.” You informed him honestly.
Bucky’s heart swelled at your revelation. “And honestly? I love California,” You breathed out. “…Also, turns out that I get to graduate a semester early. So instead of fall of next year, I’ll walk for my degree in May of next year. So, two more semesters and I’m finished… Which they’re letting me go online for.”
Bucky’s eyes lit up. “What are you trying to say to me?” He laughed.
You smiled, wrapping your hand through his. “I’m saying that… I want to work on us.I’ve had a lot of time to think about the last two months, and I want to do things right.So, I’m staying in California… If you’ll have me.”
Bucky grinned. “Baby, I wouldn’t want it any other way.” He announced.
When the drive ended and you two were parked in front of the Malibu mansion, you and Bucky hurried your way inside. As he made it through the front door, he stopped in his tracks. To his recollection, he hadn’t stepped foot inside of his home since before the tour started. It was a bittersweet moment for him, one that he had to take a second to himself for. And when he looked over to see his wife standing there, he bit his lip.
“What?” You giggled as you walked forward.
Bucky shook his head. “It’s just surreal to see you standing inside of this place with me.” He shrugged.
You grinned. “Well, I’ve done a little bit of redecorating. Natasha’s helped keep me occupied when I tried to run myself crazy over you.” You giggled. “New curtains… I may have ordered a new bed for your room… Or, our room. Bucky, this place is gorgeous. Everything about it, I love it.” You expressed.
Bucky smiled proudly. As he walked through, he remembered that alcohol was in the fridge. You noticed the way he eyed the appliance and you quickly cleared your throat.
“I got rid of it all,” You announced.
Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed. “What?”
You nodded. “Every ounce of alcohol in the house both hidden and in plain sight, it’s gone. I scoped out the entire house. You’re okay.”
Bucky felt his heart swell in his chest.
“How did I get so lucky?” He asked quietly.
Laughing, you shook your head. “I want to make this work, Bucky. And it’s going to take us becoming a team.I stopped drinking, too. It’s not fair to you if I participate in it.”
Bucky couldn’t contain himself any longer. He walked forward and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you in tight. You gasped when his lips found yours, giving you a very passionate kiss. You moaned softly into his mouth, your hand wrapping around the back of his neck. Curling your fingers around the strands of his hair, you smiled against his lips.
“Come on! I want to show you what all I’ve done!” You squealed, grabbing his hand.
Bucky burst out laughing, tanging his hand through yours.
He was hooked. He was so in love.
And now he was on a mission to make it all right again…
As many of you know, I work full time while going to college full time. My dream as always been to write, but it’s hard to do while I’m going to school and working. It’s been hard getting by, even having a full time job, so I thought I would team up with Post+ on Tumblr to earn some extra money, while writing!
By subscribing to my Post+, you can get sneak peaks, exclusive fics, and personal requests for just $3.99 a month. I will also be exploring darker themes and R-rated themes, so if that interests you, subscribe!
It would mean the absolute world to me, and I’ll have my first post up soon. I am so excited to start this journey and to see where it takes me!
Warning: Oral sex (f receiving), angst, feelings???, unintentional exhibition, let me know if i missed any!
Summary: You never thought you’d be standing at the door of a murderer, but here you are.
A/n: I’m so sorry this part took so long, but i lost motivation halfway through :( I’ll have the next part up soon!
“Here’s your dress, Ms. Y/l/n,” The man says, flashing his smile at you. You give him a tight-lipped smile as you dig through your purse, pulling out your credit card. You’ve been getting ready for your date all day, going shopping for new shoes, buying yourself some new lipstick, and now, you’re picking up your dress from the dry-cleaners’.
You wouldn’t say your exactly excited about this date, but it’s something to get your mind off of last night. You can’t believe you got off to a murderer.
Your parents raised you better than that.
When you called your best friend up, she hooked you up with the seemingly perfect man. You’d met her friend multiple times before, but never thought of him in that sense.
“It’s already paid for.” The man states. You lift your head to look at him, furrowing your eyebrows.
“What? No, I haven’t paid for it,” You insist, grabbing your dress. The man across from the counter smiles, shrugging his shoulders.
“It was paid for by the name of…” He starts, grabbing the receipt to look at it. “Mr. Stan?”
Your lips part in shock, your shoulders falling.
Seriously?
This is what he’s doing now? He’s bribing you to come by his house? You sigh, tucking the dress under your arm and walking out of the small store. You drive all the way home, angry at Sebastian.
What does he not understand? You don’t want anything to do with him. He’s a bad person! How are you supposed to ignore him if he’s calling you and paying for your things?
You walk through your front door, shutting it behind you. You toss the dress over onto your couch, groaning. You wish you could just lay in bed all night, instead of having to go on this date.
You walk down your hallway, entering your bedroom. On your bed sits a white box, with a note on top. You jerk your head around, making sure you’re not being followed. You’re sure you locked your door, you’re positive.
Your heart thumps in your chest, knowing exactly who was in your home. But how?
You walk forward, picking up the small note.
‘If you’re going to be with another man, you might as well look good while you’re doing it. Thank me later’
The hair on the back of your neck stands up as you drop the note, tearing into the box. You lift the lid to reveal a set of white, lacey lingerie. It’s beautiful, you can’t deny that. The flower covering the nipple portion of the bra is gorgeous. You run your finger across the top of the lingerie, picturing yourself in this set.
You’ve never worn lingerie, but you think you just might tonight.
—–
“And so I told 'em, I can’t file your taxes if you’re unemployed!” Jake says, laughing so hard his shoulders are shaking. You fake a laugh, gritting your teeth. Your date has been telling a “joke” about doing taxes for the past 30 minutes.
The restaurant is loud and cluttered. Your black dress is wrapped tightly around your body, as if it’s begging you not to take it off for this man. Your white lingerie is hugging your body, reminding you of a certain man.
You’re bored out of your mind, but you don’t want to be. You really wanted to go on this date to forget about Sebastian, but it seems you’re only thinking about him more. You find yourself comparing Jake to Sebastian, only for Jake to fall short.
You really tried to be interested in Jake, but it’s impossible. How are you supposed to forget about Sebastian when he’s so… Enchanting? How are you ever supposed to be with another man if Sebastian keeps popping up randomly?
“I have to go,” You blurt out, scooting your chair out from under the table. Jake furrows his eyebrows, looking up at you as you stand.
“What? Why?” He asks. You ignore him, scrambling to find your pocketbook. Once you have it, you rush to exit the restaurant, one thing on your mind.
If you ever want to be with someone else, you have to tell Sebastian to leave you alone.
——-
You stare at the door in front of you, swallowing the lump in your throat. The taxi ride here was dreadful, a million scenarios running through your head, not sure which one will actually play out.
It’s dark outside, but you can’t bring yourself to knock on the door. Sebastian is a killer.
Had you forgotten that when you randomly decided to show up at his house? Who says he won’t kill you tonight? You know what he’s capable of. Before you can convince yourself to turn around, the door is opening, revealing a very confused Sebastian.
He’s dressed in his usual— tight, black pants and a black dress shirt. His cross necklace is nestled in his chest hair, where the top two buttons are undone. Sebastian flickers his eyes up and down your body, drinking your image in. You almost forget what you’re there for, until he flashes his white smile.
“What a pleasant surprise,” He says, stepping to the side. You plant your feet on the ground, stopping yourself from going inside. You came here to do one thing, and you know if you go inside, it’ll be hard to leave.
“You have to leave me alone,” You say, your voice shaky. Standing up to a man who has murdered somebody wasn’t necessarily on your bucket list, but here you are. Before Sebastian can respond, you continue.
“You can’t keep popping up in my life. No more paying for my stuff, no more texting me, no more inviting me over,” You demand. Sebastian leans against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest.
“And why’s that?” He asks, his voice deep.
“You’re a bad man, Sebastian. I watched you murder somebody, I can’t be with someone like that,” You say, watching as Sebastian steps forward. There’s a new smirk on his face, one you haven’t seen yet. He uncrosses his arms, dropping them by his side.
“If I’m such a bad man, why are you wearing the lingerie I bought you?”
You gulp, taking a deep breath. He can’t possibly know you have it on under your dress, can he? You take a step backward, creating distance between the two of you. “I don’t,” You answer, your voice quiet.
Sebastian steps forward again, lifting his arm and reaching it out to you. He hooks his index finger beneath the strap of your dress, lifting it from your skin. The white strap of your lingerie becomes visible, a smile growing on his face. “Why are you lying to me, huh?”
He pops the strap back against your skin, his hand falling down to caress your arm. “You know better than to lie to me,” He says, his voice laced with authority. You can feel your mind slipping already, dragging you under, making it harder for you to deny him. His face is inches from yours, his eyes flickering down to your lips.
Cold chills pop up on your arm, where he’s caressing it. “Did he touch you?” He asks, watching as you shake your head, unable to speak. You’ve never been so fucked out, without even being touched. Sebastian leans forward, his nose brushing against yours.
“Good girl,”
With that, you let go, pushing forward and kissing him. His hands drop from your arm to your waist, pulling you inside. He shuts the door behind you, his lips moving with yours. You feel your breath get trapped in your throat, too mesmerized to remember to breathe. He grabs your waist again, pulling you forward as he walks backward. The kiss is eager, desperate, everything you thought it would be.
You feel yourself being pushed against something hard and cold, but you only focus on Sebastian’s hands gripping you, his lips pulling you in. He pulls away, pressing his forehead against yours. You’re able to see where you are now, taking it all in. You’re in his kitchen, your back pressed against the counter. It’s one of the nicest kitchens you’ve been in, but you’re not thinking about that right now.
“Let me taste you,” He breathes, licking his lips. A smirk grows on his face as he squeezes your ass through your dress. “Or am I too bad for that?”
You roll your eyes, reaching up and tangling your fingers in his hair, pushing him down until he’s on his knees. Sebastian smiles up at you, his hands bunching the bottom of your dress up, revealing your white panties. He presses a kiss to the inside of your thighs, his eyes on yours. “Beg me,” He demands, earning a whimper out of you.
You’ve never been good at being vocal in the bedroom– especially not with men. You’ve always felt more confident in the bedroom when you’re with a girl, but you feel completely lost when it comes to being with a man. But you’ve never wanted anything more, so you’ll do whatever he wants you to do.
“Please, let me feel you,” You whisper, tugging on his hair, trying to pull him closer to your center. You can feel yourself soaking through your panties, sticking to the inside of your thighs. Sebastian shakes his head, seemingly unsatisfied with your plea.
You pout, swinging one leg over his shoulder, his face practically touching your panties. “Need you so bad, Seb, ’m aching,” You mutter, tears threatening to slip out. You think you might actually die if he doesn’t start touching you soon.
Sebastian chuckles quietly, reaching up and pulling your panties down your leg. He moans when you’re exposed, your folds glistening and gleaming for him. He spreads you apart with his thumbs, a string of your arousal spreading between your thighs. “So fucking perfect,” He mumbles, his thumb moving to your swollen bud.
You tighten your grip on his hair, resting your head against the cabinet behind you. You close your eyes, letting bliss overtake you. Sebastian presses his thumb against your clit, gently rubbing circles, looking up at you. “Does that feel good, doll?”
You nod, taking your bottom lip between your teeth. Your moan is trapped in your throat, scared to let go. You’re caught off guard when he wraps his lips around your clit, sucking it into his mouth. He sucks on it gently, while keeping your folds spread with his fingers. You moan quietly, working up the courage to become undone. Your stomach tightens, your head filled with fireworks.
When the sensation becomes too much, he pulls away, burying his face between your legs, licking and slurping up every trace of you. His tongue pushes its way into your tight hole, spreading you open. He fucks you with his tongue, earning another moan out of you. This one is loud, louder than you thought it would be.
Sebastian moans against you, reaching up and cupping your ass, pulling you closer to his face. He adds his finger, your cunt clenching around it. You pant above him, your fingers tightening in his hair. You’ve never been this gone before, especially not so quickly.
You don’t care that he’s a bad man. You don’t care that he’s done bad things. You don’t care that he has blood on his hands.
You are completely crazy for this man.
Sebastian looks up at you, his eyes dazed, locked onto yours. “Cum for me, doll,” He rasps, his lips pink and swollen. Your moan gets trapped in your throat as you struggle to keep your orgasm at bay.
But how could you? The most powerful man you’ve ever met is on his knees for you, doing everything in his power to make you feel good.
Despite the clear power imbalance between the two of you, you’ve never felt more powerful.
You feel a wave of pleasure wash over your body, your legs shaking, trapping Sebastian between them. Sebastian coaxes you through your orgasm, pulling back and resting his cheek against the inside of your thigh. You look down at him, attempting to catch your breath.
“Holy shit,” You mutter, watching as he rises to his feet. He smugly licks his lips. reaching out and stroking your jaw with his hand. He stares in your eyes, opening his mouth as if he wants to say something, but he’s interrupted by the sound of footsteps. You both turn to face the man at the bottom of the stairs, who’s dressed in the same outfit as Sebastian.
The man with the brown hair and blue eyes clears his throat, smirking. “Sounds like you’re busy, so I’ll show myself out,” He says, turning to the door. You turn to face Sebastian, your face red and full of anger.
You can’t believe he had people over! He ate you out in the middle of the kitchen, knowing anyone could walk down and see you? You know the mysterious man heard you! When Sebastian turns to face you, his smile drops, his eyebrows furrowing.
“What?”
“You are unbelievable! Am I some sick game to you?” You ask, pulling your dress back down. You grab your phone, walking to the door. Sebastian follows you, reaching out and grabbing your waist, spinning you back around to face him.
“What are you talking about? I thought we were having a good time?” He asks. You huff, shaking your head. The way you feel now is a major contrast from how you felt earlier. Instead of feeling powerful and divine, you feel cheap and dirty. Did he just use you to make himself feel good? Did he want to show off his skills to his friend?
“You had someone over, Sebastian! I thought you really wanted me, not to just use me to make yourself feel good,” You say, pulling your arm back.
Sebastian’s face drops, allowing you to see a glimpse of what’s going on his head. Before you can figure it out, he’s rolling his eyes, clenching his jaw. “You said it yourself, y/n,” He spits, causing you to flinch.
You hadn’t realized how used to 'doll’ you’d become. Now, hearing him say your name is a harsh slap of reality, reminding you that he’ll never be anything to you and you’ll never be anything to him.
“I’m a bad man; What did you expect?”
You swallow down your response, deciding it isn’t worth it anyway. He’s right, and you know it. He’ll never be the person you deserve– the one that shows up at your door with flowers or the person who tells you how much he loves you every day.
You open the door, walking out and slamming it behind you. You rest your back against the door, taking a deep breath.
He’ll never be the one you deserve, but he’ll always be the person you want.
Summary: When you’re home alone, you convince yourself that Bucky deserves more
Warning: insecure reader, angst, throwing up, heartbreak, i don’t mean any hate toward natasha during this fic, let’s be honest if my bf was hanging around natasha i’d be insecure, have you seen her???
A/n: was requested (@scorpionchild81) but put my own spin on it to fit my 1k celebration! sorry it’s so short :(
You grip the toilet tighter as you throw up, tears rolling down your cheeks. You’ve been throwing up for what seems like hours, but you’ve been crying for weeks. This happens every time Bucky goes on a mission, leaving you all alone. Things are perfect when Bucky is home, but as soon as he leaves… The doubt sets in.
You don’t hear from him for weeks sometimes, you don’t know where he is, who he’s with… You know Bucky loves you, but should he?
How could he really love you, when Natasha is right there next to him? She’s a badass! She’s just like him… She took her trauma and made it into something positive. She’s beautiful, she’s funny, she’s strong…
All you do is sit at home and wait for Bucky to return. You can’t relate to him about much of anything. He’s 100 years old, you’re 23. Natasha might not be able to relate to the age part, but you know how deep their conversations get about their trauma.
Bucky opens up to her about things he won’t dare talk to you about.
You throw up again, your heart breaking in your chest. You don’t know why you even still try to convince him that he should be with you. You know the truth, he should be with Natasha.
You scramble for your phone, dialing Bucky’s number. You haven’t spoken to him since he’s been gone, which hasn’t helped your anxiety. You don’t want to wait until he’s home, you want the relief now. If you’re not with him, you can’t be upset about what he’s doing when he’s gone.
The phone rings, but proceeds to go to voicemail. Your breath hitches in your throat, a tear rolling down your cheek.
“This is Bucky, leave a message. Or don’t, I probably won’t call back either way,”
The sound of his voice has you choking a sob back, your lip trembling. You hear the beep, scrambling to come up with words. “Uh, Bucky… This is y/n,” You say, rolling your eyebrows as you remember he already knows who it is, thanks to caller ID.
“I know you’re busy, but uh, I thought I should tell you now, before you come home,” You say, your voice broken and quiet. You lean your head against the wall behind you, taking a deep breath. You don’t know how to break this to him, especially over the phone.
You know he’ll be better off without you, better off with someone who understands him. “I won’t be home when you come back. I’m sorry, Buck, but I can’t do this anymore. You deserve better, you deserve someone like you,” You say, your voice failing you, sobs taking over. You instantly hang up, not wanting him to hear you cry anymore.
You sob against the bathroom floor, wrapped in his shirt, knowing you’ll never where his clothes again.
—-
You’re in the bathroom of your new apartment, getting ready for bed. You don’t know when Bucky went home, or even if he went home. You’ve blocked his number, not wanting to put yourself through that pain again.
it’s over, there’s no need to rehash things when he gets home. He deserves better, that’s that. You wonder what he did when he got the message. Was he relieved? DId he run to Natasha, telling her that you were gone? Did he even miss you?
No, he doesn’t miss you. You’re not the kind of girl guys miss when it’s over. You’re the kind of girl guys are relieved about when you leave. Finally, the boring nights, meaningless arguments… It’s over.
Natasha is the kind of girl guys miss when it’s over.
You splash water on your face, closing your eyes as the cold water wakes you up. Water runs down your forearms, landing on Bucky’s red henley. You swore you wouldn’t take any of his clothes when you left, but you always did love this shirt.
You inhale deeply, trying to get yourself to relax, to forget about Bucky. You lift your head up, opening your eyes as you stand straight up. Your breath hitches in your throat as you see Bucky standing behind you, his eyes fixed on yours through the mirror.
“Bucky, how the–”
Before you can finish, Bucky is spinning you around, pinning you against the counter. His eyes are red, his lips puffy and his cheeks red. “How could you?” He asks, breathlessly.
You gulp, your bottom lip trembling. It’s obvious he’s been wrecked, just like you have been. It’s obvious you’ve broken his heart.
“Bucky, I had to. You deserve better,” You whisper, your voice breaking.
Bucky shakes his head, furrowing his eyebrows. “Better? I deserve better?”
You push past him, not wanting to be trapped in this tiny bathroom with him. “You need to leave,” You say, trying to convince yourself that’s what you want.
Bucky follows you, using his metal arm to grab your flesh one. The metal of his fingers burn into your skin, digging into your bone. “Tell me, y/n. If I don’t deserve you, what do I deserve?”
You refuse to look at his eyes. You don’t answer, wanting this to be over already. You were at peace with your decision, why did he have to come back?
“Tell me!’ He barks, raising his voice. You finally look at him, watching the tears stream down his face.
"Natasha, alright? You deserve Natasha!” You say, jerking your arm away from him.
Bucky furrows his eyebrows, taking a step back. “Natasha…?” He asks, muttering under his breath. You wipe your eyes, sniffling.
“What are you talking about?”
You shake your head, dropping your eyes to the ground. “You deserve someone like you, Buck. I can’t understand you. I can try, I can pretend I understand you, but there are things I’ll never understand about you, because I’ve never gone through what you’ve gone through. Natasha has… I can never be what you need,” You admit, your tears rolling down your cheeks.
Bucky stares at you blankly, his lips parted. You can see the gears turning in his head, but you can’t tell what he’s thinking. “Y/n… Natasha is a friend. She’s my friend because she understands what I’ve gone through. But… For you to try to put yourself in my shoes… To try to understand me, that’s what makes you a good girlfriend. I don’t need you to understand me, I just need you to love me.” Bucky reassures you, his voice soft.
You keep your eyes on the ground, sniffling quietly.
Bucky moves closer to you, reaching out and wrapping his arms around you. You fall into his touch, snuggling against his chest. “You’re the only thing that makes me feel human. I love Natasha, but part of me still feels like a monster when I’m on a mission. It reminds me of everything I went through. The best part of a mission is coming home to you, coming home and feeling like a human. You’re the only person who makes it all go away,” He says, cradling your head against his chest.
You allow him to hold you, soaking in his presence. The past few days have been horrible. You’ve been trying to distract yourself from the fact that your heart was breaking in two. You missed having Bucky in bed with you. You missed waking up next to Bucky.
You don’t want to be without Bucky, you want to be with him for the rest of your life. You just want him to have what he deserves. You lift your head, sniffling. “You’re sure I’m what you want?” You ask, your voice quiet.
Bucky cradles your face in his bruised hands, a smile slowly creeping across his face. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life,”
Summary:Harper Lee “Harley” Barton had always been the hunter, but when the tables are turned on her, Harper must put aside her natural instinct of protecting her family through distance by coming out of the shadows and admitting the truth. Will she survive the challenges that lie ahead of her? Or will she fall prey to her own darkness once more?
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I never thought I’d write a goodbye for this blog, but here we are.
I’ve been on tumblr since 2013. I spent a lot of time reading fanfiction, years of time spent reading Dramione and Wolfstar fanfiction before I eventually discovered reader insert. This discovery meant more to me than many may ever understand, because I have spent my entire life reading and watching and consuming fandom content in the hope that I could BE in the content I was consuming. I wanted to escape real life and live in the dream world that someone had written and shared with me. Maybe that’s crazy and unhealthy, maybe it’s understandable, maybe it doesn’t matter.
Discovering reader insert and being able to imagine my favorite characters saying my name and letting me go on adventures with them? Well, it was all I could have ever wanted. And this may seem dramatic to some and relatable to others, but at the end of the day, all that really matters is its importance to me. That’s why I created this blog and started writing.
I have loved getting to share content with you guys. I’ve loved getting to talk to you and laugh with you and cry with you, but lately, this community has not been what I fell in love with.
The drama has been some of the worst I’ve seen. It’s like being in high school all over again, watching people bicker and put others down while promoting themselves as the beacon of morality. Yes, there was a big plagiarism scandal that I definitely do not agree with. It was wrong and it hurt so many people. But I also don’t agree with the group of blogs that used that same scandal to tear people down and stir the pot whenever things start to die down again. You can feel how you want about the situation, we are all allowed that, but I don’t enjoy watching grown people who know better act like toddlers.
Another issue I’ve seen is more heartbreaking to me, and I know a lot of other people who have dealt with a similar issue, and that’s a lack of support. More glaringly, it’s lack of support from people who call me a friend. I know that no one owes me anything, and friendship doesn’t revolve around owing people things either. But something I’ve had to deal with is watching people act one way to my face and another way behind my back. I see these same people complaining about lack of support and notes, when they themselves never extend that same support to anyone else. This hasn’t been my best reading year or my best writing year, mainly due to the fact I was in school and working two jobs, yet I still worked to catch up on my friends fics and support them as much as I could, even if that was something as small as sending them an ask, or reblogging their fic with a short comment or, just dropping in to talk to them. I know I have fallen short as a friend and slacked off, but I have TRIED, and that’s something that I have felt a lack of from others.
Lastly, I can’t stand to see big blogs try to act like the governing body for the community when they themselves have forgotten what it means to be a small blog. Complaining about a lack of notes when you still get 100+ notes is painful to see for smaller blogs who are getting significantly less than that. Spreading toxic behavior impacts smaller blogs more, because the only thing on your timeline is toxic post after toxic post, and it makes the community feel gross and like an awful place to be. Acting like a voice for the community, but then speaking over (and even shaming) people is hypocritical and not something I want to stick around to witness.
I hope the people that have done wrong and done harm in the community employ some self reflection and work to be better and do better. I have some self reflecting of my own to do, because I myself am not perfect.
This has gone on long enough, and if you read all of this, thank you. To those of you who have consistently supported me and given me love, THANK YOU. To the friends I’ve made, thank you. And thank you for all the smiles, and laughter, and cheering up on bad days. This is the hardest goodbye. But it has to be done. I love you, angels.
A/N: Okay, I am sorry this has taken so long. My hand and my brain weren’t cooperating, and this isn’t the most exciting chapter, and it’s a bit shorter, but ish is about to hit the fan. Just give it a minute. thanks for reading
Pairing: ex!Bucky x reader
Warnings: mentions of drug use, alcohol abuse, etc. Sexual assault (if this is something you can’t read, skip the italics, please. Take care of you first)
Word Count: 1582
After a near food fight at dinner time (both those super soldiers had it coming), and a night of nightmares, you wake up to the sun glaring in the window and Bruce clicking at his computer near your bed. You stretch, then sit up.
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Bruce says.
“You didn’t. The sun did,” you say with a chuckle, gesturing toward the light glaring in.
“I can close the blinds?”
“Nah, I’m awake now.” He nods, then goes back to clacking on his computer. “How’s everything look, doc?”
“Very stable, Y/N. You are incredibly lucky.” He looks at you with seriousness in his eyes. “If we didn’t have Narcan, I don’t think we’d be having this conversation, Y/N. I don’t want to underemphasize how close you were to dying.” You nod, looking down at your hands. “Your meetings with Dr. Raynor will continue to be important as we move forward with your recovery.” You nod again, and Bruce goes back to typing on his keyboard. After a few minutes, he squats down next to your bed. “Are you ready?”
“Yeah,” you say, though you weren’t entirely convinced. Somewhere, still, in the back of your mind, you knew you’d run as soon as the Vivitrol wore off. But you didn’t say anything. Bruce nods, and starts unhooking the machine, shutting off the heart monitor and removing the pads from your chest.
It only takes a few minutes before you’re completely unhooked, your IV is out and you are sitting on the edge of your bed.
“F.R.I.D.A.Y.? Please let Captain Rogers know that Y/N is ready to leave the med bay.”
“Yes, Dr. Banner.” He walks around the bed and helps you stand up, steadying you as your legs are weak and you almost fall. It feels good to be upright, though. You smile at him as Steve and Bucky walk into the med bay. Their eyes are on you, leaning into Bruce’s arm for support.
“You sure you’re strong enough?” Steve asks as he gets to your side. You just nod.
“Oh, I brought these,” Bucky says, moving to your side. He has a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, different from the last time. He hands them to you with a smile. “I figured you might like to get out of that very attractive gown.” You chuckle and stick your tongue out at him.
You change quickly, all the men turning around to give you privacy, much easier without all the cords and wires. Then, at last, with Bucky on one side and Steve on the other, you walk out of the med bay, hopefully for the last time.
They help you walk toward the elevator, then to the main living quarters. You walk with them to the couch in the living room before sitting down, shaky. Your walk exhausted you and you lean against the back and close your eyes.
“You okay?” Bucky says, squatting down in front of you.
“Yeah. Just a little tired,” you say with a smile, not opening your eyes.
“Okay. You rest. We’ll be here when you wake up.” He stands and leans across you to place a kiss on your forehead. Before he stands back up, he whispers, “I love seeing you in my clothes.” Butterflies flutter in your stomach and you try your best to not respond. He stands up and walks away. You sigh, trying to sink further into the couch.
Sometime later, you’re not sure how long or if you even slept, you wake up to the couch next to you shifting. You open your eyes to see Sam Wilson on the opposite end of the couch.
“Good to see you up and at ‘em,” he says with a smile. You smile back. “I know we haven’t really talked much. I’ve been busy with contracts.”
“I know. It’s fine. I haven’t been much fun anyways.” You try to laugh, but it sounds more forced than you like. Sam doesn’t laugh though. He leans back against the back of the couch.
“I knew Freaky Magoo would be there for you, anyways.” You snort at his comment.
“Freaky Magoo?” you ask, humor lacing into your voice.
“He does have a staring problem. You can’t deny it.”
“You’ve got a point, though.”
“Hey!” You laugh at the deep voice behind you. You shift to peek over the couch to see Bucky leaning against the island in the kitchen. He chuckles, then goes back to filling his water bottle. You glance back over at Sam.
“What are we doing tonight, boys?” You melt into the back of the couch and close your eyes.
“Looks like you’re going to bed, Y/N,” Sam says with a chuckle.
“Nah, I’m a real party animal.” As the words leave your mouth, you wish you could bring them back, but you shake your head. “That wasn’t funny.”
“It was a little funny, in a twisted kind of way,” Sam says, and you chuckle.
“I’m nothing if not a little twisted,” you all but whisper.
“Aren’t we all?” Bucky says, flopping onto the couch between you and Sam, instantly lightening the mood. You would thank him if he didn’t keep talking. “I say we watch a movie. We used to have movie nights all the time.” The boys talked about what movie to watch, and, at some point in the conversation, Steve came in, flopping on the other couch in the main room. You barely noticed him coming in, your eyes still closed.
“Okay,” you say, your eyes still closed. “It’s been a long time since I watched a movie.” As it turns out, it would be even longer, because, as the opening scene was playing on the huge TV, you fell asleep, your head slipping onto Bucky’s shoulder.
“Hey,” you vaguely hear, someone shaking your shoulder slightly. You groan, not wanting to move. “Y/N. Let’s get you in bed.” It’s Bucky, you realize but you push his hands away, making him chuckle. “Come on Sleeping Beauty.” He stands up, and you all but flop onto the couch as he moves. “You leave me no choice,” Bucky says, laughter in his voice. You feel his large hands under your torso and legs, and he lifts you up easily. You wrap your arms around his neck instinctively, and nuzzle into the crook of his shoulder. He hums softly, and his swaying footsteps lull you back to sleep.
Lights. Bright lights blind you. Bodies sway and bump into you and you can’t make yourself care. Sweat drips from your forehead, hair, down your back. You grind up against someone behind you.
“Let’s get out of here, baby,” a deep voice whispers in your ear.
“What do I get out of it?” you yell above the pulsing bass filling the room. A chuckle rumbles through the man’s chest, vibrating against your back still smashed up against his front.
“What about this?” he says, holding a white pill in front of your face. You spin to face him. You vaguely think you should ask what it is, but you don’t care, honestly. You stick your tongue out and the man places the white pill on your tongue. You swallow it easily. He grabs your hand and pulls you along with him, out the door, and onto the back of his motorcycle. You hold onto his torso as he weaves in and out of traffic, toward the skeevy apartment complex you both call home, his 3rd floor apartment only 2 floors below your own. It takes a few minutes, but soon, calm and quiet washes over you. The world around you melts away.
After he pulls up to the apartment complex and parks his bike, you all but fall off the side of it, your already short dress hiking up, and you giggle.
“Come on, baby,” the man says, wrapping his arm around you. “Want to have some fun?” He doesn’t even wait for your answer, all but dragging you up the stairs toward his apartment. By the time you get there, your legs are feeling like jello and you can’t make yourself care about anything.
“Here,” he says, running his finger up your thigh. You bristle at the touch, but he takes that to mean anticipation. You try to push him away, but he doesn’t budge. He places a small patch on the inside of your thigh, almost to your panties.
Almost immediately, your eyes roll back in your head and the only way to describe what you feel is euphoria. Everything in the room slips away into blackness and you welcome it.
Some time later, you aren’t even sure how long, you wake up, your dress pushed up and your underwear no where to be found. The man, Marco, your dealer, lays on the ground beside you, his own pants missing. You try to move, but pain shoots through your abdomen, and you realize all at once what happened. You realize you had been raped and you weren’t even conscious enough to remember it.
“Y/N!” Bucky screams, shaking you awake. Your screams still ring through the room though you don’t realize that you are still screaming. Tears fall down your cheeks and every inch of your body is shaking. “Hey, hey, hey,” he says, pulling you into his arms, and you try to push him away, but he doesn’t move. “I got you. You’re safe now.” You scream at him and his grip falters.“Let me go, please! Please!” He does as you ask and you all but fall off the bed and run into the bathroom, closing the door behind you.“Y/N!” Bucky yells after you, but you press your back against the door and slide down it, sobs wracking through your body. “Y/N, open the door please?” Bucky’s voice is sad at first, but he repeats himself over and over, each time sounding more and more frustrated. “Damn it, Y/N. Open the door.” He slams his hand on the door, and you scream in response. After a few minutes, you hear him sigh through the door. “Please, Y/N,” he all but pleads. You curl into your knees, your back still against the door. You feel the door shift and, for a moment, you think Bucky is coming through anyways. He could, easily, break the door, but it doesn’t move again, and you realize he is probably leaning against the other side. You hear sobs through the door, and yours start again.
