➳summary: When your best friends Peter, MJ, and Ned drag you along to a concert, you never expected to fall head over heels with the band, more so the drummer. Wild and erotic, Bucky Barnes is a rich rock star who gets everything handed to him. Between the money, fame, and platinum records, he has a nasty reputation. But when an innocent girl like you comes along, he can’t stay away.
➳pairing: rockstar!Bucky Barnes x College!Reader
➳warnings: features heavy angst, drug abuse, drinking, partying, cheating
➳summary: When your best friends Peter, MJ, and Ned drag you along to a concert, you never expected to fall head over heels with the band, more so the drummer. Wild and erotic, Bucky Barnes is a rich rock star who gets everything handed to him. Between the money, fame, and platinum records, he has a nasty reputation. But when an innocent girl like you comes along, he can’t stay away.
➳pairing: rockstar!Bucky Barnes x College!Reader
➳warnings: features heavy angst, drug abuse, drinking, partying, cheating
“Bucky?” You called his name groggily as you felt him slip underneath the sheets of the California king-sized bed.
“Shh,”Bucky shushed you and you closed your eyes, snuggling back into the warmth that the blankets provided. The bed began to dip and curve, soon a pair of strong tattooed hands were wrapping around your thighs and pushing them apart. Before you could recognize what was happening, a pair of warm lips started to press kisses to the innermost parts of your thighs, bringing you to gasp.
That was when you realized what had happened. You and Bucky had stayed up practically all night, playing catch-up. It had been officially a week since he left rehab and his entire demeanor had shifted. He was a completely different person; a better man. He was a joy to be around and the two of you couldn’t keep your hands off one another.
Last night was a blur.Of course, no alcohol or drugs had been intermixed, but it was the simple high you two felt off each other. Bucky and you were camped out in his built-in studio, where he attempted to teach you how to play drums. What surprised him the most was the fact that you could play piano and sing, which started turning the creative gears in his mind.
One thing led to another, and a few take-out boxes later, the two of you were settled in a bath filled with warm water and luxury bubbles. You were seated in front of each other, your hands rested on his thighs while he used his thumbs to stroke the length of your hips.
“Thank you for staying,” Bucky whispered to you as you focused on his face.
You giggled, leaning forward to brush your lips across his. Soon, he was pulling you into his lap, warm water sloshing around your naked bodies. He savored every moment he had with you, understanding that life was soshort, that he had to live it to every advantage. He wanted to experience every single high and low with you, no matter what they may be.
“Bucky, I’m proud of you. I can’t ever say it enough.” You smiled, kissing him passionately. When the two of you finally emerged from the bath, you changed into one of his shirts and a pair of underwear, both of you hopping into bed together. You were digging into a container of gelato together, deciding to share the spoon.
You spoonfed him a mouthful of the cold delicacy, watching as Bucky’s eyes rolled at the taste. “You know, without being doped up all the time… I think my senses got stronger? Everything tastes and smells better,” He laughed, kissing you on the cheek with a pair of cold lips.
You giggled loudly as Bucky took the spoon away from you so he could feed you. When you purposely made him miss your mouth and allowed the cold dessert to drip down the corner of your mouth, Bucky’s eyes widened.
“Baby girl,” He whispered huskily.
You smiled, licking your lips. The light in Bucky’s head suddenly turned green and he pounced on you, removing the container of gelato from your hands and throwing the spoon into it. Soon, the drummer had you pinned beneath him as he flicked his tongue over the running gelato, your insides churning. A soft moan ricocheted through the air as Bucky pinned your hands above your head while he kissed your neck, paying close attention to every inch of your exposed neck.
Your hips bucked upwards to meet his, Bucky growling in response. Soon, he was stripping you from his shirt that donned your body, his hands exploring your flesh until you were given over to the heightened pleasure that only Bucky could offer in the moonlight.
Now? You were stirring awake this morning, feeling as his tongue licked a surprising stripe against your heat. A gasp fell from your mouth as you immediately reached to your sides to clutch the sheets. Bucky hummed, sending pleasurable vibrations through your core that somehow managed to shimmy up your spine.
“Oh, Bucky!” You groaned heavily as his lips wrapped around your sensitive bundle of nerves, giving it a delicate suck. He threw your legs over his shoulders and buried his face in between your legs, the light burn of his stubble brushing across your core bringing you to echo a scream.
Bucky used your words as a means to pinpoint. Using his ringed fingers, he pushed two of them into your spongy walls, your insides capturing him immediately. Your head lowered to rest on his head where you curled your fingers around the strands of hair and tugged, earning a delighted groan from your lover’s mouth as he licked into your folds while scissoring his fingers.
Your breaths were coming out in pants as Bucky pushed you over the edge, his name being screamed relentlessly into the air of your shared bedroom. He gripped his hands around your thighs and coaxed a few orgasms out of you, bringing you to the point of overstimulation. You were nearly having to push yourself away from his mouth, but he could see the intense pleasure he brought over you, and it only made him press harder.
He came off your heat with an audible pop before he crawled up the length of your body. Lowering his head, the strands of his jet-black hair tickled your cheeks as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him down. Bucky kissed you long and slow, his tongue touching yours for a passionate exchange. You groaned sweetly into his mouth as you tasted your release which coated his tongue, his large palm slipping underneath your back.
Bucky flipped the two of you over so you were straddling his waist, his hand tangling through your hair as he kept you close. Your hips rolled into his, a sticky mess between your legs where his mouth and fingers once were. He felt it on his abdomen and it made him smile wickedly.
“Good morning,” Bucky winked, his blue orbs vibrant and full of life.
“Good morning,” You whispered, lowering your head to his chest. You laid on top of him, your exposed skin pressed together as you hummed while he drew circles into your backside. Bucky held you close as his eyes looked out the large window of his bedroom, watching as the light and view of the ocean met his eyes.
“So, I have a surprise for us…” Bucky announced after silence brewed. Your eyebrows pinched together as you lifted your head.
“A surprise?” You laughed.
Bucky nodded. “We’re getting on a plane tomorrow morning,” He informed you, causing your eyes to widen.
“Tomorrow?!”You exclaimed. Bucky smiled and nodded again.
“It’s a part of my redemption plan,” He breathed out. You looked at him questionably.
“Redemption plan?” You repeated.
Bucky laughed, twirling his fingers across your warm skin. “I think before you start back up with classes, we just need a vacation for ourselves. And since the tour isn’t happening anymore, my time slot has been freed.” He explained.
“Where are we going?” You asked with a hint of excitement lacing your voice. Bucky rolled his eyes playfully and kissed your forehead.
“It’s not a surprise if I tell you!” He reminded you.
“But I hate surprises!” You shot back.
Bucky shook his head. “You’ll be fine until tomorrow morning.”
You sighed heavily. “You’re so mean for that…” You trailed with a smirk. Bucky shrugged his shoulders and planted another kiss on your lips.
“But you love me,” He laughed.
“Yes I do, Barnes…. Yes, I do…” You smiled back at him. “But speaking of surprises, I have one for you, too… We’ll be leaving within the next two hours, so we better get dressed.”
“What is it?” Bucky asked.
You scoffed, choosing to repeat his words. “It’s not a surprise if I tell you!” You winked, rolling off him. You extended your hands and wiggled your hips. “Have a shower with me?” You smiled.
Bucky was flinging himself out of the sheets and racing in behind you, his hands wrapped around your hips. The two of you showered together which also resulted in sex against the wall, but it was worth it. The two of you stepped out, high on your own adrenaline, hurrying to get dressed. You put on a cute yellow sundress while Bucky resorted to his jeans, a gray t-shirt, and his belt. His tattooed arms exposed, you couldn’t help but run your fingers down the length of his arms before pulling him for a delicate kiss.
You two were soon in the car, you asking to drive. You entered the address to the restaurant you were taking him to, his surprise waiting there with nervousness building in the pit of their stomachs.
Bucky and you listened to some of Civil War’s music before you opened up your playlist. Kickstart My Heart by Mötley Crüe played and you shot Bucky a mischievous look.
“That should’ve been your theme song when they pumped those two shots of adrenaline into your heart… Get it? It kickstarted your heart?” You teased behind the wheel of your Ferrari that was purchased the night you two got married, which had been delivered to California.
“Do you think you’re funny?” Bucky asked seriously.
You glanced between him and the radio, soon singing the lyrics while adding a small “Ba-dum tsssss,” For extra hilarity that finally made Bucky burst at the seams.
“I hate you but I love you at the same time, Doll,” Bucky laughed.
You giggled with the sunglasses over your eyes. “I love you too,” You smiled.
Soon, the two of you pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. Bucky’s eyebrows pinched together as he looked around at his surroundings.
“What are we doing here?”He laughed.
You walked around and grabbed his hand.
“There are a few people who want to see you,” You answered quietly, Bucky’s eyes lifting.
As you walked inside, Bucky’s eyes drifted. You saw the table ahead and you smiled to yourself, leading him over. While you approached, they all turned their heads. Bucky’s eyes grew wide as he recognized the three individuals seated at the table.
“Mom? Dad? Becca?” Bucky called their names.
Winnifred, George, and Rebecca Barnes all shifted their eyes up to their son and brother, Winnifred’s eyes brimming with tears. George stood to his feet, Rebecca doing the same.
And for the first time in years, Bucky was engulfed in a hug from his mother, father, and sister. He couldn’t help but burst into tears as he melted into their touch, Rebecca shooting you a smile as she rubbed her brother’s back comfortingly.
➳a/n:this chapter just makes me squeal. WE ALSO FIND OUT THE TWINS NAMES. i gave them so much thought, and i felt like the two i chose were utterly sweet . enjoy! :) also domestic Bucky is my favorite Bucky.
➳summary: When you experience the most intense night of the summer alongside Bucky, who you nickname Steel Blue, you weren’t expecting to fall pregnant. When a positive pregnancy test meets your eyes a few days before school starts, you know it belongs to the man who you’d never see again. Until you walk into your Romanian Linguistics class and he’s your professor.
➳pairing: Professor!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader
➳warnings:unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy, slight age-gap, smut throughout book, angst
➳ dedicated to my beautiful best friend pitifulbaby
As the month continued to pass by, you were now settled into October.Midterms were up, you were slowly preparing for the babies’ arrival in February, Millie was helping you with nursery themes, and somehow Bucky and Nikki became best friends despite being polar opposites of each other.
➳a/n:this chapter just makes me squeal. WE ALSO FIND OUT THE TWINS NAMES. i gave them so much thought, and i felt like the two i chose were utterly sweet . enjoy! :) also domestic Bucky is my favorite Bucky.
➳summary: When you experience the most intense night of the summer alongside Bucky, who you nickname Steel Blue, you weren’t expecting to fall pregnant. When a positive pregnancy test meets your eyes a few days before school starts, you know it belongs to the man who you’d never see again. Until you walk into your Romanian Linguistics class and he’s your professor.
➳pairing: Professor!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader
➳warnings:unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy, slight age-gap, smut throughout book, angst
➳ dedicated to my beautiful best friend pitifulbaby
As the month continued to pass by, you were now settled into October.Midterms were up, you were slowly preparing for the babies’ arrival in February, Millie was helping you with nursery themes, and somehow Bucky and Nikki became best friends despite being polar opposites of each other.
➳a/n:this chapter just makes me squeal. WE ALSO FIND OUT THE TWINS NAMES. i gave them so much thought, and i felt like the two i chose were utterly sweet . enjoy! :) also domestic Bucky is my favorite Bucky.
➳summary: When you experience the most intense night of the summer alongside Bucky, who you nickname Steel Blue, you weren’t expecting to fall pregnant. When a positive pregnancy test meets your eyes a few days before school starts, you know it belongs to the man who you’d never see again. Until you walk into your Romanian Linguistics class and he’s your professor.
➳pairing: Professor!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader
➳warnings:unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy, slight age-gap, smut throughout book, angst
➳ dedicated to my beautiful best friend pitifulbaby
As the month continued to pass by, you were now settled into October.Midterms were up, you were slowly preparing for the babies’ arrival in February, Millie was helping you with nursery themes, and somehow Bucky and Nikki became best friends despite being polar opposites of each other.
Opting for baggier clothes to at least try and seclude your growing bump, it was getting harder. Students were beginning to stop and stare, Bucky consciously paying attention to the room’s shifting. He would give you gentle gazes and darling smiles to help push you through to the end of each lecture before he’d finally wrap his arms around you when the classroom had emptied.
“Alright, remember! Our midterm is on Wednesday.As long as you answer the questions in the study guide and practice, all of you will be fine. Don’t hesitate to ask any questions, either. I’m here to watch you succeed.”Bucky informed the students as everyone began to pack up their belongings.
Once the room had cleared except for Millie who was checking her phone, she turned her eyes over to you. “Nikki’s waiting for me out front. Have fun house-searching!” She exclaimed. She lowered her head to press a quick kiss to your belly before hitting Bucky on the arm and leaving.
He greeted you with a wide grin, those gorgeous steel-blue eyes casting into yours. “Come here, mama,” He said, walking forward to wrap his hands through yours. You erupted into a quiet giggle as Bucky pulled you close, your bump pressing to his well-defined abdomen. He sighed, reaching his hands forward to wrap around your stomach.
“Not going to lie, I miss being able to hold you close,” He chuckled, making you smile.
“Well,your children are wreaking havoc in the womb right now. I swear one of them is bouncing on my bladder,” You sighed heavily. “And hey! We can still touch… I’m not that big yet.” You growled, earning Bucky to smile, and leaned forward to peck your lips.
“I know, I know… I’m just teasing. Are you ready to go look at these houses? The realtor just texted me.” He questioned.
Your heart flooded with warmth. “I can’t believe this… We’re actually getting our own house together.” You breathed out, gently biting at the skin on your lip. Bucky hugged you as close as he could.
“It’s surreal, I know… But I can’t wait to start this journey with you.” He whispered, kissing your ear. “And just think… Whatever house we do decide on? I’ll get to have sex with you in every single room, just to break it in and really make it ours.”
“Bucky!” You exclaimed, swatting his shoulder. “It only took one night in a hotel to make this happen… Be careful.” You reminded him, eyes narrowed.
Bucky beamed with another laugh before grabbing his keys off the desk and leading you out of the classroom. As you two walked down the halls and hopped on the elevator to take you to the bottom floor, you leaned your head on his shoulder. Life had become so much different since Sharon disappeared.
The last you saw of her, she was being handcuffed and thrown into the back of a cop car while Millie was essentially let off the hook for beating Sharon to a bloody pulp with a baseball bat. Your and Bucky’s relationship only seemed to strengthen and it gave you both ample time to focus on one another plus the idea that you would be parents sooner rather than later.
The car ride to the first house was filled with you and Bucky exchanging words back and forth about what you were both looking for in homes; family homes. When you arrived to the first listing, your eyes widened. It was beautiful.A two story brick home with a fenced in backyard. Flowers dotted the outside area with a well-manicured lawn, bringing you to gasp.
“Wow, this is stunning,”Bucky admitted with a smile, wrapping his hand through yours. The two of you exited the car and were greeted by the realtor, a friendly woman by the name of Denise. She grinned at the two of you, a folder in hand with some of the property’s biggest hits.
“Bucky, Y/N! What a pleasure to see you both,” Denise grinned as she shook both your hands before her eyes settled on your swollen belly. “Wow, I think you’ve grown since I saw you last week!” She exclaimed, bringing you to smile sheepishly.
As she led you inside, your eyes were captivated by the large front entryway. It was decked with cherrywood floors and the space was huge.
“This home is four bedrooms and two baths… It also has a fenced-in swimming pool in the back. Bucky, since you’re a professor, there is also an in-home office for you.” She explained. You could hardly listen, your excitement was bubbling when you walked into the spacious kitchen that looked out into the living room. The bar was set up with a huge chandelier hanging overhead, the countertops were a fine marble. The color scheme was simplistic, but with pops of color being introduced on the cabinet doors. There was a huge pantry with a sliding barndoor that you were obsessed with, Bucky quickly noticing how you gravitated.
Bucky fell in love with the in-home office. He could already see himself settling in and getting classwork done or maybe he visualized you seated on his lap for a round of fun while he sent his stressors away. He could envision house parties here with Steve, Sam, Millie, and Nikki. He saw the potential in the home and already, this was both of your favorites on the list.
The bedrooms were huge, with a grand master easily decided to be your and Bucky’s if you opted for this home. The bathroom seemed even bigger with a tub big enough to fix three. His and hers vanities were colored in a dark grey paint with marble countertops that had flicks of silver.
Another room was seen, this one quickly being envisioned to be the twins’ nursery. You could already see you and Bucky painting the walls different colors and theming it to whatever you had come up with. Tears welled in your eyes as you passed throughout the other areas until you were finally taken onto the balcony that was attached to the master bedroom. Large french doors opened up to a well-manicured backyard with a swimming pool in the very center that was fenced around with a slide attached.
“I can already see myself having coffee out here every morning,” You whispered, hanging onto the railing of the balcony. Bucky smiled, leaning forward to kiss your cheek as he wrapped an arm around you. Denise had left the two of you alone to explore the home for yourselves after she listed the other pros such as the best school in the district wasn’t but two miles away. Recreational activities for the kids were on every corner, along with it being in close proximity to the college for Bucky.
“Doll, I’m already in love with it, and this was only the first house.” Bucky laughed, kissing your neck as he wrapped his arms around your waist. He rested his two large palms on your belly and gave it a subtle stroke, feeling light taps of feet kicking against his hands. “And I think the twins agree.” He added with a gentle, heartfelt smile.
Giggling quietly, you couldn’t believe this was happening.
“Let’s check out the pool then head to the next one?” You suggested, Bucky agreeing. When you made it down to the backyard and you saw how large it was upon stepping out of the two french doors leading toward it, you had to cover your mouth to withhold the threatening gasps. Denise already knew that sound meant you were hooked.
“Should I even show you two the other three homes?” She laughed, bringing you and Bucky to share a look.
“I think it’s a good idea, yeah,” Bucky answered. “Just so we know.Right, Doll?”
“LOOK AT THE SWING! THEY HAVE A BACKYARD SWING!” You exclaimed from somewhere out in the open. Bucky’s eyes lifted when he saw you seated on the wooden swing, kicking your legs back and forth as you giggled like a teenager. Bucky broke out into a wide grin.
When Denise showed you two the other three homes, immediately none of them compared to the one with the pool and in-home office. As the day drew to a close, Denise was already preparing an offer on the first home.
“Decision has been made? The two-story home on Carter Avenue?” She asked for clarification. You and Bucky held each other’s hand, both of you grinning from ear to ear.
“That’s the one,” You smiled, already seeing yourself in the future. You envisioned the pitter-patter of toddler feet racing down the halls while you and Bucky chased in behind them, until they would turn into elementary, then middle, even high school teenagers. It swelled your heart and made your world spin quickly, causing you to leane further into Bucky for support.
“Alright, let’s get an offer together and I’ll send it over to the owners.” She smiled in satisfaction.
As you both left with your hopes lifted that this very house would be yours soon, Bucky and you sat in the car for a few moments of sweet silence. You both looked up at the home, your smile erupting.
“I can’t believe this… We’re actually looking to buy a house together.” You expressed with a bright smile. Bucky laughed, reaching a hand over to wrap it around your thigh.
“I know… I can’t wait to do this with you,” He said, his eyes casting into yours. You slowly turned your head to face him, not helping but to lean over the best you could in order to give him a kiss.
You felt a few more kicks swell in your belly, making you gasp. They were much harder than before and you giggled, hurrying to grab Bucky’s hand. You rested it on your side and his eyes widened as he felt them for himself.
“You guys are excited too, aren’t you?” Bucky asked in a sweet voice.
Soon, the two of you were back at Bucky’s shared home with Steve and Sam. The two had gone out for the night while Millie opted to spend the night at Nikki’s, giving you and Bucky some privacy… And that meant the two of you were sprawled out in bed together, binge-watching a series while Bucky graded last-minute papers.
Once he wrapped up and joined you for cuddles, you licked your lips. “Bucky, what are we going to name them?” You asked.
“I thought they’re being named Razzle and Dazzle Barnes?” He laughed, referencing Millie. You slapped his shoulder playfully, rolling your eyes as you tossed back a chip.
“I’m being serious!” You smiled. “I’m due Febuary 25th, but honestly, twins normally don’t make it to 40 weeks… And even though it seems like we have time - we really don’t. I’d like to start calling them by their name… Even if they don’t understand it yet.” You laughed.
Bucky nodded his head in agreement. “What were you thinking? Twins usually have rhyming names or the same letter.”
You bit down on your lip. “But do we really want to go traditional?”You asked.
Bucky shok his head. “No, these kids are different from others. So, they deserve two different names… How about we compromise. You name one baby, I’ll name the other?” He suggested.
You smiled excitedly. “You name the girl, I’ll name the boy?” You raised your eyebrows.
Bucky wrapped his arm around you. “I was hoping you’d let me name her… Because I already had a name in mind.”
Your eyes widened. “Really? Because I already have a boy’s name in mind…”
Bucky moved to sit up, taking this moment seriously. “You go first.” He ushered.
He helped you to sit up. You swallowed the lump that threatened to form. You had the name picked out since you were younger and you hoped Bucky would appreciate it. The first name was easy, and now that you knew Bucky, you wanted to honor him.
“Lucas Buchanan,” You answered. “And we can call him Luke for short.”
Bucky’s eyes widened. “You… You want to give him my middle name?” He asked, his eyes suddenly blurring. You nodded and that’s when you felt him pull you into his lap, his arms wrapping around you.
“Lucas Buchanan Barnes… I love that,” He laughed, kissing you passionately. You smiled widely, thankful and relieved that he approved.
“Alright! Tell me what you have for a girl,” You grinned excitedly.
Bucky smiled. “I’ve given it a lot of thought.. I have a feeling you’ll certainly be up for it, but I was just thinking of how one person in our lives has helped us so much. After all… I wouldn’t have found out you were pregnant without her telling me…”
Your eyes started to widen.
Bucky inhaled.
“I want to name our daughter after the best…Eliza Millie,”He announced
“Bucky,”You gasped, covering your mouth. It was your turn for tears to well up. He held you closer, his lips pressing against yours as you held his cheeks.
“Luke and Eliza,” You whispered. “I think they’re perfect.”
Bucky grinned. “Just like the woman carrying them,” He winked, making your cheeks heat up.
Before you realized it, the two of you found yourselves tucked away beneath the sheets, your hands roaming across one another freely. You were basking in the glow of Bucky,never having been more thankful for somebody in your life. Everything was beginning to make sense now.
➳a/n: MY HEARTTTT! I’M FREAKING OBSESSED WITH THIS CHAPTER AHHH!
➳summary: When your best friends Peter, MJ, and Ned drag you along to a concert, you never expected to fall head over heels with the band, more so the drummer. Wild and erotic, Bucky Barnes is a rich rock star who gets everything handed to him. Between the money, fame, and platinum records, he has a nasty reputation. But when an innocent girl like you comes along, he can’t stay away.
➳pairing: rockstar!Bucky Barnes x College!Reader
➳warnings: features heavy angst, drug abuse, drinking, partying, cheating
➳a/n: MY HEARTTTT! I’M FREAKING OBSESSED WITH THIS CHAPTER AHHH!
➳summary: When your best friends Peter, MJ, and Ned drag you along to a concert, you never expected to fall head over heels with the band, more so the drummer. Wild and erotic, Bucky Barnes is a rich rock star who gets everything handed to him. Between the money, fame, and platinum records, he has a nasty reputation. But when an innocent girl like you comes along, he can’t stay away.
➳pairing: rockstar!Bucky Barnes x College!Reader
➳warnings: features heavy angst, drug abuse, drinking, partying, cheating
I can’t believe it. Today marks freedom. I’ve been in this rehab facility for exactly one month and while many days I nearly ripped my hair out when the cravings got so bad, I discovered resilience. It made it a touch easier knowing that Sam and Steve were here too alongside me fighting off their own addictions, but we all know between the three of us; I was the worst. After all, it took me being clinically dead for two minutes and two syringes of adrenaline to the chest.
I haven’t spoken to Y/N since giving my life over to the faculty. However, I did bring this journal with me and although Y/N never mentioned to do it, I decided to journal my thoughts. My own personal diary of my account. Maybe one day I can help those who have also struggled with addiction. But for now, my main concern is getting better not only for the wife who I hope doesn’t decide to seal our fate with a divorce, but for myself. I can’t keep living like this.
I’ve realized that I want more in my life than platinum records and adoring fans. I want a family. I want to be an inspiration for people, not someone who they looked to in remembrance of dirty deeds. I’ve thought about Zemo a lot. He was my friend and while I wished things would have turned out better for him, I’m one of the lucky few who received a second chance in life. At first, I wasn’t sure why someone like me was being offered that second chance, until I realized;
Y/N. I’ve discovered that I’m head over heels in love with her and even if she doesn’t choose to stay with me, I won’t be angry. I’ve put her through so much hell the last three months that I wouldn’t want to be with me either. I’ve never been more ready to see a woman in my entire life. First, I want my relationship with her repaired and then I’ll hopefully make amends with others who I’ve hurt on this dangerous path.
My parents.
My sister.
Sobriety is going to be a big change for me, but a change that’ll be worth it in the end. I understand the consequence of my actions and now, I want to repair the damage.
“Bucky, are you ready?” The friendly nurse smiled in his direction as she knocked on the door. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt along with his leather jacket. His raven locks of hair had grown out a touch and he reminded himself to get a haircut once he was settled in at home.
“You bet… Thanks for all you’ve done, Sarah.” Bucky smiled at her as he stood to his feet. As he walked out of the room, he was reunited with Steve and Sam. They both had brightened eyes and a look of relief covering their faces.
“How are you feeling, Buck?” Steve asked as he realized all the color in Bucky’s face had returned.
Bucky nodded his head. “I feel like a brand new man.” He said, clasping the blonde on the shoulder. As they began their journey to the front door while the faculty congratulated them on graduating from rehab, they all broke out into solid grins. While they embarked for the door, you and Natasha were waiting outside for them to emerge.
“I’m nervous… I haven’t seen him in a month.”You whispered, feeling as your palms were coated with a sweat. You stood outside of the rehab center where Bucky had driven himself to after getting out of the hopsital for his overdose. Your nerves were jumbled and you just hoped that this was the beginning of a new chapter.
“It’ll be okay,” Nat smiled, rubbing your shoulder as she watched the doors like a hawk. You drew in a deep breath as you rolled onto the balls of your feet and back down, your insides twisting with a nauseating feeling.
Praying that she was right, you closed your eyes. Suddenly, the sound of the automatic doors separating caught your attention. Natasha’s hand tightened on your shoulder as she saw Steve and Sam pushed their way forward, wearing big smiles.
You reopened your eyes and your heart fluttered intensely in your chest when your eyes rested on him.He looked so much different.The color had returned to his face, the dark circles vanished. His eyes scanned the area, obviously in search for you. When they landed on you, Bucky released the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.
Tears welled in your eyes at the sight of him. Bucky also felt his blue orbs glisten with tears and his chest jumped violently. His heart was thrown into overdrive as he craved to hold you. You watched when he started to quicken his steps, you doing the same. Not able to contain it any longer, you sprinted. Bucky gasped when he saw you running toward him at full-speed.
Opening his arms, Bucky caught you as you jumped into them. Your legs wrapped around his waist as he gripped onto you. His face buried into your neck, both of you started to cry in each other’s embrace.
“I’ve missed you so much,” Bucky called out, kissing your neck.
You clung onto him tighter as his arms held you close to him. “I’ve missed you too,” You whispered pulling back. Bucky’s eyes scanned your face and you couldn’t wait any longer. Holding his cheek, you leaned in and kissed him deeply.
Bucky was shocked at first, but he melted into your lips. You kissed him harder and it seemed as if time around you stood still. As you finally gained the courage to pull away for a breath of air, you licked your lips and stared at him. Bucky had a lot on his mind and while he was gone for a month, he decided that you deserved much better.
“How do you feel?” You asked him quietly.
Bucky nodded. “It was rough… But I pulled through. Each day got a little better. I had you on my mind the entire time.”
You smiled widely, nodding. “I’m so proud of you,” You whispered.
Bucky laughed, his eyes brimming with tears. “I’m so ready to go home,” He breathed out. You nodded your head, allowing him to set you on the ground. You pulled out the keys to his Ferrari which you had driven and passed them over.
“Lead the way, drummer,” You smiled, wrapping your arm around his waist. Bucky laughed, kissing your cheek as he led the two of you over to the car. He pulled open the passenger’s side door, making you squeal. Rushing to the driver’s side, he was soon putting the top down and flashing you a wide grin.
Just as he started the drive, you leaned over and kissed him softly. “I love you,” You told him. Bucky’s heart sped up.
“I love you too,” He smiled, kissing you back.
Soon, the two of you were winding down the road towards his home in Malibu.You had been staying in the home. Bucky informed someone to give you the keys to the house and make it yours.You had less than a month left before you would have to return to Brooklyn for college, yet you were somewhat dreadingit.
“What are you thinking about?” Bucky asked, turning the radio down low.
You bit into your lip. “Classes start back up next month,” You cleared your throat. “Ned, Peter, and MJ went to Spain.”
Bucky’s eyes widened. He remembered how you were supposed to do the same before he convinced you to join the tour.
“Doll, why didn’t you go?” He asked.
You looked at him through your eyelashes. “Because I wanted to be here for when you got out of rehab.” You informed him honestly.
Bucky’s heart swelled at your revelation. “And honestly? I love California,” You breathed out. “…Also, turns out that I get to graduate a semester early. So instead of fall of next year, I’ll walk for my degree in May of next year. So, two more semesters and I’m finished… Which they’re letting me go online for.”
Bucky’s eyes lit up. “What are you trying to say to me?” He laughed.
You smiled, wrapping your hand through his. “I’m saying that… I want to work on us.I’ve had a lot of time to think about the last two months, and I want to do things right.So, I’m staying in California… If you’ll have me.”
Bucky grinned. “Baby, I wouldn’t want it any other way.” He announced.
When the drive ended and you two were parked in front of the Malibu mansion, you and Bucky hurried your way inside. As he made it through the front door, he stopped in his tracks. To his recollection, he hadn’t stepped foot inside of his home since before the tour started. It was a bittersweet moment for him, one that he had to take a second to himself for. And when he looked over to see his wife standing there, he bit his lip.
“What?” You giggled as you walked forward.
Bucky shook his head. “It’s just surreal to see you standing inside of this place with me.” He shrugged.
You grinned. “Well, I’ve done a little bit of redecorating. Natasha’s helped keep me occupied when I tried to run myself crazy over you.” You giggled. “New curtains… I may have ordered a new bed for your room… Or, our room. Bucky, this place is gorgeous. Everything about it, I love it.” You expressed.
Bucky smiled proudly. As he walked through, he remembered that alcohol was in the fridge. You noticed the way he eyed the appliance and you quickly cleared your throat.
“I got rid of it all,” You announced.
Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed. “What?”
You nodded. “Every ounce of alcohol in the house both hidden and in plain sight, it’s gone. I scoped out the entire house. You’re okay.”
Bucky felt his heart swell in his chest.
“How did I get so lucky?” He asked quietly.
Laughing, you shook your head. “I want to make this work, Bucky. And it’s going to take us becoming a team.I stopped drinking, too. It’s not fair to you if I participate in it.”
Bucky couldn’t contain himself any longer. He walked forward and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you in tight. You gasped when his lips found yours, giving you a very passionate kiss. You moaned softly into his mouth, your hand wrapping around the back of his neck. Curling your fingers around the strands of his hair, you smiled against his lips.
“Come on! I want to show you what all I’ve done!” You squealed, grabbing his hand.
Bucky burst out laughing, tanging his hand through yours.
He was hooked. He was so in love.
And now he was on a mission to make it all right again…
A/N: Part 6 is here you beautiful people! Feedback and reblogs are much appreciated. And let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list!
Summary: Imagine being an FBI agent and the daughter of Wolverine. You used to be a a black widow and Hydra assassin as well as a part of Bucky’s past, a past that he had forgotten over time, until one day, he sees your face shadowed behind the public eye, like an apparition, as if you didn’t exist. Confused over your existence and questioning whether what he saw was real, Bucky finds himself scrambling to search for clues that would lead to who you are and why he feels as if he had seen you before. You on the other hand had moved on, starting a new life for yourself and even finding yourself working with a certain lawyer. After the horrors you faced, you wanted to leave your past behind you, eventually forgetting mostly everything that ever happened. That is until the former Winter Soldier brings those memories all back.
Warnings: language, angst, blood and violence, and a slightly steamy scene towards the end. This chapter briefly mentions a crime scene that involves the assault and murder of a minor so read at your own risk.
It felt as if the world was swaying around you, shifting in and out of focus. Your head was spinning, reeling over and over with the name that was written across the card in maroon ink. That 5 letter name. Laura. There was only one person that went by the name Laura that you knew, and it was your sister. You had been too absorbed on the events before; beginning with the things that Matt had said to you, then the body of the dead girl and the vision you had of her, and now your sister. It couldn’t be a coincidence, your sister’s name written across a card right after you investigated into the murder of the girl. It had to be be him, the killer, the same man that raped and killed that little girl and left her body out in the woods to rot. You knew it the moment when you picked it up, you could smell his perfume off the small piece of cardstock. What you didn’t know was how he had managed to sneak past the other feds and officers to get to your car. And how he had come to know about your little sister was beyond you. You had worked hard to keep everything about your past a secret, and it seemed as if everything was slowly spilling out of the abyss you had locked those secrets in in the first place. First the confrontation with Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes, and now that bastard who now had the deaths of 4 underage girls on his hand. Your sister’s name on that card was a threat. And you were going to get to him before he could get to her or anyone else ever again.
You arrived at your apartment after what had felt like days worth of driving, unlocking the door and slamming it behind you before hurriedly locking the special lock you had made for it.
“Hey. You okay?” Your heard Yelena’s voice speak up from where she sat on your armchair in the corner, setting her book down on the table once she saw the troubled look on your face as you went over to the window to search the streets. “Y/n?”
“Hm?” You turned towards her with a distant look behind your eyes. “Yeah. I’m good.”
“I thought we promised each other no more lies. We even made a pinky promise.”
“…….Sorry.” You shook your head, letting out an exasperated sigh and pinching the bridge of you nose.
“Y/n. Is something going on?” Yelena stepped up to you with a concerned look on her face as she placed a hand on your arm.
“I think Laura is in danger.”
“Your sister? Why? What happened?”
“Have you heard about those missing girls whose bodies were found in rivers?”
“Yes.” Yelena blinked, confused by why you were bringing this up as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I heard about it in the news.”
“Yeah well. I was called to investigate his new murder victim and when I left the crime scene I found this on my car.” You handed the card.
Yelena stared down at the card in her hands, her eyes running over Laura’s name with a clenched jaw.
“Tell me that’s not a coincidence.” You started to pace the room with your hands on you hips as sweat started to build at your forehead.
“How do you know it’s him?”
“I’m pretty damn sure it’s him. I can smell his stench off it. Clive Christian’s Original Collection.”
“Clive what?”
“It’s his cologne. I smelled the same thing off the girl’s dead body.”
“Do you know who it is?”
“Yeah, I looked him up on the way here. Some rich executive named Harrison Ross. The bastard is holding some kind of Gala tonight as if he didn’t just kill a little girl. Jesus fucking Christ……….How does he know about Laura?”
“Maybe he had someone follow you and overheard you talking about her?”
“Shit.” You shook your head, placing both your hands on top of your head, thinking back to the time that you had dinner with your dad at the pub. Considering how many people were there, it’s possible that any one of them could have been working for Ross. “This is all my fault.”
“What? No. None of this is your fault.”
“But still. If I had been more careful-” You stopped, turning towards your front door at the sound of footsteps.
“Who is it?” Yelena followed your gaze, her hand slowly reaching for her gun at her hip.
“It’s my dad, and Laura. They just got out of the elevator.” You breathed out before turning back to her. “Listen, I need you to look after Laura.”
“What, why? Y/n, what are you going to do?”
“What I have to do.”
“Am I supposed to know what that means.” Yelena hissed, making sure to keep her voice low so that your father would not overhear.
“Just promise me that you’ll look after her. My dad can’t know about this or else he’ll freak the fuck out and go on a rampage.” You grabbed Yelena’s hands. “Promise me you’ll do that.”
“……..Okay. I uh, I promise.”
“Thank you.” You gave her a hug before handing her a piece of paper. “I’m going to need you to take yourself and Laura to the address that’s on there.”
“Wait….isn’t this where-”
“Yeah I know. It’s the safest place you could be. Tell Stephen I owe him one.”
“What about you?”
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I’m just going to go to the Gala tonight and lock his ass up in jail and that’s it. I’ll be fine.” You reassured her, but the words seemed to hold no meaning, as if they were directed more towards you, a consolation of what tonight’s events might lead to, praying that whatever happened would lead to the better end of the alternatives. At this point, you weren’t so sure just what you were about to do.
Just a second later after you had finished your sentence, your front doorbell had rang. Taking in a deep breath and banishing the dark cloud that was held over your head, you went over to open it to see you father Logan and your little sister Laura standing out front.
“Hey kiddo.” Logan smiled at you.
“Look who it is.” You smiled back, going into his embrace as he kissed the top of your head.
“Geez.” Your father scrunched up his nose. “You smell like shit.”
“Yeah well you smell like cigars and cheap whiskey.”
“Hey.” Logan put his hands on his hips, amusement written on his face. “Sometimes the cheap stuff tastes better than that expensive fruit juice that you get.”
“I know my wines. You just have terrible taste.”
“I’m serious. You smell like you cuddled up to roadkill. The hell did you do, roll around in a cemetery?”
“I uh, just got back from a crime scene actually.”
“Sorry, sounds like shit. Who’s this?” Logan nodded behind you.
“Oh! Dad, you remember Yelena Belova.”
“Hi Y/n’s dad.” Yelena waved shyly before stuffing her hands in her pockets.
“Nice to meet you.” Logan gave her a polite nod before studying the features of your face. “Hey, you don’t look too good.”
“Huh? Yeah, I uh, haven’t been getting much sleep lately.”
“Something to do with your job huh. How’s the investigations?”
“Good. I mean, not good obviously because people are dead. But we have some leads and hopefully we’ll have the suspects apprehended before tomorrow.”
“Sounds like you need a vacation.”
“Bad guys don’t rest so neither do I.” You sighed, pushing back a strand of your loose hair before bending over to level yourself to your little sister with a soft smile. “Hey there Laura. How’s it going?”
"Laura say hi to your sister.” Logan gave her a small nudge.
You maintained the strained smile on your face, trying your best to seem as friendly as possible. You were happy to see her no doubt the less, especially since you never had much time to spend with her due to your work schedule and her being in school, but the look she gave you told you otherwise. Laura face was stoic underneath her sunglasses, and it seemed as if there wasn’t a single thought nor regard towards you in her eyes as she walked straight pass you into your apartment before plopping down on the couch without a single word in your direction, even ignoring Yelena’s little hello.
“Yup.” You popped your lips before standing back up. “She definitely hates me.”
"She doesn’t hate you. She’s just shy.” Logan quirked a brow at your pessimism before handing you her little suitcase. “Here’s all her things.”
“I’m pretty sure her eyes are filled with a deep resentment towards me behind those little sunglasses of hers. It’s like I shit in her bowl of cereal or something. Good thing she’s not Scott’s kid or else I would’ve been fucking obliterated by now.” You scoffed as you took Laura’s suitcase from him and set it to the side.
“If she hated you, we’d know. Just give her time.” Logan sighed. “She was like that towards me when I first met her. And watch your language around her. Don’t need her learning from our bad habits.”
“I’m sorry,” you sassed, holding your finger up to make a point, “but didn’t I just hear you say the poop word like two times now.”
“Yeah well I’m doing my best.”
“Well the resemblance is uncanny I’ll give you that.” You sighed as you rested your hand on your hip and turned back to see Laura sitting there with a scowl on her face. “The scowl, the brooding, the whole fuck off attitude and even right down to the eyebrows. She is 100% you’re kid.”
“Yeah and so are you.” Logan scoffed. “You nearly broke my nose when you first saw me, remember? And you’ve got a hell of a colorful language.”
“Looks like I got it from you.”
"Guess I raised you right then.” Logan chuckled. “You know, the professor position is still open back at the school. You wouldn’t have to put up with this anymore and you could finally get some damn good rest.”
"No, I know. You’ve mentioned it to me before but I just…I can’t just leave you know. Those criminals are still out there, hurting other people, innocent people.”
“What you mean to say is those badge wearing bastards have you in a chokehold.”
“Yeah well I could’ve been locked up forever for the crimes I committed.”
“Yeah, crimes you had no control over doing. Don’t those brains of theirs know those Hydra and Red Room bastards had you wired up.”
“It doesn’t work like that dad. And besides, I volunteered for this job, thought it would do me good.”
“Yeah, it’s doing you good alright. You look the same from when I first rescued you from Hydra, sleep deprived.”
“Well this isn’t exactly an easy job.” You snarked as you tried to maintain your point. “I knew what I signed up for dad. And to be honest, putting those criminals behind bars is worth every goddamn minute.”
“I know, I get it. I just don’t want you to get caught up in the same mess like I was. You’re still young.”
“Well I wouldn’t really call myself young.” You scoffed.
“I know that. There’s still time you know, for you to move on with your life and find something that doesn’t involve all this.” Logan leaned on your doorframe with his arms crossed. “I was thinking we all can move down to Canada. Build a home by the lake like you always wanted where you, me, and Laura can live in, together, as a family. You can even have all the animals you want.”
"I know. With mom gone it’s just-” You sighed, staring down at your hands and picking at the skin on your fingers. “I just….feel like I haven’t done enough for all the things that I had done, ya know?”
“If you keep letting the past haunt you and trying so desperately to go down that path of redemption you’re gonna find yourself stuck in a hole you can’t get out of.”
"Well, what can I say. We’re Howletts, it’s what we do.”
“Yeah.” Logan let a low chuckle. “You know, you could always take up boxing, or mma, go fight in the ring, make more money than you do here.”
“What, like what you did?” You scoffed with an amused raise of your brow. “You fought underground dad.”
“Yeah so. I can be your trainer and we can nickname you Iron Fist.” Logan teased.
“I’m pretty sure that’s taken.” You laughed.
“It is? What kinda punk took that name huh. Bet his fists aren’t even made of Iron.”
“Yeah okay dad.” You rolled your eyes.
“I’m serious. The offer at the school is still open.”
“…………I’ll think about.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Atta girl.” Logan ruffled your hear with a chuckle much to your annoyance. “Well I’m about to head out now.”
“So soon?”
“Yeah. I gotta get on the road.”
“Well it was nice seeing ya dad.” You smiled.
“Nice seein ya too kid. Just remember to be careful, don’t want ya to loose sight of who you are.”
“I won’t.”
“And if ya got any problems, I’m a phone call away. I’m here if you need me kid.”
You put on your best smile, trying your best not to think of the dead girl and the picture of her pale and stone-like face. After finding the card with Laura’s name on it, this new fear had suddenly overcome you, a fear that had shook you to the core more than anything you had ever experienced. The last time you were this afraid, you were captured for the Black Widow program and Hydra, but this, this was something else. Now you were terrified for the life of someone else, someone you cared about, and the thought of your sister lying dead in those cold dark woods made your blood run cold. You didn’t know what this killer was capable of, but one thing was for certain, you would rather risk your own life than let that pathetic excuse of a human come close to your sister. Logan trusted you with Laura’s life, and you were going to keep that promise. But you couldn’t let your father know about what happened, and though the thought of it irked you, it was a good thing you were trained at a young age to lie. “Thanks dad. I appreciate it, really.”
“Love ya kid.” Logan gave you one last hug and a kiss at the top of your head before saying his goodbyes to Laura and leaving down the hallway.
You watched him disappear into the elevator with a frown on your face, your fists clenching at your side before closing the door and staring into the worried face of Yelena. “You should pack a few things for yourself.”
Yelena stared back at you with a darkened look, her eyes searching yours while the ends of her lips turned down at the ends. “Y/n, I’m worried about you.”
“I know, I know. But you have to trust me on this. Please Yelena.”
“I already lost Natasha.”
“I know, I get it Yelena. But you have to trust me.”
“……….Fine. Fine. yah okay. But if you don’t make it back I swear-”
“You’ll find me and kill me yourself, I get it.” You looked at the time, seeing that it was only 3. “You should get ready to go.”
“…..okay.” Yelena sighed with a small nod of her head before going off to pack her things.
You looked down at your sister who had not moved from her seat on the couch, her face unmoving as she flipped through the channels on your TV. Going to the kitchen, you opened up the freezer to grab a small carton of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and a spoon before sitting next to her on your couch. “Hey.”
Laura did not give a single response as she flipped through various channels before stopping on a channel that was playing Shrek.
“Good choice.” You glanced at the tv with a nod of approval. “I bought you ice cream btw. Little birdie told me you like Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream. And since dad is not one for knowing how to shop for groceries much, especially desserts, I bought you four of these so you can eat to your heart’s content.”
Laura looked at you sideways, glancing up at your face before eyeing the carton of ice cream in your hands.
“Go on, it’s all yours.” You handed her the carton and the spoon, smiling in relief as she finally took them from you after a moment of hesitation before opening the lid and popping a whole spoonful in her mouth.
“You know, Shrek is one of my favorite movies to watch. I can quote the whole movie from front to back, but don’t tell anyone I told you that.” You sat back with a smirk as you watched the movie with her for a bit until your phone began to ring in your pocket causing an annoyed sigh to escape your lips as you picked it up. “Hello?”
“Y/n?”
“Matt?” You scrunched your nose in confusion. Your irritated tone had caused Laura to side glance at you and listen in on the conversation to figure out what could have upset you. “The hell. You tryna give me a reason to block you?”
“Wha-no, no……..Is that….Shrek in the background?”
“Yeah. My sister is staying with me for a couple of months. The hell are you calling me for Murdock.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that.”
“Whatya need Matt?”
“I uh-might need your help.”
“Oh yeah?” you scoffed. “Seems like you’re asking an awful lot of favors from me lately.”
“I know…….I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m-urgh.” You heard him let out what sounded to be a pained groan on the other end.
“Jesus fucking christ. You’re hurt aren’t you.”
“…Yes.”
“And let me guess. You need me to come over to your place to patch you up because I definitely as hell ain’t letting your ass in my apartment.”
“………yes.”
“Christ’s sake Matt. Don’t you have any lady friends of yours that are nurses or doctors? In case you didn’t know the difference, I’m a psychiatrist, not a surgeon.”
“I know. But the nurse that I know is out of town and you’re the only other person that I trust.”
You let out a frustrated sigh, running your fingers through your hair before rubbing your temples. “……..Okay. Fine. I’ll head out right now.”
“Thanks y/n.”
“Don’t mention it.” You hung up before getting up from the couch and grabbing your keys from the counter.
“Were are you going?” Yelena questioned once she saw you searching for something.
“I gotta go uh….help an acquaintance. Would you happen to have a first aid kit by chance?”
“Yeah. I put it in your cabinet there. You don’t have one?”
“Well it’s not like a need one.” You scoffed as you opened up the wooden cabinet you had by the door and grabbed the first aid kit before throwing on your shoes. “Just make sure to keep an eye out yeah. And if anything happens, call Stephen, he’ can get here much quicker than I can. His number is on the paper I gave you.”
“I can handle myself.” Yelena raised her brow.
“I know you can. But you’re also human, and we don’t know anything about the possible threat. I’ll be back in about an hour and a half to two hours.”
You arrived at Matt’s apartment complex not long after, pulling your car up to the curb and letting the rumble of the engine run for a moment as you stared up at the the windows that belonged to his place. “God damn it Matt.” You cursed under your breath before getting out of your car and heading up to his place. You tapped your knuckles lightly on his door, hearing the sound of shuffling coming from inside until the door opened to reveal a rather disarranged looking Matt.
“Wow. You look like shit.”
“Thanks for the compliment.” Matt gave you an unamused smile before letting you inside.
“I see you’ve done absolutely nothing to cheer up your place. Dull as always.” You looked around with a distasteful look on your face as you swiped your finger on one of his tables to see dust coating your fingertip. “Yikes. This place could use a proper clean too. I wouldn’t be surprised if traces of the bubonic plague could be found here.”
“Haha very funny. You here to do an inspection?”
“Um, considering I have to be here, physically in this place of yours, yes. Now get your ass on the couch and take off your shirt.” You set your purse down on the table, opening it up to pull out the first aid kit before heading to the sink to wash your hands.
“How’s your sister Laura?” Matt called out from his spot on the couch.
Your breathing hitched just the faintest at the mention of her name, squeezing your eyes shut against the image of her name written across the card in large maroon letters. “She’s uh, she’s doing good. She hasn’t spoken a word to me but she’s good.”
“That’s good to hear. At least you get to spend some time with her.”
“Yeah.” You shook your head, banishing any thoughts related to the case and the event later tonight as to keep Matt from getting suspicious. “I have your file btw. I left some notes in there.”
“Wait, you’re done?” Matt blinked his eyes with a scrunch of his nose before turning his head towards where you stood by the sink. He was surprised that you had already gone through the file and made up a conclusion, especially since he had handed it to you this morning. “That was fast.”
“What can I say.” You let your hands dry off before walking over to where Matt sat on the couch. “I’m good at what I do.”
“Which is why I asked for your help.”
“Oh yeah?” You raised a brow as you slipped on a fresh pair of latex gloves. “Is that also why you called me here now instead of I don’t know, contacting someone else like Foggy.”
“Maybe. Or maybe I just like the sound of your voice.”
You scoffed at his statement with a shake of your head, trying to keep down the blush that started to spread through your cheeks and thankful for the fact that Matt couldn’t see it. “And how many other girls have you said that to? 5? 10?”
“Ahah.” Matt let out a soft chuckle. “Well maybe one.”
“Oh? So just one?”
“Okay, so maybe 2 others.”
“2 meaning 3 or 4.” You teased as you sat yourself down on his coffee table to start on his wounds only to let out a hiss at the sight of him. Large bruises and deep gashes lined his torso, painting a picture of grisly along with a cut that went down his forehead, stopping right below his temple. “Jesus Matt.”
“Judging from the tone of your voice, I don’t look too good.”
“Yeah no shit Sherlock. The hell happened? You get into a fight with Freddy Kreuger?”
“I guess you could call it that.”
“You guess?”
“Well the guy was pretty huge…..and he had a sword.”
“A big guy with a sword. Huh, sounds like Wade.”
“Who’s Wade?”
“This vigilante I ran into once. Likes to talk a lot, super annoying, but kinda funny. Did your guy crack any jokes?”
“Nah. No my guy was pretty quiet, spoke in short sentences.”
“Yeah that’s definitely not Wade.” You opened up the first aid kit and stared at the contents inside. “He would’ve shit at your little costume. Where is it anyways? Did you forget it at the dry cleaners for this fight?”
“I uh, need to get a new one.”
“Yeah. You do that.” You scoffed with a shake of your head. “So…..you see a big guy with a sword and you think it’s a good idea to tango with him. You know, for someone with a law degree from Columbia University, you sure as hell are an idiot.”
“So I’ve been told.” Matt chuckled.
Grabbing some cotton and disinfectant, you gently swabbed at his wounds, wiping off any excess blood and making sure to get rid of any possible traces of bacteria. You felt Matt’s muscles tense under your touch as he let out a hiss, looking up at his face to see his eyes shut in pain. “Hey…..you need some anesthetic for the pain?”
“Nah, I’m fine, thank you.”
You shook your head with a sigh, focusing on your less dominant hand and causing a small fire to be ignited from within your palms, the red tendrils weaving through your fingers as you held it up to your eye level.
“Wha-what are you doing?” Matt tilted his head after sensing the sudden change in temperature. He couldn’t help but feel apprehensive from the unnatural source of heat that sprouted from your hands, afraid that it might somehow spin out of control. After all, he wasn’t used to this sort of thing, especially not in person.
“I need to sterilize the needle before I start stitching up your wounds.” You muttered as you held the needle up to the flame, watching the point of the metal turn red. “And relax. I got it under control.”
“Thought you wouldn’t read my mind.”
“Well maybe try not to think so damn loud next time.” You smirked.
“I’ll uh, do my best, Doctor.”
You rolled your eyes at Matt’s comment before distinguishing the flame, letting the needle cool down for a bit before beginning to stich up his open wounds, causing Matt to wince each time the needle pierced his skin. “You know, you really gotta be careful next time.”
“Is that-don’t tell me you care about me Agent Howlett.” Matt gave you his signature smirk behind those glasses of his, the action causing your cheeks to heat up again while you only forced to keep your heart rate the same so that he wouldn’t notice.
“You know, considering that I’m the one with a needle in hand, I’d choose my next words wisely.”
“What if I don’t?”
“Well Matthew Michael Murdock, if that’s the case, I just might have to stab you.”
“Well what if I just like to get you riled up?”
You let out a scoff, his words catching you off guard. “You’ve got a lot of confidence for someone who gets their ass kicked all the time.”
“Ouch that hurt.” Matt feigned an insulted expression to which you let out a small laugh with a shake of your head.
“Keep talking. I’ve got plenty of insults.” You joked, straightening up a little to work on the cut on his forehead while Matt chuckled, smirking at the way you reacted.
There was a short silence between the two of you, the air around you returning to it’s serious atmosphere while you worked on his last wound until you heard Matt’s voice speak up again.
“Does it hurt?”
“What?” You scrunched your nose.
“Your hands, when they come out.”
“……Every time.”
“How do you go through with it?”
“I just do. The same way you keep fighting despite being beat up.”
“What about the fire?”
“It did at first. Shit. It hurt like hell the first time because I didn’t know how to control it while it engulfed every inch of me, especially since my body kept trying to heal. But once I learned to harness it, control it, it didn’t cause anymore pain. Now it just feels like being wrapped in a warm blanket.”
“At least you won’t need a heater during the winter months.”
“Yeah. I guess not.” You laughed at his little joke, finding yourself gazing at him with a smile once you had finished up his last wound before clearing your throat. “You’re uh. You’re all done by the way.”
“Thanks for this y/n. Really.” Matt smiled at you. “It means a lot.”
“Yeah well…..couldn’t have you bleed out in your own apartment now could I?”
“No, I guess not.” Matt smirked before tilting his head towards you, bringing his hands up to caress your cheek while he did so.
You ever so slightly gasped at his touch, his thumb leaving trails of goosebumps in its path against your skin. “Matt.” You breathed out with your eyes fluttered closed. You wanted to pull away, terrified of what this would lead to and yet, you couldn’t help but feel drawn in, tempted to be able to feel something for once. And though you tried so desperately to not let your feelings show, Matt knew the hold he had on you. But he also was aware of the hold you had on him, and it drove him over the edge. You found yourself reaching for him, your hand placing itself on his thigh to steady yourself while your breaths fanned each others faces.
“Y/n, about what happened before-”
“Oh shut up.” You cut him off before crashing your lips against his.
Matt sat frozen for a second, surprised by your movement before molding himself into your lips, his hands finding a way to your waist to pull you flush against him before resting a hand on the curve of your back. Matt moaned against your lips, craning his head out towards you with half shut eyes as you pulled away with a smirk at the sight of him being a mess beneath you while you placed your hand on his chest, pushing him down onto the couch before straddling his waist. Sliding your hand up to the bottom of his neck, you bent down to make out with him, your hand slowly making its way up against his skin before finally reaching the soft hairs at the nape of his neck. Running your fingers through his hair, you dragged your nails down his scalp, biting his bottom lip as you did so before clutching his hair and pulling his head back, eliciting a grunt of arousal to escape from his parted flushed lips. Smirking, you placed your lips behind his ear, pressing kisses down his jaw and neck while his hands slid up your thighs to clutch at the soft flesh of your hips while you grinded down against him. Matt let out a groan, bringing his hand up to wrap around your neck before reconnecting his lips with yours.
The two of you were a panting mess, both of your heightened senses making the current moment much more intense than if you didn’t possess the abilities you had. Matt’s hands were warm against your body, leaving goosebumps wherever they went despite you being fully clothed. Yet yours were life fire against his, your body heat raising in temperature from the way you felt. You felt Matt’s hand slide away from your neck, his fingers tracing up your skin in patterns and making its way to your hair before stopping at the touch of ice cold metal meeting his fingertips. The action had felt like an electric shock running through your spine, the brief contact making you gasp in fear as you yanked yourself away, moving yourself off him and pushing yourself back towards the opposite end of the couch.
“Y/n?” Matt had sensed your emotion, noticing how your heart rate had sped up incredibly and the way you had flinched away from when his fingers came into contact with the strange metal device that was embedded into your skin right below the back of your head near the top curve of your neck. “You okay?” Matt asked, but you did not answer.
Your eyes were glossed over, your body trembling as various images flashed before your eyes. You saw yourself in an operating room, fully awake and conscious and strapped down onto the operating table while the sound of a drill filled your ears in piercing screeches before being overcome with the screams of your own as a sharp pain spread down your spine and through the back of your head.
“Y/n.” Matt’s voice called out to you in echoes muffled behind the shadows of your visions until the touch of his hands gently placing themselves at the sides of your face brought you back. Barely breaking out of your daze in an unstable snarl of fury, you knocked Matt down onto the ground, placing your body over him as your claws slipped out of your knuckles with their sharp points hovering right over where his head was.
“Y/n.” Matt breathed out, attempting to stay calm despite feeling the sharp metal just barely grazing against the skin on his forehead. Though he couldn’t see the expression on your face, nor the rage behind your eyes, something told him that he wouldn’t have been able to recognize you in this moment. “It’s me. It’s okay.”
You blinked back the tears that had formed in your eyes amidst the terrors of your visions, your brows knitted together at the situation unfurled while a choked whisper escaped your lips. “Matt?”
“Hey. It’s okay. It’s alright.”
“I-I.” You choked out as you unsheathed your claws before getting off him. “Matt, I-I’m so sorry.”
“Hey it’s okay. You’re safe.”
“I could’ve-I could’ve killed you. I could’ve-” You mumbled, staring at him with widened eyes filled with disbelief at the thought of how you were just seconds away from killing someone you cared about.
“It’s okay, I’m fine.” Matt scooted closer only for you to stop him.
“Don’t.”
“Y/n.”
“Stay back Matt.” You spoke in a firmer tone before running your hands through your hair. “Jesus fucking christ. I tried to kill you. Don’t you see that?”
“But you didn’t.”
“But I could have! What if I couldn’t have been stopped huh? What then?” You shook your head before getting up. “I need to go.”
“Were are you going?” Matt stood up with you.
“Home.”
“Y/n wait. Something’s been bothering you since I last saw you. What’s going on?”
“None of your concern Matt.” You clenched your jaw, avoiding his face as you gathered all your things. “I left your file on the desk.”
“Look, I’m just trying to make sure you’re safe.”
“Yeah well I don’t need you to keep me safe okay.” You snapped. “I can take bullets, you can’t. If anything you should be keeping yourself safe from me.”
“Y/n wait.” Matt called out for you, standing in the center of the room with concern written across his features. But you did not respond, nor did you turn back just once as you walked out of his apartment, your heart rate slowing down to it’s steady rhythm. Matt silently listened to the sound of your footsteps getting fainter and fainter the farther away you went, until the loud rumble of your car’s engine started up, echoing in the street followed the screeching of your tires as you drove off, farther and farther away until he could no longer hear whatever was left of you.
Summary: Bucky Barnes was a menace. NYU’s top baseball player, he was used to girls falling at his feet and could smooth talk his way out of just about anything. You hated him. He couldn’t figure out why. So when the novelty of weekend parties and quick hookups finally wore off—and his feelings for you began to grow—he made it his mission to fix it.
Word count: 5.9k
Warnings: Angst, Mentions of alcohol/drinking, Explicit language, Descriptions of minor injury
a/n:This one’s a doozy. Also thank you @barnesafterglow for beta reading :*
After years and years of being a star baseball player, he was used to the crowd. He was used to the screaming and the announcers and the music. Normally, he could tune it all out—focus in on the warmup and his teammates. It didn’t take much effort; he’d had lots of practice after all.
But tonight, Bucky couldn’t hear a single thing, and it was because you weren’t there.
This was a truly bad date, you were zoning out, only offering a slight nod or hum to his comments in between bites of the meal. For the first half-hour, you had given him the benefit of the doubt, but by the time it got round to the hour mark, you were ready to down your drink and leave. The man-child was obnoxious and self-centred; every time you tried to talk he’d cut you off with another story about himself.
All the stories he told were making him sound like he was the top dog, the boss of Brooklyn, but you knew better. You were dining in one of the King of New York’s finest establishments. You had been intrigued by the man sitting opposite you when you met him in a bar on the Upper East Side, he had oozed charm and confidence. Now, you were only disappointed, stuck with listening to him talk.
I finally admitted to myself that I am physically incapable of writing actual drabbles, so I’m taking the “drabble” out of the title from now on! Fuck it.
Next edition will be “Summer Lovin” themed, and that’s probably happening on April 27! I already have two ficlets that are almost finished, plus a couple other prompts that didn’t get used from this week, but as always, you can leave more requests here. Just don’t be an asshole about it, mmkay?
No, seriously. Don’t be an asshole. I’m not gonna lie, I had three reader insert ficlets in progress, but then I got a douchey anon message bitching about how I only write unpopular guy on guy ships instead of reader inserts these days, and I scrapped the reader inserts and came up with even less popular guy on guy ships. I’m a contrary bitch. Rudeness will get you the exact opposite of what you want.
Found Out-Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton (x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton)
I feel like these two could destroy buildings with their rage-fucking. Here, have some snarky, aggressive super-strength smut!
240 words, explicit.
Barnes is so deep inside her she’ll be feeling this for days.
“C’mon, is that the best you’ve got?” Jessica gasps.
It’s already pretty damn perfect, but it’s not like she’ll admit it out loud. They don’t compliment each other. That’s not how this works.
The taunt gets results, anyway. He hauls her off the desk without pausing, hitching her legs up around his waist. She hooks her ankles, squeezing tight with her thighs, urging him on, and he cups her ass with both hands, using the grip to bounce her up and down on his dick.
“Harder. Fucking give it to me already.”
Barnes slams her against the wall hard enough to knock a shower of dust and plaster flakes from the ceiling. He grinds into her, deep and slow, hips working in little swiveling scoops. When he shifts, tilting her up, the angle has her clit pressed against his body, blunt and rough and overwhelming.
“Don’t you dare fucking stop,” she grits out, fingers twisting viciously in his hair.
“Bossy,” Barnes laughs. He barely sounds winded, the absolute asshole.
She opens her mouth to say something clever and cutting, but Barnes slides that sleek metal hand around her throat and squeezes.
“Shut up and come for me,” he says, low and resonant like a purr.
If it was anyone else, Jessica would object to the order, but in this case —
Summary: When you’re home alone, you convince yourself that Bucky deserves more
Warning: insecure reader, angst, throwing up, heartbreak, i don’t mean any hate toward natasha during this fic, let’s be honest if my bf was hanging around natasha i’d be insecure, have you seen her???
A/n: was requested (@scorpionchild81) but put my own spin on it to fit my 1k celebration! sorry it’s so short :(
You grip the toilet tighter as you throw up, tears rolling down your cheeks. You’ve been throwing up for what seems like hours, but you’ve been crying for weeks. This happens every time Bucky goes on a mission, leaving you all alone. Things are perfect when Bucky is home, but as soon as he leaves… The doubt sets in.
You don’t hear from him for weeks sometimes, you don’t know where he is, who he’s with… You know Bucky loves you, but should he?
How could he really love you, when Natasha is right there next to him? She’s a badass! She’s just like him… She took her trauma and made it into something positive. She’s beautiful, she’s funny, she’s strong…
All you do is sit at home and wait for Bucky to return. You can’t relate to him about much of anything. He’s 100 years old, you’re 23. Natasha might not be able to relate to the age part, but you know how deep their conversations get about their trauma.
Bucky opens up to her about things he won’t dare talk to you about.
You throw up again, your heart breaking in your chest. You don’t know why you even still try to convince him that he should be with you. You know the truth, he should be with Natasha.
You scramble for your phone, dialing Bucky’s number. You haven’t spoken to him since he’s been gone, which hasn’t helped your anxiety. You don’t want to wait until he’s home, you want the relief now. If you’re not with him, you can’t be upset about what he’s doing when he’s gone.
The phone rings, but proceeds to go to voicemail. Your breath hitches in your throat, a tear rolling down your cheek.
“This is Bucky, leave a message. Or don’t, I probably won’t call back either way,”
The sound of his voice has you choking a sob back, your lip trembling. You hear the beep, scrambling to come up with words. “Uh, Bucky… This is y/n,” You say, rolling your eyebrows as you remember he already knows who it is, thanks to caller ID.
“I know you’re busy, but uh, I thought I should tell you now, before you come home,” You say, your voice broken and quiet. You lean your head against the wall behind you, taking a deep breath. You don’t know how to break this to him, especially over the phone.
You know he’ll be better off without you, better off with someone who understands him. “I won’t be home when you come back. I’m sorry, Buck, but I can’t do this anymore. You deserve better, you deserve someone like you,” You say, your voice failing you, sobs taking over. You instantly hang up, not wanting him to hear you cry anymore.
You sob against the bathroom floor, wrapped in his shirt, knowing you’ll never where his clothes again.
—-
You’re in the bathroom of your new apartment, getting ready for bed. You don’t know when Bucky went home, or even if he went home. You’ve blocked his number, not wanting to put yourself through that pain again.
it’s over, there’s no need to rehash things when he gets home. He deserves better, that’s that. You wonder what he did when he got the message. Was he relieved? DId he run to Natasha, telling her that you were gone? Did he even miss you?
No, he doesn’t miss you. You’re not the kind of girl guys miss when it’s over. You’re the kind of girl guys are relieved about when you leave. Finally, the boring nights, meaningless arguments… It’s over.
Natasha is the kind of girl guys miss when it’s over.
You splash water on your face, closing your eyes as the cold water wakes you up. Water runs down your forearms, landing on Bucky’s red henley. You swore you wouldn’t take any of his clothes when you left, but you always did love this shirt.
You inhale deeply, trying to get yourself to relax, to forget about Bucky. You lift your head up, opening your eyes as you stand straight up. Your breath hitches in your throat as you see Bucky standing behind you, his eyes fixed on yours through the mirror.
“Bucky, how the–”
Before you can finish, Bucky is spinning you around, pinning you against the counter. His eyes are red, his lips puffy and his cheeks red. “How could you?” He asks, breathlessly.
You gulp, your bottom lip trembling. It’s obvious he’s been wrecked, just like you have been. It’s obvious you’ve broken his heart.
“Bucky, I had to. You deserve better,” You whisper, your voice breaking.
Bucky shakes his head, furrowing his eyebrows. “Better? I deserve better?”
You push past him, not wanting to be trapped in this tiny bathroom with him. “You need to leave,” You say, trying to convince yourself that’s what you want.
Bucky follows you, using his metal arm to grab your flesh one. The metal of his fingers burn into your skin, digging into your bone. “Tell me, y/n. If I don’t deserve you, what do I deserve?”
You refuse to look at his eyes. You don’t answer, wanting this to be over already. You were at peace with your decision, why did he have to come back?
“Tell me!’ He barks, raising his voice. You finally look at him, watching the tears stream down his face.
"Natasha, alright? You deserve Natasha!” You say, jerking your arm away from him.
Bucky furrows his eyebrows, taking a step back. “Natasha…?” He asks, muttering under his breath. You wipe your eyes, sniffling.
“What are you talking about?”
You shake your head, dropping your eyes to the ground. “You deserve someone like you, Buck. I can’t understand you. I can try, I can pretend I understand you, but there are things I’ll never understand about you, because I’ve never gone through what you’ve gone through. Natasha has… I can never be what you need,” You admit, your tears rolling down your cheeks.
Bucky stares at you blankly, his lips parted. You can see the gears turning in his head, but you can’t tell what he’s thinking. “Y/n… Natasha is a friend. She’s my friend because she understands what I’ve gone through. But… For you to try to put yourself in my shoes… To try to understand me, that’s what makes you a good girlfriend. I don’t need you to understand me, I just need you to love me.” Bucky reassures you, his voice soft.
You keep your eyes on the ground, sniffling quietly.
Bucky moves closer to you, reaching out and wrapping his arms around you. You fall into his touch, snuggling against his chest. “You’re the only thing that makes me feel human. I love Natasha, but part of me still feels like a monster when I’m on a mission. It reminds me of everything I went through. The best part of a mission is coming home to you, coming home and feeling like a human. You’re the only person who makes it all go away,” He says, cradling your head against his chest.
You allow him to hold you, soaking in his presence. The past few days have been horrible. You’ve been trying to distract yourself from the fact that your heart was breaking in two. You missed having Bucky in bed with you. You missed waking up next to Bucky.
You don’t want to be without Bucky, you want to be with him for the rest of your life. You just want him to have what he deserves. You lift your head, sniffling. “You’re sure I’m what you want?” You ask, your voice quiet.
Bucky cradles your face in his bruised hands, a smile slowly creeping across his face. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life,”
A/N: Okay, I am sorry this has taken so long. My hand and my brain weren’t cooperating, and this isn’t the most exciting chapter, and it’s a bit shorter, but ish is about to hit the fan. Just give it a minute. thanks for reading
Pairing: ex!Bucky x reader
Warnings: mentions of drug use, alcohol abuse, etc. Sexual assault (if this is something you can’t read, skip the italics, please. Take care of you first)
Word Count: 1582
After a near food fight at dinner time (both those super soldiers had it coming), and a night of nightmares, you wake up to the sun glaring in the window and Bruce clicking at his computer near your bed. You stretch, then sit up.
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Bruce says.
“You didn’t. The sun did,” you say with a chuckle, gesturing toward the light glaring in.
“I can close the blinds?”
“Nah, I’m awake now.” He nods, then goes back to clacking on his computer. “How’s everything look, doc?”
“Very stable, Y/N. You are incredibly lucky.” He looks at you with seriousness in his eyes. “If we didn’t have Narcan, I don’t think we’d be having this conversation, Y/N. I don’t want to underemphasize how close you were to dying.” You nod, looking down at your hands. “Your meetings with Dr. Raynor will continue to be important as we move forward with your recovery.” You nod again, and Bruce goes back to typing on his keyboard. After a few minutes, he squats down next to your bed. “Are you ready?”
“Yeah,” you say, though you weren’t entirely convinced. Somewhere, still, in the back of your mind, you knew you’d run as soon as the Vivitrol wore off. But you didn’t say anything. Bruce nods, and starts unhooking the machine, shutting off the heart monitor and removing the pads from your chest.
It only takes a few minutes before you’re completely unhooked, your IV is out and you are sitting on the edge of your bed.
“F.R.I.D.A.Y.? Please let Captain Rogers know that Y/N is ready to leave the med bay.”
“Yes, Dr. Banner.” He walks around the bed and helps you stand up, steadying you as your legs are weak and you almost fall. It feels good to be upright, though. You smile at him as Steve and Bucky walk into the med bay. Their eyes are on you, leaning into Bruce’s arm for support.
“You sure you’re strong enough?” Steve asks as he gets to your side. You just nod.
“Oh, I brought these,” Bucky says, moving to your side. He has a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, different from the last time. He hands them to you with a smile. “I figured you might like to get out of that very attractive gown.” You chuckle and stick your tongue out at him.
You change quickly, all the men turning around to give you privacy, much easier without all the cords and wires. Then, at last, with Bucky on one side and Steve on the other, you walk out of the med bay, hopefully for the last time.
They help you walk toward the elevator, then to the main living quarters. You walk with them to the couch in the living room before sitting down, shaky. Your walk exhausted you and you lean against the back and close your eyes.
“You okay?” Bucky says, squatting down in front of you.
“Yeah. Just a little tired,” you say with a smile, not opening your eyes.
“Okay. You rest. We’ll be here when you wake up.” He stands and leans across you to place a kiss on your forehead. Before he stands back up, he whispers, “I love seeing you in my clothes.” Butterflies flutter in your stomach and you try your best to not respond. He stands up and walks away. You sigh, trying to sink further into the couch.
Sometime later, you’re not sure how long or if you even slept, you wake up to the couch next to you shifting. You open your eyes to see Sam Wilson on the opposite end of the couch.
“Good to see you up and at ‘em,” he says with a smile. You smile back. “I know we haven’t really talked much. I’ve been busy with contracts.”
“I know. It’s fine. I haven’t been much fun anyways.” You try to laugh, but it sounds more forced than you like. Sam doesn’t laugh though. He leans back against the back of the couch.
“I knew Freaky Magoo would be there for you, anyways.” You snort at his comment.
“Freaky Magoo?” you ask, humor lacing into your voice.
“He does have a staring problem. You can’t deny it.”
“You’ve got a point, though.”
“Hey!” You laugh at the deep voice behind you. You shift to peek over the couch to see Bucky leaning against the island in the kitchen. He chuckles, then goes back to filling his water bottle. You glance back over at Sam.
“What are we doing tonight, boys?” You melt into the back of the couch and close your eyes.
“Looks like you’re going to bed, Y/N,” Sam says with a chuckle.
“Nah, I’m a real party animal.” As the words leave your mouth, you wish you could bring them back, but you shake your head. “That wasn’t funny.”
“It was a little funny, in a twisted kind of way,” Sam says, and you chuckle.
“I’m nothing if not a little twisted,” you all but whisper.
“Aren’t we all?” Bucky says, flopping onto the couch between you and Sam, instantly lightening the mood. You would thank him if he didn’t keep talking. “I say we watch a movie. We used to have movie nights all the time.” The boys talked about what movie to watch, and, at some point in the conversation, Steve came in, flopping on the other couch in the main room. You barely noticed him coming in, your eyes still closed.
“Okay,” you say, your eyes still closed. “It’s been a long time since I watched a movie.” As it turns out, it would be even longer, because, as the opening scene was playing on the huge TV, you fell asleep, your head slipping onto Bucky’s shoulder.
“Hey,” you vaguely hear, someone shaking your shoulder slightly. You groan, not wanting to move. “Y/N. Let’s get you in bed.” It’s Bucky, you realize but you push his hands away, making him chuckle. “Come on Sleeping Beauty.” He stands up, and you all but flop onto the couch as he moves. “You leave me no choice,” Bucky says, laughter in his voice. You feel his large hands under your torso and legs, and he lifts you up easily. You wrap your arms around his neck instinctively, and nuzzle into the crook of his shoulder. He hums softly, and his swaying footsteps lull you back to sleep.
Lights. Bright lights blind you. Bodies sway and bump into you and you can’t make yourself care. Sweat drips from your forehead, hair, down your back. You grind up against someone behind you.
“Let’s get out of here, baby,” a deep voice whispers in your ear.
“What do I get out of it?” you yell above the pulsing bass filling the room. A chuckle rumbles through the man’s chest, vibrating against your back still smashed up against his front.
“What about this?” he says, holding a white pill in front of your face. You spin to face him. You vaguely think you should ask what it is, but you don’t care, honestly. You stick your tongue out and the man places the white pill on your tongue. You swallow it easily. He grabs your hand and pulls you along with him, out the door, and onto the back of his motorcycle. You hold onto his torso as he weaves in and out of traffic, toward the skeevy apartment complex you both call home, his 3rd floor apartment only 2 floors below your own. It takes a few minutes, but soon, calm and quiet washes over you. The world around you melts away.
After he pulls up to the apartment complex and parks his bike, you all but fall off the side of it, your already short dress hiking up, and you giggle.
“Come on, baby,” the man says, wrapping his arm around you. “Want to have some fun?” He doesn’t even wait for your answer, all but dragging you up the stairs toward his apartment. By the time you get there, your legs are feeling like jello and you can’t make yourself care about anything.
“Here,” he says, running his finger up your thigh. You bristle at the touch, but he takes that to mean anticipation. You try to push him away, but he doesn’t budge. He places a small patch on the inside of your thigh, almost to your panties.
Almost immediately, your eyes roll back in your head and the only way to describe what you feel is euphoria. Everything in the room slips away into blackness and you welcome it.
Some time later, you aren’t even sure how long, you wake up, your dress pushed up and your underwear no where to be found. The man, Marco, your dealer, lays on the ground beside you, his own pants missing. You try to move, but pain shoots through your abdomen, and you realize all at once what happened. You realize you had been raped and you weren’t even conscious enough to remember it.
“Y/N!” Bucky screams, shaking you awake. Your screams still ring through the room though you don’t realize that you are still screaming. Tears fall down your cheeks and every inch of your body is shaking. “Hey, hey, hey,” he says, pulling you into his arms, and you try to push him away, but he doesn’t move. “I got you. You’re safe now.” You scream at him and his grip falters.“Let me go, please! Please!” He does as you ask and you all but fall off the bed and run into the bathroom, closing the door behind you.“Y/N!” Bucky yells after you, but you press your back against the door and slide down it, sobs wracking through your body. “Y/N, open the door please?” Bucky’s voice is sad at first, but he repeats himself over and over, each time sounding more and more frustrated. “Damn it, Y/N. Open the door.” He slams his hand on the door, and you scream in response. After a few minutes, you hear him sigh through the door. “Please, Y/N,” he all but pleads. You curl into your knees, your back still against the door. You feel the door shift and, for a moment, you think Bucky is coming through anyways. He could, easily, break the door, but it doesn’t move again, and you realize he is probably leaning against the other side. You hear sobs through the door, and yours start again.
A/N: In which we realize Bucky is an idiot, but a cute one, a truly dangerous combination. Hope you enjoy.
Pairing: ex!Bucky Barnes x reader, friend!Steve Rogers x reader
Warnings: mentions of drug use, alcohol abuse, etc., stupid, cute Bucky. Yes, it deserves a warning.
Word Count:
A few hours later, you wake up, stretching your arms above your head. You open your eyes to find them swollen and painful. You remember your breakdown earlier and groan, closing your eyes, rolling onto your side. You vaguely wonder where Bucky is, your bed empty, but when you open them, you see a different super soldier looking at you with a smile.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Steve says with a chuckle. You grunt, closing your eyes again. He laughs at your response. After a few minutes, you stretch again, dragging yourself into a sitting position.
“I think it’s afternoon,” you say, and Steve chuckles again.
“Have a nice nap?” he asks.
“Not really.”
“You sound like Buck,” he says and looks at you. “Sorry I haven’t been around much since you got here, Y/N. Fury has me doing some recon and I’ve been in and out with Sam.”
“I get it. There’s still a world to save out there.”
“Now more than ever, I’m afraid.”
“Yeah… I’ll just be glad to get out of this bed.”
“I bet. That’s actually what I came to talk with you about.” You look up at him and he’s studying you carefully. “Bruce says he thinks you’re ready to leave the med bay, at least that you don’t need constant monitoring.”
“That’s what Dr. Raynor said earlier,” you say with a nod.
“How do you feel about that?”
“You sound like Dr. Raynor,” you say, rolling your eyes. “I mean, I’ll be glad to leave. This bed sucks.” Steve smiles at your response.
“So, we uh… we talked about it, and we all think it’s best if you stay at the Tower. At least for a little while.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“That’s it? I expected more push back.”
“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” Steve furrows his brow at your comment. “Even if I left, you’d come find me and drag me back. Why bother?” You lean back again, your head on your pillow.
“We’re just trying to do what is best for you, Y/N.”
“Is that why you forced Vivitrol on me, Steve? When I wasn’t even awake to consent to it?”
“Exactly, Y/N. You weren’t awake. You were in a coma because you overdosed, Y/N. I did what I thought was best.”
“And Cap always knows best,” you mumble.
“That’s not fair, Y/N.”
“Life’s not fair, Steve,” you snap, but your anger quickly disappears.
“I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through, Y/N. I can’t even pretend to understand. But I just buried one friend. I am not going to bury you too. I am not going to…” He looks down at his hands. “I am not going to lose you again.” You swallow down the lump in your throat.
“I’m sorry I put you through all of this, Steve.” It’s your turn to look at your own hands, your fingers threading and unthreading through each other.
“And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” You look up at him and his eyes ring with sincerity.
“You tried to be. That’s on me. How many voicemails do you think you left me? Probably 1000,” you said with a smile. He laughs at that.
“Probably more like 10,000. I am sure you got tired of hearing my voice.”
“Never,” you say with a smile.
“So, we have your old apartment ready for you. Bruce still wants you to come check in daily, to monitor your heart. He just wants to make sure there’s no long-term effects.” You nod, listening. “There’s going to be some ground rules, Y/N. We can’t do this again. You can’t do this again. No alcohol, at least for now. Bucky, Sam and I all agreed to keep it out of the Tower so it’s not even here to tempt.”
“You don’t have to do that, you know. I’m a big girl.”
“A big girl with some impulse control issues,” he says with a smile. You stick your tongue out at him, and he laughs. “Just for now. It’s probably better for all of us anyways.” You nod. “You’re not going to be alone for a while, Y/N. One of us is always going to be around.” You roll your eyes.
“Is that really necessary?” you ask.
“For now, yes. I can’t lose you, Y/N. I can’t do it and I know it would kill Buck too. We’re your team, and for now, we’re all in this together.”
“That was very cheesy, Captain.” It’s his turn to roll his eyes with a chuckle.
“You’re like a little sister to me, Y/N. I’m here for you. Always.” Steve’s words ring with sincerity, typical Steve Rogers. You hear someone knock on the doorframe, and you look up to see Bucky leaning against the door.
“Am I interrupting something?” he asks, a smirk on his face.
“Nope. I think Steve was going to confess his undying love, though. You might want to stick around.” You watch as a blush spreads across his cheeks and chuckle. You look back over at Steve, who is now standing beside your bed. You smile at him. He leans down to kiss your forehead. You close your eyes at the contact. He pulls away and brushes your hair out of your face.
“I’ll be back later.” You nod, and watch as he walks out the door, pausing to whisper something to Bucky before leaving. Bucky nods solemnly before walking around the bed, scooting his chair so his knees are, once again, pushing against the edge of it.
“How are you feeling?” he asks, his voice sincere.
“Fine,” you say with a chuckle. It wasn’t until it was pointed out that you realized you do say it a lot, even when you aren’t fine. Bucky chuckles as well.
“Well, I… uh… I wanted to talk to you, about some of the stuff you mentioned earlier.”
“We really don’t have to, Bucky.”
“I want to. I feel like I need to say this.” You nod, knowing the feeling of needing to say something. Needing it out. He clears his throat before beginning.
“I… uh, when Steve got me out, I didn’t think I was worth it. I did so much damage… There was no way I could ever do enough good to tip the scales in my favor. I knew it was going to be hard to convince everyone I was worth it, but you, uh, the first time I met you, you never looked at me like that. When Steve told me about you, about your goodness, I couldn’t imagine why you’d ever side with me. You went against Tony, the only father you’d ever known, to protect me. And I, uh, I knew I wasn’t worth that.”
“But you were, Bucky. You didn’t do any of that stuff. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know that now, but you sided with me over Tony and I, uh, that meant something to me.” His words echo your own from earlier that day. He looks over at you. “I don’t think you realized that you became important to me, and I wasn’t even sure why. After we came back to the compound, and after I got to know you better, you became my whole world. My whole world revolved around you.” You watch his eyes fill with tears. “The day I realized something was wrong, that you were too edgy, too… I don’t know. You’d sneak off to your room and I knew something was wrong. That day was one of the scariest of my life because I didn’t know how to help you.” A tear slips out and runs down his cheek.
“When you shook in my arms, telling me that you needed help, I knew I couldn’t walk away. You were it for me. This was it for me. If I had to hold your hair back and hold you through the withdrawals every day for the rest of forever, I’d do it because it meant I could be with you.” You feel a tear sleep down your own cheek. “And then you got better, and the first time I saw you smile sober, the first time you laughed, it was like I could see the sun for the first time. And even then, you chose me. You chose me completely sober, and that meant something to me.”
“The closer we got, the more I fell until it felt like a freefall. I was terrified that I’d hurt you. I was terrified that I would break your heart and we’d end up… well, we’d end up here. So I never told you. We were friends and I knew that was going to have to be enough. I’d suffer for the rest of forever if it meant I’d have you in my life, even if just as friends.”
“But it wasn’t your job to keep my heart safe, Bucky.” Your words are barely above a whisper.
“Isn’t that love, though? Putting your happiness over my own?” Quiet settles over the room. After a few moments, Bucky continues. “When you introduced me to Sarah, she was nice. She’s like you, in some ways. Not in the important ways, but she was enough. She wanted to be around me and in my twisted up in knots brain, I thought she was my ticket to keeping you around. Your two best friends dating would have to be a good thing.” You close your eyes. You hadn’t thought of it that way.
“And I know now that it was stupid. I should have at least told you. But I was afraid that you’d leave…” He lets out a sad laugh. “So, I tried to distract myself. Distract myself from you with her. And it worked, for a little while. When we talked about it, you told me you were happy for me. That you wanted me to be happy and I wanted to scream that you’d make me happy, but I knew that would be selfish. And then you left. You didn’t even say goodbye. I just got up one day and your room was empty… Steve told me you left. That you didn’t want to see anyone for a while. And I always kind of thought you’d come home. That you’d come back to me…” You look up find him watching you closely.
“It broke me.” The words hang in the air for a minute, dread and guilt steeping into your stomach. You look down at your hands.
“Then, I, uh… She wasn’t you. I spent some time in cryo in Wakanda and they helped me to, uh, they got rid of the code words. And then Steve showed up. I expected you to be with him. He hadn’t heard from you, though, and I fought like hell because I wanted this world to be better for you, wherever you were. I wanted you to be happy.”
“Buck…” you whisper, but he continues.
“When I woke up and found out it had been 5 years, my first thought was of you. I almost showed up at your apartment. I found you and Steve talked me out of it. I wish now that I did. I wish I could have stopped it…”
“It’s not your fault, Buck. Not totally, anyways. It was always my choice.”
“You keep saying that, but it was, my fault I mean. I made stupid choices when your heart hung in the balance.” You can’t argue with him. He was stupid, but you know now that it hurt him too.
“When you walked it to Tony’s house, it was like the world stopped spinning, or it started again after being stopped for years. And then I saw it. Your shaking, your sunglasses, your stumble, and I knew. It was like before, and I was just as scared as last time. I moved my eyes off of you for 1 minute, and then you were gone. And if I had just watched you walk away… if I had just stopped you…”
“Hey, it’s not your fault, Bucky. It’s really not. I was… uh… I was overwhelmed by a lot of things. Tony was gone and I didn’t even get to say goodbye because I was too high to come visit. Honestly, that day, you were one of the furthest things from my mind.” He lets out a sad chuckle, but continues to look at his hands. “Hey,” you say, grabbing his flesh hand in your own. “I’m okay. I’m here because of you.”
“And Steve,” he mumbles.
“My boys have always had my back,” you say with a smile. He gives you a half-hearted smile. “And don’t tell Steve, but you’re my favorite.” You wink at him and Bucky laughs.
“I missed this,” he whispers, squeezing your hand with his own.
A/N: We’re all going to pretend that the timeline works, k? It’s like.. an AU if that helps you haha We’re going to meet Dr. Raynor and learn more about the past and there’s actually some cute fluff at the end, but please don’t get used to it ! So, anyways, enjoy!
Pairings: ex!Bucky Barnes x reader, friend!Steve Rogers
Warnings: conversations about drug use, alcohol abuse, rape, etc., conversations with a therapist, some cute Bucky fluff (because yes, that needs a warning haha)
Word count: 2222 words
After a few days, most of your withdrawal symptoms have subsided. You still feel whispers of nausea whenever you eat, but even that is getting better.
“Doctor Raynor is coming to see you today,” Bucky tells you one day when he brings you your breakfast. You look at him.
“Who is Doctor Raynor and why is she coming again?” You don’t remember him ever mentioning a Doctor Raynor before.
“She’s my shrink. She had to rearrange her schedule to come see you and I expect you to take it seriously.”
“I don’t need a shrink Bucky. I am fine.” You roll your eyes at him.
“You overdosed, Y/N. That’s kind of the definition of not fine.” He sits beside your bed, eating his own breakfast. You grumble, but it’s no use arguing. Bucky is one of the most stubborn people you’ve ever met.
An hour or so later, Steve brings a kind, but stern looking woman into the med bay. You look up as she walks in and Bucky nods to her. He stands up, but pauses, looking down at you.
“Be nice, Y/N.” You chuckle but he gives you a serious look.
“Best behavior. Scout’s promise.” He chuckles at your answer, then follows Steve out, leaving you and the doctor alone in the med bay.
“I am sure James has told you all about me.” You almost bristle at her use of James but try to suppress it. You nod at her statement though. “I’m here to talk about the circumstances of your overdose.” You chuckle.
“You and everyone else, it would seem.” You fold your hands in front of you and look down at them. The woman walks around the bed toward the chair Bucky usually sat in.
“May I?” she asks, gesturing to the chair. You nod and she sits, though she does scoot it back before doing so. “So, Y/N. Tell me about yourself.” You laugh out loud.
“Can we skip that part? It’s not the important stuff anyways. You want to know why I’m an addict.”
“I didn’t say that, Y/N. You did.”
“It’s what you were thinking, wasn’t it?”
“Actually, no, I wasn’t. I was thinking that you were someone with a lot of pressure on your shoulders and who doesn’t have anyone to share the burden with.” You look up at her. “Am I wrong?” You look away for a minute before looking back at her.
“You’re not wrong.” She nods.
“Let’s jump into the important stuff then. Why do you push everyone away?”
“Would you believe me if I said that I didn’t push them away? That they left?”
“The hundreds of missed calls from Steve Rogers over the past 7 years would say otherwise, but sure. Why do you feel that way?” You sigh.
“My parents died when I was young. I grew up in foster care, passed from family to family when they realized I wasn’t the perfect girl they wanted. I got out when I turned 18 and ended up with the wrong crowd. But you know all that, I’m sure.” Dr. Raynor chuckles, but doesn’t say anything, so you continue. “I bet you didn’t know that I almost got myself killed when I was 19 because I picked a fight with someone bigger than my own size, and that’s how I met Steve. He swooped in like a hero and rescued me but realized that I wasn’t going to stop. He saw something in me, the stupid foster kid with no sense of self-preservation and brought me back to the Tower. I met the Avengers and Tony kept me on as an assistant, but I managed to weasel my way into a few missions, proving that I could fight just like the rest of them.” Dr. Raynor nods, taking notes on her little notepad as you talked. She looked up at you expectantly, but you don’t continue.
“Where do the pills come into play?” You chuckle at her question.
“Started out innocently enough.”
“It usually does, Y/N. I have never met someone who woke up one day and decided to be an addict.” You nod at her comment.
“I got hurt and the pills helped. I realized, though, that as much as they helped with the physical pain, they helped with the emotional pain. I guess you could say I needed a shrink a long time ago.” It’s Dr. Raynor’s turn to chuckle at your comment.
“How long did you use that time?”
“A few months. Bucky was living here by then and he is the one who noticed it.” You feel a pang of sadness, but hope you hide it well. “Got me through the detox and I was fine.”
“Fine. You use that word a lot for someone who deals with such intense emotional turmoil, Y/N.” You chuckle.
“Yeah. I figure if I say it enough, I’ll start to believe it.”
“The fact that we’re here should tell you something about that thought process.” You chuckle again.
“You’re not wrong.”
“So what happened this time? Your doctor, Dr…” she looks down at the notebook in front of her. “Dr. Banner said it had been 4 years of using at the time of your overdose?” She looks up at you expectantly. You nod.
“Uhm, I mean, the blip happened and I got some help with an old back injury. I almost didn’t fill the prescription. I think I kind of knew this would happen.”
“Why did you then?”
“Uhm, I’m not.. I mean, I think I wanted a break for a little while. Thought I could handle it. But it went from bad to worse and here we are.”
“People don’t use like you did for 4 years and get out of it alive, Y/N. You mentioned the blip. What about the blip pushed you to this?”
“Bucky.” The word slips out before you can stop yourself and you sigh. The doctor writes something on her paper.
“What about Bucky?”
“He was gone.”
“And you were still close when the blip happened?”
“I mean, no. I hadn’t seen him in 2 years when the blip happened.”
“Why not?”
“Just drifted apart I guess,” you said quietly and you’re pretty sure that Dr. Raynor doesn’t buy that, but she doesn’t say anything more about it.
“What escalated you to an overdose?” You thought back.
“It was a lot of little things, I guess. It took more and more to make myself forget. I needed more pills, or more alcohol. I did everything I could to get rid of myself and the dreams, and the pain and all the rest of it. And then…” you trailed off. Dr. Raynor just waited patiently. “I was, uh, I was raped.” The words come out quietly and Dr. Raynor nods beside me, writing something else on the paper in front of her. “Everything kind of spiraled from there.” You look down at your hands.
“That loss of control must have been very difficult for you.”
“I deserved it.” She furrows her brows.
“Why do you say that?”
“I mean, I was the one who was high. I did that. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Were you able to consent to what was happening?” You look up at her. She is looking at you expectantly.
“I don’t think so, no. I couldn’t have told you my name let alone anything else.”
“Then it was rape, and no one deserves that. Ever.” Her words are firm, telling you there is no room for argument. “No matter how drunk or high you are, you deserve autonomy over your body.” You look at her, tears filling in your eyes. You reach up and rub them away harshly before she talks again. “I would like to continue meeting with you, Y/N. If you’d let me.” You nod, not looking at her. “I know this is difficult for you. You’ve learned that those who you allow in leave, and that makes trusting me difficult. But you don’t need to worry about me leaving. I am here as long you allow me to be.”
“Thank you,” you mumble. Dr. Raynor stands, and you look up at her.
“You’ll get through this, Y/N. I already know you are a strong young woman, and you will get through this.” She smiles at you, before walking around your bed, stopping at the doorway. She turns back to me. “I’ll see you in a few days.” You smile at her.
“I’ll see you then,” you say, and she nods, walking out the door.
It’s a few minutes before Bucky enters the room again, walking back around to his chair, scooting it back up to the bed, his knees pushed against the side of it.
“So how was Dr. Raynor?”
“She didn’t run away screaming so I guess that’s a positive.” Bucky laughs at your comment, and you would listen to it every minute of the rest of your life and never get tired of it. You blush at your thought and look away from him, hoping he doesn’t notice. If he does, he doesn’t mention it.
“Bruce says you are almost ready to get off these machines.” You look over at him and he’s studying you.
“That’s good,” is your lame response.
“You would have to stay in the Tower.” You nod, not surprised. It would be months before they would trust you enough to move back into the City. If ever, you realize, and the same cagey feeling from before returns with a vengeance. You look over Bucky’s head, out the window behind him. He turns around, looking in the same place. You sigh.
A while later, you wake up from a restless nap. The longer you are clean, the more the nightmares return, and you wake up to a sad, knowing smile from Bucky. You rub your eyes and stretch and open your eyes to him holding up a hoodie and sweatpants.
“What’s that for?”
“I’m breaking you out.” He has a smile on his face, but you are just confused. “Come on. It’ll be fun. Put these on.” He tosses them on top of you and turns around, even covering his eyes with his hands. You laugh but move to stand up. You get the sweatpants on easily, but, after getting your hospital gown off, you get tangled in the heart monitor cords and IVs and everything else connected to yourself, the hoodie over your head awkwardly. After a moment of trying to untangle yourself, you sigh.
“Bucky, I need help.” He turns around quickly, but you watch a blush spread over his cheeks as he sees you in your bra, the hoodie over your head awkwardly. You blush, too, but Bucky gets to work untangling you from the wires and cords, and, with every brush of his fingers, cold or warm, on your skin, you curse at the reaction your body has to the super soldier. Finally, though, you are untangled from the cords and wires and the hoodie covers your torso. You look down at it, realizing it is a Brooklyn hoodie. You know then that it’s Bucky’s and your cheeks heat up again.
“Ready?” he says, the blush finally leaving his cheeks. You nod and try to stand up. Your legs are shaky, but you steady yourself. Bucky places his hand gently on the small of your back, probably trying to help steady you, but the contact makes your knees weak again. You fall forward and his arms are around your waist before you fall to the ground. He pulls you against him, steadying you. You mumble a thank you into his chest, and curse yourself for your antics, but you feel at home in his arms. After a few seconds, Bucky looks down at you.
“You good?” You nod and he releases your body, hands staying close to make sure that you are steady. You smile at him after a moment, nodding and Bucky grabs onto one of the hospital poles beside your bed. You realize it has a small heart monitor and your IV bag on one pole, telling you that Bruce at least knows about your adventure. Bucky walks slowly beside you as you walk toward the elevator. Once you, Bucky and all your equipment are in the elevator, he pushes the button to take you to the roof. You look up at him with curious eyes, but he just smiles at you.
After a few moments, the doors open, and you see the sunset across the horizon. The Tower is tall enough that you can see for miles in any direction, and you feel the warm air on your skin for the first time in weeks. Bucky smiles at you and takes your hand in his own, walking you toward the edge of the building where he has two chairs and a small picnic set up.
“You didn’t have to do this, Bucky,” you say as you sit in one of the chairs. He smiles at you.
“I know, but I wanted to. I know how it bothered you to be locked inside and you needed to eat anyways.”
“Thank you,” you say, your eyes filling with tears again. Bucky smiles and nods. You look back out at the sunset, the sky filling with all kinds of bright colors and your stomach filling with butterflies.
If Only I Could Get To You First (Bucky Barnes One Shot)
Summary: Bucky Barnes and you have been best-friends, but unknowing to the other you both are also in love with the other. Though everyone else seems to know.
Pairing: Modern!Bucky Barnes x Plus Size!Fem!Reader
Warnings: Modern AU, swearing, past domestic abuse (non descriptive), mutual pining, fake dating, confessions, best friends, angst, fluff, i just want to squish bucky into a hug, brock rumlow is a dick head, hurt/comfort, love confessions, crying, loving from afar
In the list of bad ideas your best friend compelled you into, only two ever worked out in your favour.
One was sneaking into your first high school party, you’d had your first kiss.
The second was when she pushed you onto the dance floor at the frat house’s halloween party and you bumped into the warlock.
“Woah, easy there.” He’d caught you with a charming grin and his blue eyes. Your lungs would not breathe till he would tell you too.
“Are you alright?” Those blue eyes to a once over, checking for any sign of injury.
“I’m—I’m so sorry, I lost my footing.” You look to the side to glare at your best friend but she is luckily not in your line of vision.
“Woah, doll, who is on the receiving end of that glare?” He wonders loudly over the music which somehow doesn’t bother you.
“My best friend pushed me.” You explain, sighing.
“We could work on a hex.” He offers, you let out a laugh, he’d interpreted your last minute outfit well enough, deep red turtle neck and skirt with a borrowed blonde wig.
“You’re the first person to know who am I.” You smile, he bows.
“The others are beneath our intellect. Do you want to move to the side?”
You nod, his hand finds yours and the night floats away.
“James Barnes, warlock for tonight. What is your name Sabrina Spellman?” He offers his name and then you give him yours.
Conversation flows on, in the little nook of the house.
Movies, TV Shows, a heavy argument about Professor Snape and Dumbledore and then academic choices.
Time went on numbers exchanged, as were memes.
Coffee tumblers refilled over hours every Wednesday.
Movie marathons, study dates, celebrating A pluses and even the occasional C minus.
Pranking his very unhygienic third roommate by placing cups of detergent all over his room and a few cups of water.
————————————————–
You had known his close friends called him Bucky, it was never defined across the months of your blooming friendship if you could call him that name.
Bucky wondered why you hadn’t yet, maybe you did not consider him as close as he presumed. He had no inclination to ask out of fear to ruin the friendship he found within you.
it changed one night, at three a.m. your phone vibrated near your head, you were still dressed in the day’s clothes. Work had been terrible, so you deserved a night off of regular activities.
Reaching for the angrily vibrating device your bleary vision widens, you pick up the call.
“James? Is everything okay?”
“Could I come over?” Is all he asked, sounding broken.
You answered with an instant yes, quickly changing into a jumper and a hoodie. waiting for him in the living room.
His knocks sounded hesitant, almost as if he were reconsidering his choices.
You’re greeted by a heartbreaking sight.
James Barnes, with his hair a tousled mess, eyes puffy and red. Your heart seizes with worry.
“Natalie and I broke it off. I well, Sam saw her out with Zemo. She did not even deny it. How could she do this to me, Firefly?” He even sounds broken, as your nickname falls from his lips.
He lets you pull him into your warm embrace, his arms wrapping around you, pulling your body close into his. He sighs deeply as he finds comfort.
The tears do brim anew, his shoulders shake.
“Bucky,” You hesitate, a hand stroking the back of his head. You guide him to the couch, retrieving your stash of ice cream and running back to him.
He gives a half hearted smile seeing the flavour, a shared favourite.
You give your own beaming grin of encouragement.
“Here is your mission choose you accept it.” You hand him a spoon. He chuckles slightly.
“To finish this entire pint of ice cream with me.”
The ice cream doesn’t stand a chance.
————————————————–
Bucky has good days and bad ones for three months after the break up, the timing awful between midterms and assignments but they served distraction.
To celebrate the end of the torturous examinations you both make your way around New York City. In search of 1 am pizza.
“How are you?” You know it is a question she could dodge but the way he seemed to carry himself slowly coming into his own had given you hope.
Bucky only stiffens for a moment at the question, progress you deem.
“Honestly I feel it was a good thing.” He takes a bite; the cheese pulls and he grins in approval. You take a picture of him as he makes a silly face, both laughing now.
“I might not date for a while but I know I will eventually.” He informs of the decision.
“That is good.” You pat his back, taking your own bite as he in turn takes a picture of you pulling a silly face.
Slowly your phone memory is filled with several outings with your now extended group of friends, and several more with Bucky. He returns back to himself after a few months more, after a few okay-ish dates and he finds himself seeking your company.
He grabs a bouquet of your favourite flowers, his legs need no guidance to the familiar path of your home. Bucky stands near the entrance as the doorman, Percy smiles at him with kind eyes.
“She’s gone out.” Percy tells him, therefore Bucky waits, leaning against the wall phone in his hand scrolling through the fresh batch of micro sized comedy he could send to you.
Familiar sounding laughter pulls him in, your bright face greets his view, then your fingers curl around an arm. He follows the touching limbs to see the face of Rumlow.
You seemed so radiant around the man. Bucky clutches the bouquet tighter as though in an attempt to ground himself or stop his heart from breaking before it could even be given to you.
Rumlow turns you before you can leave his embrace to go to your apartment. Your laughter carries through to Bucky. He watches, lips pressed into a thin line.
Rumlow pulls you close, whispering something your ear, you bite your lip nodding.
Bucky could hear his heart cracking over the noise around him, as your lips are upon that man’s own. He turns, walking away still clutching the bouquet.
Bucky Barnes and you — best friends through college. Maybe that shouldn’t change.
Bucky nods to himself, his feelings probably arose because of the time spent together and your friendship growing deeper. So he tucks this little crush upon you away, and decides that best friends is what you both are meant to be.
————————————————–
Seven months after graduation, Natasha nurses your busted lip. Vodka on the table is also for drinking she tells you. It soothes the ache from your broken heart and lip.
Your phone still unresponsive from the one person you need. How many texts does it take for a best friend to respond?
“I could call him.” Natasha offers as you shake your head.
“I, my texts should be enough, I left him calls as well.” You explain, “Could, could you ask Steve where is he?”
Natasha studies your face, she knows you’re hurt over Bucky not responding. Brock Rumlow was the furthest thing from your mind and heart.
“I will,” She promises and your phone rings, your best friend’s face flashing across the screen.
You take the call knowing the odd time difference between the two of you had her more on edge.
“Hey,” You greet.
“Don’t hey me, did you report him?” She all but yells.
“I don’t want to associate any further—,”
“Bullshit, you absolutely should report that piece of shit unless Barnes has murdered him already, so you cannot call the cops cause then he will be in jail.” She cuts you off.
“I don’t think he knows yet.” You admit, Natasha looks at you, quietly speaking to Steve and updating him about what occurred.
“What do you mean? Is he okay? Because Barnes would not let that asshat breathe. Hell I’m taking the next plane out of Melbourne.” Her nails on the keyboard resound.
“No, no, don’t! Just, okay, look Nat patched me up and she also said vodka’s good for the pain as well so I’m fine and he’s, he’s probably busy…” You defend Bucky, once again.
“Babe, he has been busy awful lot since he started dating that bimbo bitch.” She clicks her tongue, annoyed at the man.
“Look can we just, drop the whole thing, I, I think I need to sleep, and you need to get to work.” You remind her.
“Just leave me messages through the day alright and no memes or links coherent language only.” She warns you.
“Yes alright coherent language only.” You promise.
Nat comes by with a plate of food, placing it in front with a fork. You stare at the pasta for a minute.
“I called Steve, he got through, Bucky is out with her…” She trails off.
“Oh, did Steve say anything?” You hesitate to ask, Nat shakes her head.
“He knows you wouldn’t like her to know so he just made sure Bucky would check his messages.” She gnaws at her bottom lip struggling to say something.
“What?” You look at her.
“You should really report him, this wasn’t the first time was it?” She states you look down at your hands.
“No.” You close your eyes at the admission.
“How long have you kept things from us? From Bucky?” She places a gentle hand over your forearm.
“He, he was very particular, no where where anyone would know. Started two months ago. I tried breaking up after the first time but—,” Your vision blurs, the tears are harder to hold back.
“Do you want me to take pictures? I know we can file a case, or at least a restraining order…” Natasha tries to coax you to listen to her but you just shake you head.
“I can’t I don’t want more trouble, Nat. It’s over he’s gone. The fight was more about him shifting to L.A. and me not wanting to follow.”
“Are you in love with him still?”
“I never was, I just, I thought I could learn to love him and then he just tried to beat it into me…” You shudder in remembrance.
Natasha leaves the topic, knowing that it was difficult to walk away even let alone relive the ordeal.
It is four days later at the scheduled game night that you see Bucky, you don’t greet him.
He furrows his brow when you move away from the living room to the bathroom before he can take a good look at you.
“Where’s Rumlow?” He questions and the room turns silent.
“Did you not see her messages?” Steve crosses his arms.
“What messages?” Bucky retrieves his phone.
“Barnes, when did you last speak to her?” Nat questions then scoffs as Sharon wraps her arm around his wrist pushing the phone down.
“A few days ago, why?” He answers, running a hand along Sharon’s arm.
“Bucky.” She pouts.
“What is it baby?” He questions, being distracted from the conversation at hand by his girlfriend.
“Bucky you should go speak to Y/N.” Steve adds with a bit more seriousness.
“What happened, is she, is Firefly alright?” He looks up in worry.
“Ugh, she always wants your attention.” Sharon whispers loudly, “Does she not have her own boyfriend?”
“Don’t you have better things to do than cling to Bucky’s arm? Or is your default personality trait whiny girlfriend only?” Natasha uses the same tone as Sharon.
Sam covers up his laugh with a cough.
“Bucky.” Sharon whines again then moves away to go to the balcony sniffling and tears welling up.
“Crocodile tears.” Nat rolls her eyes.
“Nat.” Bucky gives an exasperated look, chasing behind Sharon to mend things.
“Steve, please let me punch him.” Nat pleads.
“You know she doesn’t want us to tell him, how has he not responded after the texts? We all got them.” Steve sighs taking another sip of his beer.
You return, wiping you eyes, for any stray tears or mascara.
“Whats got her in pain now?” You ask, a look of disdain taking over. You try not to stretch your lip as the sting from the cut still presents itself.
“Nat called her whiny.” Sam chuckles.
“Nat…” You sigh.
“What, it’s about time we call her out.” She shrugs.
“How are you holding up?” Sam questions, eyes on your busted lip.
“Eh, been better will be better soon I guess?” You shrug and wince as the pain in your shoulder blade presents itself.
“And now she’s making a face at me!” Sharon accuses you and then goes back to the balcony.
Bucky’s heavy sigh echoes through the room.
“Firefly, can you not? I know you all don’t like her much but I do okay? Christ some best friend you are,” Bucky turns back to once again console his girlfriend running a hand through his hair in frustration.
“Some best friend?” Your cold tone makes Bucky turn to face you, a quip ready on his exhausted tongue, he doesn’t get to speak because he finally takes in your appearance.
The bags under your eyes, the redness housed within them, the busted lip you have and the slight wince as you take a deep breath.
“I’m going to kill him.” Bucky connects the dots in his mind.
“No need, these were days ago, I needed you and you were not there James.” You accuse, tears brimming once more.
“I, Steve said to see my texts but I had none from you… Steve why did you not say anything?”
“You could have called me. You, I left you voicemails, crying sobbing, asking for you. For your help. You weren’t there. They didn’t say anything because I wanted to tell you but then again, your time and devotion is pre-booked. Let me know when a slot opens up, I can summarise the whole thing in two minutes, the least I can do as some best friend.” You sneer, walking towards the door in no mood to stay any longer.
Bucky mechanically follows you,
“Firefly, I—, I swear I don’t have any messages, I’m not lying!”
“You could have called!” You accuse.
“I was out—,” Bucky tries to grasp your hand.
“Like I said, I know you’re too busy, for me.” You press the call button several times more waiting for the elevator to come up faster.
“That is no excuse, I’m so sorry, I just, please stay, we can talk.” His hand reaches to grab your shoulder. A painful sound escapes you and you flinch away from him.
“Where else did he hurt you?” Bucky’s tone holds no emotion, you look up at his face, the stoic expression masks his feelings but the anger in his blue eyes is reaching its summit.
Your eyes shift to the elevator when it dings to signal the opening of the doors.
“You aren’t leaving.” Bucky informs you.
“I do not want to talk about this.” You tell him, feeling like your heart might break again.
“I do. I need to know what did he do, because he won’t be breathing after I’m done with him.”
“It doesn’t work that way.” Your eyes shift to Sharon who rolls her eyes at you, then puts on a pout when Bucky turns to look at her.
“Bucky,” “Not now Sharon.”
Bucky turns back, but you’re inside the elevator. He steps ahead to join you, the doors begin closing his fingertips just graze the border where the sensors would have the automatic doors reopen.
He’s pulled back by his arm by Sharon, you look down. Heart breaking again, that you can’t even be prioritised by your best friend. He won’t even fight for you.
Bucky catches the quiet sob that escapes past your lips at wrapping itself around his heart squeezing upon it.
“Do you have any semblance that someone else could have bigger problems that you?” Bucky looks at Sharon, taking his arm out of hers.
“Baby,” She begins her fake tears again.
“God, not with this again. Sharon, seriously please.” Bucky groans in frustration.
“You want to spend all your time with that stupid bitch.” She complains as Bucky turns to press the elevators if he is fast enough he can catch up to you.
“She’s my best friend. She needs me.” Bucky glares at Sharon.
“No, she does not she managed to find help elsewhere four days ago, she just wants your attention.”
“What the fuck did you say?” Natasha verbalises the question brewing within Bucky.
“I-, no I said nothing! Nothing!” The blonde stutters in defence.
“Oh I’m going to smack this fucking bitch—,” Nat is pulled back by Steve.
“Did you delete Firefly’s messages and voicemails?” Bucky’s voice is low and cold, almost similar to what yours was towards him.
“I—, no,” Sharon gulps audibly, sweat breaking across her forehead.
“You have one more chance, did you fucking delete messages my best friend left for me, at a time she needed me?” Bucky’s hands form fists. Sharon had kept asking to take pictures on his phone, then sending herself the ones she liked thats when she must have deleted all of your communication to him.
“Bucky, it’s always, Firefly this and Firefly that, what about me?” Sharon defends, trying to move close to Bucky.
The elevator dings, opening on the floor. Bucky crosses the threshold.
“I’m going to send the elevator back up, I want you out of my life. My house key can be dropped off here at Natasha’s, don’t you dare try to contact me or anyone. It is over.”
Sharon’s final plea falls on deaf ears as the doors are closed and Bucky lets out a heavy sigh. He brings out his phone trying to call you as he jogs through the crowd towards the nearest station, checking the watch he knows the next train leaves in ten minutes.
Bucky calls out your name through the station, his breathing erratic. You have your hood up, not wanting to be spotted by him.
You can hear his calls, the way your phone vibrates in your pocket a frantic echo of his own booming voice.
“I’m sorry, I really am so sorry, it is no excuse she deleted the messages, fuck, I should have called. I should have been the one there. I’m your best friend. I should have caught on earlier.” He tenderly cups your face between his hands, guilt seeping into his bones.
His thumbs wipe your tears, you don’t want to have a public meltdown.
“Come on let’s get you home, I think we still have time to grab ice cream from Mrs. Lorena’s store.” His warm hands leave your face, but the warmth returns on your hands as he intertwines them with his, you want to cry all over again.
Bucky takes charge of leading you through the night train, you both stand in favour of the elderly couple who need the seats. They look at the two of you warmly.
You feel small, your hand never leaving his, he stays close with almost a protective stance over you.
Bucky notes the change in your demeanour. How you’re hiding away, flinching at loud sounds.
It eats at him how these small things had inculcated themselves into you the past months you were with Rumlow. He didn’t care about the consequences, he will beat the shit out of that fucker.
Your mind races, back to the night you first went out with Rumlow. Somehow your mind kept comparing what he did to Bucky. As though your tall brunette best friend should be the standard of all men.
————————————————–
You weren’t going to call Rumlow back, realising that maybe the reason you were comparing him to Bucky was because you were in love with your best friend, your Bucky.
The conversation was going to be simple, carry a bouquet of his favourite flowers, a letter in your hand filled with your confession. Your nerves singed with each step towards his door.
You rang the bell, once, twice; then you heard the laughter and kisses. Your heart sunk, you scrambled to hide at the other end of the hallway.
Bucky came into view with Sharon, the business major. They make their way to his door, lips meeting ever so often, you feel each one deliver a crack to your heart.
Maybe, maybe you were meant to be best friends only. The door closes and you can hear their sounds, you move past the corridor and exit the building.
Nodding to yourself, Bucky Barnes and you best friends through college.
————————————————–
“Firefly?” Bucky waves a hand in front of you, you blink, looking around.
“Huh?” You speak before realising.
“I asked where is your key ring?” Bucky looks at you in worry.
“Oh um,” You fish around for the familiar keyring handing it to him.
Bucky opens the door at sets down the bag of groceries. How long did you space out for?
“So, here is your mission, should you choose to accept it,” He brings out your favourite ice cream tub from the bag.
Your face breaks out into a grin, a laugh finally reverberating in your chest rather than sobs.
“Is it to eat this ice cream and talk to your idiot best friend.” Bucky holds up two spoons as an offer.
You grab one, then grab the tub and make a run for the living room couch.
“Oh no you don’t!” Bucky chases after you, you twist around the last minute your foot and his tangling with the fluffy carpet under the coffee table, you both land on the couch.
Bucky is above you as your foreheads collide and the tub of ice cream rolls onto the floor.
“Are you okay?” He questions, as you rub your forehead and his, the ache dies down slightly of the impact.
“Sort of,” You wince, then look at him.
The two of you lock gazes, heat blooms between you both. Red tinged cheeks.
Bucky had wondered how it would be, to hold you this close.
You had wondered how it would be, to have him in your arms.
Both of you break out of your thoughts and scramble to sit up. Ankles still caught in the carpet, you both slide down the couch, ending with your straddling his hips.
His hands move to your hips and yours wrap around his neck.
Bucky feels your warm breath fan across his face, how is it you fit so well against him, as though you belong next to him.
You feel his fingers gently squeeze your hips, how is it that your arms encircle him as though he belongs between them, next to you.
You feel something poke your thigh. Bucky’s eyes widen.
“Um, is is that…”
“No um, no,”
Bucky panics at your suggestion quickly moving you from his lap to beside him on the floor.
The spoons clatter to the floor between his legs.
The sigh that leaves from Bucky’s lips has you laugh, he joins in. Shoulders shaking and heads thrown back in mirth.
Your head on his shoulder and his resting on of top yours.
Laughter and giggles filling the apartment after months.
————————————————–
It is another month later when you all are at your weekly game night at Bucky and Steve’s place.
“Barnes, who are you taking to the wedding then?” Sam questions between shuffling the deck of Uno Cards.
“What wedding?” You curiously look up Bucky sighs, shoulders deflating.
“Maya is getting married, and insisted I bring someone along, and well they wanted to meet my girlfriend but I’ve broken up.” He explains, placing a chip in his mouth.
“So just tell them?” You quirk an eyebrow.
“You remember Maya right?” He looks at you with an incredulous gaze.
“And Mr. Barnes here hasn’t told her, he’s broken up. Wanted to show off the whiney girl.” Sam announces.
“Winnie Barnes would not approve.” Steve adds quietly and Bucky groans.
Nat gives you a look before looking down into her phone. You blink a few times not understanding what that look meant.
Your phone chimes, your eyebrows furrow at the message.
Best Friend: go as his fake date to the wedding, his family adores you.
Me: who even told you?
Best Friend: not important.
You look up with a glare at Natasha.
Best Friend: don’t glare at her. She’s an innocent baby.
Me: I’m not doing the fake date thing. Not with Bucky, it will be hard.
Best Friend: come on, he looks at you the same way.
Me:he doesn’t. and also bye. i’m not having this conversation again.
You place your phone back, looking up at the four of them staring at you.
“What?” You question, picking up your seven cards.
“Do you have any solution for Bucky?” Steve wonders, you look at Nat, she shrugs innocently.
You narrow your eyes at her.
“Let me think.” You bide your time. Bucky inhales deeply, seeing his own set of cards.
Your phone chimes again, you control the groan that whats to leave you.
Best Friend: listen, just trust me okay? When have I said something that turned to shit?
Me: its only twice your plans have not turned to shit.
Best Friend: ouch. this won’t turn to shit come on, help him out. I’ll ask Nat to let you win.
Me: as if I need to be let to win.
Best Friend: she has 4 draw fours.
Me: what the fuck?
You look up and Nat discreetly shows you proof.
“Say the word and you get them.” Nat whispers.
More encouragement comes through from your best friend.
“What if, Bucky, you take a fake date…” You clear your throat.
“Maya will catch on its a fake date and then it will be a mess, I just will fake a work thing.”
“What if I go? As your um fake date?” You offer, placing your cards face down near the space between you and Nat.
“Are you sure? I mean they may believe it…” Bucky trails off in thought.
“I mean, only if you’re comfortable… Just Maya will be upset if you don’t go at all and not having a date should not stop you—,”
“No, I think it should work, we know each other well enough to pretend to be in love.” Bucky grins.
You try not to wince, “Yup, yeah, won’t be hard to pretend.” You agree.
“Thank you, Firefly.” Bucky beams for the remainder of the game even as you beat his ass with your exchanged cards.
————————————————–
BestFriend: so who wants to bet on they return as an official couple? I place a 100 bucks.
Natasha: add my 100 to that
Sam: nah man they’re too scared to admit it.
Steve: they won’t damage the friendship.
Best Friend: Oh lil Samuel and lil Steve ya’ll better be ready to pay up.
————————————————–
You grasp the handle of your suitcase a little tighter as Bucky’s car pulls around the corner. You walk closer to the edge where he could park for a few moments as you would load up your things.
Bucky set the car into park stepping out and greeting you with a wide smile. You return the gesture, he envelopes you into one of his warm hugs. Easing your nerves.
“Here give it to me and you can hang the dress near the suit.” Bucky takes your small suitcase and you open the backseat door his navy suit hanging from the hook, you place your own dress near it. Checking for any folds and then getting into the front seat with him.
“So um,” He says after a few moments of silence.
“Yeah?” You look at him, he seems nervous.
“We need to get our stories straight…” He hints you nod.
“When did we start dating, first date, who asked who?” You list, he nods.
“Guess watching those rom-coms proved to be useful.” He chuckles, you swat his arm lightly.
“Okay so we sort of confessed a few months ago, but we were scared to ruin the friendship.” He offers, which in a sense was true for him, though he never confessed. Even though he had fallen for you.
“Yes and we decided to date other people, but those didn’t work out so we decided to give it a shot cause the feelings never went away.” Which was true you think, at the back of your mind you were in love with him.
“Okay, yes so we’re dating since a month and a half…” He offers, you hum in agreement.
“Yep and first date…” you pause to think.
“Ice cream parlour.” He offers, you smile that was actually your first outing as friends.
“Yeah, and you had the cherry stuck to your nose with whipped cream.” You begin to laugh.
“Oh right miss, whipped cream moustache.” He gives you a look, chuckling as well.
“Oh right, you looked like a clown.” You roll your eyes.
“And you were my sidekick.” Bucky teases.
“Alright, alright, and we both confessed, got each other flowers and stuff.” You admit, you had put the flower in resin.
Bucky grips the wheel, he had gotten one flower’s petals from the bouquet preserved.
“Yeah, that, that sounds romantic enough.” He clears his throat. The earlier tension seeping back into him, was this a mistake? What if he said something stupid.
“Hey, um, Buck?” Your hand rests on his shoulder.
He looks at you at the stop sign.
“If, if at any point you feel the whole faking thing gets too much lets you know keep a safe word and we’ll you know revert to being best friends and try to exit that situation okay?” You offer.
“You’re perfect you know? I was nervous what if it gets too much for either of us and this yeah the safe word is sensible.” He agrees.
“So whats our safe word?” You question.
“Draw-four.” His mouth twists as though he can taste the loss against your multiple draw fours that you saved just for him at the one on one game.
You can’t help but laugh, “Okay, draw-four it is.”
Bucky shakes his head, shifting the gear as the green light comes into view.
“Also, Firefly, I want you to be comfortable I know what the fucker did might linger or come back at random moments, I know you’re doing well with therapy but if it gets too much or if anything triggers you, please tell me. I will get you out of that situation or help you as you need okay?” He says, you feel your chest constrict at the intensity of him caring about you.
“I will, Bucky, I promise.” You give his hand a squeeze oer the gearshift.
————————————————–
The two hour journey to the venue has you both slightly tired, mostly hungry. The rehearsal dinner was the event you both had to dress up first for, as you both enter the venue.
A squeal has you both turn.
“Maya.” Bucky grins opening his arms for his cousin to come crashing into him.
“I thought you were going to ditch my wedding.” She complains but then bounces excited, “Now introduce me to your date!” her eyes turn to you, widening.
You offer a smile your congratulations to her caught in your throat as she screams excitedly once again.
“Oh my god, I knew it! I knew this would be best friends to lovers! James you did good! Wait till I tell Aunt Winnie and Becca!” Maya cheers pulling you into a hug. You hug back and Bucky scratches the back of his neck giving you a nervous look.
Maybe it would not be hard to convince them that you both were in love he thinks…. The only problem was how does he convince himself not to blabber to you.
You feel Maya’s excitement seep into you as well when she pulls away, jumping slightly.
“Congratulations!” You cheer.
“Girl, you have to tell me how did you both realise.” She raises a finger up in warning.
“I will, I will.” You give a promise to the bride.
“What is all this commotion?” Winnie Barnes steps out of the room that Maya was in, her smile widening as she spots her son.
You admire them as they hug after months of staying apart.
Winnie pulls away from the hug, running a hand over Bucky’s hair and then cupping his jaw.
“Ma, don’t cry you saw me yesterday on video-call.” Bucky wipes her tears.
“Not the same,” She pats his head, placing a kiss on his forehead.
“I love you.” He engulfs her in a hug again.
“I love you too, sunshine.” She smiles warmly.
“Now where is this mystery date of yours, hiding things from your Ma,” She gives him a small glare, Bucky widens his eyes. He scrambles to turn and his hand is outstretched towards you, you intertwine your fingers with his, stepping next to him.
“Bucky, you better not be lying.” She looks between the two of you, his grip tightens on your hand.
“We’re not, Mrs. Barnes—,”
“Sweetheart, Winnie for you always.” His mom corrects you, a warm smile.
She cups your cheek as well.
“So he finally came to his senses.” She teases.
“We both did…” You add with a smile, looking up at Bucky, admiring him.
Bucky looks down at you, your gazes transfixed upon each-other his blue eyes inviting.
Bucky wants to be lost in your eyes, drowning in their deepness. Submerging himself in the affection that they currently hold for him.
A flash has you both turn and shake your heads.
“I need one for the album.” Maya reasons and Bucky sighs.
“Send me a copy?” You offer trying to dissipate the tension.
“Why don’t you both settle into your room? And no funny business.” Winnie warns, you both pale.
“Ma, I would, no—,” Bucky stutters, a blush coating his cheeks.
Winnie looks at you, before laughing.
“He better be treating you right, sweetheart, if not just tell me. I’ll sort him out.” She gives him a warning look.
Then Winnie cups your cheek, “I am so happy you’re with him.” She says earnest.
Guilt gnaws at you, Winnie probably would be heartbroken if she knew you both were lying through your teeth.
“Sir, Ma’am, your room is ready, we’ll have the luggage delivered to your room in the next ten minutes.” The receptionist hands you the keycards.
“Well go freshen up I’ll see you both at seven-thirty for the rehearsal dinner.”
With a final hug to Winnie and Maya both of you sauntered into your room. Bucky looks at the bed. The only bed.
“Um, I’ll take the sofa.” He offers.
“Bucky that sofa is not even going to fit your legs…” You inform him.
“We’ll just make a wall of pillows?” You offer.
“Are you sure?” His mind wanders to the night you were in his arms, straddling his lap.
He coughs to remind himself; not to let his mind wander astray.
You nod, at what you don’t know, it’s not like you both haven’t cuddled or been in each other’s physical space before. Road trips you both pretty much sat next to each other fell asleep listening to songs so why was this different?
“Is it cool if I shower first?” Bucky turns to the bathroom, “Oh fuck me.” He mutters.
“What?” You follow his line of vision.
What kind of hotel was this?
The wall between the bathroom and bedroom wasn’t opaque it was a glass, a very transparent glass. The door was made on frosted glass, but again you would be able to understand what was going on.
You gulp audibly.
Bucky opens the door to check if there is a curtain or towel to cover the pane.
The bathroom proves to be larger, inside, the toilet seat away from the view only the glass shower and bathtub can be perceived from the glass.
You peek from the glass as Bucky rests his hands on his hips as he looks around for a solution.
“Shower with swimsuits?” He offers an idea.
“Bucky I didn’t carry one…” You scratch the back of your neck, suddenly everything feels incredibly warm.
“Underwear then…”
“How about we just shower while the other one faces away? Or lays in bed…” you counter.
It seems plausible, Bucky purses his lips, then nods.
“So um, you lay down, stretch your feet out and I’ll um, shower first then I’ll lay down…” He runs a hand through his hair and then over his stubble.
You nod, grabbing your phone and turning to the bed.
Bucky grabs his toiletries and powers through going to the very open bathroom. Maybe the hot water will fog up the glass?
You immediately text your best friend and Natasha about the one bed and very daunting bathroom situation but they just send stupid laughing emojis in response.
You groan.
Some friends they are, the shower runs and from your angle on the bed you can’t see a thing apart from the ceiling of the bathroom, you sigh.
It would just be easier to admit to Bucky you have feelings for him. You can’t risk your friendship though.
Bucky sighs in content as the droplets hit his skin. The warm water taking away the stress of the day and tenseness in his shoulders. He watches the rivulets trail from his body to the anti skid flooring. One hand on the wall.
His mind briefly wonders what would it be like to have his ex here and then he dismisses the thought. Sharon and he were supposed to be a one off a distraction from his growing feelings for you.
Then she got clingy, demanding every waking minute of his to be hers to fill with herself and her own needs and wants.
Bucky sighs again, the suds of soap now turning clear. He grabs the towel, checking the glass sure enough it is fogged up by the heat.
He puts on his boxers and jeans as he exits and your voice catches in your throat as a lone rivulet makes its was down his neck then chest then abdomen, ending just over the taut band of muscles and you feel as though the world is in slow motion.
“Take a picture it will last longer.” Bucky teases bringing you out of your staring.
“I h-hope you didn’t use up all t-the hot water.” You stutter get up grabbing your set of things from your bag.
The outfit for tonight was a simple purple jumpsuit that brought out your curves, and chest. Long sleeves but very comfortable.
Bucky lays down, texting Sam and Steve finally about what was happening. They both offered him advice on avoiding the shared bed but then the picture of the couch he sent had them agree with your pillow wall idea.
As the shower runs he feels himself grow less confident in his plan to have you both pretending, he was so sure he’d slip up.
When you exit Bucky’s lips part the deep purple of the jumpsuit bringing out the colour of your skin and eyes. The neckline of the outfit was probably his favourite, it was low, and accentuated your chest as the sleeves were the ones that had slits on them.
It showed skin but in a way that was risqué but classy.
The fabric hugged the curve of your hips and Bucky wanted to pull you close to him just so he could feel your warmth.
“Take a picture it will last longer.” You tease him and he shakes his head, observing you do your make up. He’d seen it before the way your tongue would poke out in concentration as you picked which eyeshadow to use or if the colours were going well with what you were wearing.
You turn to him once you’re done,
“Can you see if these are even?” You sit next to him on the bed closing your eyes.
Bucky’s eyes are on your lips and not eyelids. He traces their outline with his gaze, appearing so soft and so inviting.
“Bucky? Is the eyeliner equal?” You open your eyes as he looks up at your confused expression.
“Yes, um w-was just ma-making sure they were equal…” He stammers out quickly getting up and to further aid drying his hair. He was growing it out again.
The two of you make it downstairs, Bucky’s arm slips around your waist before you enter. Pulling you close to his warmth. You smile up at him.
“You look beautiful.” He admits looking down at you with a smile that sends flutters through your stomach.
“You look quite handsome yourself.” You offer him an equally butterfly inducing smile.
Bucky knows his heart will break this weekend but if he gets to pretend to be yours then its worth it.
You look up at Bucky stealing a final glance before walking through the door. You suddenly realise that maybe, maybe basking in this pretend would at-least give you a taste of happiness, even if the magic would end come Monday morning.
As the two of you find your seating next to Rebecca, who also is elated at you being the secret girlfriend. The dinner begins to go by without a hitch.
Emotional words are said in the practice speeches and the love between Maya and her to be husband, Marcus; is felt through all the attendees, tying them all together.
Bucky has his arm around the back of your chair, as you all wait for dessert. He doesn’t realise it when he begins to trace soft patters along your mid back. You lean into his comforting touch, allowing him to continue.
When you look up at him, your breath hitches at how intently he looks at you. Those azure eyes taking in every bit of your own eyes.
“Oh come on, just kiss already.” Rebecca’s voice stops the patterns being drawn upon you.
“W-what?” You look at her in confusion.
“You both look like you want to tear into each other.” She rolls her eyes, “Just kiss we’re all adults. Well except the kids table in the corner but,” Rebecca shrugs.
Bucky leans in deciding to kiss your cheek just to shut his sister’s mouth. You then turn to face him just when his lips were to brush you cheek.
His soft, slightly chapped lips brush over yours, his eyes widen for a moment. Then he closes them, his hand cups your jaw. You feel that damned fluttering feeling again, as you kiss him back. Your palm resting on his chest. His heart thundering wildly against his chest.
The kiss lasts for a few moments, that feel as though time was slowed down, all too soon you pull away from him. Biting your own bottom lip and a deep blush creeping across your chest and neck.
“What did you just start dating?” Rebecca comments, “That looked like a middle schooler’s kiss.”
Bucky tries to make sense, you try to make sense as well. Because what the fuck, you both just kissed each other.
“We aren’t into PDA.” You defend with a sip of your drink to soothe the nerves.
Your hand rests on Bucky’s knee, a grounding action that the two of you needed.
Back, in the room; he begins to undo his shirt, he’s halfway done when he pauses.
“Firefly?”
You turn to face him, the make up from your face gone.
“Bucky?”
“Was, was the kiss okay?” He fidgets with the cufflink as he undoes it.
“I um, guess yeah? Why?” You bring your eyes back up to his,
“No, no, um Rebecca’s comment just well, what if we don’t appear that comfortable?”
“Do we practice kissing?” You wonder, god just dig a six feet deep hole and bury yourself in it.
“I, thats not, I’m not—,” He lets out a frustrated sigh, closing the space between you two.
Your ears begin a ringing at the way his cologne floods your senses.
Bucky’s warm hands cup your cheeks,
“I’m not, not trying to take advantage of this but um, maybe we could table kissing? Because I guess handholding and all of the other things we’ve done as, as best friends, so…”
“Yeah no um, yeah I get what you’re saying,” you agree.
“No kissing then.”
“Nope, no kissing.”
With the rule established you both wind down for the night the pillow wall is built and the covers are pulled over your frames.
Exhaustion tugs at your body but sleep seems to be at its wits end not wanting to arrive to you.
Bucky shifts around in bed, staring at the pillow wall. That should not have been the first kiss between the two of you.
His mind is running a mile a minute, he wonders if you’ve fallen asleep.
“Bucky, you awake?” Your soft whisper has him tug one pillow away.
“Hey,” His soft smile greets you with his hair tousled and eyes craving sleep.
“Hey,” you smile back, your eyes on the verge of sleep, a few strands of your hair curling around your forehead.
“Can’t sleep?” He wonders and you nod.
“You too?” You ask and he nods.
“Do you want to talk till we fall asleep?” You offer as a plan.
“Sounds like a plan.” Bucky’s heart feels warm.
It is quiet for a moment before Bucky decides to tell you about his promotion at work. It’s hardly been time at the firm but they recognise his potential.
You reach across the wall and hug him, Bucky grins and wraps his arms around you, relishing the moment.
“Thats great! I’m so proud of you!” You cheer him on, he grins. You both slowly pull away from the hug. Returning to your respective sides.
The conversation flows from there, about what his new responsibilities would be and how he would have to divide his time. Both sets of eyelids get heavy and Bucky dozes off mid conversation, you chuckle lightly. Brushing his hair back and then slumber find you as well. With your hand resting on his cheek.
————————————————–
It’s very warm for the cooler spring day that was predicted.
Bucky is usually feeling like a furnace but today he is exceptionally warm as well. Not that he is complaining but something about the warmth is inviting.
A soft whimper presents itself to Bucky and his eyes peel open. You’re pressed against flush him, his head was buried in the crook of your neck, an arm around your waist. Your arm resting above his own.
“Firefly…” He tries to coax you out of slumber.
“Five more minutes…” You mutter sleepily, shifting around till you face him and your head rests on his chest. How do you have a death grip on him to not let him escape he doesn’t understand.
“Firefly… we gotta get to breakfast…” Bucky manages to free his hand and brushes his thumb over your cheek bone.
Honestly he wouldn’t leave the bed if he woke up to you everyday.
“Shhh, the dough is resting.” You grumble, shifting closer.
“The dough?” Bucky grins amused.
“I’m the dough, must rest in the oven.” You complain again.
“I thought you’re my Firefly.” Oh he’s going to ask you about this.
“I can be two things.” You pull away looking at him.
Bucky looks at you, waiting for the sleepiness to leave you.
“Bucky?” You ask, then look down at your intertwined bodies, well you clinging onto him.
“Firefly, good morning.” He chuckles and then you move away from him all too soon.
“Why didn’t you wake me earlier?!” You sit up on your side, face hidden in your hands.
“Because the dough needed to rest.” He says matter of factly
“What dough?” You question, then it hits you the drunken analogy you had come up with your best friend and Nat,
“Oh that no, um, i’m, i’m going to the bathroom.”
You grab your phone and things as quickly as possible, Bucky remains laying in bed you know he’s still laughing, the endearment is clear in his demeanour but you have half a mind you’re going to be called dough from now on till you spill the reason.
Me: i sleepily blabbed to him about resting the dough.
Best Friend: you know this is why I too up night classes here, to stay awake for the fresh batch of well rested dough stories.
Nat: So how was the resting of the dough on the very hot oven?
Me: i hate you both. It was a drunken analogy about Bucky being warm.
Best Friend: that made you want to be dough resting in the oven.
Nat: so when will you get to baking? Now that you have rested.
Best Friend: oh I think very soon, Bucky’s probably stiffly up to the right temperature.
Me: i will smack you both. stop it.
You groan silently. Keeping your phone on the counter. Useless, your friends are useless comedians at your expense.
Breakfast passes by in the hotel as an uneventful affair, Bucky and you decided that meal times without family intervention would be on best friend mode so the conversation was mutual topics and trying to see if you could squeeze in a marathon of harry potter movies to commemorate the time you did the same in college a year ago.
The ceremony is at five which gives you a few hours to kill before absolutely needing to get ready.
“Do you think we should ask your mum or Maya if she needs any help? It just feels weird being just a guest…”
Bucky’s hair is falling upon his forehead when he looks up at you. Unthinkingly you reach over to help move it, and for a moment he wants to just have your fingertips run through his hair as he lays next to you.
“I, yes, we should.” He wonders if you can hear his heart beating almost as if it will leap out of his chest.
And you both find yourselves barely making it in time to get changed for the ceremony. Bucky takes over ironing duty since he knows your absolutely need to wash your hair before an event otherwise you don’t feel yourself.
In the nick of time you make it, Bucky eternally grateful you had his cufflinks set up and he helps you zip up the dress.
You both are panting by the time you reach the attached ballroom. With just two minutes till the bridal march. The wedding planner shoos you both off with a glare as if Bucky and you never helped set the decor because five people of her team fell ill.
“Shouldn’t have fixed that centrepiece.” You grumble as Bucky snickers before you settle into the seats.
“Firefly, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have left it unfixed.” He whispers leaning in,
“I would.” You whisper back.
“You’re too nice.”
“I’ll break it. Let the reception begin.” You warn him.
He wraps his arm around your shoulder bringing you close.
“I think the dough needs some rest.” He teases.
“James.” You warn, the redness of your cheeks only urging him onward.
“James—,” Your voice caught in your throat at his proximity. He licks his lips, eyes on your soft ones. You’re wearing that red lipstick from the brand you frequently stayed up at night to order from, and he could lie and say the shade does nothing for you because your lips seem so inviting the shade of red adding to your allure.
If you ask him for his heart he’d give it to you right there, he’d get on his knees and beg you to have it.
The bridal march breaks his reverie and both of you stand up with the crowd as Maya walks down the aisle with her father, looking every bit of an angel in her wedding gown.
When you look at her fiancé, your heart lurches, he’s crying tears of joy watching her close the final bit of distance between them and their forever.
As her father gives her hand in her to be husband, the intimate look of hidden smiles they share almost has you look away.
Bucky watches the ceremony play out, Maya and Marcus have to say their vows now and he knows they were best friends before Maya admitted her feelings and they have been together four years before they got engaged.
“I believe the couple have prepared their own vows.” The minister gestures and Marcus’ best man hands him his folded papers.
“Maya, I met you in high school and you were instantly my best friend.” Marcus begins.
“We made a list of promises of what we would do and a set of friendship rules, you may not remember but I still have those pieces of decorated cardboard.”
Maya laughs, recalling the memory.
You look up at Bucky, recalling the moment from where you both turned into each other’s best friends.
“The first time as best friends when we had an argument was over where would we go to for college, because in all honesty you and I can only function if we’re close enough to share our one braincell.”
Their entire bridal party laughs at the joke.
You recall the time you were paired with him to play Charades and the two of you sucked so horribly that the entire group banned the game.
“That day I was so angry but when I went back home I saw those cardboards. I knew college could be done anywhere but my best friend? I couldn’t leave her. That is the best damn decision, I made, well that and proposing to you and today standing in front of you, vowing to be by your side, even when you hate me leaving my clothes scattered on the floor, loving you even when I may be annoyed at you for not being able to pick a place for dinner,”
Maya lightly swats him, then wipes a tear.
You stare at Bucky catching the smile on his face, you wonder what he thinks about, then you feel him about to look at you so you look ahead.
“To cherish you even when things around us may push and shove us to not remember what we’re together for, to nourish and nurture our love, our life,
to work on myself to be the best I can be for you. To support you in everything you need me to support you, to catch you if you stumble, to be held by you if I tumble. I vow to be your best friend, love and husband as long as time is ours.” Marcus gazes lovingly at his bride.
Bucky tears his eyes away when he hears your sniffle. You wipe your tears with the back of your hand. His hand shifts to wipe your tears and to hold you closer. Press his lips to your temple in promise.
“Marcus, how am I supposed to speak now?” Maya complains with a chuckle that masks a small sob.
Her groom shrugs innocently making all the teary eyed faces laugh.
“My Marcus, the day you entered my life, was the most ordinary day I thought but little did I know your doodle of a covalent bond in my notebook would be setting up the reaction for an extraordinary life ahead where I get to stand at the altar with you.” Maya looks up at him, Marcus smiles at her, eyes getting watery.
“When I admitted my feelings to you, I was scared to lose you. So scared that I was going to hold my silence. Then you brought those damn sliders from the place we went to as best friends and I knew I had to tell you how much more love my heart held for you.”
Buck looks down at you, every memory with you playing in his mind, taking in Maya’s words and replacing them with moments he has with his Firefly.
“I vow to not nag you for your clothes strewn across the floor.”
Bucky adores you as you laugh. Then looks back at the bride and groom.
“I vow to be brave when you need me to for myself and for you. I vow to let my fears show so you can be brave for me and yourself. I vow to cherish you for who you are and who you become. To nourish and nurture our love, our life. To work on myself for being the one you need through any stage of life we are at; to be your best friend, love and wife as long as time is ours.”
You gaze up at Bucky when his hand moves in your periphery, you catch the redness of his cheeks, he cried as well. Your hands ache to offer comfort.
Bucky gazes at you, both of your visions blurry from the tears.
“Beautiful words, now I ask you, Marcus Finnegan, do you take Maya Barnes as your lawfully wedded wife?” The minister questions Marcus.
He places the wedding band on her finger.
Bucky grasps your hand in his, fingers curling around the space between yours. You look from the half intertwined hands to Bucky questioningly.
He isn’t going to let you go, no.
If he had gotten to you first that night, maybe if he was brave enough he could have prevented the heartbreak.
“Now I ask you, Maya Barnes, do you take Marcus Finnegan as your lawfully wedded husband?” The minister questions Maya.
She places the wedding band on his finger.
You curl your fingers around his hand, letting tears flow down your cheeks. You hope with all your heart you’re interpreting his gesture correctly. If only you had gotten to him first that night.
“I present to you family and friends, by the power vested in me, Mr. and Mrs. Barnes-Finnegan. You may now kiss the bride.”
The cheers and clapping around the ballroom die down into a dull buzz, Bucky cups your cheek with his left hand, pulling your lips onto his own. The kiss filled with a longing and hunger that you both carried for months. Salt mixes with the taste of his lips. Fears slowly let gone off as you grasp his left hand that rests upon your cheek.
When the two of you pull away for air, hidden by everyone standing to keep clapping for the newly weds allowing you both to be tucked away in your little corner.
“Why didn’t we say anything?” Bucky laughs through the tears.
“I was scared to lose you.” You rest your forehead against his, Bucky wipes your tears as you wipe away his own.
“Firefly, I’m never letting you go. Should have walked upto you and that fucker.” He finally admits, confessing his entire plan to you.
“I kept thinking of doing the same when you were with her, showed up with your favourite flowers too. Have it preserved back home…”
“I’ve kept it preserved too.” Bucky admits, joy ceases his heart at your elation.
Your lips meet again, this time with lesser longing than before but the need to have each other ever present. Bucky’s lips peppered kisses all over your face, drawing out laughter from you.
Each mirthful moment tucked away for him to keep.
Your head resting on his chest as his arms around your waist, the slow notes of the song cascade around the two of you, Bucky had you on the dance floor from the first song, dinner left for later.
You tilt your head back looking up at him with so much adoration.
“Waited so long to have you look at me this way.” He admits.
“Always looked at you this way when you weren’t looking.” You confess.
“Never looking away from your gorgeous eyes, Firefly.” He promises, his lips ghost over yours, as you rise on your tip toes even with heels to kiss your Bucky.
