you ever have “cry and scream yourself awake” level nightmares that are immediately the stupidest premises imaginable the moment you actually wake up
The last time I wailed “help, please, help me, heeelp” loud enough to have the whole house come running, it was because I was having a nightmare that I was in my laundry room, and out of the corner of my eye I witnessed a Snoopy stuffed animal slowly rise up on two legs, as if being manipulated by a ghost or perhaps made animate by a possessing spirit, and slowly start to dance the Macarena.
Mentally combining the “bees are unionized and will leave if they don’t like their working conditions” post with the various “humans stow away on alien spaceships and do the jobs that are too dangerous for more fragile species” posts
Interstellar guidelines state that while approaching humans carelessly or aggressively can result in serious injury, and while you absolutelyshould not try to trap a swarm of humans on your ship, if you build a human-friendly habitat with enough food within grazing distance and safe places to sleep, you just might entice a colony to move in
the thing abt diet culture is that there’s no way any junk food could possibly be more self destructive than viewing your own body as not only a separate entity from yourself but as an enemy to be conquered
i dont like the overabundance of the name xelqua in fics but i cant get this scenario out of my head where some watcher turns up and starts addressing grian by that name and the hermits, beloved out of the loop allies, think that this is a deadnaming situation and start chewing out this biblical angel mf for transphobia. the punchline is that grian is cis and has no clue what is going on anyways.
Grian: I wanted to tell all of you but I didn’t want you to find out this way…I’m sorry…I just didn’t want you to see me any differently…
The Hermits: Oh Grian, of course we don’t see you any differently. You’re still Grian to us, no matter what. Even if you’re trans <3
vampire hunter? no i said vampire HAUNTER. this jerk sucked all my blood out so now i spend my afterlife knocking over shelves and scaring off potential victims and just making the castle generally pretty cold
it’s always ‘bleh why are the plates floating’, 'gah who knocked over my blood goblet’ and never 'sorry for killing you’ ok starve then!
and what are you going to do about it? have a priest exorcise the place? yeah good luck with all the crosses and holy water you piece of shit
It’s a lovely morning in the gothic castle, and you are a horrible ghost.
i keep trying to reread wyrd sisters but i can’t get further than this cause every time i see it i have to turn my phone off and close my eyes for twenty minutes…..this is SO funny. you just know there’s a little recipe book in goodie maysherestinpeace whemper’s old cottage with an entry that says RECIPE FOR HOT LEAD BONES: step one you get some lead step two you put it in their bones
[id: “Witches just aren’t like that,” said Magrat. “We live in harmony with the great cycles of Nature, and do no harm to anyone, and it’s wicked of them to say we don’t. We ought to fill their bones with hot lead.”
The other two looked at her with a certain amount of surprised admiration. She blushed, although not greenly, and looked at her knees.
“Goodie Whemper did a recipe,” she confessed. “It’s quite easy. What you do is, you get some lead, and you-” / end id]
my favorite genre of High Internet Intellectualism is when someone complains in broad strokes about media and accidentally reveals they’ve only been consuming content made for teenagers
“why are there no stories about adults? why are all the main characters teenage boys?” my good man you are the one reading the shounen
When I die, I want somebody to use my body the way this guy used the lobster’s shell
The audio is ‘Collective Consciousness’ from the Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance soundtrack; it’s an awesome tune, but it isn’t a necessary part of the video (except for possibly giving some clues as to how the video creator intended for this to be interpreted), so you don’t need to have the volume on to watch this.
