#gothamite
Aunty Tam’s Tips
Part 4
✨Learn self defence ✨
First of all, I should probably address this.
Please- just avoid gotham. Don’t come to Gotham.
DON’T. COME. TO. GOTHAM.
I ain’t playin, don’t come to gotham
It’s one of the most dangerous cities there is
It’s practically hell
And for the people who live here, they usually didn’t come here as a choice
They’re either born here, and don’t have enough to move out of the city, or they moved here bc they’re broke
It’s the lowest of the low
Criminals run rampant here
There’s a mfing Insane Asylum that’s extremely outta commission but they use it regardless
It’s considered normal for a mugging or à robbery and it’s treated the same way as seeing a plane flying in the sky or perhaps a bird
On the bright side, gas prices are hella cheap here
Most things are pretty cheap
Anyways, learn some self defence
Once again, It’s Kill or be Killed here
Always be weary of your surroundings
Everyone is capable of jumping you
I’ve literally seen a 90 year old woman rob a guy with her pet Boa Constrictor
ALWAYS be weary of the old folks around here
They’re honestly so gangster af
Just treat them well, and you’re off the danger list
Learn how to punch, kick, hook, etc
I’d say the bare minimum for you to learn is to temporarily blind your attacker and flee
Best option for most fights is to flee, you ain’t being a coward, it’s just self preservation
Wear an extra layer underneath if you can
keep it concealed (you don’t want it sticking out)
It’s not usually warm so it won’t affect you with the extra layers
People usually use knives so i recommend Leather
Carry concealed weapons
Your boots are a great place for some knives or the inside of your coat
Your hat ig
Anyone out there wearing skirts, be sure that you have pockets. If it doesn’t, y’all can pay me 5 bucks and I’ll sew in pockets
Make sure the pockets for your skirt/dress are hidden. Best technique is using the folds from more flowy skirts/dresses
Carry bricks in your bag or purse, you can smack someone with it, gives out extra damage. Not only that, ig it helps with ur strength lol
If you don’t have any, improvise! Heck, channel your inner poc mom! Use la Chànclà, the belt, a wooden spoon, a broom, the clothes hanger, your shoe, the black mom crazy/stink eye glare, etc.
Ladies, you know how the wire from ur bra always ends up poking out? USE THE WIRES FROM THE BRA CUPS AS A WEAPON! (It may not last for long, but it works as brass knuckles)
Some weapons you can use from ur surroundings when you have none: Bricks, Empty beer bottles, YEET a trash can, the trash can lid as a shield, garbage (yeet it at them), sticks, stones, gravel, poles/rods, your phone, keys, YEET a bicycle, newspaper, backpack, glass, plastic bag (try to choke em ig?), pots, spoons, forks, cans, dog leashes (unattach your dog of course) and many moreee.
However, if you’re getting robbed by one of the rogues, just comply, it ain’t worth fighting back. (Just wait till one of the heroes arrive)
Try and build your stamina up
If you’re cornered into an alley, use your surroundings to escape
Basically, just parkour
If ur someone (This goes for everyone <3) who likes to wear heels, learn how to run in them
People won’t expect you to zoom like Sonic in them heels
Heels also prove to be an excellent weapon
That’s actually why strippers aren’t usually mugged lol. They usually have Cat Woman or Red hood watching their backs but Even if they aren’t there to save them, the strippers will gouge out your eye with their heels
they’re honestly the baddest b’s
Size doesn’t matter
A street kid that’s three times smaller than you will beat yo ass
Hey Aunty Tam! @tambourmite Cass asked if we could stop by and say hi. Steph, @florence-wayne-officialand@youngergrayson are gonna be joining us too. It’s siblings bonding night, but the boys are off wreaking havoc.
Sorry bout the late reply! (I had a last minute rehearsal) But hell yeah! I just got DVD of the Never Ending Story we can watch
Welp. I’m back. Lemme say, it’s been eventful. It started out normal, I stopped by a 7/11 for a Slushy when this dude decides to rob the store and holds the clerk and I hostage. If you’re a regular Gothamite, it’s honestly normal for that type of stuff.
Anyways, the crook was actually pretty chill, he let me drink my Slushy but this is when it starts getting wack. The police arrive, they start doin’ the lil back n forth. Then, both cops just dropped. There was no injuries, bullet holes, they straight up fell unconscious. I looked at the clerk, the clerk looked at the crook and the crook looked at me. The crook proceeds to grab a bunch of candies/snacks, stuff it in his car and drag BOTH of us in his car and speeds away. The crook ended up being a really nice guy, made pit stops at our houses and we went Camping for the rest of the week. The clerk is very good at making fires for camping and weaving baskets out of the branches he found from the ground.
Buuuut yeah- the crook technically didn’t commit a crime ig, as he never took the money from the register and the Clerk said the candies/snacks were on the house? Idk bro.
Now, here in Gotham, I usually like to do random jam sessions with my buddies on the streets. We of course do Jazz, as it’s one of the most easiest ones that can easily be improvised. (Plus, its the creator of improv lol) So, we were doing some street jazz when the KING himself, The Signal drops by and jams out on the kit.
#OnlyInGotham you meet Killer Croc at work during the night shift and serve him Pancakes with 37 sausages. Did I teach him some French? Yes. Did I teach him how to crochet? Yes.
✨Aunty Tam’s Tips✨
Part 3
The homeless are your friends- sorta.
The homeless are more trustworthy then the cops (well- about 2-5 cops in the police force are trustworthy but the rest, don’t trust em )
But it’s sorta kill or be killed vibes
If you disrespect the homeless on a daily basis, they will guarantee that you’re the next victim of Gotham’s Rogues
They’re practically information brokers
Give them some cash, they will tell you safer routes, or places to avoid
Sometimes they share some potential places where it might get attacked, but you gotta gain their trust for that type of info
Give em around 2-20$
Don’t give them lots of money on one go, they will scam you
Street musicians will know gossip, rumours, and small pieces from their crowd
Homeless street musicians = rare but ideal to go to (especially the older ones)
Rogues/villains will go and seek out the homeless for info and potential victims
If y’a snitch, you’re getting jumped by like 53 homeless dudes
But also don’t go outta ur way to seek them out, they will know u got ulterior moves
So let’s say you’re walkin’ down the street, and a homeless dude is begging for money, toss him 2 bucks (a toonie works for my Canadian homies)
A week later, the same dude stops him and tells you to take a different road, or warn y’a the cops are coming
If you rich, they won’t do this
They only look after the Gothamites from the narrows, are poor and usually the middle class
Ngl they some nice folks
Uncle Clerry THE NICEST OLD MAN U COULD MEET
Uncle Clerry is about 114 y’o, (idk how he still alive) and it’s honestly terrifying on how fast he moves
That motherfcker zoomin like usain bolt
He taught me how to play Clarinet
Everyone on the streets like to joke that he gets ALL the girls (mr steal yo girl)
But he actually just a very soft uncle/grandpa figure, I feel safe with him (almost all the woman in the area feel safe with him) he will beat up ur ex, abusive family, etc
He may look frail, but is terrifyingly strong
i think it’s funny how so many people in my family have committed horrible crimes like murder and torture etc.
meanwhile the worst thing i’ve done on purpose is stolen ice cream from random peoples apartments when i’m on night patrol
when it comes to both on purpose and accidentally setting things on fire, i think that me and peter might be unmatched professionals
yknow, oregan is really pretty, i feel like that’s not said enough. i’m coming across a waterfall like, every twenty minutes this is so fucking beautiful. but i kinda also want to take a nap.
I love how it’s been like. three or four hours since i dis-the fuck-appeared from the house and not a soul as noticed.
i’m chilling on the other side of the country waiting for my family to realize that instead of lounging with my menagerie of cats, ive broke into an airbnb in oregan because i accidentally teleported myself. again.
Some Gothamite staring down the barrel of Joker’s gun: Sir there is at least a 54% chance that gun has only a flag with the word ‘Bang’ on it.
