#grad student problems

Exercising for the first time in months, the grad student crumples into a mushy pile of agony.

Experiencing a moment of happiness, the grad student is immediately consumed with guilt.

Receiving yet another email with precipitous changes in his institution’s COVID-19 policy, the grad student yearns for any sense of stability.

Videoconferencing from his apartment with his advisor, the grad student feels like the victim of a home invasion.

Processing the current state of the world, the grad student remains in bed.

Logging on to a videoconferencing session, the grad student squeezes himself into the one remotely clean corner of his apartment.

Staying safe in his apartment, the grad student seizes the opportunity to socially distance himself from pants.

Grabbing a pack of toilet paper, the grad student clings to an utterly irrational source of comfort in the midst of extraordinary uncertainty.

Editing a paper draft to an obsessive degree, the grad student relishes a rare moment of having control.

Exiting his office for the last time this decade, the grad student does not (have any desire to) look back.

Garnering applause on the last day of class, the grad student suspects the undergrads are simply happy about never having to deal with him again.

Ordering an irresponsible number of items via online shopping, the grad student temporarily distracts himself from his feelings of emptiness.

Carving out an entire day to do uninterrupted work, the grad student promptly loses all motivation and watches movies instead.

Making a cultural reference that his undergrads do not understand, the grad student abruptly feels his own age.

Bumbling through a conversation with an eminent professor, the grad student outdoes his own stupidity with every remark he makes.

Chugging another caffeinated drink to meet an urgent deadline, the grad student rushes towards having a dead heart.