#harry potter incorrect quotes

Sirius, on his first day in azkaban: none of you understand. i’m not locked up in here with you, you’re locked up in here with me.

Sirius, laying seductively on a piano, totally naked, with a glass of red wine in his hand: I am severely mentally unstable.

Sirius: i’ll admit i’ve done a lot of things in my life that i’m not proud of.

Sirius: no, wait, that’s a lie. i’m proud of all of them.

Remus: what are you watching?

James: why do you care? you don’t even like scary movies.

Remus: James, our life is a scary movie.

Remus: have you ever owed a fine for an overdue library book?

Sirius: you and i both know i’ve never checked out a book in my life.

Remus: Sirius, you need to start taking care of yourself.

Sirius, chugging his fifth energy drink of the evening:no.

Lily: how did you manage to pull a muscle in your neck, back and leg?

Sirius:

Remus: he was trying to roundhouse kick a bee.

Sirius: every now and then i like to do something responsible.

Sirius: just to confuse people.

Lily: you smell like weed.

Sirius: i am weed.

Lily: merlin, i’m starving. i haven’t eaten anything since 11.

Sirius: how old are you now??

Lily:

Sirius: day one of eating every plant i see!

[10 minutes later]

Sirius: i think i need help.

Walburga: you’ve grossly overestimated my interest in my children.

James: Lily is playing hard to get.

James: little does she know that i’m the master of hard to get rid of.

James: okay, i admit that i was wrong.

Remus:good.

James:however-

Remus: no. not however. just stand in your wrongness and be wrong.

Remus: Sirius, did you eat all the apple pie again?

Sirius: why? is there still some on my face?

Remus:no?

Sirius: then no.

Lily: cooking together is NOT romantic.

Lily: move out of my fucking way.

Sirius: I am literally only here to be sexy and insane. Do not expect me to make any sense.

Remus: you’re holding an intervention for me?

James: yes, we’re concerned your studying is getting in the way of your drinking.

Remus: we call that a traumatic event.

Remus, turning to Sirius: not a ‘bruh moment’.

Remus: or a ‘major L’.

Remus: and definitely not an ‘oof LMFAO’.

Sirius: my life isn’t as glamorous as my wanted poster makes me look.