Death Eater 1: I think I know why the Dark Lord doesn’t want us to use his name.

Death Eater 2: What are you on about now?

Death Eater 1 : I was talking to my french cousin. Apparently, ‘vol’ means flight and 'mort’ is death. His name is basically 'Flight of Death’.

Death Eater 2: Be quiet! Someone might hear you!

Death Eater 1: Who names themselves 'Flight of Death’? Teenagers, that’s who. No wonder he doesn’t want anyone using it. I’d be embarrassed too.

Death Eater 2: Would you shut up! You’re going to get us killed!

Death Eater 1: I wonder if he also regrets the Dark Mark - skulls and snakes, he definitely wasn’t going through a phase…

Death Eater 2: If anyone asks, I don’t know you.

Death Eater 1: I didn’t even want to be here! Don’t worry, if we get in trouble I’ll just get a toddler. It’ll probably work even better than a baby …

Harry: You get hurt? Hurt em back. You get killed? Walk it off

Sirius: *utter horror*

Harry: I HAVE A PLAN!

Neville: I’m already terrified.

McGonagall: [To the marauders] Did none of you think that this was a bad idea?

Sirius: Oh, no, we all did. We just decided to do it anyway.

James: *pitches an idea*

Sirius, impressed: Huh, there’s definitely something there!

Lily, under her breath: Yeah, a lawsuit.

James, walking into the room: MOONY AND PADFOOT, ARE YOU COMING OR-

Remus and Sirius: *making out*

Remus:

Sirius:

James: Oh, you’re being gay. Good job, carry on.

Happy Valentine‘s Day witches and wizards!

Because this meme is going around everywhere.

My Mom just called Dumbledore “Kadalf” …not even Gandalf. No. “Kadalf”

Finally his dream came true.

Voldemort arriving at Godric’s Hollow:

Voldemort: And I brought you myrrh-

James: Thank you!

Voldemort: *unmasks* MYRRH-DER!

James: *gentle, sassy gasp*

Voldemort, NO-

I got my red dress on tonight

Dancin’ in the dark in the pale moonlight

Done my hair up real big, beauty queen style

High heels off, I’m feelin’ alive

Well I had to meme this photoshoot.

Harry Potter and The chamber of barbecue sauce on my Tiddies.

Au where Minerva has a side career as rapper and she goes by Professor “MC” Gonagall.

Sirius: salt can’t be the only delicious rock.

Sirius: i’m going to start eating rocks to find the good ones.

Sirius: I bet they’re trying to hide them from us.

Remus: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say wow that many times during their first session with a client yet here we are.

Sirius: what if I poured coffee into my cereal instead of milk?

Remus, taking the pot: what if you didn’t?

Remus: smart is attractive. tell me something I don’t already know.

Sirius: the mouth of a jellyfish is also its anus.

Remus:stop.

Remus: okay, i’ll go and get the wedding cake.

Sirius: perfect, while you do that i’ll check on the ring bear.

Remus:

Remus: you mean ring bearER, right?

Sirius:

Remus: Sirius, look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

Sirius, on his first day in azkaban: none of you understand. i’m not locked up in here with you, you’re locked up in here with me.

Sirius, laying seductively on a piano, totally naked, with a glass of red wine in his hand: I am severely mentally unstable.