#incorrect marauders quotes
James: You’re being selfish. The marauders work together because we’re a team
Sirius: There’s no “I” in team but there is a “me”
James (squinting at Sirius): Are you dyslexic?
Sirius (rolling his eyes): I’m Caucasian
James (creeping up to Sirius’ bed to scare him)
James (ripping the curtains open): Surprise- bitch what the fuck!
Sirius and Remus (behind the curtains and red faced):
James:
Lily (laughing in the common room because she knew Sirius and Remus went up there by themselves and she suggested James go scare Sirius):
Barty Crouch Sr: For your crimes, we sentence you to 68 years in Azkaban.
Sirius, voice cracking: can you
Sirius: can you add one more year
Marlene: Your eyes look like dark black holes, but that’s alright, because I like astronomy.
Dorcas: If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I’d have a galaxy in my hand
Marlene: Your eyes look like dark black holes, but that’s alright, because I like astronomy.
Dorcas: If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I’d have a galaxy in my hand
Sirius:Yo mama so scary, you thought the monsters in your closet were friends.
Regulus: We have the same mom, siri.
Sirius: i guess that means we’re both sons of a bitch
Headcanon: Every mother’s day before the potter’s adopted sirius, he’d spend the entire day making yo mama jokes to regulus
Sirius:Yo mama so scary, you thought the monsters in your closet were friends.
Regulus: We have the same mom, siri.
Sirius: i guess that means we’re both sons of a bitch
Not trying to brag or anything, but I can wake up without an alarm clock now simply due to my crippling and overwhelming anxiety, so…
-Remus
Lily: my boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips. what should i do?
Remus: punch him in the stomach. then, when he doubles over in pain, kill him.
Dorcas: tackle him.
Marlene: dump him.
Sirius: kick him in the shin.
James: no to all of those. just ask me to lean down.
James:Welcome to my very first vlog in which I will try different hair products!
James:*sprays the hairspray into his mouth*
James:Well, right off the bat I can tell you that this one is not very good
Remus, tired™: Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Lily:Please never become a surgeon
I married my wife. I love saying ‘my wife,’ it sounds so adult. ‘That’s my wife.’ It’s great, you sound like a person.
-James
Sirius:*kicks “G” off Graveyard sign*
Sirius:Let’s get this party started
Sirius:*dials 911*
Sirius:hey i hate to be “that guy” but i glued myself to the ceiling again
Sirius: I actually have a black belt.
Lily: In what, karate?
Sirius: No, from Gucci.
McGonagall: Mr. Black, if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump as well?
Sirius: I-
Remus: He’d be the one that jumps first, Professor
James: We’d jump as well though
Sirius, anytime Remus is pissed at him: Remus might be hard to get, but I am hard to get rid of.
Regulus: Mary, come here. I want to show you something in the bathroom
Mary: Oh, Reg, grow up!
Sirius: Hey, what’s behind your back?
Regulus: Nothing. Just something I want to get Mary’s opinion on for Valentine’s Day
Sirius: You don’t want my opinion?
Regulus: Not really
Sirius: Come on, I’m your older brother, ask me!
Regulus: All right, big brother *holds up two lingeries* Which of these do you think would make your little brother look hotter, so your best friend would want to do him?
Sirius:…
Sirius *mumbles*: The red one
James: Looks like I caught a fallen angel
Regulus: I literally just fell down the stairs
James: But I did catch you, right?
Regulus: It’s because I was trying to avoid stepping on the bunch of roses you put there
James: …is that a yes?
The Marauders as conversations between me and my friends Pt.1
James: how do you know if you have a crush on someone?
Remus: when you feel comfortable with this person, but they make you have these weird feelings in your stomach?
Sirius: when you look at them, you just think “wow”. At least that’s what it is for me with a certain person
Voldemort arriving at Godric’s Hollow:
Voldemort: And I brought you myrrh-
James: Thank you!
Voldemort: *unmasks* MYRRH-DER!
James: *gentle, sassy gasp*
Voldemort, NO-
You’ve heard of Drapple. Now get ready for:
Well I had to meme this photoshoot.
James: [pulls out a uno reverse card]
James: actually professor, I think you’ll find that you’re the one in trouble.
James: don’t worry. I know exactly what i’m doing. everything is going to be fine.
Remus: how can you still say that?
James: because sometimes, in times like these, denial is all we have.
[James, Sirius and Peter sat on a bench]
Remus: why do you all look so sad?
Sirius: sit down with us so we can tell you.
[Remus sits down]
James: the bench is freshly painted.
Sirius: salt can’t be the only delicious rock.
Sirius: i’m going to start eating rocks to find the good ones.
Sirius: I bet they’re trying to hide them from us.
Remus: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say wow that many times during their first session with a client yet here we are.
Sirius: what if I poured coffee into my cereal instead of milk?
Remus, taking the pot: what if you didn’t?
Remus: smart is attractive. tell me something I don’t already know.
Sirius: the mouth of a jellyfish is also its anus.
Remus:stop.
Remus: okay, i’ll go and get the wedding cake.
Sirius: perfect, while you do that i’ll check on the ring bear.
Remus:
Remus: you mean ring bearER, right?
Sirius:
Remus: Sirius, look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.
Sirius, on his first day in azkaban: none of you understand. i’m not locked up in here with you, you’re locked up in here with me.
Sirius, laying seductively on a piano, totally naked, with a glass of red wine in his hand: I am severely mentally unstable.
Sirius: i’ll admit i’ve done a lot of things in my life that i’m not proud of.
Sirius: no, wait, that’s a lie. i’m proud of all of them.
Remus: what are you watching?
James: why do you care? you don’t even like scary movies.
Remus: James, our life is a scary movie.
Sirius: be useless so that nobody can use you.
Remus: is that going to be your response everytime I ask you to make the bed?
Remus: have you ever owed a fine for an overdue library book?
Sirius: you and i both know i’ve never checked out a book in my life.
