here’s part 2 by popular demand! based off the arctic monkeys song and amazing request by @deadbeatharlz <3 thank you guys for the support on part 1 im so happy you liked it :)
warnings:self harming behavior, LOTS of swearing, alcohol and drug abuse, sooo so angstyyyy buckle up
summary: it’s been 3 months since your last night with hawk, and you haven’t been yourself.
word count: 3,062

The past 3 months have been rough. Maybe the worst you’ve ever been. You fell into the deep hole that you dug yourself. The hole of loving Hawk Moskowitz.
You never thought you’d be one of those people who let unrequited love devastate their whole being. In fact you always thought the whole heartbreak thing was pathetic and melodramatic. Until it happened to you.
You hate yourself for letting him have this effect on you. But there’s a pestering voice in the back of your mind that reminds you: it’s all your fault. He didn’t ask you to love him. It’s just easier to blame him for your downfall.
Parties, drugs, alcohol. Sex with people you don’t even know. High on the same drug that compelled him to call you in the night.
You’ve become so desperate to forget him that you ruined yourself. It hurts your pride to be the whiny heartbroken girl who let a stupid boy’s rejection shatter her self worth. But the hole is too deep and there’s no hope trying to grasp onto the dirt walls to get out.
The worst part of it is that he sees it all. At school, (if you even go) he looks at you like the scum of the earth as he passes by with his little karate gang. When you end up at the same party, he’ll have a disgusted expression on his face and leave as if he can’t bare to look at you. 
Tonight is one of those nights, and you watch him from across the backyard as he goofs around with his friends. He hasn’t noticed you yet, hence why he’s even still here and not on his way out the door to get away from you.
“If you stare at him any longer, I think he’ll shoot up into flames,” your best friend Robby hands you a cup, and you don’t hesitate before downing its unknown contents. The burn in your throat makes you hum with content.
“That’s the plan,” you take your eyes of off Hawk to look at Robby. You gesture to his own cup in his hand, “Are you gonna drink that?”
“Easy there, Y/N. We got here 5 minutes ago,” he warns, but holds out the drink towards you anyway. Robby’s always been worried about you and your habits, but he knows how you can be when you’re told no.
You swallow down the drink in a few seconds, ignoring his remark. “5 minutes? I can beat my record!” you cheer sarcastically, and start walking to the kitchen in search of a keg. Robby follows closely behind you, a wary look on his face.
The fuzzy feeling starts to take over your body as you throw back drink after drink. It’s the buzz you crave every second of every day because it just makes you feel so good. Everything is happier and your cares feel so far away. Hawk feels so far away.
You sit on the couch next to Robby in your dazed trance, drunkenly rambling to him about random things. He glares at anyone who comes near you and looks like they would take advantage of you in your state.
Robby really hates you like this, but he can’t help but feel protective over you. He’s not even a fan of parties; he really only goes to keep an eye on you. You’re grateful even though you act like you hate it when he babysits you.
“Heyyy pretty Y/N! Want some?” Yasmine approaches where you sit, a joint held between her fingers. Her eyes are drooped and she sways as she stands.
You reach out to take the blunt, but you feel Robby push your arm down. “You’re already drunk. That’s enough,” he says sternly, making you roll your eyes.
“I can do what I want, Dad,” you taunt, and take the joint from Yasmine. Smoke fills up your lungs, immediately giving you pleasure. Robby just shakes his head in disapproval as the air around him becomes hazy.
“I’m going to the bathroom. Stay here,” he orders, getting up from the couch.
You nod, but of course, you don’t listen. The sound of splashing from outside sets off a lightbulb above your head and you feel like you’re floating while you walk to the backyard.
Right as you step out of the house, you make eye contact with none other than Hawk. He gives you a distasteful look like always, before turning back to his group. Asshole.
You just scoff and stumble towards the pool, where a couple is making out and a few people are drunkenly playing with the water like little kids.
Reaching the edge of the pool’s rim, you let yourself fall in with a splash. You feel the pressure in your ears start to build as you sink to the bottom. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re cross faded, but being underwater feels like a world of bliss.
The loud music of the party is muted, creating a sense of serenity. The legs of the other people in the pool make you laugh to yourself, sending bubbles from your mouth to the surface. It’s glittery and pretty and you want to stay forever.
You don’t know how long you’re under there for, but you don’t notice your lungs running out of air. It just feels good to be alone for a second. Next thing you know, you feel your eyes start to droop closed; a strange peace overcoming your body.
A loud thrashing noise in the water makes you wake up with a gasp. You swallow too much water as you feel someone grab hold of your arm. It’s all a blur and you’re being pulled up to the surface, taking you away from the tranquil world you were just in.
The music is pounds against your ears again and the air is cold on your skin. You feel your body being laid down on the concrete of the poolside, but everything feels numb. You just feel sleepy and you want to close your eyes again.
“Y/N, hey, wake up. Wake up,” a voice makes your eyes shoot back open. Someone is looking down at you, with a hand shaking your shoulder. Your vision is somewhat blurry, but the mohawk gives it away. It’s him.
You suddenly become aware of the large amount of water in your lungs and you turn over to your side to cough it up. After you get it all out, you notice the people at the party looking at you with eyes of pity mixed with judgement.
“What the fuck were you doing? You could’ve died, are you fucking stupid?” Hawk curses, but even in your inebriated state you can hear a hint of worry in his voice.
You sit up to face him. He looks angry; his clothes and hair are as wet as yours.
Maybe it’s the lack of oxygen in your brain, or maybe it’s the marijuana and alcohol, but you just feel the urge to laugh. So you do. Like a complete maniac. The way he probably just saved your life like he cares is sickly comedic to you.
His face twists in confusion as you break out into a fit of giggles. “Are you serious? You’re fucking insane, Y/N,” he gets up, shaking his head at you. He gives a glare to the people staring, and they look away in fear.
You think he’s going to leave like usual, but he surprises you by grabbing your arm to pull you up. People whisper amongst themselves as he drags you through the backyard, going through a gate that leads to front of the house. You trip over your own feet, still feeling dizzy from almost drowning, but he just pulls you along.
“What are you doing?” you ask, tugging on your arm to try and release it from the tight grip he has on you. You’re both dripping chlorinated water, leaving a track of drops on the concrete below.
“You’re going home Y/N,” he says sternly. You two arrive at his car and he opens the passenger door. “Get in.”
“Hey!” a voice yells from the house and you both turn to see Robby rushing towards the car. He looks pissed, and now you remember him telling you to stay put. Shit.
“Robby I-”
“Don’t get in there with him Y/N,” he says, sending a death stare to the boy next to you.
“I’m taking her home, Keene, so back the fuck off. Get in Y/N,” Hawk snaps, clenching his fists.
You keep quiet, not wanting to add to the fire already starting. They loathe each other; if not because of the karate rivalry, then because of you. To Robby, Hawk broke your heart and made you spiral. To Hawk, Robby is the piece of shit who he thinks is your boyfriend, and he won’t admit it but he’s jealous.
“You’re not driving her, asshole. You’re probably as drunk as her,” Robby reaches to take your arm, but Hawk pulls you back.
“You don’t know shit about me, Keene. I’ve been sober for three months, so yeah, I will drive her,” Hawk picks you up like you’re a doll, placing you in the passenger seat and closing the door. You don’t resist, you just feel tired and your head starts to pound as if the mix of drugs in your system are punishing you. The window’s down, so you can still hear the two boys loud and clear.
I’ve been sober for three months, his voice echoes in your head.
“Oh so now you care so much about her? It’s your fault she’s like this!” Robby raises his voice even more, starting to move towards Hawk threateningly. You begin to feel scared that a physical fight might actually break out, but you don’t know what to do.
“I’m not the one who almost let her die a few minutes ago, am I? Just fuck off, we’re leaving,” Hawk dismisses him, walking around the car to the driver’s seat. You’re surprised by his self control to not throw a punch, especially with his reputation.
“Robby, it’s okay. I just want to go home. I’ll call you, alright?” you reach your hand out of the window in reassurance and he takes hold of it. Hawk clenches his jaw as he turns on the engine.
“Promise you’ll be careful? I’m sorry I left you,” Robby furrows his eyebrows in worry. When he came out of the bathroom, someone filled him in on what happened to you and he almost had a heart attack.
“Promise. And it’s my fault,” you hook your pinky with his, before the car pulls out of the curb and separates you from your best friend. He watches you guys drive away, an anxious expression etched on his face.
The whole situation has sobered you up pretty well, and now you’re left with a throbbing headache, wet clothes, and awkward tension. You hate it. Being sober. You miss the foggy feeling that prevents you from thinking too hard about things. But now you’re inches away from the boy who broke your heart, all by choice.
You don’t know why you agreed to go with him, but did you even have a choice? You’re confused by his actions. He acts like he hates you but he jumps in a pool for you. He yelled at you but he’s driving you home. It all makes you overthink and it causes your head to ache even more.
You hold your head in your hands to try and ease the pain as Hawk drives quietly.
“You good?” he breaks the silence. His voice is softer compared to how he talked to Robby minutes ago.
“Head hurts,” you mumble.
“What were you doing back there? If I didn’t get you out, you’d probably be in the hospital right now,” he says. You peek at him through your hands and his eyes are on the road.
“I don’t know,” you sigh. “It was just peaceful. I didn’t really even think about breathing.”
He scoffs. “Well that’s just fucking stupid. You’re lucky I noticed you were under for so long.”
“Well thanks,” you reply quietly, feeling like a little kid being scolded.
There’s a couple beats of silence before he speaks, “What happened to you?”
The question makes you sit up and look over at him. “What are you talking about?”
“The old Y/N wouldn’t even touch a drink. You’re different,” Hawk taps his finger on the wheel in thought. His icy blue eyes quickly glance at your confused look before returning to the road.
“You happened, Hawk.” You pinch your temples in frustration. Anger starts to bubble up in your stomach at his criticism. At the mention of “old you”.
“I didn’t do this to you,” he shakes his head, as if trying to convince himself of his own words.
“You did,” you raise your voice, making him flinch. “You know it.”
“What, because I stopped sleeping with you? I didn’t make you fall in love with me, Y/N. You did that to yourself,” he spits, sending a knife to your heart and making you see red.
“You knew I loved you way before I said it. But you still stringed me along, didn’t you? You knew I would pick up everytime you called. You knew that I would let you into my bed because I was the girl who loved you no matter how fucking shitty you were!” you fire back, vomiting out words that you’ve wanted to say for months. The alcohol in your system makes you bolder than usual, but you’re grateful for it.
He’s at a loss for words at your outburst so you continue, “I didn’t ask for this Hawk. Loving you. I’m sorry that I’m such a burden and that you hate me so much that you can’t stand being in the same room as me. But please just answer me this and I’ll leave you alone forever. I’ll leave when we show up at the same party and I’ll even hide in the halls so you don’t have to see my face.”
You pause, choking on your words. You didn’t even realize that the car is already parked in front of your house and your clothes are halfway dry.
“Why don’t you love me?” your voice cracks as you spit out the question that has caused you to throw yourself away. The question with an answer that could dissipate your self worth in a mere moment.
Hawk finally looks into your glassy eyes with shock. He could’ve never anticipated what you asked him and his mouth runs dry.
“I told you, I- I don’t deserve someone like you loving me,” he swallows, but you shake your head.
“That’s not what I asked.”
He blinks slowly, trying to come up with an excuse. Any excuse, to avoid telling you the truth. You can see the inner conflict on his face, the panicked speed of his running thoughts.
“You should go home, Y/N,” he deflects, turning away from you. Putting on his mask to keep you from reading him like a book.
“I’m not going until you tell me,” you demand.
“Just get out of the car, fuck!” Hawk yells, slamming his hands down on the steering wheel. It makes you jump a little, but you’re too angry to fear the flames in his eyes.
“Why can’t you just tell me!” you fire back. “You came to me almost every night, so why do I feel something that you don’t? Is it me? Is there something wrong with me?”
“What do you want me to fucking say Y/N! That I do love you? Fucking fine. I love you. Is that what you wanted to hear? Just get out.”
I love you.
The same words you said that made him leave.
“You don’t even mean that,” you blink back your tears.
His voice is softer now, more gentle. “If I didn’t mean it then I wouldn’t have said it.”
“You said you needed me and then you left me,” your voice shakes and you hate how pathetic you sound.
“I-I didn’t leave you,” he stammers before taking a deep breath. “I left because you wanted something more than I could give you. I would’ve felt like a selfish asshole if we became more than just sex, Y/N. You deserve someone like Keene and yeah he’s a pussy but he’s good. Better than me.”
It feels like every piece in the puzzle is being put together. Everything makes sense. He does love you, but he was just afraid. He can’t be near you because it hurts too much to see someone he can’t have. Somehow, you can’t find the anger you’ve held against him for these past months; you just understand him now.
“I’m sorry, alright? For everything. For treating your feelings like shit. All of it.”
You swallow, thinking about his words. It all feels too much and the truth is now looking you in the eye, demanding an answer. You love him, but he dropped your heart on the floor for you to pick up every shard. Is one sorry going to magically fix everything?
“I- I don’t know what to say,” you admit, and he nods in understanding.
“You don’t have to say anything. Let’s just… move on. And you get better… I hate seeing you like this,” Hawk scans your red eyes and dilated pupils. “We’ll get to a better place and you and me, we’ll be good.”
It’s bittersweet, but he’s right. Being together now just because he loves you back would be a huge jump that would only end in broken hearts and toxic cycles. It would be foolish. As much as you want him, the only person who can fix you is yourself.
So it’s a meet up at the top of the mountain, when you’ve both made the journey from opposite sides.
“A better place,” you reiterate, before placing a light kiss to his cheek and leaving the car with a new sense of closure.
a/n: that was longer than i planned and a freaking roller coaster!!!!!!! im not sure if there should be a part 3? lmk what you think maybe it’ll just be short. but hehe i added robby into the mix he was so cute. ty for reading!
why’d you only call me when you’re high? | eli “hawk” moskowitz x reader
based on the arctic monkeys song, requested by @deadbeatharlz<3
warnings:! smut !, drug use, swearing, quite angsty
summary: hawk ignores you at school, but he calls you in the middle of the night when he’s high
a/n: this will be my first smut so sorry if it’s bad hehe. also, hawk is 18 in this so senior year of high school. im the same age as him in the show so i don’t think it’s weird lol
word count: 1,515
He’s such an asshole.
His stupid mohawk, the stupid way he walks like he owns the world, his stupid arrogant smile, and the stupid way his mouth moves when he talks to his stupid karate friends.
But unfortunately you love him and all of his stupid.
It hurts so bad when he walks by you at school, like he doesn’t even know you. He ignores your gaze like he didn’t just touch every inch of your skin the night before.
“I need you,” he says to you in the middle of the night, but the next day you might as well be invisible.
It makes you feel horrible. Insignificant to him. You give him every piece of you and he acts like it’s nothing. But everytime he calls, you pick up.
It’s 3 a.m. when your phone’s buzzing interrupts your dreams. You pick it up, squinting from the bright screen and answer. You don’t need to see the Caller ID, to know who it is. No one else calls you this late.
“Yes?” you mumble groggily into the speaker, half asleep with your head still on your pillow.
“I can’t stop thinking about you, Y/N,” he speaks in a dragging manner, like he always does when he’s just smoked. There’s a faint sound of music in the back, probably from the party he’s at.
“Cool,” you reply bluntly, even though his remark made your heart race. He doesn’t even have to try; just the sound of his voice has you in the palm of his hand. It’s pathetic, really.
“So pretty… I miss you,” Hawk says slowly. His voice also gets deeper than normal when he’s high and it causes your stomach to churn.
You don’t say anything, refraining from telling him what you really feel. That you miss him too.
“Y/N? Can I come over?” he asks his usual question.
You sigh, conflicted. He knows you’ll say yes and you don’t want to say yes. But you don’t have it in you to say no either. You can’t say your mom is home, because he’s been around enough to know when she works night shifts.
You would honestly hate yourself if you just said no. Having him for a night is more than nothing, even if it breaks your heart the next day.
“Just don’t drive,” you say, before hanging up.
20 minutes later, a knock on your window makes you jump. But the shadow of a mohawk reassures you that it’s just the high stupidhead you were expecting.
You lift up the window and he stumbles in with droopy eyelids and red rimmed eyes.
“You could’ve used the front door you know, I told you where the key is,” you watch as he takes off his shoes.
“I forgot,” he shrugs. It’s quiet as he steps closer to you and softly reaches out to touch your cheek. His other hand snakes around your waist to move you closer against his chest. 
You know what he wants. What he always wants. You should pull away and end this vicious cycle, but his touch is too intoxicating.
“Did you miss me? I said I missed you on the phone and you didn’t say anything,” he pouts like a baby. His tough badass exterior always vanishes around you, and you wonder why.
His hand moves your hair behind your ear, trailing down to trace your neck with the gentle touch of his fingertips. Your heart accelerates, and you close your eyes at how good it feels to just be touched by him. You nod your head at his question, ignoring your pride.
With your eyes still closed, you feel his warm breath on your neck. He leaves kisses on your jaw, then sucks lightly on the spot that he knows drives you crazy. You let out a small moan at the contact, reaching your hand up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck.
Your eyes flutter open when he retreats, and you pull him back down to kiss your lips. You feel like you’re on fire, and everything but him escapes your mind. You don’t think about him ignoring you at school or the fact that he’s high out of his mind. Right now, he’s all yours and that’s all you need.
The kiss increases in pace and hunger, and Hawk starts to lead you towards your bed. He lays you down, then hovers above your body, delivering kisses everywhere: your stomach, your hips, and your chest. Everything he does just makes you melt.
You pull him back up to your face to meet your lips with his. As you passionately kiss, you reach under his shirt to feel the rigidness of his abs and he lifts up from you.
“Want this off princess?” he smiles smugly and you nod shyly below him, blushing at the petname. He takes off his shirt in one move, and returns to your lips. Your hands roam the warmth of his skin, and you feel content when he moans into your mouth.
His own hands start to creep under your shirt and he pulls it up over your head to reveal your bra. He’s seen you dozens of times, but the view of your body could never get old. “Shit, I’m fucking hard,” he breaths at the sight of you, looking you up and down in admiration.
And he is. You feel his growing length pressing against your heat as his tongue moves with yours, and the pressure is getting overwhelming. Both of you are breathing heavily as he rubs against where you need him most, relieving some of the pressure.
Closer, you want him closer.
“I want you,” you whisper into his ear, and that’s all it takes for him to unbutton his pants. He wants you just as bad, and you don’t know it but it’s all he thinks about all day: your legs around him as you moan his name.
You shiver while he gently pulls down your shorts and underwear. His touch is so light as if he’s handling glass, that it’s hard to imagine the same hands are used for something as violent as karate. 
Positioning his swollen tip at your entrance, he presses a delicate kiss to your nose before pushing himself in. The feeling of him filling you up is pure ecstasy. He’s high on marijuana, but you’re high on him and it’s more addicting than any drug.
He groans when your fingernails drag down his back and it makes him thrust into you deeper and faster. To him, you feel like magic. Your scent, your sounds, the way you clench around him when he thrusts especially hard.
You begin to see stars and you sense that he’s close too, when he twitches inside of you.
Heaven. Everything about him is heaven.
You two lay together, basking in the beautiful feeling of your release. You’re on your side with your back against his chest, and his fingertips caress your arm soothingly.
The moment is perfect. In the back of your mind you know he’s not yours, but it truly feels like he is when his lips whisper sweet nothings into your hair.
He kisses your bare shoulder, and in the moment you don’t even think when you say the forbidden words.
“I love you.”
Your eyes widen when you realize what just escaped your mouth and you feel his mutual shock from behind you.
But you can’t take it back. It’s out and it’s floating around the room like a bad smell you can’t get rid of. Any trace of the exhilarating moment you just shared is gone, replaced by an awkward air suffocating you both.
“You don’t mean that,” Hawk shifts away from you and you want to tear up at the withdrawal.
“And what if I do?” you look at him, looking him in the eye even though you’re afraid of his reaction. But his stare is blank and he avoids your gaze like he does in the hallways.
“You can’t. I treat you like shit, Y/N. I don’t deserve someone like you loving me,” he shakes his head. Your heart drops when he starts to put on his clothes and gather his things. Usually he stays the night at least, but you spilled too much of your heart and he doesn’t want it.
You don’t know what to say, because in the end he’s completely right, even if you don’t want to admit it. He does treat you like shit. He only calls you when he’s high, and through it all you still torment yourself by loving him.
Taking your silence as an answer, Hawk opens up your window. He takes one last look at your small figure under the sheets before leaving you. His own heart breaks at the distraught expression on your face, and the fact that it’s all his fault.
Of course he loves you. But you’re too good for him.
He didn’t say, but you know that tonight is the last night he’ll ever call you at 3 a.m. again.
a/n: a lot of people wanted a part 2 so here it is!! some hawk redemption :)))
warnings: a bit of swearing, mentions of violence maybe
summary: after your bad breakup with hawk, he wants a second chance
word count: 1,547
It’s been months after you and Hawk split, and you could confidently say that you’ve moved on.
It wasn’t easy; his group kept ruthlessly attacking your friends. It was like he wanted to make your life a living hell.
After that horrible fight at Golf N Stuff, watching Demetri’s arm get broken compelled you to join Miyagi Do. You never wanted to feel helpless again when your friends are in trouble.
Karate helped you move on. You became confident with yourself and instead of focusing on your break up, your mind was on self improvement. Seeing Hawk stoop down to his lowest level also helped; you wanted to be better than him.
“What… the hell?” you gasped.
As your friends arrived at your lunch table, they looked like they got trampled by a zoo. They almost looked unrecognizable with the amount of bruises and cuts decorating their faces.
Sitting down painfully, Sam said, “It’s a bit of a long story.”
“Well tell me! What happened last night, you guys look insane! Are you okay?” you exclaimed, worried and protective about your friends. They all looked so worn down, not meeting your eyes.
Last night, Miguel and Sam were planning on inviting both Miyagi Do and Eagle Fang over to “combine forces” against Cobra Kai. But you felt sick, so you couldn’t make it.
Your mouth fell slightly open as another person came up to the table.
Him.
What is he doing here?
No one was answering you, but you couldn’t blame them, they probably had the worst night.
Ignoring Hawk’s gaze on you, you got up from your seat and walked around the table to Miguel. You grabbed his arm and he winced. “Sorry,” you apologized, leading him out of the cafeteria into the hallway.
“Miguel can you just tell me what happened last night, who did this to you? And why is he here? I couldn’t make it one time and this happened, god, you couldn’t have texted me or someth-”
“Y/N, Y/N please calm down,” Miguel placed his hands on your shoulders, and it was only then you realized how hard you were breathing.
“Look at you. Look at everyone,” you felt your eyes tearing up. You were angry and frustrated, at yourself for not being there. Maybe you couldn’t have done much, but you still could’ve helped.
“Hey, I’m okay, alright? Everyone’s fine, just relax,” he took a deep breath before continuing, “Cobra Kai came last night.”
“What? To Sam’s house? How did they even-”
Miguel cut you off before you could ramble again, “I don’t know. But they showed up and it was like the school fight part two. Don’t worry though, they look pretty bad too. And we won,” he smiled.
“So why is… he… with us?” You looked over his shoulder through the cafeteria entrance where Hawk sit awkwardly with your friends, looking out of place.
“He helped us Y/N. I know things between you guys didn’t go down so well but I do believe he wants to change,” Miguel explained.
You tried to imagine Hawk fighting alongside Sam and Demetri, but it felt wrong. He’s done too much damage and you don’t think you can forgive him for any of it. How could they forgive him?
“Look, I lost Eli to Hawk too. I was friends with both of them. So I know that he’s being genuine. He wants to be better,” Miguel tried to convince you, leading you back to the cafeteria with him. “He also still cares about you, Y/N. I think you were the main reason he left Cobra Kai.”
You didn’t say anything, you just pondered on his words.
Could that be true? Hawk still cares about you? Then why did he put you through all this? Why now would he leave Cobra Kai for you when you aren’t even together?
You sat back down at the table, head hurting from all the questions you want the answer to.
There he was, sitting across from you. The only one who could really give you the answers. But you acted like he wasn’t there.
-
The first practice with Miyagi Do, Eagle Fang, and a tiny bit of Cobra Kai had just been dismissed. It ended early because it started raining, and you were all outside.
It went well. It definitely felt good to have a full team and that one less rivalry was gone.
But there was still a lot of awkward tension between you and Hawk. You guys had carefully avoided each other; you were never less than 5 feet apart and when you accidentally made eye contact, you both looked away in a millesecond. 
You said goodbye to your friends, putting up your hood over your head to prepare for your wet walk home.
You didn’t mind the rain, you actually loved it. But despite the Valley being known for its good weather, the winters were still harsh and frigid.
You hugged yourself with your arms as shivers shook your body. The sound of a car pulling up made you turn around; your first thought being that someone might kidnap you.
But the red car was familiar and you refrained from running away. The window was rolled down and Hawk’s face was revealed. “Y/N, what the fuck are you doing?”
“I’m walking home,” you say bluntly, and start continuing your walk. His car follows beside you, matching your pace.
“It’s cold as shit. Come on, I’ll give you a ride,” Hawk offered.
“No thanks,” you said, not even looking at him.
As you quickened your stride, you heard his car engine turn off and his door open then shut.
He caught up to you, grabbing your arm to stop you from walking. “Get in the car,” he demanded, and you just rolled your eyes.
“Why would I get in the car with you?” You laughed mockingly and he swallowed. Raindrops were falling on his eyelashes and he looked pretty, but you shook away the thought.
“Fuck, why are you so difficult. You’ll get sick, just come on,” he pulled you towards him, then without thinking your karate reflexes kick in and you hit him in the chest.
You almost feel bad, but he steps back, with an almost proud and amused smile. He thought it was cute.
“Why do you care?!” you raised your voice over the rain.
“Y/N I-”
“Why? You didn’t care for all of these months! Why now? You didn’t care when I wanted you to stop hurting people, why do you want to change now?” You bombarded him with all the questions that have been swirling around in your thoughts for days.
“I did care! I do care. I’m sorry, Y/N. I really am. Just please get in the car and we’ll talk about it,” Hawk pleaded, reaching out for you again, but you pull your arm away. His jaw clenched from your rejection.
“And I still loved you! Through it all! You broke Demetri’s arm, one of my best friends. He was your best friend too! And I still missed you! Do you know how horrible that feels?” you continued letting out your anger. All of the things you’ve wanted to say to him are spilling out of your mouth and you don’t even notice your tears.
His eyes were starting to brim with tears too, but you couldn’t tell if it was just the rain.
“I am sorry Y/N. For everything. I’ve never stopped fucking loving you and I missed you too. Like hell. I can’t take back what I did to Demetri but I’m trying, I’m trying to fix it,” he confessed, moving in closer to you.
“You’re a liar…” you hit him in the chest, but he didn’t budge. “You can’t say that… that you love me, you’re just a huge fucking liar!”
Before you could hit him again, he stopped your hands and put his arms around you. At first you tried to squirm out of his embrace, but eventually you gave in, letting out full sobs of heartbreak.
You missed this. His warmth and his soft skin. The way he rests his chin on the top of your head and how he rubs your back to soothe you. You hated the way you were just giving in, but you didn’t have it in yourself to pull away.
“You were right about all of it. I wasn’t myself,” he murmured into your hair. He missed holding you too, and he wondered how he went so long without doing so.
You looked up at him with your glassy eyes. His hair was drooping down from the mohawk because of the rain and he looked more like Eli.
The rain was still pouring down on both of you, but you had gotten used to it. Still in his arms, you were no longer shivering from the cold.
You lifted a hand up to place on his cheek, and you admire the kind blue eyes you’ve missed looking into.
You pushed your previous anger away and pressed your lips against his, revelling in the feeling of reuniting with your lover. You missed him so much. You got butterflies as you two moved together perfectly and he smiled against your lips.
“I never stopped loving you too, Eli.”
okay here’s a tag list for the people who wanted a part 2 :))) thank you so much for reading and feel free to send in any requests!
“into it; chase atlantic (this song reminds me so much of hawk it’s ridiculous, it gives me spicy fanfic vibes and idk how spicy you write but if you were comfortable with spice then this would be perfect for that)”
ty for requesting!!!
into it | eli moskowitz/ hawk x fem reader 
warnings:explicit!!! 18+ content!!! pure filth and smut lol and swearing too, drug use
summary: based on “into it” by chase atlantic
this takes place in college :) also im quite innocent so if anything is wrong just know that ive never experienced anything in this lmao
The weather’s only sunny when I’m under it
And I haven’t really changed, yeah I’m just confident

You watched from the across the room as he inhaled the line of white powder, a hand plugging one side of his nose and another holding a rolled up dollar bill.
If someone told you three months ago that the nerdy Eli Moskowitz from your Chemistry class would be snorting a line at a party, adorning a dyed mohawk, you could’ve never even imagined it.
But here he was, and honestly you were really fucking into it.
These girls they come and go between my bedsheets
And I’ve been doing blue and causing big scenes, yeah
Hawk had a reputation of having a new girl every night; the gossip had been that he’s never called one back for round two. Some may call him a womanizer, but maybe that was what he wanted. Girls fell at his feet anyway, wanting to be part of his long list of one night stands.
The truth is, you’ve already spent a night with him.
It started with some shameless flirting and you already knew the direction it was headed. He asked you back to his place, and out of half curiosity half lust, you agreed.
And after that night, Hawk was all you could think about.
It could be because he was good. Really good. But maybe you also loved a challenge. Knowing it was a one time thing left you wanting more, so that was why you were here tonight.
You were going to be the first girl to be taken home by Hawk twice.
Pull up and I’m higher than the big trees, yeah
She don’t really like it but she needs me, yeah
She saying she don’t really miss me
But fuck it, now I’m faded after all things, yeah
You walked over to where he sat with his head leaned back, basking in the snow high. His intense eyes seemed to stare you down as you approached, and you thought you saw a twinge of curiosity in them.
“Hawk,” you greeted, downing the rest of your liquor for some bravery.
“Y/N,” your name rolled off his tongue sweetly, and you internally cussed at yourself for feeling tingly already.
“I’ll sit here,” you said. You snuggled up close to him, and with one arm behind his head resting on the couch.
His eyebrow quirked at your closeness. “And what are you doing?”
You played with the hair at the nape of his neck, tracing a finger around his shoulder. He pretended not to notice and looked at you in amusement.
“I’m trying to get you to take me home with you,” you said bluntly. You blame the alcohol.
He chuckled at your straightforwardness. “Haven’t we had our time together?”
You imagined him running through a mental checklist of names, looking for yours, then seeing a line through it.
“I was hoping you forgot so we could do it again.”
Say she wanna fuck me later
Girl, I’m into it, I’m into it, I’m into it
Hawk tapped at his lip, fighting a smile. “Now how could I forget you.”
“So I’m memorable?” you said. You continued tracing his shoulder, before venturing up to his jawline. His eyes fluttered, and the reaction made you feel pleased.
“Of course, what if I told you that you were the best?” he professed, bringing heat to your cheeks.
“I’d think you were trying to flatter me.”
His blue dilated eyes scanned you for a second. “Is it working?”
You let out a laugh, “I’d say so.”
He smiled, genuinely, and you found yourself wanting to take a picture to keep forever.
“Well I’m not lying. You were the best. But that was just for me,” Hawk mused. For some reason, he seemed a bit nervous waiting for your reaction.
You found it hard to believe, but you let yourself be elated by what felt like the most meaningful compliment that could come from him.
“It was good,” you shrugged nonchalantly, “but we could do better. How about tonight?”
After a moment of silence between you both, the red haired boy broke into a fit of laughs. You watched in enjoyment at the way his whole body was in it, and how it was your doing.
He recovered, looking at you with a lingering hint of a smile. “You are just too smooth Y/L/N. Too smooth.”
“That sounded like a yes,” you leaned in closer.
To your delight, Hawk stood up with a hand reached out to you.
-
You two wasted no time, hungrily grasping at each other to remove articles of clothing.
He stopped the heavy make-out to look you up and down. Taking you in, he whistled playfully, before pushing you onto his bed with a hand wrapped around your throat.
You felt his tongue at your neck along with teeth, sure to make a mark for you to deal with the next day. You pulled him back up to your lips, slipping in your tongue to meet with his.
A moan escaped you as his hand massaged your breast and he squeezed your nipple, sending shivers through your entire body.
“Want me down there?” Hawk said into your mouth, and he took your shy smile as a green light.
His pretty lips trailed kisses down your chest, swirling his tongue around your nipple, then running his hands up and down your stomach.
He teased you with soft bites around your thighs, purposefully avoiding your sensitive heat. It made you antsier by the second.
When you couldn’t take it anymore, you reached down to touch yourself. But he grabbed your wrist before you could ease the unbearable desire.“Patience, sweetheart.”
“Just do it already,” you groaned, reaching to push his head down towards the spot you wanted.
He chuckled at your urgency, but finally gave in to your plead.
Hawk placed his tongue flat on your clit, sending electric pulses throughout your body. You moaned his name, making him harder than he already was.
“So wet. Did I do this?” he smirked up at you, before returning to your heat.
He lapped at your walls, pressing down on your clit with his thumb. You writhed in pleasure, making him have to steady your hipbone with his other hand.
He added a finger into your pussy, and it eased in with your wetness. Meanwhile, his tongue played with your sensitive bud and he added in another finger. You felt your high coming in as he curled up his fingers to meet your G spot.
“I’m- I’m almost-“ you breathed, suddenly feeling the overwhelming build up as Hawk’s fingers thrusted into you harder and his mouth moved faster.
He wrapped his arms around your legs to keep you still as you reached your high, and his tongue showed no mercy while you twitched in pleasure. As you rode it out, he placed soft kisses on your thighs, before moving up to put his lips on yours. “Good girl.”
“I think you need some help there,” you looked down at his swollen cock, pressing against his stomach pitifully.
“It hurts,” Hawk pouted, making you giggle.
You pushed him on his back and kneeled on your legs. You admired how defined his jawline looked from your view and you ran your hands up and down his sculpted abs.
He watched you with lustful eyes as you pressed a light kiss to his length. “Hey, no teasing.”
“Consider this karma,” you batted your eyelashes up at him.
With the tip of your tongue, you lightly trailed up his dick, leaving a little swirl at the top. He twitched, and a bead of pre cum dripped out of his tip.
You continued your teasing, feeling a warm ache in your belly at the way he grew frustrated.
When it seemed like he was at point of yelling at you, you took him into your mouth. He cursed in pleasure at the sight of your pink lips around him, bobbing up and down so slowly. You felt his fingers tangle up in your hair, tugging gently.
Suddenly you picked up your speed, and you watched his eyes struggle to remain open to watch your every move. “Fuck, Y/N,” Hawk groaned, pulling at your roots harder.
You hummed and the vibrations of your mouth ended him. Swallowing his cum, you felt wet at the sight of him undone in front of you. The tightening in your core longed for more. You gave his length one last kiss before licking up his body to meet his lips.
“God, you’re trying to kill me”, he said into your ear. You straddled his waist while laying on his chest and you felt him starting to get hard again underneath you. His hands went to your ass as you sucked at his neck; you hoped to give him a mark that matched yours.
You gasped when he suddenly moved your ass to make your core grind against his dick. The ridge of his tip brushing your clit caused your breath to hitch with excitement.
The rush impulsed you to take control and move his hands to your breasts. A hint of a smile took over his face when you rocked yourself on his shaft, up and down. He was fully erect again and you covered him in your slick wetness. Squeezing your breasts, you sighed in delight.
Then you took a pause, giving him a look that said, “Are you ready?”
“Go ahead princess,” Hawk said breathlessly, as he watched you position his dick at your entrance.
He loved to see you in control, the way your hands leaned on his stomach. The way your eyes rolled back as you took him in, so so deep. It was the hottest thing he’d ever seen.
Once he was all the way in, you stopped to let yourself adjust to his size and to bask in the feeling of his fullness.
Your breath picked up as you started to get into a rhythm of moving your hips. Hawk watched you carefully, using his thumb to massage your clit. When you clenched your walls around him, he let out a satisfying moan, which only made you pick up the pace.
He watched with low eyelids as you bounced on him and the view of your tits only pushed him further to the edge.
It felt so full and hot and so good. You knew your release was coming when the corners of your vision were turning black, and you knew he was also close from the twitching of his length inside you.
For the last few seconds, you went down hard, making the both of you curse in pleasure. You squeezed your walls around his cock at the end, sending you both into your second orgasms.
The warm feeling of his cum filled you and added to the haze of your release. You felt Hawk pull you to his chest where you felt the rise and fall of his shallow breaths.
You laid on him, his arms around your waist and his dick still deep in you. He kissed your hair sweetly, eliciting a satisfied smile from you.
“What did I tell you? The best,” his low voice spoke into your skin while he ran his finger through your strands.
You looked up at his face, and to his embarrassment he was starting to get hard again, just from the view of you innocently gazing at him through your eyelashes. An uncharacteristic blush spread across his freckled cheeks as you slyly smiled; you felt it.
“It was good… but we could do better,” you teased, mirroring your words from earlier.
Hawk traced your lip with his thumb, then tilted your chin up to slide his tongue into your mouth. “How about tomorrow night?”
-
a/n:
so… how are we doing… ahh i feel so dirty now but what did you guys think?!?! this is only my third time writing smut, i hope the pacing and descriptions are okay
also i literally wrote another hawk fic but i deleted it because im so stupid!!! it took me like 4 hours too :(
anyways im not sure if im back to writing, i was kind of just bored, but yall can send me requests! i can’t guarantee ill write it but if it’s something i feel like i can do a lot with then i will :)
“idfc; blackbear (again it’s so easily related to hawk vibes, maybe he’s afraid to open up again for a relationship after moon so he acts like he doesn’t care about the reader but the mfs actually so in love✋)” - @hawkwhore
ugh i love this sm and blackbear ty for the request as always <3
idfc | eli “hawk” moskowitz x reader
warnings: just cursing?
summary: based on idfc by blackbear :) hawk doesn’t like you and you don’t know why
a/n: soooo i kinda strayed from the song LOL sorry but this is kinda more cutesy and less angsty than the song. i actually like it though :)
You don’t know why he seemed to hate you.
Ever since you walked into the dojo for the first time, it was like you couldn’t escape his death stare.
Eventually, you got closer to Miguel, his best friend, so you two started going to the same parties and hanging out more often. But he never seemed to warm up to you.
Miguel said Hawk was just intimidated by you because you always beat him when Sensei calls you both to spar. So you let him win one time, but he seemed to hate you even more after.
Which is why you started Operation Get Hawk To Like Me.
It seemed like a fun challenge to get the broody boy to enjoy your company, but you also sincerely wanted to be friends with him. When he would laugh with Miguel and he smiled like the sun, it made you sad that he was so cold towards you but so warm towards others. You wanted the sun.
You decided that the first part of O.G.H.T.L.M was to subtlety be nicer; you didn’t want to be desperately kind out of nowhere and make him dislike you even more.
“Hey!” you called after the red haired boy who was about to open the door to the dojo.
Hawk turned around slowly at the sound of your voice, and you winced at the annoyed look on his face.
“I- uh, I got this for you,” you held out a blueberry smoothie. When everyone hung out at Golf N Stuff, you saw that he got that flavor and took a mental note.
The boy stood in front of you with a twisted face, not reaching out to take the drink. “Why?” he asked.
You shifted awkwardly, feeling nervous under his stare. Was this too forward? “Um… I accidentally got an extra one?” you made the excuse lamely. “Just take it.”
“Give it to Miguel,” Hawk turned around and sauntered into the dojo, leaving you with a frown. But you wiped off any trace of your disappointed expression and walked into practice too.
-
You tried everything.
You waved at him every time you passed each other in the halls. You got him drinks at parties and you even offered to be the designated driver so that he could get wasted with Miguel.
When you two sparred, you lost on purpose each time. Sensei even pulled you aside to ask if something was wrong. “Hawk is getting better,” was all you said, but he didn’t seem convinced.
The list of things you were trying to do for Operation Get Hawk To Like Me seemed endless and you were totally kissing his ass. His feelings about you weren’t budging, and it seemed like this was just a hopeless mission.
“I just don’t get why he hates me so much. I’m trying so hard,” you groaned.
“Maybe that’s why. You’re trying too hard,” Miguel said across from you with a mouthful of fries.
“Well I don’t know what to do then. I want him to know I’m trying.”
“He knows,” your best friend nodded his head nonchalantly.
Your face scrunched up in confusion, causing Miguel to give you an amused look. “Then why doesn’t he care? I’m starting to think there’s just something wrong with me,” you huffed, crossing your arms.
“You should just talk to him if it’s bothering you so much,” Miguel shrugged.
“I guess I should,” you slumped, feeling intimidated by the thought of confronting Hawk. Was it even worth it? If he didn’t want to be your friend now, then what would change if you talked to him? If he would even agree to talk.
-
Tonight. The final step that would determine if you were going to give up on Hawk.
The truth is, it really hurt your feelings how little he cared about you. And it hurt even more when you went out of your way to get him to even acknowledge you as an acquaintance.
You don’t know why it affected you so badly; maybe you’ve always had a teensy crush on him. And maybe this little plan you formulated was actually motivated by your subconscious desire to really get to know him, even though you passed it off as wanting to simply be his friend.
So tonight, at the party you were all going to, you were going to talk to him. And get the truth on why he was so persistent in shoving you away.
“Woah, slow down Y/N. Miss lightweight,” Miguel eyed you cautiously when you downed another cup of beer.
“I just need some liquid courage to face Hawk,” you licked your lips, already feeling the effect of the alcohol clouding your mind. You started to sway without noticing, making Miguel laugh at you amusingly.
“Well good luck with that. But that’s enough, or you won’t even get any words out,” he took the cup from you and you pouted. Miguel subtly motioned behind you, and you turned around to look.
It was the red haired boy you’ve been avoiding all night; the one who made your palms sweat when you thought about the conversation you were planning to have.
But with the alcohol giving you a rush of confidence, you walked up to him with no anxiety. His eyes widened when he saw you rushing forward, and he almost looked afraid.
“Can I talk to you?” you said solidly, feeling braver than you usually are. Hawk looked at you, confused, but nodded to his friends before following you to go somewhere quieter.
He traced behind you as you opened the door to go outside, where there were less people and the music wasn’t so loud.
“Um… is something wrong?” Hawk stood awkwardly in front of you, scratching the back of his neck nervously.
“Of course there’s something wrong,” you replied in a meaner tone than you intended, but you brushed off the guilt.
“Well what is it?” he asked in his usual annoyed tone that he used only when he needed to speak to you.
You felt your cheeks heat up with frustration. “Why don’t you like me?” you blurted out, and the expression on his face told you that he wasn’t prepared for it at all.
“W-What?” Hawk stuttered, his previously composed persona was gone.
“Why don’t you like me?” you repeated, more forcefully. “I am so nice to you. But you just hate me and I have no idea why! And you’re just best buds with everyone else, so I know you aren’t incapable of having friends. Do you know how shitty that feels? Especially when I try so hard to just get you to treat me decently!” your mouth ran on and on and words were coming out without you thinking.
Your blurred vision from your anger cleared after you caught your breath, and you focused on his shocked expression. It was the most expression he’s ever shown you.
“I-I-” Hawk stammered, but you cut him off.
“Look, I’ll leave you alone if you just tell me to. But tell me why, so I can give up. I’m sorry, okay? For whatever I’ve done that makes you not even want to be near me. And I don’t even know why I feel like I need you to like me, I just-”
This time he was the one to interrupt you. “I do like you.”
You blinked in confusion, taken aback by his words.
Hawk licked his lips anxiously, taking a breath in before speaking, “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a dick. The truth is… I’ve been… um… catching feelings for you. And I guess I was trying to protect myself by pushing you away.”
Your mouth dropped open at his confession. Out of all the responses you were expecting when you were overthinking about the conversation, this one was one you could have never seen coming. But surprisingly, it made your stomach turn and your heartbeat accelerate.
He continued, this time looking into your eyes with his blue ones. “I don’t hate you at all. I just… I just felt like last time I caught feelings for someone I just got hurt. And I was all in, but they weren’t. That’s why I keep myself from getting close to you. I’m sorry Y/N,” Hawk confessed his whole heart, leaving you speechless.
After barely getting a few words out of him everyday, his confession of feelings was overwhelming. But you finally understood him. You knew about his relationship with Moon and how it went down from all the school gossip, but for some reason you never pieced together that it was why his guard was up so high.
“I don’t really know what to say,” you admitted, still feeling woozy from both the alcohol and his speech. You weren’t sure about your feelings and you didn’t want to say something you didn’t mean. Yes, you had feelings for him too, but everything was going so fast.
Hawk gave you a smile that calmed you from your worry. “It’s okay, sorry. It was a lot. But if you still want we can be friends.” He reached out his hand for you to shake and confirm your partnership.
Instead of taking it, you took him by surprise by wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He melted into the hug after a few seconds, and you smiled from behind his view. “Friends,” you pulled away and he beamed at you warmly.
You finally got the sun.
a/n: omg bye this was not like the song at all SORRY there wasn’t that much action it was just fluffy IVE BEEN WATCHING TOO MUCH MIRACULOUS LADYBUG like they r so soft and u can see the influence of it on my writing lmaoo anyways hope u enjoyed!! :)
“you broke me first; tate mcrae (heavy angst omg i can just see it working so well with hawk being an asshole and tryna crawl back to reader, but maybe you can work out a happy ending so it’s not depressing)” - @hawkwhore
i love u @hawkwhore ty for always interacting it means sm <3
you broke me first | eli “hawk” moskowitz x reader
warnings: swearing, cheating? angstyy
summary: based on “you broke me first” by tate mcrae

For months you were the pathetic, heartbroken ex-girlfriend. You lost yourself, wondering why you weren’t good enough for him. Why you weren’t as good as the girl he left you for.
For months, every time your phone screen lit up, you hoped his name would be on it. It never was. Not until you finally moved on.
The blaring sound of your ringtone awoke you from your dreams, and you fumbled for your phone on the bedside table, still half asleep.
You cracked open an eye to press the answer button, without reading the contact name. “Hello?” you said sleepily, laying your head back onto the pillow.
You looked at your clock; 2:00 am. Who the hell is calling at-
“Y/N? It’s Hawk.”
Your eyes widened immediately at the voice, and now you were completely awake. You checked the name on the phone, as if to make sure it was real. It was really him.
Your first instinct was to hang up, but before you could it was like he read your mind, “Please don’t hang up.”
There was a faint sound of music and murmurs, which you assumed was from some party he was at.
“You have some nerve calling me,” you spat, deciding to hear out the conversation out of curiosity.
What could he have to say? After all this time?
“I miss you,” Hawk blurted through your phone speaker, making you laugh, mockingly.
“So she broke up with you?” you scoffed. You still knew him so well. You knew he could never be alone with himself for long.
You heard shuffling on the other side, and the music was gone. “I broke up with her,” he replied.
“Did you cheat on her too Hawk?” you shot harshly, feeling no pity towards the boy who broke you with no mercy, like his victims’ arms.
“No- I- I didn’t. I did it because I still love you,” he confessed, and this time you held back your laugh.
If he said this to you, maybe 2 months ago, you would’ve been the happiest person in the world. But you were so over it. So over him.
“This is some sick joke,” you shook your head, feeling hot from anger.
“It’s not Y/N, please. I miss us. I miss everything we had and I’m sorry. I messed up, I know I hurt you, and-”
You cut him off, “You don’t mean anything you’re saying.”
You swear you heard him sniffle before he answered, “No- I- I do. I do mean it, I love you.”
“Then you wouldn’t be drunk,” you argued. He was silent after your remark, as if you had defeated him.
But he spoke again, “I am drunk, but I mean it. It hurts being away from you Y/N, it’s always been you. I was just lost and I don’t even know why I did it. I just need another chance.”
Excuses, excuses.
You rolled your eyes even though he couldn’t see your face. “You know what hurts? What hurts is that you moved on before we were even over. And now that I’ve moved on, you’ve decided that you want to just jump back into my life? I don’t care, okay? I don’t care how bad it hurts because you broke me first,” you spilled all of your anger out, feeling a huge weight lifted off of your shoulders.
For all of those months, you imagined this conversation; you rehearsed it. You wanted to let him know about all of the pain he caused you, but you never got the chance, until now.
You continued, “I can’t give you another chance because that was the other chance. You think that I can fix you, but it’s not my job. Or anyone else’s. That’s what your problem is.”
You didn’t even notice the tears falling down your face until they dropped onto your arms. You weren’t sad; you were just overwhelmed with the sudden release of pent up feelings.
“It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done and- and I know I need to fix myself. I’m sorry and I’ll never stop being sorry Y/N. But… just say the words and I’ll leave you alone. For good. Just say you don’t love me anymore and you never have to talk to me again,” Hawk’s voice cracked at the other end of the line, and you imagined his red rimmed eyes.
Maybe it should’ve been a hard decision. But it wasn’t.
“I don’t love you,” you spoke into the phone, then hung up.
a/n: LMAO im sorry i knew u said to give it a happy ending but i wanted a #girlboss moment
also personally i would not forgive a cheater no matter what so maybe this was a bit true to self
a/n: his hair is blue in the gif but red in the story :) also this is a bit long but i love it this is one of my favs
warnings: mentions of violence and cheating, swearing
summary: your boyfriend cheated on you and your best friend hawk is there for you
word count: 4207
You should’ve known. It couldn’t have been more obvious.
The way that he doesn’t let you see what’s on his phone. How he never takes you out anymore. The emotional distance you feel when he kisses you. It’s like he’s not even in the same room when you’re together.
Even with all the signs and evidence, your heart still broke like glass when you saw them together. Your boyfriend Danny and the girl that he always assured you was only his “best friend”, locking lips on his bed.
You had come to Danny’s house because he cancelled plans with you, claiming that he was sick. So you decided to surprise him with cookies that you baked, but he ended up having quite a surprise for you too.
The window of his room gave you a perfect view of the scene, and it was almost like you were meant to see it. Like he wanted you to see it. You stood in front of his house for what seemed like forever, trying to figure it out if it was real.
You tried d to rack your brain for excuses as to why he would do it. But there weren’t any. He was simply cheating on you.
Your heart physically hurt as your brain settled on that fact and you threw the plate of cookies on his lawn in defeat. Not caring if the noise made him look out the window, you began the walk back to your house with blurry vision from your tears.
But on the way there, you passed the house of your best friend Hawk. Seeking comfort from your heartbreak, you made your way to his window that you’ve always used as an entrance when you two hang out.
His light was on and you could hear his music, so you knocked on the glass with the rhythm you both made up to let him know that’s it’s you.
You waited as the music stopped and Hawk pulled back the curtains to reveal you. His red hair was down and framing his face in the way you like it. You’re the only person he allows to see him like that, and that fact always warms your heart.
Hawk looked happy to see you, but his smile dropped when he saw your tear stained cheeks and he quickly opened up the window. Helping you get in, he asked, “Y/N, what happened? Are you okay?”
You stood awkwardly in front of him, playing with your fingers. You weren’t sure if you even wanted to tell Hawk. He’s always hated Danny, and Hawk isn’t the most peaceful of creatures.
You didn’t say anything and just buried your face into his chest. You started to cry again, feeling safe in his arms as he held you tightly.
He led you to the bed to sit you down and let you cry it out in his warm embrace. He was worried about you, he’s never seen you like this; but he wouldn’t force you to talk. So for 15 minutes, Hawk ran his fingers through your hair comfortingly as you calmed down from your sobs.
“I’m sorry,” you spoke for the first time, smoothing down your hair. His shirt was filled with your tear stains, but he really couldn’t care less. He just wanted you to be okay.
“Don’t be sorry. Do you want to talk about it?” he said softly. He had a feeling about why you were crying, and he felt anger starting to bubble in his stomach.
You contemplated for a moment, not knowing if you should tell him. You knew Hawk. He would seek revenge on your behalf and it would end in blood.
But he would also find out anyways. If not from seeing Danny at school with the other girl, then he would probably put the pieces together if you told him that you broke up.
The only difference in the outcomes would be that right now you’re in control of how he finds out and you could possibly convince him to leave the situation alone.
“I-It’s Danny,” you breathed, feeling queasy about your decision.
You saw something flash in Hawk’s eyes and his fist tightened at the mention of your (ex) boyfriend’s name. “What did that fucker do,” he said, with a frightening, calm anger.
“Just… Don’t get mad, okay?” you stuttered. You could almost feel the change in the air just from the two words you spoke. Hawk unclenched his jaw and nodded, trying to be calm for you.
“I went to his house, and that was before I came here. And… I saw him with…,” your voice quavered as tears started blurring your vision again. It hurt to say it out loud and you couldn’t even finish your sentence.
Hawk abruptly stood up from beside you, and through your tear filled eyes, you could see the rage on his face. “I’m killing him,” was all he said, as he moved around the room to get his keys and jacket.
You stood up when he got to the door, and you pulled on his arm to make him stop. “Hawk, please. Stop,” you cried, but he was determined to make Danny hurt the way you were hurt. He wanted to hurt him more.
“That asshole was lucky to even have you look at him, Y/N. He’s fucking dead,” Hawk spit, taking his arm from you and making his way to the front door.
“Hawk! Just- stop. Stop! He isn’t worth it. Can you just stay here with me?” you whimpered, and at that moment his face fell. “Just stay, please. I need you.”
You saw the conflict on his face; the pity for you and his hatred for the boy who broke you. But with you in front of him, with puffy eyes and a cute red nose, he knows there’s no way he can leave.
The rest of the night, Hawk took care of you. He ordered in pizza from your favorite place and watched your favorite Disney movie with you, even though he always called it lame. His jokes made you laugh uncontrollably as if you hadn’t just gotten cheated on hours earlier. As always, your best friend was there to save the day.
“I’m sorry Y/N,” he said quietly as he played with your hair. It was already 1 am and you were both laying on his bed. You were exhausted from the day’s events; the thought of school the next day, especially seeing Danny, made you want to throw up.
“You were right,” you whispered, closing your eyes. Hawk had always been wary of Danny, and he often let you know it.
“Well, you see the best in everyone,” you felt the vibration of his voice from his chest, where you rested your head.
“What do you mean?” you looked up at him, struggling to read his face in the dark. His face was turned towards the ceiling in deep thought.
Hawk cleared his throat. “You see the good in people… and that’s my favorite thing about you. But sometimes you’re just so blind to the bad,” he explained.
You stayed quiet, thinking about his words and not really knowing how to interpret them. He continued, “I guess I’m trying to say that you’re different from normal people; you see through rose colored glasses. You dated that scumbag because you’re so loving that you saw the good in him, even if there’s fucking barely any.”
You laughed at the remark, then let him go on. “Even with me. I do shit that make people hate me. I throw punches that I regret and start fights that make me a horrible person in other people’s eyes. But you don’t really think of me like that, no matter how much I mess up. You’re the only person in my life who doesn’t see me as my fuck ups,” Hawk poured his heart out. “But I promise, I would never take advantage of you like him. Just keep living in your little world, alright? Don’t let him ruin that.”
You were left speechless. He had never said something so heartfelt to you and you wanted to cry at how sweet it was. You’ve never really thought about his view of you, but you guess it’s true. Sometimes your blind optimism gets you hurt, but you’re thankful that it helped you find your best friend. Yes, he’s not an angel, but if you listened to what everyone was saying about him, then you two would be strangers.
“I love you Hawk,” was all you said, and you kissed his cheek before cuddling into his side. He returned a kiss into your hair before the both of you drifted off into peaceful sleep.
-
The brightness of the sun woke you up from your dreams, and it took you a minute to adjust your eyes. Memories of yesterday flooded back, but you didn’t really feel sad.
The new day gave you a new perspective. You were grateful that you caught Danny, because if you didn’t, you might’ve never known. It still hurt that he betrayed you; you did love him. But wallowing in sadness would give him too much credit. He was a shit boyfriend and you vowed to cry no more tears over him.
The bed was empty, with no trace of your red haired best friend. In his place was a piece of paper with what you recognized as Hawk’s terrible handwriting.
‘Good morning you terrible snorer. Just kidding you didn’t snore. That loud. I’m sorry I didn’t wake you up for school, you looked really tired and I think you should just have the day for yourself. I have karate later so you don’t have to wait for me, but you can stay if you want. There’s more ice cream in the freezer. Love you. -H’
You smiled as you read it, feeling thankful for how caring Hawk was. You were dreading going to school and facing Danny, but you would’ve forced yourself to go anyways. Hawk probably knew that, so he gave you no choice.
The first part of the day you did some therapeutic cleaning, picking up the pizza boxes and trash from last night.
Then you explored around his room, even though you’ve been in it a thousand times. You went through the comics he used to read and you tried playing his video games, but you didn’t know how to turn it on.
You were already bored by the second hour of being alone, so you decided to head to your own house to freshen up.
‘I went home, I’ll see you tomorrow? Thank you for everything, I don’t know what I would do without you. Also I’ll buy you more ice cream lol I finished it’ you typed a text to Hawk as you walked home, smiling to yourself. 
After a relaxing day alone of face masks and dancing to Lizzo, you were prepared to go to school the next day. You really appreciated that Hawk made you stay home; you needed this time to reflect on everything. You don’t need some boy who doesn’t give you the time of day, when you have Hawk.
-
As you got ready to go to school, you felt like a bad bitch, and you looked like one. No one would ever guess that you’ve just been through a breakup. The heartbreak didn’t last long; you just felt like you’ve dropped some unneeded weight.
You got to school, but Hawk wasn’t waiting at the front for you as usual. It was weird, because he never said anything about missing class. You figured he was just running late. 
But when he never showed up to your shared first period class, it made you worry.
‘Hey, did you not go to school today? Everything good?’ you sent him a quick text as you walked through the halls to your next class.
You were feeling anxious, a contrast from your earlier confidence. You didn’t think you’d be alone today and now you really didn’t want to see Danny without Hawk by your side.
But as if you summoned him and the universe hated you, your cheating ex boyfriend was coming from the other end of the hall. Your eyes met at the exact same moment and you wanted to look away, but you couldn’t.
A black eye adorned his face, matched with a bruised jaw and a wounded lip.
His eyes frantically searched around you as if he was looking for someone. He looked scared.
Suddenly, your brain put all of the puzzle pieces together and you came to a realization. Hawk did this, and he wasn’t at school because he probably got suspended.
Danny tried to move past you, but you grabbed his arm and pulled him to the side of the hallway. He didn’t meet your eyes as you stood in front of him.
“Danny… what happened?” you asked, even though you already knew the answer.
You didn’t know how to feel. You know you should be angry that Hawk didn’t listen to you, but you felt no pity towards the boy in front of you.
Danny scoffed. “You know what happened. Your little boyfriend started the fight, saying shit about how I don’t deserve you and I’m a cheating asshole.”
You rolled your eyes. “One, he’s not my boyfriend. Two, he’s right, you don’t deserve me. And three, you are a cheating asshole. You said Emily was just your friend, but I should’ve known. I saw you,” you snapped, but he shook his head and laughed.
“You don’t see it, do you? That you’re just as guilty as me?” Danny sneers.
“What?” you blink in confusion.
“Oh come on Y/N. You were always his. It was him first, and then me. But he was just your “best friend”, right? Don’t act all innocent, when anyone can see that you have feelings for him.”
Your mouth falls open slightly at his words, and he continues, “Look I’m sorry that it went down like this, but you should be with him. We’re just not meant for each other and it’s obvious that you love him more than you’ve ever loved me. And he loves you too. Otherwise I wouldn’t be looking like this. We’re fine, alright? Goodbye Y/N.”
Danny gives you a tight lipped smile before leaving, but you’re left staring into space, speechless. You didn’t expect anything he just told you and you don’t even know if you believe it.
Is he right? Do you love Hawk, like that? You’ve felt like the victim the whole time, but you never would’ve thought that Danny felt like one too.
You began to feel guilty, looking back on the relationship at times when you would leave dates with Danny to pick up Hawk when he’s in trouble. When you would choose to sleepover at Hawk’s house instead of Danny’s because he had a breakdown. And when sometimes you’re a little bit too affectionate with your best friend, but you’ve always excused it as platonic even though his forehead kisses gave you butterflies.
Maybe you really weren’t all that innocent.
Maybe you did love Hawk more than Danny, and maybe you’re only just now realizing it.
-
The pattern of the knocking at your window made your stomach turn.
You’re not sure if you’re ready to face Hawk after your revelation, because after thinking on it for the rest of the day, all signs pointed to him. Every single thing Danny said was right.
You love Hawk.
The only thing you aren’t sure of is how Danny said he loves you too. You’ve always thought that Hawk sees you as a little sister and strictly as a best friend, which is why he’s so protective. The possibility that confessing your feelings could ruin your relationship created a conflict within you.
You opened your window and there he was. He had a gash right above his brow, presumably from Danny, but he didn’t look half as bad as the boy he beat up.
You saw Hawk in a different light as he stood like Romeo before you. It was as if the realization of your feelings for him made his eyes look more beautiful and his lips look softer, and you no longer had to faithfully push those thoughts away.
“Hey,” was all he said, as he stumbled in through the sill into your room. His hair was down again, because he knew you liked it like that and he hoped it would help you not be too mad at him.
“Hi,” you said awkwardly, walking back to sit on your bed where he followed. He sat close to you so that your shoulders were touching, and even though he’s been closer, it made you feel lightheaded.
“Look, Y/N, I’m sorry, I know you said to leave it alone, but he hurt you, and I needed to-”
“I’m not mad,” you interrupted his nervous rambling.
“Oh,” his shoulders relaxed, but his fingers were still nervously tapping on his knees.
There’s a weird silence between you two, and it was out of the ordinary that you didn’t have something to talk about.
“Are you alright?” you finally looked at him for the first time since you both sat down.
You don’t know what compelled you to do it, but you lifted up your hand to lightly trace your fingers along his brow where the cut was. His ocean eyes were on you as you did it, but you felt nervous to meet them.
“I’m fine. Did you see him?” Hawk said in a light tone, smiling as you touched his skin.
You let out a quiet laugh. “Yes. Nice work,” you mused.
You pulled your hand away from his face, but he grabbed it before you could put it down. He moved your hand back to his skin, releasing millions of butterflies in your stomach. “I like it,” he said, and you only nodded.
“So how long are you out for?” you questioned, referring to his suspension.
“Three days,” he mumbled, eyes closing in relaxation as you started touching his hair. You sighed in response. “It was worth it though.”
He still had his eyes shut when you put down your hand and wrapped your arms around him. He blinked in surprise, then held you closer. “Thank you. You’re the only one who would take a punch for me,” you said, pouring gratitude into the embrace.
“I don’t think that’s true, but you’re welcome,” he rested his head in the crook of your shoulder and you felt his hair tickle your ear. “It was for me too, you know? I hated his guts.”
You responded with a hum of understanding, still grasping onto him like he could leave any moment.
He pulled back from you enough to see your face, and he looked concerned while he tried to read you. “What’s wrong?”
You really underestimated how much he knows you, because he sensed your anxiety even though you tried to mask it.
“Nothing’s wrong,” you offered a smile, but he wasn’t convinced.
“Did you talk to him?” he asked, rubbing soft circles on your hand. He knew you were thinking about something and he wanted you to open up, but he was always delicate with it.
You just nodded, feeling your palms getting sweaty. Talking about your conversation with Danny would bring up what he said about you and Hawk, and you weren’t even sure if you wanted to spill your heart yet. You internally cursed at yourself for not hiding your emotions well enough.
“Did he say shit to you? I swear if-”
“No. We just… talked,” you cut him off. You prayed that he would leave the topic, but he didn’t.
“What about?” he pressed, making you feel hot from nerves.
“Uh… I just asked him about what happened,” you answered, but there was no way he couldn’t hear the shake in your voice.
“Then what’s bothering you? You can talk to me Y/N,” he said softly, a worried look in his eyes. You felt bad keeping secrets from him, because that’s something you never did.
“Promise me we’ll always be best friends,” your voice shook, making his face twist up in confusion.
“What? Of course. Hey, nothing could change that alright?” he looked at you with his soft eyes.
You swallowed, feeling a bit better by his reassurance.
“He- He just said some things that made me think about… us. And I was blind to it, but- he’s right. Well he’s right about me, I don’t really know how you feel, but now I’m just so confused- and for some reason him cheating on me felt justified in a way? I-” you rambled anxiously, until Hawk stopped your frenzy of word vomit.
“Woah, woah, slow down Y/N… just… what? What is he right about? And how could that be justified? There’s no excuse for what he did Y/N,” his voice raised at the mere thought of Danny gaslighting you into thinking that somehow you deserved to be cheated on.
“No- I- I know it was shitty but… Hawk,” you took a deep breath to prepare yourself for your confession. “I think I cheated too. But not like him. I- I cheated emotionally,” you spit the words out, not only admitting it to him, but also to yourself.
The red haired boy’s face was blank in confusion as he processed what you had just said. “Y/N what the fuck are you talking about?”
You struggled to reach his eyes while you carefully tried to think through your answer. You felt like if you looked at him you would simply melt, but maybe in this case it would be a good thing.
He put his hand gently under your chin to tilt your face towards his, forcing you to meet his blue, puzzled eyes. You wanted to burst into tears under his gaze, because you had no idea what to do.
Hiding your feelings could ruin your friendship. Confessing has the same chance. So which are you supposed to choose?
“Hey, hey, it’s alright. I love you. I love you so fucking much Y/N and that’s forever. Nothing you say or do could change that,” Hawk said, rubbing your hand comfortingly. He thought you were hesitating in telling him because you were afraid of his judgment.
Those three words. They felt different this time. They made you more dizzy. More fluttery. The way he said it was the same as all the other times, but the way it made you feel was just so different.
It gave you such a high that you decided to take a leap of faith before you could fully think it through. A leap that you know deep down was always going to happen, even if it looked like there were two choices. You could regret it, but you just jumped.
“I love you. I mean, I’m in love with you, Eli. I’ve always been in love with you.”
You felt like you needed to run away right as you said it, as if the words were a bomb that you didn’t want to see the aftermath of. You didn’t want to see the outcome because you were afraid it would just leave you devastated.
Eli.
His mouth slightly fell open at the use of his old name, next to your piercing confession.
For some reason it slipped out of your mouth, but it felt right. You’ve probably said it five times ever since “Hawk” was born, but it was only used in serious conversations. Like when you comforted him after his dad died. Or when you were so worried about him when he ran away from home for a week.
“I’m so sorry, Eli,” you said, after hearing the news.
“I missed you so much, Eli, never fucking do that again,” you cried into his shoulder when he showed up at your door.
It was like a code between the two of you that you were being nothing but genuine.
Hawk sat in shock in front of you, and you swore you could actually see the escalation of thoughts running through his head.
“Maybe it took an asshole like Danny to make me realize it, but he was right. I’ve never loved anyone more than I love you… and I knew that, but it’s just how it’s always been. I thought we would go through life together but be with other people, even though I would always put you first. I thought that it was just an us thing, you know? Best friends. But I just- I realized that I don’t even need anyone else. I only need you,” you scanned his eyes for a moment before continuing. “I know I won’t love anyone else like I love you. And- and god, I’m just pouring my heart out and I don’t even know how you feel… I’m sorry if this is too much.”
He stared at you, stunned, and you heard your heart pounding in your chest violently as you waited for him to say something.
But instead of speaking, you felt the softness of his lips on yours before you could think another thought.
a/n: wow i think that was the longest thing i have ever written and i wasn’t sure if i was going to end it like that :0 anyways hope u enjoyed love u all!
ricky rocks. it gets cheesy at the end, but a girl finally writing again.
you watched the clock on your phone turn 12 making your stomach twist in despair at the thought of how early it still was and there would be no way of leaving anytime soon.
you were losing your mind and the fact that everything was suddenly becoming so overwhelming and claustrophobic didn’t help—all due to you being pressed up so close to eli. it hadn’t even been an hour since eli had practically yelled at you in miguel’s small restroom for being so… you.
everything you did had been setting him off and lighting him up like a fuse all night up until he finally exploded—pulling you into a conversation you never thought you’d have with him.
it didn’t make sense—none of it. you understood how much of an irritating person you could be once fueled up but eli was one to handle it. you loved it, played along with it, but not tonight. not even from when you walked through the front door.
“you okay?” you felt his mouth pressed against the side of your face, whispering carefully as taking hint to your silence.
you were never silent.
“yeah, i’m fine,” you shifted slightly against his chest, wincing at the wide movement—almost feeling it was too much and that’d clue him onto how you really felt at that moment.
but he stayed silent and he didn’t say anything. but you could still the gears were turning in his head as he slowly leaned away and stared forward with a blank expression.
“you sure?”
“yup.”
nope.
“you want to talk about it?”
eli would have moved on if it was anybody else but it just didn’t feel right. you keeping your mouth screwed shut was one of the worst possibilities that could have came out of tonight and he didn’t know how to fix it.
“no,” you slightly eased away from him, “i’m fine, hawk, fuck off.”
he blinked in surprisal with his eyes slightly expanded at the quiet yet harsh words he never expected to be directed towards him. his arms dropped from your waist as you were practically already moved all the way across the couch.
he watched you for a good minute, not knowing what to do or what to say. you ignored it despite how painful it was and how much it made you squirm underneath his hard stare.
as much as a douche bag eli was, he knew the reasoning. he’d have to be dumb if he didn’t. yelling at you was not something he wanted to do, but he wasn’t in the mood for your teasing and he was more on edge than usual with it just being a flat out bad day for him.
“what’s with you and y/n?” miguel had run in on eli once he had finally gotten up to the kitchen. he clasped his shoulder tightly pushing himself so close that eli could smell the booze that tainted his mouth. “what’s—what’s going on here?”
eli pushed him away a bit with his elbow due to the clear loss of boundaries miguel had with the intoxication undergoing his mind, “nothing, man. chill out.”
“nothing my ass,” he hiccuped, tipping back and forth. “you guys are always all over each other but it seems like she can’t get far enough away from you.”
eli winced, now glancing to his friend who kept shifting back and forth on his feet in an antsy manner. miguel didn’t look him in the eyes for more than a second because of the box of crackers eli held.
“she probably feels sick.”
“sick of you.”
“okay man,” he shoved the box of crackers to his chest as miguel giggled. “maybe you should go sit back down.”
“only if you figure out what’s wrong.”
they both shared a stare as miguel shifted away and out of the kitchen with the box of crackers closely pressed against his chest. even in his drunken zone he looked precisely sober in the pointed glare he offered to eli.
“fine.”
*
“let’s talk,” you almost jump to the unexpected lips practically pressed to your ear as eli had leaned down to your level of position on the couch, tipping his head toward the bathroom. you looked in the direction before looking back up to him where he gave you a serious look, once again motioning toward the other room.
you sighed, hoisting yourself to your feet before walking where he immediately placed his hand on your lower back, guiding you just in case you’d change your mind.
“what’s wrong?”
the question floated through the air seconds after the door was closed and his concerned stare filled your vision intensely.
“what’s wrong?” you looked dumbfounded as you stared at him, your arms going limp at your sides, you couldn’t even process it quite right. “eli, you yelled at me an hour ago because of how annoying i was being and you’re asking me what’s wrong?”
he scoffed a little, “i was overwhelmed.”
“by what?” you threw your hands up in frustration, “i barely said one word to you and you were acting like i was making fucking fun of you or calling you names.”
“when are you not?”
eli cringed at his response but it was almost like a reflex to be a smartass whenever someone raised their voice above talking level. this is not the way he wanted this conversation to go and he could just imagine miguel shaking his head at him for letting it get out of hand so fast.
“get over yourself, eli. you have a whole alter ego that circles on you lying about doing karate.”
“why would i lie about doing karate?”
“i don’t know karate boy, you tell me.”
he rolled his eyes, shifting backwards on his feet, “you really piss me off sometimes.”
“hit me then.”
“do you hear yourself right now?”
“perfectly fine, hawk.”
“what the fuck do you want from me?”
you looked him straight in the eyes and he should have known what was coming. it’s the only thing you had been asking of him since the day the two of you met, “i want you to stop lying or punch me in the face.”
“i’m not going to punch you in the face, get that through your head,” he clasped your shoulders, almost shaking you as his wild eyes pierced yours. “i’ll do anything but punch you in the face. if anything punch me, c’mon.”
his statement caught the both of you off till eli recovered for the both of you, slightly moving backwards after seeing the consideration that begun to swarm in your eyes, “why would i punch you?”
he still prepared himself even as hesitation was written all over in your movements. you looked like you wanted to, but you were still unsure.
“c’mon, y/n, i know you want to.”
“eli-“
“do it. punch me. you’re not going to hit me.”
“then what’s the point?”
“just do it,” you still eyed him carefully, almost questioning if he was actually asking of this. “hit me, i know you want to.”
you squinted, “don’t cry like a baby when i do, eli.”
his lip twitches and you extend your arm out before you send your fist toward his face—but he was quick and dogged your throw, almost landing you in miguel’s shower if it weren’t for eli catching you and now having your arm pinned up and behind your back.
“relax, princess,” you could hear the smirk in his voice without seeing him. “don’t get too worked up now.”
you tugged out of his grip roughly causing him to let you go to avoid any pain that would cause you, but you now once again positioned far from him with eyes full of determination. you didn’t really care for pain but instead a good payback—or just something that’d prove he wasn’t in actual karate. but so far, you were failing at both.
this time he ducked, but you retaliated quicker sending a foot up to kick him the best you could within the limited space but he caught it, now yanking you forward by the grip he had on your calf, his nose now touching yours, “you done?”
“sure,” you grunted attempting to pull your foot from his grasp. “just admit your lying.”
he scoffed, “get over yourself,” then dropping your foot, seemingly done with the conversation, “you’re more fun when you’re drunk.”
“you asshole,” you watched him open the bathroom without another thought making you even more angry and further motivating your move to pick up and throw the glass cup placed conveniently on sink counter.
you watched it fly through the air, centimeters from hitting his head but by some strange luck, eli caught the cup without even looking at it. your brows narrowed, completely astounded on how he caught the glass with his back turned.
he turned around, a clear unimpressed frown on his face, “you believe me now?”
“yeah, sure,” you breathed out, looking between him and the object.
taking place some time after his breakup with moon, (probably end of S3 era after his redemption) he starts to develop feelings for y/n, but he isn’t sure if he’s ready for another relationship after what happened with moon. this results in constant disguised flirting to avoid commitment, leaving y/n confused on if he likes her, or is just joking around.
p.s. thank you guys so much for 100 followers!! :) i decided that im gonna make a hawk imagine as a thank you since i’ve been thinking about doing it for awhile. im so scared to post this bye.
words; 2,444
includes; light swearing, angst, fluff
It had gotten to a point, that it was almost bothersome. Bothersome,the way he would talk to you, and pretend like it was nothing.
“Hey gorgeous,” he greeted you as you sat down at Hawk’s lunch table. Your friends smirked and you rolled your eyes, trying to repress a smile. He did this all too often, making comments that shouldn’t be made unless it meant something more.
“Hi.” You sat down awkwardly, never knowing how to respond to his uncomfortable remarks. Not that you exactly minded them, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t have a bit of a thing for Hawk. But what you didn’t like, however, was not being able to tell if his comments were serious, or just another way to amuse himself over your reactions.
“So, we were just talking about the next All Valley. You’re coming to watch, right?” Hawk asked you as he bit into his food. You were never really into actually taking these karate classes, but you were a supportive friend to the group and always came to watch them fight. “Yeah, of course.”
“I still think you should join the dojo and fight with us, Y/N.” Miguel said hopefully and you smiled at him, preparing to reject the idea again. “Yeah, plus, you’d look pretty hot in the uniform, right guys?” Hawk joked, looking to the table for agreement. You let out a sigh of disappointment at the comment, laughing it off as the rest of the group agreed.
“Yeah, not happening.” You said while grinning, shutting the idea down for the millionth time. Hawk frowned. “You’re lame.” He stuck out a finger from behind the sandwich he was holding to point a finger at you. “Oh well. Looks like you guys will have to find another way to spend more time with me.” You joked, and gave a shrug of your shoulders to your friends.
You had thought, this would have been a good opening for Hawk to say something like ‘You’re right, do you wanna go out with me this weekend?’ but of course, he didn’t say that. He didn’t say anything, really. The conversation just went on.
It made no sense to you why he acted the way he did, but never made a move. It was truly infuriating at times. Eventually the bell rang, and you all parted for the second half of your classes. You wouldn’t see Hawk again until your last period, which was both upsetting and a relief for you at the same time. He’s just so unpredictable.
There had even been times you’d called him out on his behavior, like when you all went out to Golf N’ Stuff and he practically acted like you two were a couple the whole night. He was complimenting you, putting his arm around you, and it prompted you to quite literally say, ‘If you actually like me that much why haven’t you asked me out?’ In a taunting tone towards him, wanting to see what he’d do.
For the first time in a long time, he’d seemed intimidated. He retracted his arm from you even, and after a moment’s silence regained his usual composure to spout a “You wish,” and laugh it off. It hurt your feelings a little, honestly. Was he just using you for the comfort without the obligation? Could it have easily been anyone else besides you? You were determined to find out, but you’ve just been stuck playing the long game.
It was later that day when you reached your final class that more unsurprising events from Hawk occurred. You had been sitting in the general center area of the classroom when Hawk walked in, and he shot a wink your way as he took his usual seat behind you.
“Hey,” he greeted. You turned around to face him, noticing once again how cute he looked in his red hoodie that you wish was yours, and replied nonchalantly. “Hey, how was bio?” You asked him. The teacher wasn’t here yet, so you were thankfully able to converse without being yelled at.
“It was wild,” he started, and his eyes lit up while his mouth curled into a devious smile. “We actually dissected some shit today. Just completely ripped the frog’s guts apart.” He spoke, feeling accomplished. “Totally badass.”
You mimicked the way a person would vomit, exclaiming how disgusting that story was. “And that is exactly why I am not taking biology.” You said while giggling.
He rolled his eyes playfully, but watched you intently as you laughed. He didn’t say anything at first, just smiled softly. “I love your laugh, it’s so cute.” There it is. Except this time it seemed a little more sincere than a harmless flirtation. Too bad that you know that’s all it really is, though.
You furrowed your eyebrows at him in a confused look at his compliment like you always do, and turned back to the front of the class when you realized the teacher had just arrived.
It can’t be that he’s scared to ask you out in some sort of fear of rejection, because you’ve made it pretty clear how you feel many times before. When it first started, you tried to reciprocate the things he did and said. But every time you tried, he brushed you off and made you feel like he didn’t want that. So, what, he could flirt with you, but you couldn’t flirt with him? How is that fair?
You considered these thoughts throughout class, and it was starting to frustrate you. Seriously, how is that fair?
You had become so focused on these thoughts, in fact, that you didn’t notice when the teacher had called on you. “Y/N,” Hawk shook your arm from behind you trying to get your attention back onto the class, and you whipped your head up. “Yeah, sorry.”
When class was over and you headed out of the room, Hawk was close to follow behind and pull you to the side before you got too far. “Hey are we still on for tonight?” He asked confidently, referring to your plan to watch the new WandaVision episode together at his house after school. You would’ve been nervous about this, but luckily Demetri was coming, so it shouldn’t be too awful.
“Yeah, duh,” you said while walking towards the exit with him. When you reached his car, you looked around. “Where’s Demetri?” You questioned, as Hawk started getting in the drivers’ seat. “He didn’t tell you he wasn’t coming?” He said boredly. Suddenly you felt tense, but you masked that with a look of annoyance. Figures.
“Ugh, what? No? He’s annoying. Why not?” You complained as you got in the car, no longer waiting for Demetri to show up. “Family dinner, I think?” He responded, while you buckled in your seatbelt and checked your makeup in the little mirror.
“Okay, well, his loss I guess.” You tried to hide your anxiousness about the fact you two were now going to be alone together at his house, with continued annoyance about Demetri’s cancellation.
“Yeah definitely, what loser would pass up an entire hour of sitting next to you?” He commented smugly, trying to lighten the mood. “Half-hour.” You corrected, turning your head away and ignoring the flirtatious intention of the comment.
You shook off the unexpected change of plan and suggested some music, to which Hawk agreed. You both terribly sang along to a few songs while chatting about WandaVision theories until you got to his house, and went inside.
“So what was that in class today?” As you two were walking upstairs to his room, he asked you this almost through a bit of laughter. “What do you mean?” You looked for clarification, hoping he didn’t mean what you thought he did. “You never lose focus in class.” He confirmed.
“Yeah I don’t know! Just zoned out I guess.” You tried to explain without giving him the details on the thoughts that caused your zoning out, thankful for not having to be in direct eye contact with him as you answered while walking inside his room.
Unfortunately, this answer was not good enough for Hawk. “Bullshit! What were you thinking about?” He encouraged lightheartedly, assuming this topic of conversation wouldn’t be anything deep. How wrong he was.
You sat down on his bed and he did the same, and you tried to think of what to say next. At your silence he continued, “You were probably thinking about how hot I am, huh?” You lightly smacked his arm and let out a breath of defeat.
“I don’t wanna kill the vibe by talking about this. I just wanna see Evan Peters in the next episode.” You tried changing the topic by making a joke, but he didn’t budge.
“Dude, what is it? Seriously you can talk to me.” He looked at you sincerely and moved a little closer, detecting this might be more serious than he thought. As annoyed as you were that he wouldn’t give this up, your heart melted a bit at this action.
Then, that heart started beating incredibly fast when you realized what you were now going to have to admit to him. It’s fine, you told yourself, you’ve been wanting to get this off your chest for ages, so just do it.
“Do you like me?” You blurted out.
That is not how you intended to start this conversation at all.
The smirk that was always planted on Hawk’s face immediately fell, and he suddenly looked nervous. “What?” He asked, trying to avoid answering.
Lucky for him, you had more to say.
“All you do, every time I see you, is make flirtatious comments towards me, and it’s weird. It wouldn’t be weird if you actually meant them, but you had plenty of chances to act on it and you haven’t, so at this point I’m wondering if you’re just using me as some sort of fun rebound to mess with and you don’t even like me at all, especially since whenever I tried to flirt back you brushed it off and acted like I was an idiot for doing that, so if you don’t actually like me I’d appreciate if you stopped doing what you’re doing because it’s confusing and I don’t know how to act around you anymore.”
You hesitated for a moment after your very passionate speech, and finished with, “That.. is what I was thinking about during class.”
You looked up at him anxiously and saw an expression of hurt and guilt on his face, and he gulped harshly at the realization that it was his turn to talk.
“You’re not a rebound.” He spoke softly, avoiding eye contact, almost reverting back to his Eli persona. You felt a glimpse of hope at this, but waited for him to continue, fidgeting with the ends of your shirt’s sleeves in impatience.
“And I’m sorry I made you feel like that was even a possibility.” He said louder, slowly regaining his confidence in his words. “I’ve been nervous, after Moon, about getting into another relationship.” He admitted to you, finally looking into your eyes.
Now that he wasn’t as nervous anymore to explain himself, suddenly you were. Where was this going?
“I didn’t want to commit to anything, I was..” He took a breath, as if ashamed to say it, “Scared.” He looked down, avoiding your gaze again, but continued. “I just didn’t want to screw up the same way I did before, and grow a relationship like that just for it to end so soon.”
“So you thought you’d just flirt with whoever was around to compensate your need for love?” You interrupted harshly. You felt a little bad, but you were still angry, and insecure.. and it still sounded like a rebound.
But all your thoughts of self-doubt went out the window when he took your hands in his. “No!” Hawk said, almost shouting in disbelief at you. “I like you a lot, Y/N. I just didn’t know what to do about it. I didn’t want to make things serious and get hurt again, or even worse I do something stupid and hurt you. But I guess my attempt at ‘liking you from a distance’—“ He put emphasis on those words, as though making fun of his own phrasing. “—ended up being stupid and hurt you anyways. And I’m really sorry for that.”
Hawk poured his heart out to you, and you were in shock. You don’t think you’d ever seen him so vulnerable before. You couldn’t think of anything else to say, so you did something you thought you’d never do.
You kissed him.
His short look of confusion as you leaned in quickly faded when he realized, and he happily accepted the kiss. He moved his hand to hold your face, his other one on your waist, and you lightly rested your hands on his chest. A sense of relief washed over you, finally understanding what was going through his head all this time. Before the kiss could deepen, you parted from him to say something.
“I understand,” You moved your arms up a little, wrapping them around his neck while talking, and he held your waist loosely. “But I hope you know that we don’t have to be like you and Moon. You’ve changed so much since then. And I believe in us. I want to be with you.”
You stared into his eyes intensely, hoping he would say exactly what you’ve been wanting him to say to you for months.
His puppy dog expression broke into a huge smile, and he nodded. “Yeah, I want to be with you too.” He leaned in again, much more confidently this time, and kissed you deeply.
He kept his hold on your waist tight, and your lips continued to move together as your hands grasped onto the back of his neck. He leaned forwards slightly and moved his hand to hold your jaw, but accidentally broke the kiss from a smile he couldn’t manage to suppress.
You giggled at this, giving him another quick peck on the lips before turning yourself towards the TV. “So, WandaVision?” You reminded him, laughing to yourself a bit at how things escalated.
“Oh, right,” Hawk hesitated, looking at you for another second. “Fine.” He gave up the idea of kissing you more, and searched for the remote.
“I guess we should be glad Demetri didn’t come after all.” Hawk smiled slyly as he picked up the remote, and cuddled up next to you on the bed.
You laughed, and curled up close to him as he turned on the show. “Yeah, definitely.”
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ok hi i hope this wasn’t terrible i’ve basically never written a fanfic before but if y’all liked it you can send me requests??
also random thought i got uncomfy just writing them kissing even though i read intensely nsfw fanfics on the daily so idk why that happened but anyways. LMFAOOO
bye thank u for 100 followers excuse me while i hibernate because this post is embarrassing
