Hey everyone, sorry I haven’t updated in months. My health took a turn for the worst for quite a while, but it finally convinced my doctors to actually get me on a consistent treatment.

I started medication & I am doing leaps & bounds better. They’re still not 100% sure what’s wrong with me but I think we’re closing in on a solid diagnosis now that we know the meds are working.

Hopefully the medication keeps working & I can retain some semblance of normalcy to my life .

Sorry I haven’t been posting here a lot. My health keeps relapsing. Each time I get better, I improve less & for a shorter period of time. 

I’ve been sick for over a year. My doctors still don’t know what’s wrong with me 100%. My diagnosis keeps changing.

Now they say I have conversion disorder, which is when a psychological stressor nerfs your body. (think somebody sees something traumatic and goes blind temporarily). So they’re sending me to therapy.    

I understand conversion disorder is a real disorder, & with the weird things my brain has done in the past, it’s definitely a possibility…

I’m just really scared doctors are writing me off because we’re in the middle of a pandemic & they don’t want to thoroughly check all their bases.

I’m getting really frustrated because my health issues keep relapsing. I’ve been in physical therapy for over 6 months now & every time I almost recover, it’s like my body hits the reset button and I have to start over.

I was doing really great the last few weeks and then all of a sudden I’m getting dizzy again & can’t do almost anything besides lay in bed all day. I’ve accidentally broken a bunch of things because I’m pushing myself too hard & end up knocking things over. 

This is the 2nd relapse I’ve had & it’s starting to sink in that I might never get better. I might be like this for the rest of my life . Stuck living w/ my abusive mother, unable to do basic things. Unable to do what I love.

I don’t want to get too deep into it but I’m even more pissed b/c we finally found the cause of my issues & it’s likely a result of something my mother caused. Now I’m basically getting flashbacks to being a teen b/c she used to tell me, “I’ll keep you here forever & never let you leave,” ….& that’s exactly what’s happening. It’s my worst fear. 

February-April are bad mental health months for me as it is & her behavior has been bad recently. Once she kept screaming at me to come downstairs, knowing how dizzy I was. She announced excitedly she’d bought my favorite food for dinner, only to say I couldn’t have any & mock me when I got upset. 

She sits downstairs & treats any sound I make like a source of entertainment. I sneeze, drop something? She lets out an incredibly fake, boisterous laugh & mocks me for making noise. It’s such bizarre behavior & she. doesn’t. stop. I can’t do anything without her commentary. When asked to stop she goes feral.

My life has been one trauma after another & every time I try to improve it something worse happens. Now I have to watch as people who tortured me my whole life travel, get married, & live it up. As I can only stay in bed as my body continues to get weaker. It’s just not fair. It feels like I’m being punished for being born. I just want a normal life. A quiet one where my body works right & I don’t get abused. I’m starting to think I’ll never get that.

Anyway I’m not in a good place right now & just needed to vent it out. I’ll be ok but I’m just really frustrated.

Due to some unfortunately shitty health developments along with company visiting at the end of the month I will be closed for commissions until around the middle or end of July.

I will be working on some personal projects and may stream when my health permits it.

Thank you for your understanding during this difficult time. It means so much.

If you’d like to know more about what the hell is going on, please feel free to read on.

As some of you may know I started to experience almost debilitating pain/ache around my ears and jaw during Nov 2018. I had some pretty worn out headphones that were causing pressure. At one point my one ear had become partially deaf where things were muffled, yet rather loud. On the day my ear went partially deaf I went to urgent care where I was given a nose spray that helped the pain and almost completely removed all aches.

Sadly, the ache has come back to where I am clenching my teeth causing strong aches, on and off pain, and stiffness which has been affecting my sleep horribly. I’ve been told it seems I have TMJ and am currently trying different treatments to hopefully cure it.

I’ve dealt with body pain on and off for most of my adult life, mainly during the winter seasons. However, to have something such as my jaw being hindered in such an uncomfortable manner has taken a huge toll on my already stressed out mental health. So, I need to take a step back from things causing me stress, one being commissions.

I tend to put a heap ton of pressure on myself to make sure your commissions are perfect. Its a fault of my I need to work on; to remind myself that it’s okay that its not perfect. Obviously I want to make sure I give y’all a product that shows my best skill level, just… gotta throw that perfect mindset out.

Point is, I really do enjoy drawing for y’all, and I’d like to again in the near future. I have to take care of myself first before I can do so in a healthy manner, while still being able to work on my own projects.

Anyways, thank you for everyone who has ever commissioned me, who have bought things from Redbubble, who enjoy looking at my art, who enjoy my characters(who I wish to show more of in the future as well). It all means so much to me.

Here’s to a hopefully healthier me and a calmer summer.

I need a vacation. orz

About a month ago, I posted that I was finally starting to feel like myself again and that I would be getting back to blogging.

It was wonderful! For the first time in so long, I could think and write and communicate again!

But, of course, the universe laughs at my plans.

Just two days after posting that, my health began to worsen rapidly.

A week later, I found myself unable to leave bed for more than a few minutes at a time.

Over the past month, I have experienced a confusing (and frightening) array of symptoms. My body is struggling to regulate itself. The slightest bit of heat leaves me dripping sweat while the cool temperatures I used to love leave me shivering. My appetite has all but disappeared while the thirst never leaves.

Standing, or even sitting, for more than 10-15 minutes at a time is likely to leave me nauseous and shaking as the pressure builds within my head and my thoughts become harder to string together.

My limbs move of their own accord in small jerks and twitches. Electricity shoots through my appendages leaving itches that can’t be ignored but worsen if I allow myself to scratch them.

And this all seems to stem from the increased movement of my spine. My neck now pops and cracks in ways I’ve never experienced before. My back pain has been getting worse and worse. I feel things moving in my spine and it’s terrifying.

Then, about a week ago, there was a pop that was much louder and more painful than usual.

When I woke up the next day, rather than having faded overnight, the pain had worsened. Throughout the day, I took steps to care for and rest my neck to allow it to heal. But nothing helped and it felt like there was something stuck out of place.

By the time I awoke the next morning, the pain from my neck had taken over my head and been joined by a fierce nausea. The vision in my right eye had faded and I found myself struggling with basic movements due to limbs that felt too heavy and only sometimes listened to my brain.

That evening, after getting home from work, my husband helped adjust my neck. As he moved my head, there was a loud pop. When I tested my neck afterwards, the spot that had felt stuck, though still sore, felt like it was back in place.

Once the fresh wave of nausea and pain had faded, I felt so much better!

That is, until the following afternoon, when I tripped and fell, the force of which seems to have knocked things out of place again.

That was two days ago and I’ve pretty much been stuck in bed since then.

I have so many things I need to do, yet, even just typing this up has taken me most of the day because I can only type for small bursts before needing to rest again.

There’s so much more to say and I’m struggling with how to proceed from here, so I think I’ll wrap this up for now.

If you’ve reached out to me and I haven’t responded, I am so sorry. I will be responding to everyone as quickly as I am able to! I hope to respond to most messages tonight and tomorrow, though that will greatly depend on whether my body cooperates.

Thank you all so much for your support <3

-Sabrina

Last Health Update

Posted using PostyBirb

Health Update

Posted using PostyBirb

Health Update

Posted using PostyBirb

hey all. peepers had his mri today.

they found a mass at the base of his skull which is invading his optic nerves. due to the location it is not surgically removable, and we aren’t really able to biopsy it to figure out what we’re working with. they did an ultrasound too, and at least there’s no evidence of any spread to his other body systems.

if we proceed with treatment we’re looking at radiation therapy. right now i’m waiting to hear back from the oncologist to find out what specific type of therapy might be good for him and if it’s something that we want to pursue. right now he’s on palliative steroids to reduce the pressure on his brain and help him feel better. they don’t think it’s likely that he will regain his vision.

this isn’t the news i wanted to hear, but i knew since a week-and-a-half ago that it was a possibility.

peepers is my heart-cat so this is taking a pretty big toll on me. please keep both of us in your thoughts/prayers/vibes

i might be opening a donation page and/or advertising commissions to help pay for his treatment costs at some point so keep your eyes peeled for that

hi all, i haven’t kept this blog very active lately, but i felt like i should update you all on our beloved peepers.

on thursday, may 20 2021, i noticed that peepers’ eye was fully dilated and was not constricting in response to bright light (which is not normal.)

i took him into his regular vet on friday, who referred me to an ophthalmologist, which he saw yesterday (tuesday.) the eye doctor carried out a few tests and determined that peepers’ eye is perfectly healthy and is creating and sending electrical signals to his brain in response to light like it’s supposed to. unfortunately, the ophthalmologist also determined that peepers has developed a near or complete loss of vision, and that because his eye is functioning normally, the cause of this is that his brain is no longer properly receiving or interpreting the signals sent from his eye.

this means that peepers has some sort of neurological condition that is preventing this. it is unclear what the cause is, but some of the causes could be from either trauma, inflammation, a tumor, or potentially an infection. i am waiting on input from his regular vet, but i am likely going to take him somewhere to get a CT scan (again) and/or to see a neurologist to determine the underlying cause of the problem.

i am hoping and praying for the best possible prognosis for my sweetest boy.

peepers is otherwise doing okay right now. he is still eating, drinking, using his litterbox, and demanding love the way he always has. he is a bit disorientated from his sudden loss in vision and sometimes gets lost, but he is managing finding his way around our home okay overall.

Update: I’m so sorry for being away without notice!

I’ve been dealing with a lot of health issues and I caught a very bad strain of something so I’ve been rather miserable! I’m getting better so hopefully I’ll be back to writing soon!