#hurt feelings
The subtle clench of my throat as tears burn like bile at the back of my tongue, the taste of my own bitterness a sharp reminder of where I’ve rushed headfirst without thinking of who I’ve raced along beside. The crushing squeeze in my chest as I consider yet again whether I want to hurt him or myself more… loving him has been simultaneously the easiest and hardest thing I’ve ever done. Easiest because when things are well, everything is sky-high and light and it’s so easy to see the rest of forever together, happy, warm and bright… the darkness seems to loom just offscreen until things simmer back down. I crave affection but it seems that I’m alone in that endeavor and I don’t want to be a pest. He swears I never could be but I know better. I’ve been broken enough times to see that I’m doing this to myself this time but there is nothing I can seem to do to stop it either. I am a careening car, sliding off the cliffside because of the patch of ice I saw coming but could not avoid. I want nothing more than to be touched tenderly when he’s awake… in sleep he wants to be as close as possible, but during the day it seems I am just someone to fill a space in the storyline. I know he wants me in his life but I don’t know if he knows that he’s just pushing me away… I don’t have the words to tell him when I try…
“I need feminism because… I don’t throw like a girl”
I do.
Broad shoulders are a masculine trait directly linked to the higher levels of testosterone in men. It isn’t because the patriarchy gave men the privilege of having increased levels of testosterone compared to women, it is because of biology, evolution, and just plain old cold hard science. As a result, the average male will typically have stronger, broader shoulders and consequentially better throwing abilities than your average women. Take note of the use of the word ‘average’ because there will always be anomalies regarding the strength capabilities of either gender.
When people say you throw like a girl, they are saying that your throw is weak, directly related to the fact that the average female will have smaller, weaker shoulders than the average male. When people say you throw like a girl as an insult, they aren’t insulting your gender, they are insulting your throwing capabilities. Take it within context, don’t manipulate it with accusations of male privilege and patriarchy. It really doesn’t takes a discerning mind to be able to recognise between malicious intentions and just gender stereotypical ignorance. It isn’t that hard.
Besides, if you don’t want to throw like a girl, prove it. Train yourself until you can throw as far if not further than the average male (average male I’m talking about here, don’t go around finding the smallest, lankiest, weakest men you can think of to out-throw in an attempt to prove your point). I study with a female who is a gym junkie and is just one of the many females who is probably stronger than a large percentage of men. A few of us were out throwing a footy around during break and she was seriously showing them up with her strength. Half the guys made 'she throws like a girl’ jokes but in such a way that they translated into 'holy shit, she throws like a girl’ which was steeped in the kind of respect that you only earn when you rightfully and successfully prove yourself worthy.
For the record, I don’t particularly like the phrase 'you throw like a girl’. It isnt something that thrills me a whole lot. I’ve only been told it a few times when I have abysmally failed to throw an object far enough but having it said to me was an experience none the less. I am incredibly non-confrontational in real life but I become insanely passive aggressive and Hulk-like internally. As an example, my initial internal reaction to being told that I throw like a girl would go along the lines of:
“No shit, Sherlock. Did you go to Detective School to figure that out? Yes, I throw like a girl but I’m not going to start pumping steroids so I can grow the shoulders big enough throw this stapler far enough to reach your thick skull.”
Guess what? Responding in such a way would make me a bitch. Responding with such fury to such a trivial issue would reflect worse on myself than it does on the initial offender. Responding to ignorance or hate, with even more hate, doesnt make me a more decent human being. I am much more rational than that. Besides, it doesn’t take long, a few seconds maybe, to cool down, make a lighthearted “your mum” joke and just laugh it off.
-fraudulentfeminist
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I will have to say its pitiful how we still have this callout culture. People cannot yet understand that thede are not to be used to get back at someone who hurt their feelings or for petty reasons even. Much more if the person has apologized for their deeds, what more do you want? Stop spreading hate against a single roleplayer, do you know the damage you’re making to that person? Callouts are intended for real crimes, in a police wise rank, not for people to whine about how butthurt they are.
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The Pain of Saying Goodbye
I have to confess that being able to write this post requires a lot of strength and courage - not just for me personally, but many others who have experienced some kind of loss in their lifetime. This can be from the ending of a friendship or romantic relationship or even the sudden death of a loved one or pet. In my own life, I have experienced several deaths in my family when I was growing up as a child and as a teenager. Experiencing these events at such a young age has caused me to have a crippling fear of loss and abandonment, which is no fault of my own. It found me down my path, unfortunately. Difficult situations like this happen throughout our lives whether we want them or not, which is a hard bullet to take and can often feel very painful.
Losing someone you care about in any shape or form can have detrimental effects on our overall wellbeing. Take heartbreak for instance, when someone we love and care about tells us that they don’t want us anymore; it can cause insomnia, anxiety, desperation, obsession, poor appetite, hopelessness, sadness and despair. All of these things can really eat away at our health and that’s just not on an emotional level either. I have experienced this a couple of times and it isn’t pretty. It hurts you to the core. However, in this kind of situation, although I know how difficult it is to see it in a positive light. Ask yourself whether that relationship was really for you or not. Often times when we cannot get over someone, there is a presence of an unhealthy attachment or codependency which isn’t a good thing.
As someone who has a fear of abandonment, losing someone I cared about and had fun with is what hurts me the most. I thrive when I feel accepted in a group of people such as friends or loved ones. So going through something like this causes a lot of hurt and emotional pain inside of me. However, I do pick up the pieces and move forward towards a place that serves me a lot better. Always remember that these experiences are here to make you grow wiser as a person and as a soul too. Without them being in life, we wouldn’t learn something new about ourselves whether that is good or bad.
Grief can be a very challenging emotion to deal with, but you should never suffer with this alone. Talk to a friend you can console with and trust, a therapist or loved one to help you process your difficult emotions. Remember you are not alone, even though it may feel like it. If your body and soul require you to cry, allow it to happen without any resistance. Do not feel ashamed about it. Your body is an amazing machine, do not abuse it in any shape or form. With grief and pain, never bottle it up as doing this will damage you in the long run and may even cause you to develop conditions such as separation anxiety, attachment disorder, depression or in severe cases PTSD and suicidal tendancies. So if you need help, reach out to someone who will listen to you.
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