Quote of the Day: Monday, 16th April 2018

Quote of the Day: Sunday, 15th April 2018

What Does It Mean To Think Catastrophically & Mindfulness Techniques To Help Overcome It

Catastrophic thinking is a type of irrational thinking, which is very common in people who suffer from anxiety disorders such as social anxiety disorder, avoidant personality disorder, generalised anxiety disorder, OCD, panic attacks and PTSD. This type of thinking usually has continuous thoughts about the future in a very negative way. These thoughts are usually what I call ‘What if?’ thoughts, and its these types of thoughts that lead to fear, dread, worry and distress. The main reason why many people with anxiety think this way is because they have a severe phobia of the unknown and what will happen to them in the future.

Psychologically speaking, these thoughts are just in our imagination from stored images from previous experiences such as traumas from our past. This is called fragmentation. After witnessing a trauma, our brains store the experience into images, which will be placed into our subconscious mind. This is the reason why some thoughts may come up and not make any sense to you or the people around you at all. Sometimes these distressing thoughts can come up in dreams and that is why many patients with PTSD and C-PTSD often have nightmares and night terrors.  

However, there is a way of overcoming and healing from this dysfunctional type of thinking. Living in the present moment is the best way to heal from catastrophic thinking. This is because it gets you in tune with what is going on right now, at this moment in time - not yesterday, not tomorrow or in five or ten years from now. Knowing that you or your loved ones are completely safe at this very moment is a very good tool to use to stop disastrous thinking. Being here in the present, listening to your breath and being mindful of your thoughts and feelings will help with any kind of anxiety disorder. 

As someone who has suffered from severe anxiety in the past, I have realised from my own experience that a lot of it stems from a lack of trust towards ourselves and others. When we lack trust, we start looking for reassurance and whether not we are making the right decision or not, and continuously ask for advice leading to frustration and even more doubt. This is why learning and allowing yourself to fully surrender and let go in a state of anxiety is important part of the healing process. I have previously written about trust and surrender here on this blog, if you want to read those.

Anxiety Visualisation Exercise

Close your eyes and imagine yourself sitting in the eye of a storm, the calm centre that lies behind the chaos that is going around it. You see pieces of debris floating around of all different sizes, which represent the thoughts you carry with you. Observe them and look at what they are showing to you, like you are watching a movie. You know that you are completely safe and serene in this eye of a storm and you know that it will not hurt you. Suddenly, you begin to see the storm move swiftly across, taking all of your negative thoughts with it. You feel a sense of deep peace and emotional freedom, like someone has taken a heavy bag off of your shoulders. You stand up and begin to walk towards the sun that is shining in between the clouds smiling, feeling liberated and full of joy. When you have finished this visualisation exercise, open your eyes.

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What Is Revenge & How It Can Affect Our Relationships With Others & Ourselves

We have all been hurt by someone once or twice, or even more at some point in our lives. Some of these things can be very little or have a huge negative impact in someone’s life such as ignoring a text or murder of a family member in extreme cases. So what does it mean to get revenge? Revenge is a complicated and complex emotion and it often stems from anger, rage and feelings of betrayal which are our primal instincts that makes us survive in the physical world. When someone breaks several of our boundaries, we instantly feel shock, devastation, trauma and grief which can be very distressing, so much so that some people gravitate towards anger to get justice. This is where revenge comes into play - and it can get very nasty, very quickly.

Our amygdala, which is the gland that rules our emotions and sense of survival in our brain - lights up when danger is ahead or has happened. This gland controls our fight/flight/freeze mechanism which causes us to either get angry (fight), feel anxious and fearful (flight) or be in complete despair and terror (freeze). However, in revenge we switch to fight mode by getting angry over the hurt and injustice of what someone has done to us emotionally, mentally or physically. This why vengeance isn’t a beneficial emotion when it comes to understanding human psychology and behaviour. The act of revenge, no matter how small or large it is serves no purpose in the long-term as it creates more difficult and negative emotions.

Getting revenge can also become addictive in nature as it activates the pleasure and reward centres in the brain. Seeing someone who has hurt you - in pain can give you a rush of feel good hormones and neurotransmitters such as dopamine and endorphins, hence why we feel satisfied afterwards. However, this feeling is only temporary and it can have detrimental effects on our own emotional health and how we interact with others. After several months of getting revenge, we can begin to regret our actions and start to self-loathe; leading to severe depression. We also begin to become suspicious of others, which causes us to build walls around ourselves to help us stay protected from danger.

This leads to a fear of intimacy in relationships, which can cause conflict between two people. Due to the betrayal that has happened to us in the past, we find it hard to trust others because we fear that we are going to get hurt again at some point down the road. This is why emotional compatibility and good commication is so important when it comes to romantic relationships, because it allows both partners to express their feelings freely without fear or doubt. I believe that poor communication and emotional incompatibility is possibly one of the biggest reasons why many couples separate. Without good emotional compatibility, it is very difficult to maintain a healthy long term relationship.

Trust issues often stem from poor emotional intimacy between partners and this usually the case when we rush into serious relationships far too soon. This is why it is always a good idea to like someone as a person on a friendship level first, as doing so will build emotional intimacy slowly over time. I find a lot of people, particularly in the younger generation mistake lust for love; and this is why many young people go through quite a few break-ups before they meet the right person that is suitable for them.

Due to their developing emotional intelligence, younger people are also more likely to act out revenge, as they are more impulsive with their decision making. This makes them less likely to be aware of the consquences, so it increases the chances of getting revenge even more. As we get older, our emotional intelligence improves and we think about the consquences of our actions. However, this isn’t always the case; as there are people within the human population who have psychopathic and narcissistic tendancies in their personality and behavioural profile.

Due to significant damage (either by faulty genetics/mutations or a traumatic brain injury in early childhood) to the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex; this can cause changes to personality and the ability to feel emotions within ourselves and others. This is why psychopaths are so dangerous in our society. When there is damage to the prefrontal cortex, it can cause someone to become more aggressive and violent - and when you combine this with a lack of empathy due to an under-developed amydala; you have created a very hostile and unpredictable character.

When it comes to getting revenge, I think it is a lack of empathy that drives people to it; as anger and rage are emotions which are connected to our ego state of mind. Revenge is an act of an emotion which resides at a low vibration of consciousness, which is the ego and the wounded inner child. In actual fact, it is our wounded inner child that drives us to revenge as this the root centre of our pain. When someone does something to us that triggers this centre of our inner self; we begin to feel vulnerable, angry and raw - like someone has stabbed us in the back. So as a part of our survival, we fight back to help release the pain.

The message behind this post is that by creating suffering only leads to more suffering. The best revenge is to let go and create space for yourself, so you can grow to become the best version of yourself. Every experience we go through in life is there for a reason no matter how ‘good’ or 'bad’ it maybe. As humans, our brains love to label things and experiences according to our own perception. So let go of judgement, and live life more freely. Live in alignment of your higher self, whoever that may be to you.

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Quote of the Day: Monday, 30th April 2018

Quote of the Day: Thursday, 26th April 2018

The Pain of Saying Goodbye

I have to confess that being able to write this post requires a lot of strength and courage - not just for me personally, but many others who have experienced some kind of loss in their lifetime. This can be from the ending of a friendship or romantic relationship or even the sudden death of a loved one or pet. In my own life, I have experienced several deaths in my family when I was growing up as a child and as a teenager. Experiencing these events at such a young age has caused me to have a crippling fear of loss and abandonment, which is no fault of my own. It found me down my path, unfortunately. Difficult situations like this happen throughout our lives whether we want them or not, which is a hard bullet to take and can often feel very painful.

Losing someone you care about in any shape or form can have detrimental effects on our overall wellbeing. Take heartbreak for instance, when someone we love and care about tells us that they don’t want us anymore; it can cause insomnia, anxiety, desperation, obsession, poor appetite, hopelessness, sadness and despair. All of these things can really eat away at our health and that’s just not on an emotional level either. I have experienced this a couple of times and it isn’t pretty. It hurts you to the core. However, in this kind of situation, although I know how difficult it is to see it in a positive light. Ask yourself whether that relationship was really for you or not. Often times when we cannot get over someone, there is a presence of an unhealthy attachment or codependency which isn’t a good thing.

As someone who has a fear of abandonment, losing someone I cared about and had fun with is what hurts me the most. I thrive when I feel accepted in a group of people such as friends or loved ones. So going through something like this causes a lot of hurt and emotional pain inside of me. However, I do pick up the pieces and move forward towards a place that serves me a lot better. Always remember that these experiences are here to make you grow wiser as a person and as a soul too. Without them being in life, we wouldn’t learn something new about ourselves whether that is good or bad.

Grief can be a very challenging emotion to deal with, but you should never suffer with this alone. Talk to a friend you can console with and trust, a therapist or loved one to help you process your difficult emotions. Remember you are not alone, even though it may feel like it. If your body and soul require you to cry, allow it to happen without any resistance. Do not feel ashamed about it. Your body is an amazing machine, do not abuse it in any shape or form. With grief and pain, never bottle it up as doing this will damage you in the long run and may even cause you to develop conditions such as separation anxiety, attachment disorder, depression or in severe cases PTSD and suicidal tendancies. So if you need help, reach out to someone who will listen to you.

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I can’t keep living this life of so little, yet with so much pain.

Josh,

I had a really shitty time about a week ago now. Not to make everything about me, or rather, you, but it was painfully reminiscent of your dying.

See, I took my rat to the vets. He’d been ill for weeks now, but from what the expert (and painfully expensive) vet had said, I was pretty certain we had options left. We’d only had him a couple of months; we adopted him and his brother as younger playmates for our older boy.

I had no expectations that I’d be going home without him. I thought we’d just be picking up a new antibiotic or maybe some alternative medications to force-feed him on biscuits for the next week. But the vet said she didn’t like how hard he was breathing, even though it was no worse than every other visit. She told me that she had one last idea, but after that we might need to have “a different kind of conversation”.

The last idea was in the form of a fast acting injection. I was sent to the waiting area while we waited to see if it helped. 45 minutes later, she told me there was no change.

“There’s a small chance he might improve yet, lets leave it a bit longer.” She really was trying to give him every chance. “Why don’t you take him out to waiting area and sit with him?”

I was grateful of any extra minutes I got to have by his side. But I knew there was a very high chance he was going to die soon. I couldn’t talk to him, and I tried so hard not to cry. Other people were in the waiting area. I just watched him in his little carrier. Pottering around. Smelling anyone who walked past. Nibbling his food. Breathing hard and trying so hard to keep living. I wanted to tell him I loved him. To get him out and love him. But I couldn’t. I could hardly bare to look at him in case the tears started coming. I was alone, in shock and waiting for him to die.

It was the hardest 40 minutes of my life in a long, long time. I didn’t want them to end, I dreaded the vet coming back out to call us. But I also wanted it to be over so I could get back to my car and cry in peace.

He was young. I didn’t expect him to die. But then I knew he would, and I was forced to just sit and wait for the inevitable. So, yeah, it made me think of that day.

It hurt like fuck, and yet a week later I’m numb again. I’m not sure which is worse. Life is such a fucking bitch, Josh. Though, I guess you don’t need me to tell you that.

Love always,

C

Josh,

I’m feeling pretty lonely this Christmas, so I’m turning to the most reliable company I have: you. I’m missing so many things right now: family, my old life, having plenty of friends. I wouldn’t call it self pity, it is what it is, but I just have a lot of time and free head space right now. There’s no much spinning around in there. So many thoughts. So for tonight, I think I’ll just listen to everything that reminds me of you and try to forget the rest.

Merry Christmas my dude,

C