#hypothyrodism
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I got a diagnosis for hypothyroidism. I was very excited to have an answer and that it was something that could be treated easily. Finally it felt like a chance for a normal life, when i felt so sick i felt like i could die. But now my insurance won’t help. I can’t even get coverage to see a PCP. Every doctor they set me up with is someone that cant help me because they’re an ER doctor only or a specialist. The one time they got it right he turned out to be a transphobe and dropped me.
The worst part is the stress this is putting on my boyfriend. We mean the world to each other and though we’ve only been together almost five months, it really feels like hes the one im going to spend the rest of my life with. But its hard seeing me like this, hes mentally ill like me and the stress of taking care of me on top of taking care of himself is more than he’s letting on. He hates when I talk this way but I’ve never seen him cry more than when my symptoms got so bad I couldn’t work. We were both so happy that it was over but as it turns out it isn’t. I really have the worst luck. Everything I do is always like this. I didn’t sign up for this. He certainly didn’t know what he was getting into. I finally found someone who gave me peace, everything finally felt right, and now I can’t even get out of bed, and my heart won’t even beat at a normal rhythm, and im so cold.
its not in my nature to give up, so i won’t, but this is just. very unfair.
Over the pain
Over the hurt
Over the fact
That even my shirt
Makes me cringe
Makes me whinge
Makes me stress
Cause I feel less
Than I should
Every time
This brings me down
Can’t let go
Of the frown
Make me see
That it can be
Better than
It’s doing to me
Feel like a zombie today.
Yesterday after a short nap during the day, I had a short bout of sleep paralysis which caused me to have a intermittent and interrupted sleep last night. Feeling the brain fog! And all I want is sugar.
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Sometimes it’s just easier to say you’re fine. I get self conscious and sometimes feel like I am constantly complaining. Yes I do always have something going on that’s causing and issue but I feel like the people around me don’t need to know or don’t care to know, especially when it’s a constant state of being. I shouldn’t feel that way though, not for loved ones anyway. My partner gets frustrated when I say I am fine with my screwed up pain face! He clearly knows I am not fine. I need to break this habit. I need to be comfortable with that fact that if I say “ I am struggling to stand on my left leg because putting weight on it feels like my muscles on fire.” He’s not going to get up and leave me.
I just got glutened. This is terrible. Fml
