#hysterectomy

c-ptsd-mia:

I just found out, for the first time, all the long term risks of a hysterectomy and I’m fucking anxious and can’t sleep.

I had a partial laparoscopic hysterectomy because of endometriosis. They took my cervix too without telling or asking in advance.

I wasn’t told the risks, before or after, the surgery. I had to find out through fucking Tumblr. That’s NOT informed consent - I wasn’t informed!!

And I don’t know how to mitigate the risks. I still have my ovaries, but that won’t prevent a possible fucking prolapse. That won’t stop my organs from moving down, or my pelvis from widening due to torn ligaments.

I just.. I’m so angry and scared. I’m 24. I have many years ahead of me, most likely. And I have no idea what that will look like, 5, 10, or 20 years down the road. I’m fine, right now, but who knows how long that’ll last?

I’m so upset. Modern medicine failed me yet again. Why isn’t anyone told these things??

I should have been told. Other women should have been told. But no, they don’t give a fuck about us and it really shows, too often.

I’d really appreciate some advice from women who have had the same thing done to them, and are older. Or just some kind words. I’m so anxious right now. My future was uncertain enough without all this extra bullshit.

Does it make sense yet? Human rights are not debatable.

aristocat98:

aristocat98:

ok, real honesty hours. I’ll tell you about my hysterectomy. my hysterectomy with bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy which I had at the age of 20. my vagina is now sewn blind on the inside, and I am dependent on synthetic hormones for the rest of my life to avoid undergoing menopause in my 20s. but I have a certain point I want to get through. 

one time I was talking to a strongly gendercrit radfem, and I told her how after my surgery I didn’t feel mutilated or incomplete at all - unlike many detrans radfems from the West that I talked to - but rather safe, relieved. she told me she heard something similar a lot from those who come from conservative countries, especially with abortion bans. women from Russia, Poland, Egypt, Iran etc. I happen to come from one of those, a conservative country with an abortion ban. I had sex dysphoria - still do to an extent - I don’t know all the sources of it, but I can tell for sure the political climate I grew up in heavily influenced my feelings towards my reproductive system in particular.  I’m gay anyway, but it makes me feel safe to know if I get raped by a male (and that happened in my life) I would have 0 chances of pregnancy, and if the patriarchy and local politics got worse I would always be useless as a wife and mother so nobody would try to exploit me that way (maybe they’d kill me instead but that’s preferable). it feels different than just being on contraception or w/e, it’s ultimate freedom. in my country, even plan B is only available by prescription, and issuing said prescription is something any Christian doctor can legally refuse. unless you go abroad, you’re helpless.

all of my life I had tokophobia (phobia of pregnancy) and I was taught that my reproductive system was something that could be used against me, that could be utilized against my will and even used to hurt me (via rape and forced pregnancy) or it would hurt me on its own (i.e. being told I’d end up wanting biological kids because of “biological clock” even though the vision made me want to vomit and it made me terrified of my own body working against me), and I knew males only saw my value in that so I figured if I no longer have any use as a wife and mother, they’ll leave me alone. 

it felt like having a ticking time bomb taken out of me. 

now it can’t hurt me anymore. but I admit - I know - that it’s really a fucked up, unhealthy way to feel about my own body and my body parts; regardless, that’s the way I felt, being a dysphoric, tokophobic, homosexual female and a csa & rape victim growing up in a conservative country with extremely few reproductive rights. mind it, I am in med school, I knew the possible risks and complications of undergoing the surgery at such a young age. I was then in second year. I still felt positively about it. I knew it would grant me the ultimate safety, forever. 

as for the point I wanted to make. this is exactly why allying with conservatives to fight TRAs is the dumbest thing in existence. you’re trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline on it. in my country, the TRA movement is barely present. it wasn’t responsible for me feeling that way. conservatism was. lack of agency was. by supporting conservatives, you’re causing your own problem. I still live here, and I still don’t regret my surgery, but maybe you can work to make other young gay females not feel the way I did. you will never archieve that by supporting those who cause it in the first place.

this is ok to share btw, actually I want people to read it and know

I had major surgery and they didn’t even have the decency to prescribe me effect pain meds to take at home because they won’t prescribe opioids anymore. So now I’m sore as hell and relying on high-CBD RSO.

Found out from gyn visit yesterday I have some not-great scar tissue inside my v from the hysterectomy, so I’ll be having that corrected by the end of march.

Otherwise no lasting issues! It was only august last year I had it removed, but it feels so long ago. I’m feeling normal and so much better mentally now that I don’t have that constant paranoia about getting pregnant or getting my period again.

Navigating post-hysterectomy complications is frustrating, and feels really lonely sometimes. I’d love to be able to write about it more and find some kind of support group, without worrying that whatever I write is going to be taken and abused by people who have never been through it. I don’t want screenshots of my personal & intimate struggles being spread on Twitter as fear-propagranda for Concerned Parents everywhere. I kinda just want to be left alone to live my life and find support from people like me, and even more than that, I want the same for others. I want room for navigating my life and health as I am now.

So, I continue to write, journaling & rambling into the online void in case some other lonely person needs it like I do. But it’s really stifling & silencing to know there’s always the possibility that some entitled asshole will see my pain as an invitation to speak on my behalf, and will swoop in and use my words for their own purposes.

—

After years of searching, I’ve found a primary care doctor that seems to give a damn about me. But that also means that we’re playing “catch up” – taking care of stuff that all my previous doctors neglected over the years. It’s a little overwhelming to think about all of it at once.

I’ve finally been prescribed vaginal HRT, because the oral HRT hasn’t been enough to help with the increasingly severe vaginal atrophy & recurrent yeast infections. It’s a cheap prescription and is IMMEDIATELY effective. It’s even helped my libido, because all of a sudden my parts work again. It’s crazy how this wasn’t prescribed earlier. My recommendation for anyone who needs it: go for the vagifem estradiol tablet instead of the cream. The cream doesn’t totally absorb; its oily base lingers & sheds for a week straight after I apply it. Very messy, not a fan. But the tablet absorbs quickly and doesn’t leave a giant mess.

I’ve also had to talk with my doc very frankly about my abdominal incision, because issues are developing there. I had a total abdominal hysterectomy (TAH), which is much more invasive than a laparoscopic surgery. They made an 8-inch incision across my abdomen, through the muscles, and that kind of cut never totally heals back the way it was before.

There’s a weakened spot on one part of my incision, feels almost like a little hole… it’s painful and needs support when I sneeze or cough. Turns out it’s likely the early beginnings of an incisional hernia. I don’t know how to describe what it’s like to have the conversation that goes like, “Okay, so if/when my intestine pops out of the hole, I should push it back in with my finger? If it goes back on its own, all is well and I can keep living like that for years? But if it doesn’t go back in, and I start vomiting uncontrollably, I should go to the ER because it’s life threatening and needs surgical repair? Got it.”
Like… it’s a lot to take in???

It also turns out I have pelvic floor dysfunction caused by the hysterectomy. Just like I did pre-hysto, I get pain & cramps during sex, and sometimes just while going about my day. Stand up after sitting for a while? Time for The Pain! I’ve developed urinary problems, chronic constipation, etc. My doc has prescribed pelvic floor physical therapy, and my first appointment is later next month. I’m grateful and also a little intimidated… they have to get VERY close and personal.

Anyone who can’t stand simply getting a pap smear would DREAD the intimate nature pelvic floor PT. The physical therapist has to insert a gloved hand into the vagina to assess muscle strength and pain points. They do massages (both internal and external). They insert biofeedback probes, and sometimes electrical stimulation units. They work with you to develop a custom regimen of exercises and such. All kinds of stuff. As far as I can tell, you can’t totally space out and pretend you’re not there like you can in the gyno chair; you have to communicate with this person while they’re doing stuff down there. And it’s not just one quick visit – you have to keep coming back for a while. It’s a good thing I’m incredibly dead inside at this point; I can remember past versions of myself that would be mortified at the thought of having to do this.

It’s all… so much sometimes. I felt alone during my initial hysto recovery, and I feel that same kind of loneliness now. Most hysto support groups are centered around straight women who bemoan losing their fertility, and are dealing with their male partners who can’t wait the minimum 6 weeks post-op before coercing them into intercourse. While those discussions are critical, most of them aren’t relatable or of interest/comfort/use to me. And good luck finding much of anything about long-term support & dealing with complications down the road. My hysto was back in 2015, and here I am in 2022, still navigating the the aftereffects.

It’s all so… tiring. I’m just plain tired. 

8 years on T documented for science ‍

Some notes and answers to FAQs:

❇️ Hormones are simply a tool some people use to alleviate dysphoria. Not everyone wants them, and many who do don’t have access. That doesn’t make them any less trans.

❇️ I came out, started my social transition, and began working out a few months prior to starting T. I couldn’t get a gym membership so I jogged and did home workouts.

❇️ My hormones are within standard male range. Dedication and hard work builds muscle, not T.

❇️ Therapy and mental healthcare have been crucial. My body and mind have gone through a lot and it’s important to care for both. It can be difficult but I’ve never doubted my choice or taken this life for granted.

Thank you all for the support and love along the way, and Happy New Year!