[img ID: tweet by Laurie Penny saying ‘a critic who reviewed my new book made a huge fuss about refusing to use my preferred pronouns in the review. My publishers made the mistake of politely informing the magazine. I would have warned them against it, knowing how vicious transphobes can be to LGBTQ authors.
Max Dashu has replied to this tweet saying ‘child of privilege: i’m oppressed, I’m oppressed.” Married woman: “by a lesbian, by a lesbian.” Anyway, last I looked you said they/them she/her? Tempest in a teapot, misdirection…
Second img is a screenshot of Max Dashu sharing a link to the review written by noted antisemitic conspiracy theorist andtransphobe, Julie Bindel, along with the comment: ‘sweeping half a century of feminist activism from the boards doesn’t do women’s’ liberation any favours. Neither does stanning for men’s rights to consumer sex at the expense of women.
Third image is a retweet by Max Dashu of a tweet by someone else about the GRA and the Scottish government’s impact assessment for it. Dashu has commented with two quotes (unsourced): the first is: “I am having treatment for breast cancer and I am boiling with rage. It’s incomprehensible how they can equate a woman who has had a mastectomy with a male bodied person.” The second quote is: “do not dare equate my lived experience as a woman with someone whose lived experience is as a man.” /End ID]
Anyway, if there was any doubt that Max Dashu, creator of the Suppressed Histories Archive is a terf, doubt no more.
Here’s Max taking a petty shot at author Laurie Penny for daring to have changed their pronouns from she/her and they/them in 2019, to they/them today.
Context: noted antisemitic conspiracy theorist and terf, Julie Bindel, reviewed Laurie Penny’s new book. She insisted on misgendering Penny throughout the review. Penny’s publisher reached out to The Critic (which published the review written by noted antisemitic conspiracy theorist and terf, Bindel) to correct them. Now the TERFs are mad about it.
(Hope it’s okay to stick this here, it would have taken multiple replies, but I can delete if not, just lmk). It was personal experience. She posted on her suppressed history archive page a Photo of a very famous ancient vase depiction of Achilles mourning the death of Patroclus, claiming it was the most moving depiction of woman‘s grief in antiquity, and identifying it as (iirc) Briseis. When someone asked for a reference for the vase she replied she didn’t have one, and often came across Material this way - without any attribution. Literally one reverse image search would have revealed what it was. But it’s also highly troubling that she managed to miss literally all the actual academia literature on depictions of grief in antiquity, or depictions of scenes from the Iliad, etc. That would have allowed her to identify this piece.
Plus, her feminist research into the Iliad (the topic of the post) was based on decades old books all by men, and when I asked her if she’d read any of the modern books on the Iliad written by women classicists - because there is actually quite a lot of work being done by women classicists about exactly the topics she was looking into - she stopped replying to that thread too.
Seeing how sketchy her research was when it was a topic I knew about, and seeing her ignore people pointing out modern material by women who are actually experts in the field on women in antiquity… was like, oh, okay. I cannot trust you as a source on the topics I don’t know as much about bc your research methods themselves are A Problem Here.
I‘m p sure I still have screenshots of at least parts of it if you want.
- My Cis friends who have only ever gone by one set of pronouns
- Myself
- Fictional characters (majority of these being again cis)
- My own OCS that i literally decided the gender of (again, cis characters)
- Bonus: I have messed up the names of my cis friends I’ve known for years just by slip ups too, so this goes for names as well as pronouns
Essentially, Misgendering sucks so bad…but sometimes the brain is weird, it doesn’t always mean your friends etc don’t see you as the gender you are. You’re valid and wonderful and I hope you have a good day, and if not, know that things get better! - your local ace arospec enby
(PSA: this is not a post to excuse misgendering or not putting in the effort for your trans friends, and you should always appologise and correct! - this is for trans people not you)
Watch “WOMEN AS COLLATERAL DAMAGE IN LIAR THOMAS BRO SIBLING RIVALRY!!” on YouTube
Apparently Will Thomas’s brother is the assistant swim coach at the college ? LOL what a fucking joooooke
More obsession.
Lia and other trans athletes aren’t going anywhere.
This YouTuber us literally a chronically online terf obsessed over trans people
Literally no different from Vanessa Vokey
Vanessa Vokey is really great! She’s a proud outspoken feminist, unlike you male supremacists who want to permit males into female only spaces.
You want women to lose our right to say no to the presence of males. You are infringing on my lesbian separatist rights. I have a right to only be in spaces with biological females around me where I am safe from male persecution. Males who oppress me both by co-opting my identity by calling themselves a lesbian when they’re not a homosexual female, and by physical sex based class. They try to put on my identity which is based in biological reality. You give these types of males access to me, and it’s my right to deny them access to my space on the grounds of being male. You want to bring my oppressors to me.
You are a male supremacist. Nothing else.
I will call the cops on any male in the bathroom. Idgaf about gender identity.
Yes yes read the usual terf script we’ve all heard it before you damn parrot
And please, go ahead and call the police. It’ll be real funny to watch you get arrested for wasting police time
You literally don’t address the fact you’re trampling my rights at all. Once again, your movement is a male supremacist movement. You are a male supremacist. I can show repeatedly how trans males in my space tramples my rights, and all you say is “cry harder”. You understand why people think trans ideology is disgusting and sexist right? Why I think you’re disgusting and sexist?
Trans males are male supremacists.
You’re all men
Why would I waste my time on someone who parrots talking points blindly like a cultist?
Again, you people are unhinged and should be treated exactly how we treat QAnoners
Cute
The irony of these unhinged paragraphs all while being a terf will never cease to be funny
Never knew I was a woman all of a sudden I do play as females for roleplays if people want, but this greeting has Omanytes best reaction. He blocked me instantly.
yes I do roleplays if people are interested. just message me what your interested in and I’ll do it, just try not to greet like this even though I find it funny there are people who are misgendered who are hurt by it, so try not to open convos unless it’s stated in there profile.
There’s another transphobic phenomenon that we haven’t put a name to yet that I’ve realised recently (based on my own experiences).
It’s somewhere between misgendering and degendering and can take a few forms, but the one I’ve seen most commonly is to do with names.
E.g. if a trans person says that they go by ‘X’ name, but people refuse to call them that and use ‘Y’ nickname exclusively instead, that could be a kind of degendering-misgendering.
For example, a trans man called Alexander might ask people use his full name as shortening it to Alex could prompt people to think that he is a ‘girl’ called ‘Alexandra’ and not a boy called Alexander.
Or, a trans woman whose name is Jean being referred to with ‘She goes by Jean”, which suggests that Jean is just a nickname and not her chosen name.
And, someone lengthening your name in a way it isn’t. E.g. a nonbinary person called Mark might get people calling them Marcus, when their name isn’t the longer form and simply stops at Mark.
All of these 3 are real examples, some of which I’ve experienced. I’m not sure what name to give it, but it’s like a malicious compliance, but for chosen names.
Perhaps contragendering? (against + gendering- as in, the gendering you’re being subjected to is technically not misgendering, but it is aimed in such a way which is still against your name and identity).
Anyone else experienced this or have thoughts?
I’ve had some similar experiences, unfortunately, and the central theme seems to be “I won’t use the name you explicitly don’twant - but I also won’t use the name you explicitly dowant.” Like they’re trying to remain tactfully neutral, but it’s actually weaselly.
My example is that after I came out to my mom as a trans man and told her what my chosen name is, she stopped using my deadname. In fact, she stopped calling me by any name at all. There’s a silly family nickname that’s incidentally gender-neutral, and she started defaulting to that.
In similar fashion, she stopped referring to me as her daughter (when she thought I was in earshot), but never referred to me as her son. She’d say I was her kid and leave it at that.
The silly nickname is one that my family has used for years; it’s not new to call me that. And it’s not wrong to say that I’m her kid. Neither of those clashes with my gender identity. But it’s what she isn’tsaying - what she’s intentionally refraining from saying - that’s important.
It’s not an effort to avoid outing me, either; she does it in front of people she knowsI’m already out to, which is almost everyone. She even does it when it’s just me and her alone.
I think it’s an effort to avoid questions. If she calls me her son in front of her friends, then she’d have to admit that the daughter she was so proud of turned out to be a trans man, oh NO.
It should go without saying that this is not good allyship. I don’t think it’s intentionally malicious, but it’s definitely cowardly to a degree that is morally blameworthy.
- when you get someone’s pronouns right, don’t pat yourself on the back.
- when you get them wrong, don’t give a list of excuses. just say sorry, correct yourself, and move on! trust me, handling it this way is better for everyone.
- if someone gets your family member/friend’s pronouns wrong, only correct them if it’s a safe environment.
- people get frustrated when they are constantly misgendered. don’t blame trans people for being upset about this, especially if you’re the one who misgendered them.
- correcting people when they misgender you can be tiring. just because someone doesn’t correct you, doesn’t mean you’re right or that they don’t mind.
- people introduce their pronouns in different ways. sometimes it’s direct, like saying your name and pronouns. other times it’s through conversation, implying, or correcting. if you aren’t sure, ask when possible!
- nobody cares if the person was being mean to you. that doesn’t mean you can misgender them. use peoples pronouns.
THESE ARE SO IMPORTANT
When you are corrected, don’t take it as an attack. It is a reminder, the person is helping you and leading you in the right direction gently. Be thankful and move on.
If a stranger misgenders you, please please please do not ever utter the phrase, “I’m a man.” It sounds very unnatural and immediately sounds overly defensive.
My advice? Just look at the person like they’re an idiot and, in the deepest voice possible, say, “Uh. Alright, then.”
Just act as though they made a huge and obvious mistake, and don’t get flustered. If you’re comfortable with it, handle the situation with humor and say something like, “Man, I know I’ve got a babyface, but I didn’t think it was thatbad.”
and if someone doesn’t believe u, say you have a hormonal imbalance + are on meds for it. it’s quick, believable, and most ppl are too uncomfortable discussing health problems with strangers to question it.
THIS POST, hang on somewhere is the notes is a sentence that changed my whole fucking life! I don’t have time to dig for it right now but
Can’t find it, going to just going to explain it. I’ve been out for like 4 and a half years. I saw this post when I was Freshly Out, and this post has been so deep in my fucking rat brain for actual years.
You have to react like you’re not expecting to be misgendered. It’s hard and it’s weird, because I know, you walk out into the world very aware and afraid of how the cis people are going to perceive you. But deadass there is a “Wow, that stranger has made a bold call there” mentality that, yeah it’s a fake it till you make it type of deal. But once I internalized that, I genuinely don’t even hear people misgendering me most of the time.
I’m nonbinary, most of the time my gender presentation priorities are Have Fun and Look Queer.
The first time I noticed that being misgendered slides off my brain like a wet duck I was in a 7/11 and a cashier tried to direct me to the cardboard drink sleeves while I was like 3rd or 4th in line (yeah it was kinda weird, I was holding a large hot coffee in my bare hand and I guess it freaked the dude out, but like my hands are actually really heat resistant I was fine, anyway) He said several variations on “Mam, would you like a cardboard sleeve for your coffee, they’re right there” and I legitimately did not process that he could possibly be talking to me until he tried something like “the one in the red hat” and then I tuned back in and declined the heat protectant sleeve. (I do not know why this human man was so insistent that I needed a heat protection cardboard sleeve, and I’m gathering that me totally zoned the fuck out to his multiple attempts to get my attention holding something that he apparently thought was made out of fucking lava probably had the exact Genderless Eldritch Horror effect that we all know and love)
I accidentally also did this to one of my professors a couple weeks ago, I was given an instruction with she/her pronouns in it, purely by accident, this professor genuinely does right by his trans students as best he can, but I legitimately did not even process that it was for me until he repeated it with they/them.
This compared with a couple years ago a different professor slipped up and used me in an example to the class with she/her pronouns and I literally barely held myself together until the end of the class, made it 4 steps out the door and started silently crying.
It feels fucking powerful in a “that should have hurt, and I didn’t even notice, cis people have no power over me” way. I have a little piece of the security that cis people have in the way that they interact with the world. And that is absolutely precious.
It takes untraining years of social conditioning, and pretending that you can’t fathom that someone would use those words on you, that no one has ever said that to you before and the words are so foreign that they mean nothing to you.
And yeah I started out begging my body not to flinch when a stranger calls out “mam”, and practicing a moment of confusion and unaffected disbelief when cashiers would ask if I found everything I was looking for “young lady” and deliberately ignoring the incorrect gendered terms. And you know op’s “Just look at the person like they’re an idiot, break out the deep voice and say “Um, alright then”” it will feel fake at first.
Butfuckat some point it stops being an act, and that feels fucking bulletproof.
The Story of James “Jim” McHarris, a Black Trans Man from 1954
[Photo ID begins: A color-enhanced photo of James McHarris. He is a Black trans man, with close-cropped natural hair. He is wearing a white button-down shirt, tan pants, and dress shoes. He is standing on a porch, using one hand to strike a match on the bottom of his shoe. In his other hand, he holds a cigarette. He is looking directly at the camera, which is slightly below him. Photo ID ends.]
Note: the following writeup includes discussion of anti-Black racism, misogynoir, police intimidation, transphobia, and misgendering.
In a six-page story heavily framed with advertisements for domestic goods and photographs of the article’s subject, the November 1954 issue of Ebony (a Black-owned American magazine) recounted the “unmasking” of a Kosciusko, Mississippi resident. The story began when a white police officer pulled a 30-year-old Black motorist over for “improper lights”— a common excuse white police officers use to harass and intimidate Black drivers. When he then attempted to search the man, whose driver’s license read James McHarris, he told the cop “Take it easy: I’m a woman.”
calling a trans man or a trans woman ‘they’ because you refuse to respect that person’s pronouns but you don’t want to get called a transphobe is…still misgendering.
i haven’t stopped thinking about this since last night
[ID: A tweet by @/bofadibeppo that reads, “I think austin powers would misgender you accidentally and you’d correct him and he’d be like ‘I need to get my glasses checked baby i ought to know a bird when i see one rreow shagadelic baby yeah’”. End ID]
to all my trans friends: you are not bad for correcting people’s use of your pronouns or your name. you are not selfish. you are not greedy. you are asking the bare minimum of them. correcting people’s use of your pronouns and name is important, you deserve to be acknowledged.
Lorde. The teacher just used the wrong pronouns for me during this training I’m doing to volunteer with a queer charity. And it was just a quick slip-up that was immediately corrected, I’m usually unbothered, but it’s something about the fact that I’m literally in one of the queerest places I’ve ever been with multiple other non-binary people and I’m still getting misgendered.
How much can you expect I suppose. Even in queer spaces we’re all raised in a binary world and no one can help reading me as a woman. I think about whether I should cut my hair short or something to look more like the other non-binary people on the training. All these thoughts about my body and my look come rushing in. And I know deep down that I don’t want to change how I look just to try to remind people that my pronouns are they/them. But I can’t help feeling like if I want things to be different I need to change.
I’m usually so forgiving and understanding but I just need to take a minute. Because right now I don’t want to have to understand every misplaced pronoun, I don’t want to have to understand everyone reading me as a woman, I don’t want to be nice when it hurts a lot. I can’t summon up any anger towards any specific person but I’m just so fucking done with the whole situation.
I need an ice cream. I’m gonna go get an ice cream after this training.
