#i loved you then but i loathe you now

something is broken in me and i do not know how to fix it.

i have never been more afraid of love until you came to my life and showed me how it is to be loved. you poured so much of you to me and in return i poured what i am to you, and poured more when you told me you have never been loved before the way i love you.

i took that as a challenge and loved you more, loved you the way you said you needed to be loved. i was so happy doing all these for you because your happiness was mine.

you loved me so beautifully, i started seeing beauty inme.

you are everything i prayed for, everything i sought out to be with.

but then she came back in your life (not ours, i realize that now) and took you away from me.

you followed her with such reverence as if she was all you ever prayed for, as if she was all you ever sought out to be with.

as if she was what you were looking for in me, what you were trying to mold me to be.

and then gone again was the love in me–

or was it even love that you gave me?

- relearning that i am not enough