#unrequited pining

you were taken from me a little too easily –

(as though you were not mine to begin with).

- gentle hearts tethering

something is broken in me and i do not know how to fix it.

i have never been more afraid of love until you came to my life and showed me how it is to be loved. you poured so much of you to me and in return i poured what i am to you, and poured more when you told me you have never been loved before the way i love you.

i took that as a challenge and loved you more, loved you the way you said you needed to be loved. i was so happy doing all these for you because your happiness was mine.

you loved me so beautifully, i started seeing beauty inme.

you are everything i prayed for, everything i sought out to be with.

but then she came back in your life (not ours, i realize that now) and took you away from me.

you followed her with such reverence as if she was all you ever prayed for, as if she was all you ever sought out to be with.

as if she was what you were looking for in me, what you were trying to mold me to be.

and then gone again was the love in me–

or was it even love that you gave me?

- relearning that i am not enough

not a single piece of poetry
can ever express the ache within my heart-

tongue tied

i grasp for every opportunity
to talk to you
i’m sorry if it makes me seem weak
however you’re this drug everyone
tells me to stay away from
but tell me how can i stay away from those
glorious eyes and
precious smile

we’ve been parted for so long

far, far, faraway,

your eyes, your lips, your touch are

far, far, faraway,

days leading up to our meeting feel so

far, far faraway,

the reality of being able to kiss; your tender lips is

far, far, faraway,

“happy valentines day,”
i whisper to no one but the moon
the clock strikes midnight, and i’m left awake;
awake with the silence of the night,
and the deafening sound of my thoughts
of course, you’re on my mind at this hour; when are you not?

you are like honeysuckle, mounting the walls of my heart
the walls that were built to protect, but you somehow
find the cracks and seep through
you wrap thick vines around my heart, planting a seed of
your sweet, sweet destruction
and let the white flowers blossom

you think i would stop you, but no;
the sweet taste is addictive

i knew you were never attainable,
so i love you from afar
the idea of you so beautiful,
i refuse to seek the true reality

wonder is a synonym for beauty
we fall for things we do not understand
for the excitement of not knowing intoxicates our souls
the thrill of risking everything for the unknown is romantic

strip something of its essence, and replace it with fact and figure,
the appeal is no longer existent; the thrill cease to be
el sol glows as a gentle jewel hanging from my window
up close, she wields enchanting flames of destruction

what would it be like to be alone with you again?
it’s been so long, i have almost forgotten
the way my heart would pound against my chest,
the way your eyes would dive into my soul

you are an explorer, plummeting into the ocean of my heart
i usher you forward, daring you even
it’s dark, and dangerous; too deep and you may drown
but beneath it all is the gold
glistening dully, on its last thread of hope

the memories are fading into nothingness
but maybe it’s meant to be,
like letting go of blissful childhood, when
adulthood is ushering you forward
yet, i miss the way i felt when i was alone with you
don’t let this be something ordinary in pink tint

i ache, and i ache, but that will do nothing at all
please call for my name, i just want to feel special once more

but you are a painting and i am a bystander
you are as beautiful as sappho, and i say this with candour
i stop and i stare, but i’m not the only one
your world does not revolve around me for i am not the sun

i search for you in everything i can
i scan the poetry books we both love,
scavenging for a glimpse of your words,
in someone else’s
i listen to the band we talked
about, with passion
and listen to how your heart crumbled
i look for la luna every night
to see your reflection

-sol, it is pains me too much to face you directly

The brightest star I orbited

fell out of the sky

and

crashed into me.

And it was the

loveliest pain

staring into your shine.

It was the loveliest pain

until

the inevitable destruction.

Sunlight and

fire.

Dewdrops and

tears.