#incorrect elder scrolls
Avarenya: We’re friends, right?
Baurus: Normally I’d say “yes” without hesitation, but I feel like this is leading up to something and I’m not sure I like where.
Avarenya: Okay, because I’m about to test that.
Like five minutes later
Jauffre: The Oblivion am I looking at … ?
Baurus, trying to pull Avarenya’s head out of a beer keg: The price of friendship.
Farkas: Can I borrow one of my shirts that you stole from me?
Artanis: Yes, you can.
Artanis: Thank you for asking properly.
Mikael: I was just told by a guard that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed!
Ysolda:*facepalm*
Don’t worry. I have logic, just not morals.
Jyggalag, definitely
About to do something stupid. You’ll be my call. Bring bail money.
Delvin, to Vex, who does not bring the bail money, most likely
Vivec: WHAT ARE YOUR ADJECTIVES?
Nerevar: You mean my pronouns?
Vivec: NO, I ALREADY KNOW YOUR PRONOUNS! WHAT ARE YOUR ADJECTIVES?
Nerevar: Uh, I don’t know? What are yours?
Vivec: NOISY AND CHAOTIC!
Nerevar: I’ve never had something go from making no sense to complete sense so fast.
Nixiel Veres: Bars need to do a sad hour with even cheaper drinks and everyone just acts cool if you cry a little.
Geldis Sadri: I’m cutting you off.
Martin, after relaying a madcap plan: You’re not talking any sense into me. You’re just cheering me on to disaster.
Avarenya: Is that not half the reason why I’m your best friend in the first place?
Imperial Guard, having taken her in for questioning: Do you have a significant other?
Nymphthea Grey: I’m significant by myself.
Aurora Orianus: Marcurio got drunk and tried to set our marriage certificate on fire, saying “good luck trying to return me without the receipt!”
Alvivecia: Don’t worry, everything’s under control. We just had a little situation here. Just a little internal situation. My friend just went a little crazy. Happens to everybody. The House of Troubles gets to us all. Just went a little cuckoo in the head.
Oromis, having mantled Sheogorath: Don’t you be calling me cuckoo in the head!
Urag gro-Shub: Shh! Did everybody hear that? Do you know what that sound was?
The apprentices: *all look at each other nervously*
Onmund:What?
Urag gro-Shub: That was the sound of my patience shattering into a billion little pieces!
Lucien Lachance: What should I eat for lunch?
Mathieu Bellamont:Poison.
Miraak: What was it you were hoping I’d bring to the table, quiet obedience? No. I bring the storm, I bring chaos and your imminent destruction. You made a mistake.
Leara Rose-blade: Miraak, can we just have a normal dinner for once?
Mirabelle Ervine: If you don’t sleep, how do you function?
Faralda: I run on three fuels: spite, anxiety, and of course, coffee.
Miraak: I see no reason why I can’t be both the love interest and the antagonist.