#incorrect zodiac quotes
*After an argument*
Taurus: *making the signs lunches*
Taurus: This was not made with love today, just so you know
Virgo: You’re so hot!
Scorpio: can you please stop talking to your soup like that
Gemini: I don’t gossip, I deliver news.
Gemini: Will you date me? Breathe if yes, recite the bible in Japanese if no.
Scorpio:And then god said “omae wa mou shindeiru” and then moses answered “nani??”
Magician: And now for my next trick
Taurus: *whispering* please make Leo disappear PLEASE make Leo disappear
Virgo: When I die I want Aquarius and Scorpio to lower me into my grave, so they can let me down one last time.
Libra: But who’s gonna be in charge when you’re gone?
Aries: Taurus will be in charge
Libra: Okay see, I can hear you saying words but it’s like they don’t match up in a way that makes sense. Did you have a stroke?
Capricorn, singing randomly: Country roaaaaaads
Sagittarius, joining: Take me hooooome
Capricorn: If you insist
Sagittarius: I bel- wait what- oh my god
Sagittarius: That’s the dumbest pickup line ever
Libra: Go to the person you think is the most attractive
Capricorn *smiles*: Leo…
Leo *blushing*: Yes, Capricorn?
Capricorn: You’re blocking the mirror can you please move so I can see myself
Leo:…
*Eating Cookies*
Aquarius: Did you make these yourself?
Taurus: I went to target myself
Virgo:What’s the worst date you’ve been on?
Gemini: I don’t know, it’s a 50 way tie. The last person I went out with started crying when I told them I was a Gemini.
Scorpio: I’d rather die
Pisces:…than?
Scorpio: No, that’s it
Virgo: If I cut my leg off and swing it at your head am I hitting you or kicking you?
Gemini: You’ll probably end up mentally scaring me more than anything.
Taurus: There’s no I in team, but there is an I in pizza.
Aquarius: So you won’t share.
Taurus: *hugs pizza box* No, I won’t. *obnoxiously shoves pizza mockingly into mouth*
Texting my mom about my horoscope
(She’s a Leo btw… I feel like that is vital information for this post)
How would your parents or friends respond to this?
Gemini:If you ever crawl inside an old hallow log and go to sleep, and while you’re in there some guy comes and seals up both ends and then ends up putting that log on a truck and taking it to another city…
Gemini:Boy
Gemini: I just don’t know what to tell you
*Leo to the Signs*
Leo: I miss them so bad.
Leo: Last night in the bath I ate a whole box of taco shells
Taurus: Why are you cooking?
Virgo: It’s for Capricorn. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight and I need them on my side.
Mine…
I am a Gemini and that’s why I am not a good person to be.
Scorpio: Due to personal reasons, I will be disappearing under mysterious circumstances.
