When Crowley jumps into his phone and we see on the screen that he’s calling himself, the photo of him that we see was clearly taken by another person. So now I’m imagining Crowley asking Aziraphale to take the picture for him, and the ensuing comedy of errors stemming from the combination of Aziraphale’s technological incompetence and Crowley’s vanity.
“Say ‘gouda’!”
“It’s ‘say CHEESE,’ Angel.”
“Oh. Well, say 'cheese,’ then.”
“I’m not saying cheese. Just take the photo.”
“Fine, fine. I just press this circle thing, then?”
“Yes.”
“Oh dear, it’s showing me my own face now.”
“You switched it into selfie mode.”
“Is that really what I look like from that angle? Oh my.”
“You look lovely from any angle. Give me the phone. Here, it’s back out of selfie mode. Try again, but press THIS button this time.”
“All right. Here we go. Say— er. Just stand there. Hm, it seems to just be dark.”
“That’s because your finger is covering the bloody camera.”
“Well, they should have put the camera somewhere more difficult to cover up!”
“Just— try again. Take your finger off the lens and press the— did you just take a picture?”
“I did! Would you like to see it?”
“I was in the middle of talking!”
“Fine, I’ll take another. Why don’t you smile? You look so handsome when you smile.”
“I’m not smiling for the photo. Demons don’t smile in photos.”
“Tsk. Honestly. There, I took one. Does it meet your approval?”
“My hair looks weird.”
“Oh, for Pete’s—”
~TWENTY MINUTES LATER~
“How did you manage to get a photo of me mid-sneeze? I didn’t even sneeze!”
“I’ll have you know I was very skilled at daguerrotypy. It’s these new-fangled computer-phones that I can’t handle.”
“Forget it. I’m getting a selfie stick. Those were my idea, anyway.”
I know it’s fun to joke about Aziraphale lying to God, but I bet dollars to doughnuts God was like “okay, so you’re lying for the sake of the humans? The humans I made? The humans I made for all you angels to take care of? The humans I cast out Lucifer for, because he refused to love Them as he loved Me? That’s why you’re lying?” and that was when She decided Aziraphale was her new favorite, and that he wasn’t going to Fall unless he turned against humanity.
Aziraphale was proving in this moment that he wants to protect humanity so hard that he would risk Falling for them in a heartbeat. He demonstrates here that he not only wants to protect humans from the dangers of Earth, but from GOD HERSELF if necessary.
Angels might be sexless, but Aziraphale’s metaphorical balls are the size of the observable universe.
Or Be Nice - a Good Omens human AU in which Soho neighbours have very different schedules and very thin walls. 151k, rated E, no archive warnings. COMPLETE
