#jegulus angst

and he’d look up to the sky, whispering a name that had once fallen off his lips so easily, with so much love and devotion, in hopes that the stars would give a sign, a flicker, that they were still watching over him. but the stars remain always silent.

and in that exact moment James broke. He’s loved Regulus for a long time, but now. Regulus staring into his eyes holding out his arm screaming and yelling. He can’t feel it. The warm sensation deep in his heart that seers mine. It’s not there. Oh how it’s not there. He promised himself. To always chose love and he’d really been naive enough to think he could do that. To continue choosing love when it’s not there. It’s not there. The love he’s felt for Regulus isn’t there. Oh, oh when did this happen. Regulus is looking at him obviously expecting an answer for whatever it is he’s said and all James can think is. I don’t love him. I don’t love him. How can i not love him? And then he looks into Regulus eyes and whatever it is he sees back he doesn’t recognise it. This person infront of him is a stranger. The sharpness the coldness and that mark on his arm, this human is a stranger to James. Yet he knows this stranger in an out, his fears, his dreams. Can all that’s left of them be memories? because in those eyes his own reflection stares back at him and maybe he’s a stranger too.

It’s only now James wonders if Regulus has any love for him left. Nothing about Regulus is familiar, so whats to say anything about James is? Had Regulus already stopped loving him long before James?

How did we turn into this Reg? How did we become this?

“Potter do you even hear me?” Regulus sneers

“Back to lastnames are we?” His smile doesn’t fit right.

“Do you seriously have nothing to say beyond a silly joke?”

James doesn’t know how to answer this. Honestly what is he supposed to say? Regulus joined a hategroup but James should talk? Oh love

“when did we become this Regulus? When did we break”

“You can’t save everyone James i told you that. Look at yourself look at us. We were never meant to meet but I was selfish and now i’ve ruined you. Did you enjoy it feeling like you were saving me? Did you enjoy breaking-” He’s grabbing his hair and his eyes are filling up

“Iloved you. I really fucking loved you Regulus. You didn’t have to take that mark you could of gone to me you could of lived with me and now it’s on you already. Why did you take it?” James knows he sounds desperate

“Guess what James-” he leans in closer looking frantic his eyes twitching “-I wanted to” for maybe the third time this evening James heart breaks. Silence falls between them.

“Goodbye Regulus” he knows now. This is the last converation he’ll have with Regulus.