#jess day
Jess: Send me a dick pic
Nick: *sends photo of his father*
Nick: (taps pen)
Winston: (also taps pen)
Schmidt: Stop it
Winston: Stop what?
Schmidt: I know you’re talking about me in Morse code.
Nick: Yes, that’s what we’re doing. In our very limited free time, we took a class on a very outdated, very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you.
*Later, to Jess*
Nick: That’s exactly what we did.
Nick: Jess, Winston is in the ocean and I don’t think he’s waterproof!
Jess: What?
Schmidt: He means he’s drowning
Jess: Oh ok
Jess: Wait, what?!
Nick: You wanna go?
Jess: Yeah
Nick: On a date with me?
Nick: OH YOU DO?
Nick: OHHHHH
Jess: YOU’RE SAYING THAT LIKE I GOT PRANKED. I’M YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU EGG
Nick: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I strong or weak?
Winston: Strong
Jess: Weak
Schmidt: An idiot
Jess: I’m a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man!
Jess, gazing longingly at Nick: I want one though.
Nick: How do I take revenge on those who’ve wronged me?
Jess: The best revenge is letting go and living well.
Nick:
Nick: Hey, Winston, how do I take revenge–
Winston: The government is just a shared illusion we all experience from chemicals out into water.
Jess: … And who puts these chemicals into the water?
Winston: The government
Jess:
Jess: Hey, Nick, can you do something for me?
Nick: I would kill for you, help you cover up a murder and take the blame myself.
Jess: Great, can you do the dishes?
Nick: Woah, let’s not get crazy.
