#nick miller

Jess: Send me a dick pic

Nick: *sends photo of his father*

Winston: Ok, Nick, it’s your turn. Would you rather die or –

Nick: Die.

Winston: I haven’t even finished.

Nick: Die.

Nick, setting fire to a pile of clothes: And just like that, laundry is done.

Nick: (taps pen)

Winston: (also taps pen)

Schmidt: Stop it

Winston: Stop what?

Schmidt: I know you’re talking about me in Morse code.

Nick: Yes, that’s what we’re doing. In our very limited free time, we took a class on a very outdated, very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you.

*Later, to Jess*

Nick: That’s exactly what we did.

Nick: Jess, Winston is in the ocean and I don’t think he’s waterproof!

Jess: What?

Schmidt: He means he’s drowning

Jess: Oh ok

Jess: Wait, what?!

Nick: I’m such an idiot

Schmidt:

Nick:

Schmidt: If you’re waiting for me to disagree with you then it’s going to be a long night

Nick: You wanna go?

Jess: Yeah

Nick: On a date with me?

Nick: OH YOU DO?

Nick: OHHHHH

Jess: YOU’RE SAYING THAT LIKE I GOT PRANKED. I’M YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU EGG

Nick: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I strong or weak?

Winston: Strong

Jess: Weak

Schmidt: An idiot

Nick: How do I take revenge on those who’ve wronged me?

Jess: The best revenge is letting go and living well.

Nick:

Nick: Hey, Winston, how do I take revenge–

Reagan: How do you guys usually get out of these messes?

Nick: We don’t. We just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.

Jess: Hey, Nick, can you do something for me?

Nick: I would kill for you, help you cover up a murder and take the blame myself.

Jess: Great, can you do the dishes?

Nick: Woah, let’s not get crazy.

Nick: *pushing on a door that clearly says pull*

Schmidt, filming him: Just push harder.