#klingons

I’ve watched “The killing game” (Star Trek: Voyager, season 4, episodes 18-19). It was absolutly great! Tuvok wearing a cap and shooting with a machine carbine, Seben-of-Nine in a silver dress singing and klingons fighting with nazis!

Qapla’ gentlemen, Qapla’!

here’s another commission! this time it’s the duras sisters. this is on a 10x10 inch wooden panel and has a thick gloss glaze over it!

I’m currently taking commissions so if you’ve got an idea you can hmu on tumblr IM or through etsy’s messaging system! there’s some commission info in my pinned post. links to my shops, how to leave me a tip, and where else to find me on social media are all in my bio! <3

Perhaps it is.

I know somebody here speaks Klingon, can anybody create a translation for me that equates to “glory to you and your college degree”?

I’ve got this weird idea that it’d be pretty interesting if B’Elanna was from the House of Martok. Her mother, Miral, seems to be around the same age as Martok, siblings maybe? It’d make things very interesting for B’Elanna when she gets back to the Alpha Quadrant and someone mentions Chancellor Martok and she just thinks “…wait, Uncle Martok?”. It would make other Klingons think twice before accusing her of being too human when they find out that she’s the chancellor’s niece. (His favorite niece at that. Sirella would strongly disapprove of Miral marrying John Torres and having a child with him and declare them unwelcome in her house, but Martok would visit B’Elanna every chance he got because he can see she has a “true warrior’s spirit”.)

I’d have gone with Romulan, but still a solid tattoo!

epicallyepicepicosity3:

If a Klingon episode doesn’t have a boob window, is it really a Klingon episode? WE’RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT. 

Ep opens with Worf LATE FOR WORK. Riker tries to get him on the comm but no dice.

Rikes is all like “Don’t make me come up there young man…”

But he does have to go up there (which, like, if you know anything about the layout of the Enterprise you know it’s down there, but maybe their Alexa is just in the ceiling) even though you never know what you’re gonna find in a petulant Klingon’s bedroom.

Does anyone else smell burnt sage?

I don’t know where exactly it happened, but somewhere between here and Season 3 the Klingon aesthetic morphed from death metal to “that guy who discovered Buddhist meditation and won’t shut up about it.” 

Hmm… candles, low lighting… Worf, what are you up to? Also, I hope you’ve got a blanket over your—

Well I know what that face means.

Jk, jk, but he *is* meditating real hard. Someone’s in trooooouuuubbbleeee…

Whatever, Captain, I don’t even want to go to your stupid bridge.

Sulking Worf might be the highest form of Worf. It’s time for an intervention.

Look what this has done to your liiiiiiiife.

Can I just say this is often not the most flattering angle and both these guys look ..

“I can’t believe you smoked a bowl that big.” 

I’m also going to go ahead and say that candles in your quarters ≠ open fire pit. That should go in the backyard of your Palm Springs condo where it belongs.

Anyway, Cap decides that Worf should go to rehab on a spiritual retreat to figure out what’s going on.

YOU WISH.

I’m going to go ahead and guess that a dank cave is not gonna solve your problems.

So these dudebros are all meditating hoping to see Kahless (pronounced KAY-less) who is a kind of Klingon Jesus and who appears to people in visions, and once you see him in a vision you’ve “won”? Like this guy:

Again with the choice of faces.

Worf has been trying to see Kahless for DAYS and is not happy that this guy has seen him and he hasn’t.

FULL WITHER.

This coat that Worf wears at his meditation retreat is actually kinda cool, but I’ll circle back to it in a second.

So there’s Worf all mad that he can’t see Kahless (now that I keep writing it sounds like a really cheesy pickup line… “Hey babe, I can make you see Kahless”) and then this happens:

…Maris?

I mean, we know who it is.

Come here and give your Great Aunt Kahless a kiss.

Hmm… white fur coat, knee-high circulation socks, aggressively beige undergarments… yup, looks like a great aunt to me.

So, point of order real quick… in a world where people can reappear and disappear in transporters ALL THE DING DONG DAY Worf and the others seem to accept this guy popping out of thin air as a religious miracle PRETTY QUICKLY.

Okay, let’s talk about outfits. I’m gonna jump around plotwise here so… sorry.

It’s Joseph and the Amazing Techniboldbox Dreamcoat. But like, if the bold box was… too bold.

I guess Klingons are doing that thing where you only wash your hair once every ten stardates, and it somehow makes it look even more shiny? I mean, Worf and Bev could have a Tress-off here. Worf would lose, but they could still have it.

More importantly, I thought at first I was really into this coat. The fabric is very early-90s teenage boy figuring out his sexuality while not going full neon and I like any jacket where you can put your arms in the opposite sleeve to stay warm.

Unfortunately, I can’t tell if you can see it, but there’s an intense collar situation going on.

Am I wearing the jacket or is the jacket wearing me? Hard to tell.

It’s got a kind of militaristic Zorg-chic to it, I guess, though the swirly colorful fabric kind of takes away from any authority those aggressive shoulders might give, but my real complaint is this:

I killed a booth at Sizzler for this jacket.

The red pleather piping just screams buffet-style eating, I don’t know why. Like, just imagine those little plastic milk pots you get at a restaurant that can’t be bothered to have jugs. This was a real fail for me. Let’s take one last look at that sumptuous fabric pattern tho…

Mud colored fingerless leather gloves and a white fur coat are either the LEAST METAL THING or the METALLIEST THING OF ALL TIME. TBD.

Moving from Worf to Kahless, it’s like, hard, I guess, to dress like a savior? They have this mural in the Temple or whatever it is of Kahless…

Man, pre-Revolution France was way more intense than I thought…

I feel like this is one of those situations where the artist takes liberties to make the subject look better than they actually do. We get a real life comparison.

Also, we can agree that this is just a dude wearing the same coat as the mural, yes?

White fur is a bold statement, which I guess if you’re already making it why not go for big shoulders. I don’t get the sash, which appears to be a white fur strip down the center of a discount, discolored gray Old Navy fleece scarf, but it matches the painting so I guess it’s fine. 

I wanted to take a more backed-out look at this but the best shot I could find comes from later in the ep, and, spoiler alert, Kahless has to go on board the Enterprise.

This color story is titled Ambivalence

Like, just pick a hue, bro. Any hue. I see now that the thing I thought was a fur-lined Old Navy Bargain bin scarf is actually the lapel (?) of the jacket. It just seems like a lot of flat color on a garment that literally required at least one (maybe several) animals to die in order for it to exist.

At some point Worf has to BATTLE Kahless and so we get to see what’s under his coat.

All hand to hand combat should be done in wine-colored pajama tops

I mean, this fabric looks very soft. I don’t quite know what to do with the pleats-for-days vest, but the leather buckle-less belt seems on point. The high collar he’s wearing seems to be a favorite of the spiritual Klingon crowd.

I wonder if the costume designer for this ep watched it later and was like “Oh my god, when I get drunk I make clothes with ribs.”

I guess I’m not mad at it—at least it has a point of view, even if that point of view is “Free Shuttle Bus from the Phoenix Airport to the Apache Gold Casino.” Plus it gives this guy an opportunity to wear his finery, though I think there’s an obvious missed opportunity here for a boob window.

This is a boob window I’m slightly less interested in.

Anyway, the main thrust of this episode is the question of whether or not this Kahless is real, because on the one hand, magic in the 24th Century? But on the other hand, his DNA is Kahless’! Somehow! When there’s Klingon Kontroversy you know who we need to call.

If that’s not a cover of a rap album I don’t know what is. Oh, wait a second.

Featuring the hit track “Couldn’t Kah-less” 

They totes make fun of Gowron for wearing all his medals. He is kind of the Paul Ryan of the Klingon Empire, right? Kind of?

There is a plot that goes to this episode that I could probably do Drunk History style but I’ll spare you and just show you this chilling prognostication:

I don’t know if something from the past can also be too soon, but too soon.

At least the Klingons have honor.

Okay I don’t want to leave on such a sour note, so here’s a pic of the Klingon Temple that Worf Got His Groove Back At:

This Spacious AirBnB in a secluded hotspot on Boreth has 52 bedrooms, 44 baths, and a pullout sofa in the common room. There is Wifi in most of the house, and a Keurig with complimentary coffee and bloodwine pods.

Strict cancellation policy.

qurgh:

mystery-stitch:

My kitten tried to kill my stuffed tribble. My roommate remarked that my tribble killing cat would make a great Klingon pet… and she’s right.

Imagine a Klingon ship having a cat that protects them from tribbles & vermin. They have to get the cat from a shelter run by humans and they’re like “This is the honorable Mr. Chonks”.

“Yes, our ship also has an earth feline. Her name is Carrot and she fights like a warrior.”

There’s absolutely a Klingon out there who lost an eye to a feral cat that he then adopted.

Klingons who go “pspspspsps” to get the Ship Cat to come hang out during break.

Orange Ship Cat that gets lost in the jeffires tubes and Klingon whose sole job is to go fetch the orange cat. He acts like he hates his job but he actually really adores his feline co-worker so much.

Klingon that always hands things to the Ship Cat so it can sniff it.

Klingon that intentionally grabs boxes to enrich Ship Cat’s little life. Sometimes they get multiple boxes and the crew bets on which box will be deemed “best box” by their fluffy little warrior.

Klingon that starts his work shift saying “Qapla’!” to Ship Cat who meows in return.

Newly Minted Ship Kitten climbing up to a Klingon Captain’s shoulder with her tiny needle claws while said Captain is attempting to be intimidating on the viewscreen.

Klingon who gets a head bunt from Ship Cat and gives it a head bunt back.

I saw this and decided it would be good in Klingon:

yIH tlhut HoH ‘e’ nID vIghro'HomwIj. <tlhIngan Saj QoQ 'oH yIH HoHbogh vIghro'lIj'e’> jatlh juH vInDa'wI’. 'ej lugh.

yIHmey lIS'abmey je HoHbogh vIghro’'e’ 'ej Qanbogh ghaj tlhIngan Duj 'e’ jal. Ha'DIbaH juHvo’ Qapbogh Humanpu’ vIghro’ luSuq 'ej <chonqS quv 'oH> jatlh.

<HIja’! tera’ vIghro’ ghaj je Dujmaj. qarrot 'oH pongDaj'e’ 'ej SuvtaHvIS SuvwI’ rur.>

vIghro’ tlhay'Ha’ SuvtaHvIS, wa’ mIn weS tlhIngan SuvwI’ 'ej DaH vIghro’ Qorgh SuvwI’.

leStaHvIS, Duj vIghro’ ngelmeH <pspspspspspsps> jatlhbogh tlhInganpu’'e’ tu'lu’.

Duj 'ochmeyDaq chIl'eghbogh Duj vIghro’ Doq'e’, vIghro’ Doq SammeH Qu’ neH ghajbogh tlhIngan'e’. Qu'Daj muS 'e’ ghet tlhIngan 'ach vIghro’ Qejqu'bej.  

larghmeH Duj vIghro'vaD reH Dochmey nobbogh tlhIngan'e’.

Duj vIghro’ yIn DubmeH 'aplo'mey boSbogh tlhIngan'e’. rut 'aplo’ law’ boS 'ej 'aplo’'e’ maSbogh SuvwI'Homchaj tun tu'meH pIj SuD.

<'Imyargh> jangbogh Duj vIghro'vaD <Qapla’> jatlhbogh tlhIngan'e’.

jIH lo'taHvIS, nuvpu’ ghIj HoD 'e’ nIDtaHvIS HoD, HoD volchaH toSmeH pach machqu’ lo’ Duj vIghro'Hom chu’'e’.

Duj vIghro’ paw'bogh tIhIngan'e’  'ej paw'bogh Duj vIghro’.

You, my honorable translator, have won the Internet!

thesuburbanerd:

cardassianbussy:

Rainbow gowronfrom@thesuburbanerd

zoethebitch:

zoethebitch:

zoethebitch:

depression is kicking my ass lately ngl

where’s that post about the klingon therapist need to hear that rn

goingonanadventuremaybe:

nudityandnerdery:

ishouldbeontheenterprise:

This one of the best things I’ve ever read

ernmark:

Do gay Klingons ever get frustrated/dejected because their gentleman caller hasn’t so much as kicked a pebble their way or uttered the slightest growl?

Do questioning Klingons ever show their crush their poetry, only to have their crush assume that he’s helping them proofread or something?

Is there ever an issue where a lesbian Klingon tries very awkwardly to recite poetry to her lady love? 

Or instances where two lesbians are basically beating the shit out of each other and both thinking “I know she thinks this is just a regular old gal fight, but no, seriously, I’m trying to declare my intentions here”?

Are there euphemisms for LGBT Klingons? “Don’t try to win her over, Riker. She reads poetry.” 

demongoth:

gay klingons:

lesbian klingons:

demongoth:

thinking about how klingon courting works by the female roaring and throwing heavy objects and the male reading love poetry

Bisexual Klingons:

REBLOGGING FOR BI KLINGON COURTSHIP POETRY CHUCKING

Can we just handwave some of this shit and say that the Captain of the Pagh is kind of an idiot? This guy is too hungry for honor to consider complex or even reasonable solutions, like, we’ve seen more intelligent and complex Klingons before this. Better to die honorably than wastefully Riker’s protests aside most of the crew seems to be reacting like “… okay.” Lol

lieutenant-himbo: