#life suggestions
reminder to the people who need reminding: joking about abuse is not funny. i had a friend recently tell me a long story about how his girlfriend abused him only for me to find out it was an elaborate joke to him that did not happen. that really upset me, because it takes away from valid experiences and domestic abuse is extremely serious.
realizing i spend too much time worrying about embarrassment. i don’t know something? that’s okay. i haven’t seen that movie or know about that book? that’s okay. i do something that makes my life easier that people consider the “lazy way”? that’s okay. i like this harmless thing people think is “cringe”? that’s totally okay. it’s a waste of energy to criticize myself because of the judgement i anticipate from others.
to men who have or are facing abuse: your experiences are real and valid. you should never have to just take it to be a man. domestic abuse affects all genders. don’t feel like speaking up is weakness.
people will come and go from your life, sometimes with no clear reason. it’s not your fault nor theirs. you just drift apart and outgrow the friendship you once had. it’s so sad to see it go, but know that there will be others to look forward to.
don’t mistake people being rude and judgement for constructive criticism. life is too short to be concerned with rude assumptions that don’t truly say anything about you or your character.
being sensitive doesn’t make you over sensitive. it’s okay to feel and to react.
i sometimes forget there aren’t official rules for what you have to know as an adult. don’t need to read the latest ny times bestseller, don’t need to know the differences between wines, don’t need to have seen all the cult classic movies, don’t need to have endless crazy fun college stories. i know not everyone feels this pressure, but as i’m getting older, sometimes it feels like i have to fake knowing certain experiences. and i really don’t.
life will not always solely be survival mode. it will be really living instead of just staying alive.
days don’t have to be great to be good days. good days can be calm and relatively uneventful, a small rest from seemingly longer days. those are the ones i find myself overlooking and then missing. there were days when i tasted really good fresh fruit or bought a happy little bee plant or took a nice nap or had lunch outside under the sun. those were good days i should have given more credit.
having an old memory resurface or a trigger come up out of the blue sometimes doesn’t mean you’re not moving forward and moving on. it’s just a part of the process, and it likely won’t ever fully go away because it’s a part of you and your past. but you are still growing and healing.
note to self: stop wasting energy being embarrassed by things that bring me joy. yes, i do like stupid skit youtube comedy videos. yes, i do like poorly done sequels. yes, i do like foods basically everyone in this area of the country finds gross.
reminder: “it made you who you are” doesn’t mean the trauma happened for a reason
spring allows so many things to grow and begin again. you deserve to spend your spring growing and beginning again.
never too late to be a brand new you, to start over, to rewrite your story, to dream new dreams
when you feel emptiest, remember to eat something and drink some water. remember to breath and to un-tense your shoulders.
congratulations on getting through the day even if it was really, really hard. you’re doing great.
healing involves a lot more grieving than you’d expect. progress hurts. you’re moving on from things that happened but also things you wished would happen and never did. mourning does not mean you are not getting better.
