#lonely
I tell myself: there’s nothing you can achieve, tell: you will lose even that you have now.
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They: hey have you seen [this movie] yet?
Me, heart flutters, thinks: I really want to, go ask them!!!
Me: no.. do y..
They, interrupting: I have, it was a bit too long.
Me: oh..
Me, thinking: oh no, everyone has seen it already, I’m not a friend, there are better friends for them, I thought they knew I loved that type of movie, why does no one ever ask me, why is me asking always useless, it only just out was I really that slow, why does this keep happening, sigh.
My heart:*breaks*
The last time someone was at my house I’m not related to was over three years ago.
I don’t live in a bad neighborhood. It’s just that nobody cares to come over.
When you’re lifegoal is just to have some friends.
And when you’re failing at it.
It isn’t just being convinced. There’s proof. No calls, no texts, no other messages.
If I reach out I only get lacklustre replies in return and I know they wouldn’t answer to their real friends like that.
I have nothing to offer to them and i am not good enough as a person.
Just realized you can’t spell ‘lonely’ without ‘one’ and honestly that’s a mood.
Dear diary…
It’s so… Hard to hold on to life…
But… I try.
I have been trying lately, more than ever, to hold on to the little things that make this life a little less unbearable, and to ignore everything else…
And it’s hard to ignore all the shit my mind tells me everyday… But I think I really am trying.
I don’t know if life is worth it. And I know I won’t think this way once I break down again. But this is how I feel at this moment, I guess…
“Try to save myself, but myself keeps slipping away.”
Nine Inch Nails, “Into The Void”
Dear diary…
I try to be here for people…
I try to be enough…
But… I’m always a disappointment.
I always ruin everything…
And when I try to help, I only make everything worse.
I’m useless. I’m worthless.
I’m never good enough.
I will never be good enough…
“The thought of healing is unappealing to the voice inside my brain.”
Slaves, “Like I Do”
“I think that the truth is I’m scared. I think that I’m just scared to live… I think that the truth is I’m everything that I hate.”
Senses Fail, “Angela Baker And My Obsession With Fire”
“Seeing you cry makes me feel like saying sorry.”
Hawthorne Heights, “Saying Sorry”
