What are some different versions of the INFJ personality type?

INFJ’s shadow side: darkness and anger

In the unlikely event you have betrayed an INFJ, cut deeply through their hearts then watch out - because nothing is more frightening than seeing one get their all. Afterall, Jesus was apparently an model INFJ. That’s right. Beware the scorch. You get him angry and he’ll go locust on your arse.

Of course, everything below is ‘worst case under-developed’ INFJ anger cases. It isn’t what INFJ’s do all the time. It is, extremely rare. Most have the patience of an iceberg waiting for hell to freeze over. Or a turn the other cheek style. But for those of you who want some insight into the darker, shadier side of an INFJ …venture down below, i dare you. — INFJ Anger style: The incorruptible ninja on a vendetta:

It means facing your fears and exposing the grittiness of your own human existence. Sound familiar INFJ? Okay, it sounds like martyr-dom and yes, it is. An INFJ knows ALL about martyrdom.

In extremely threatening cases, an INFJ can go all angry ninja style on anybody’s arse. And i mean emotionally. They will cut you up and hang you out to dry. Emotionally. That is the key word here.

He we won’t stop until he’s wasted your emotional landscape, and neither will we. INFj’s at their weakest or best can be like double edged swords, yes we can see deep into people’s hearts, their motivations their good qualities, mirror their thoughts, actions and their desires to bring you relief or joy. INFJ’s listen not only with their ears, but with their heart, they can process and nurture people’s good qualities instinctively and mirror your what you want to hear. They are capable of forgiveness even of those with heinous crimes on their records, because yes - they know instinctively that everybody is human, all of us are interconnected and we all make mistakes, an INFJ has an uncanny ability to recognize that everybody is just a mirror of themselves. The best INFJ’s carry a karmic awareness at all times.

However, INFJ’s can also see through people’s weaknesses, their motivations, their dark sides and their 'secrets’ if you will, we watch carefully how they treat strangers with ill will, and notice if they treat their friends with kindness or if they are self serving. With that knowledge they back it up like a hard drive. They remember. How they use that information, is up to them. That choice, is what makes them grow or go backwards.

God forbid anybody come across an INFJ, hell or highwater because once you cross them - at best they will drop you like a hot pan and dissappear regardless of how long you’ve known them. At worst, be prepared for having all your insecurities and fears gutted and exposed. And they make sure you remember. They can dive deep into your heart to inspire you, but like that double edged sword they can cut straight into your heart with their words. They tell you the truth exactly as it is, whilst you are still grappling with the fact they knew how you felt all along, they expose all your ugliest motivations to air and for all to see. INFJ’s are adept at understanding the language of the human heart and what it wants and needs on an intangible level. They are expert emotional anthropologists. They understand boundaries and will not tell people how you feel, what is on your mind. This is because they know this information is precious, of course… until the shit hits the fan so to speak and then, they reveal everything about you. The ugly you. Every. Ugly. Detail.

They get under your skin and let loose slowly and methodically (yep, there’s that organization in action) anything they know about your weaknesses, everything they use turns it a kind of melodramatic piece of theatre relaying everything from your sexual indiscretions, faults, lack of listening skills and weaving it expertly by making sure every one of your emotional weaknesses are exploited. They hone in on your fears at the present moment and creatively exploit them for full effect, targeting fears, anxieties, guilt and expertly play them like a symphony. They understand the darkness in themselves and they recognize it in you.

Hell hath no fury like an INFJ scorned. Subtle, slow and insidioius is the scorned style of an INFJ. They can get creative with their scorn - they might have the dignity and coldness of a queen while they exploit your weaknesses. They personally tailor each and every remark for full emotional effect. They may tell you calmly and caustically why you cheated them and explain your insecurities in front of a large group of intimate friends whilst you sweat, hiding their motives behind dry wit and humour. They will adjust their level of scorn for whatever is appropriate for your character. If it’s a quick, derisive comment or a long confession of your insecurities - they will know which button to press to get to your heart. If it’s guilt they want to summon, they know what to say to make you feel it, they’ll remember an event or a whisper of an insecurity you have and they will bring it up. They remember the nuances in your dialogue, your emotional landscape - they remember your weaknesses and in an organized (judging) manner, categorically shoot each and every one of them down till they are satisfied you have sated their need for justice.

The scariness (or genius) of an INFJ however lies in the fact that they know how to adjust the temperature of their perceived hurt so that the other person feels the full effect of their remarks. Just as they can easily take the emotional temperature of a room just by walking into it, they know that getting completely angry is ineffective. So they manage their delivery intuitively, depending on your character so that the recipient has no room to retaliate - an INFJ instincitively knows if they expose a certain insecurity in you and say something softly, it is more effective than going completely a-wohl. They skirt over your anger and any issues they know will completely provoke you to not listening at all. They want to expose the truth, come hell or high water and if that means you feel reduced to something like a small child - totally exposed and a little humiliated, so be it. They will broach the topic carefully, throw in a caustic remark - you might not be able to retaliate to because the topic for you is so personal. It is completely tactical. They want to expose you remember, so they think carefully about the delivery of a remark and it’s intention before it comes out.

You know that secret you told them when you first met them with an open heart and open mind? If you’ve deeply betrayed them, they will remember it, bring it up and flippantly tell you they weren’t really listening, and they didn’t really care for it if that’s what it takes to hurt you.

The purpose? The truth of course. The phrase, 'Shed light on your sorry ass’, has never been more apt.

This is the darkness and shadow of an INFJ.

On one hand, the capacities described here can be unhealthy INFJ behavior. On the other hand, my perspective is that they aren’t unhealthy when one is dealing with, say, an abuser or a sociopath.

I’ve only ever had to take one person down using my capacity to systematically uncover and tell them (that person) the truth about the ugly underneath their mask. My primary goal in that process was to stop the person from harming me. My secondary goal was to do everything I could to ensure that the person would be unable to harm others like me in the future.

I know I succeeded in the primary goal, and I do believe I also succeeded in the secondary one. I have no regrets about acting as I did. I think we should use these capacities if they are ever warranted. I hope that it is never warranted - but if/when the need does occur, IMO it’s not necessarily a bad thing that we can be dangerous when truly crossed by people who do harm.

This doesn’t have so much to do with any of this other then the shadow emerging in an INFJ discussion point. I’ve been wanting to share this song with PerCs for a while, and was waiting for the “appropriate” time. This obviously is not that time. But I’m sick of waiting, don’t want to make a thread, and the shadow topic is sort of relevant, depending on how you choose to interpret Maynard’s lyrics. Please enjoy. I hope you can see the dots I see connecting this all.

Excellent post, Kermi. I know this about myself. I hate the fact that I “gather information” on people like I do, and “back it up” like you said, but I do. That’s why I have always worked on controlling my anger, because, if I get angry enough, and someone pushes me past the whole “glare at you, and become deathly quiet” phase, then I can destroy someone with words, and alienate that person that hurt me, or made me angry.

I do what I can to love people, but rather than backing up information (I do that anyways, just subconsciously) and using it against them I like to attack them on the mental level by asking questions (haven’t had to yet). Why did you do that? Does it feel good to do that? To behave like that? Why do you feel the need to behave this way? Does it make you feel better than an animal? Does it honestly make you feel like a better human being? Don’t you feel that you’re better than that? Or are you better than that?

If there is a physical retaliation (haven’t had one yet) I plan to do what I can to defend myself depending on how the situation is. If it is simply a fight, then I will only do surface damage, but if my life is threatened then I plan on doing damage, possibly internally.

I’m rarely confronted by people who were initially so honest after seeing me lash out. The person that usually confronts me tells me that I choose such harsh words, and that I succeed in helping them assume a feeling of lowliness, guilt, ugliness, or a whole list of other negative things. They usually seem to be saying this against their will or even in tears… I’ve just made the person miserable.

To be blunt: I recount and retell each and every last thing that was done and I highlight all the mistakes and disadvantages of such. Wether I use cursing, crude language, or any derogatory remark is irrelevant. The way I present what I say is made with as much coherence as I can use to arrange the information and the conclusion is just as painful to hear.

Some people get hurt more than others, but I don’t think anybody wants to hear things like these… Sometimes somebody shows that they don’t care if about what I’m saying when I’m lashing out and I can’t really see it in their face or movement, but they were affected in a powerful and irreversible way, and the pattern of their behaviors towards me seems almost permanently altered. They will avoid me A LOT. They will hesitate to say things to me face to face but would rather say things behind my back. I got what I wished for: to be left alone; but it sucks!

I can’t forget the times this happened. I can’t forget who told me this, or who didn’t tell me this but showed me how terrible what I’ve said was. I remember how they told me, and I remember sensing how their aura that radiated outward seems to be going inward instead.

This is why I’d much rather withdraw and leave when I’m angry.

Original notes:

However, INFJ’s can also see through people’s weaknesses, their motivations, their dark sides and their 'secrets’ if you will, we watch carefully how they treat strangers with ill will, and notice if they treat their friends with kindness or if they are self serving. With that knowledge they back it up like a hard drive. They remember. How they use that information, is up to them. That choice, is what makes them grow or go backwards.

God forbid anybody come across an INFJ, hell or highwater because once you cross them - at best they will drop you like a hot pan and dissappear regardless of how long you’ve known them. At worst, be prepared for having all your insecurities and fears gutted and exposed. And they make sure you remember. They can dive deep into your heart to inspire you, but like that double edged sword they can cut straight into your heart with their words. They tell you the truth exactly as it is, whilst you are still grappling with the fact they knew how you felt all along, they expose all your ugliest motivations to air and for all to see. INFJ’s are adept at understanding the language of the human heart and what it wants and needs on an intangible level. They are expert emotional anthropologists. They understand boundaries and will not tell people how you feel, what is on your mind. This is because they know this information is precious, of course… until the shit hits the fan so to speak and then, they reveal everything about you. The ugly you. Every. Ugly. Detail.

They get under your skin and let loose slowly and methodically (yep, there’s that organization in action) anything they know about your weaknesses, everything they use turns it a kind of melodramatic piece of theatre relaying everything from your sexual indiscretions, faults, lack of listening skills and weaving it expertly by making sure every one of your emotional weaknesses are exploited. They hone in on your fears at the present moment and creatively exploit them for full effect, targeting fears, anxieties, guilt and expertly play them like a symphony. They understand the darkness in themselves and they recognize it in you.

Hell hath no fury like an INFJ scorned. Subtle, slow and insidioius is the scorned style of an INFJ. They can get creative with their scorn - they might have the dignity and coldness of a queen while they exploit your weaknesses. They personally tailor each and every remark for full emotional effect. They may tell you calmly and caustically why you cheated them and explain your insecurities in front of a large group of intimate friends whilst you sweat, hiding their motives behind dry wit and humour. They will adjust their level of scorn for whatever is appropriate for your character. If it’s a quick, derisive comment or a long confession of your insecurities - they will know which button to press to get to your heart. If it’s guilt they want to summon, they know what to say to make you feel it, they’ll remember an event or a whisper of an insecurity you have and they will bring it up. They remember the nuances in your dialogue, your emotional landscape - they remember your weaknesses and in an organized (judging) manner, categorically shoot each and every one of them down till they are satisfied you have sated their need for justice.

The scariness (or genius) of an INFJ however lies in the fact that they know how to adjust the temperature of their perceived hurt so that the other person feels the full effect of their remarks. Just as they can easily take the emotional temperature of a room just by walking into it, they know that getting completely angry is ineffective. So they manage their delivery intuitively, depending on your character so that the recipient has no room to retaliate - an INFJ instincitively knows if they expose a certain insecurity in you and say something softly, it is more effective than going completely a-wohl. They skirt over your anger and any issues they know will completely provoke you to not listening at all. They want to expose the truth, come hell or high water and if that means you feel reduced to something like a small child - totally exposed and a little humiliated, so be it. They will broach the topic carefully, throw in a caustic remark - you might not be able to retaliate to because the topic for you is so personal. It is completely tactical. They want to expose you remember, so they think carefully about the delivery of a remark and it’s intention before it comes out.

You know that secret you told them when you first met them with an open heart and open mind? If you’ve deeply betrayed them, they will remember it, bring it up and flippantly tell you they weren’t really listening, and they didn’t really care for it if that’s what it takes to hurt you.

The purpose? The truth of course. The phrase, 'Shed light on your sorry ass’, has never been more apt.

This is the darkness and shadow of an INFJ.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Oh yes, I am familiar with this darkness all too well. Between a friend I had to leave for being too unstable and a sick INFJ mother, I’ve learned to actually train myself to deal with this hurt.

What these two have in common, for better or worse, is that almost nobody takes them seriously at this point. The fact of the matter is most INFJs dominated by their shadows are not well-liked people. Their destructive behavior will always be stopped sooner or later because nobody likes them. Well balanced and happy INFJs? Oh man, friends, lovers, and family like no other. Sick, shadow side ones? Disregarded by most people because they’re often seen as irrational.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I’ve only ever truly raged out once and it was much more physical than this thread describes, but it was very much the same pouring tirade of caution-to-the-wind hate. I still count myself incredibly lucky that the man at whom it was directed wasn’t where I thought he’d be because I don’t know what I’d have done if I’d found him.

But I still think he’d have deserved it, so I have no idea if you’d call it unhealthy or not. I do know that a part of me takes pride in the show of aggression. I think that’s something all INFJs have inside us, a beast-like desire to rip apart the things that hurt us. I think that’s why we bring up topics like this. We’re proud of the vicious parts of ourselves. We paint them as weakness, but see them see them as strength. And we want to show off that strength.

What is a telltale sign you are dealing with an INFJ?

Deep conversations, lighthearted personality, genuine concern, caring about and wanting to talk all about you, a little reserved while they try and figure you out.

How do INFJs read people?

INFJ’s are participant observers

We participate, but observe everything you do and what is going on around us.

We know how to read body language.

We read energy and vibes. If you don’t want to be there, or you are being untruthful, we will know.

We learn and understand you. We get to know you, know how you think, why you think a certain way

We want to know your past hurts so we never take you back to that place

When an INFJ knows you well, we know what you will do or how you will think before you even do.

We pick up on little things

We pick up on intention

We pick up on judgments

We feel everything, we feel every emotion

We use our intuition

Sometimes, this attracts us to narcissists because we can sense the person is in pain, but we think we can help save them, and take away their pain, so we ignore red flags, and that is why we are attracted to them, but then get hurt by them as well

Why can it be so hard for an INFJ to bond with another person?

The INFJs I know tend to reach a general conclusion about people, based on gut feel, within minutes of meeting them. They get put into broad buckets of, someone who is a false / bad / selfish person, people they have nothing in common with (vast majority) or sympathetic / nice people they can get along with.

If you get put in the nice people category bonding with and INFJ is pretty easy.

If you get put in the bad person category it is almost impossible as the INFJ will actively avoid you and wants nothing to do with you.

If you go into the middle category then the INFJ will tend to only have superficial contact with you. From a lack of decent interaction, and once an INFJ has categorised you, you have an unbelievable uphill struggle to form a bond with an INFJ. I have seen it done, especially where the INFJ has another reason they have to be in contact with the person, for example co-workers or their children are best friends - but it is not easy.

There is a house built out of stone
Wooden floors, walls and window sills
Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust
This is a place where I don’t feel alone
This is a place where I feel at home.

And I built a home
for you
for me

Until it disappeared
from me
from you

And now, it’s time to leave and turn to dust

Out in the garden where we planted the seeds
There is a tree as old as me
Branches were sewn by the color of green
Ground had arose and passed its knees

By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top
I climbed the tree to see the world
When the gusts came around to blow me down
Held on as tightly as you held on me
Held on as tightly as you held on me

And I built a home
for you
for me

Until it disappeared
from me
from you

And now, it’s time to leave and turn to dust

Let the silence ease the wildness
Your embrace clears the storm in my head
Why do I love you more when I’m wasted?
I only welcome care when I’m wounded

You are a promise of brightness
The triumph of life over self-hate
But I take all you gave for granted
What really matters I keep breaking

I’m turning horizons into battlegrounds
I cannot walk ahead without your guidance

Can I hold on? Can I hold onto you?
Can I hold on? Can I hold onto you?

Can reliance ease the madness
When every voice says I’m worthless?
I thought I would find the force from fighting
But if I win alone, I’m losing

I’m turning horizons into battlegrounds
I cannot walk ahead without your guidance
I’m turning horizons into battlegrounds
And every step I take without a sound

Can I hold on? Can I hold onto you?
Can I hold on? Can I hold onto you?
Can I hold on? Can I hold onto you?
Can I hold on? Can I hold onto you?

You don’t have to see your life’s purpose
now and all the time if you can’t find it anywhere
Just stay a little longer

Nobody understands and there is no point
to try and make amends
Just stay a little longer

You say you want to end it.
You can’t stand it, the pain
Just stay a while longer

What does a minute of your time on earth do
Nothing, you say, nothing, really.
Just stay a little longer

Maybe in a minute you’ll see
Maybe tomorrow you’ll feel
Maybe on friday you’ll know
Maybe next year you’ll be glad
that you stayed a little while longer
to see what else can break
to see what else can ache
to make another mistake

It would be a terrible shame
if something happened just now
And you wouldn’t be there
to see it all go down
What if something happened
right when you choose to fly away
I see you made up your mind
but I hear your plane is delayed

Maybe in a minute you’ll see
Maybe tomorrow you’ll feel
Maybe on friday you’ll know
Maybe next year you’ll be glad
that you stayed a little while longer
to see what else can break
to see what else can ache
to make another mistake

Now as he sits
In the back of the grey caravan
Tomorrow he’ll probably be
Jumping Parisian metro barriers
With a bottle in his hands
Sparkling, sparkling water mixed with peaches and rum
“Honestly I don’t drink
But if I did this would be my favourite punch”
He said

Walk out the door with her
He could see everyone dressed in black
A class that seem too far, too fetched
She said look at you, look at you, the game is over
Your cup is full, your cup is full
Stop praying for more exposure
It is obvious that you are trying
Dubious, stop or you die here
You’re pretending but no one is buying

London, London, London is calling you
What are you waiting for?
What you searching for?
London, London, London is all in you
Why are you denying the truth?
“I might, I might, I might be boring you” he said
Although it’s not clear as the morning dew
Though my preferred ways are not happening
I won’t underestimate who I am capable of becoming

History will be made today
Is written boldly on his face
So clear you could hardly miss it
You could hardly miss it
For transcending the barriers
Of yesterday was and is the dream
On a road where Cleopatra comes and goes
Like fishes caught in ponds
Then thrown back for fun

She said, “Look at you, look at you, just pick a fleet”
Your cup is full, your cup is full
What have you not yet achieved?
It is obvious that you are trying
Dubious, stop or you die here
You’re pretending but no one is buying

London, London, London is calling you
What are you waiting for?
What you searching for?
London, London, London is all in you
Why are you denying the truth?
“I might, I might, I might be boring you” he said
Although it’s not clear as the morning dew
Though my preferred ways are not happening
I won’t underestimate
Who I am capable of becoming

Do you dare
Take a breath
Do you dream of a tragic death
I know you do

Do you wail
Do you weep
Do you sing yourself to sleep
You delicate flower

And so what is love?
And who am I
To dare to pull the stars from your favourite sky

You were born
Forth from joy
You’re every girl and boy
You know you are, you know you are

And you dress
Like a dame
And you burn on a catholic flame
By the hours, by the hours

And so what is love?
And who am I?
To dare to pull the stars from your favourite sky

You possess
Savoir faire
Put cheap bleach on your hair
You know you do, you know you do

Do you dare
Take a breath
Do you dream of a tragic death
You delicate flower

And so what is love?
And who am I?
To dare to pull the stars from your favourite sky

And so what is love?
And who am I?
To dare to pull the stars from your favourite sky
From your favourite sky

Some Sunday morning see you
Picking up the fun
Ticking down the last time
Before the credits run
The traffic isn’t moving or it’s moving awful slow
To the sound of you complaining
We got nowhere left to go

You need a drug to make the stars come down
You need a drug to make you shine
You need the pills to take you home again
Don’t be so ladida, so ladida
You need the drugs

You need a drug to make the stars come down
You need a drug to make you shine
You need the pills to take you home again
Don’t be so ladida, so ladida

All of your tomorrows are a dream I never had
Everything is broken, everything unsaid
But I see all your shadows running
Circles at my feet
And you’re making all the promises that
No one never keeps

You need a drug to make the stars come down
You need a drug to make you shine
You need the pills to take you home again
Don’t be so ladida, so ladida
You need the drugs

I dream I can’t sleep
Think I should leave
You can keep the fillings
In my teeth
There’s no one to blame
Cause this ain’t a game
The disease and the cure
Are one and the same
If I’m alive or I’m bored
If I’m dead or ignored
You’ll be on my mind

I hope you’ll agree
We didn’t get wasted
For free
Cause if you believe
It’s harder to see
The whole’s the best part
Of siamese hearts
Forever in debt
Forever disarmed
In the shade of the sun
We’ll bloom‚ till we’re young
Till I’m on your mind
Cause

You look like summer
Wouldn’t dare to survive you
And I can’t stand any colour
I can black out
That’s what we’re used to

Since I’m nowhere
I’ve never felt more
Out of place
I’ll burn my tongue
Till I forget your taste
In the future you’ll be
The most beautiful past
When tomorrow’s sunk into
My world of glass

Nearly hoped
Nearly home

People
Dancing shadows on a wall
People
Talking pictures on a wall

(And they talk, and they talk, and they talk…)

And I can’t breathe
There’s no air in here at all
Just too many people
Here they come to take it all

People
Smiling lips and painted eyes
People
Endless words and clever lies

(And they talk, and they talk, and they talk…)

And they talk ‘til I can’t breathe
There’s no end to this at all
Now I’m one of the people

Stop
Hiding behind your face
One of the endless people
Hiding behind a face

Stop
Hiding behind your face
One of the endless people
Hiding behind a face

Stop
Stop