#matrim cauthon
*in Ebou Dar*
Elayne: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Nynaeve: >:0 language!
Olver: Yeah watch your fucking language
Mat: OKAY WHO TAUGHT OLVER THE FUCK
WORD?
Aviendha:‘The fuck word’
Brigitte: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
Olver:Oh by the Light she censored it
Elayne:Say fuck, Brigitte.
Olver: Do it, Brigitte. Say fuck.
Moiraine: What in the Light happened in here??
Egwene: It was Mat
Perrin: It was Mat
Rand: I tried to stop him
Mat:
Mat: …Blood and ashes! Thank you for letting the bloody badger out of the bag! Don’t you know the meaning of secrecy?
Moiraine: Oh dear Light
*Mat and Rand sitting in jail together*
Rand: So… Who should we call?
Mat: I’d call Nynaeve but I feel safer in jail
Mat: If we put Nynaeve and Faile in a room, who would come out crying first?
Perrin: The room.
Rand: I never thought someone could actually love me. I’m a handful
Mat: Is that why you need at least six hands to handle you?
Talmanes: Do you ever think before you speak?
Mat: I think “wow, that’s hilarious” then I say it.
Mat: I heard an interesting rumor today.
Thom: Only one? I started at least twelve.
Birgitte: What are you two drinking?
Elayne:Vodka.
Birgitte:Straight?
Mat: No, bi.
Elayne:Same.
Birgitte: Not you, idiots. The vodka.
Nynaeve: I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!
Mat: And I’m trying to subtly avoid it!
Mat: Why do you have such a hard time believing me?
Egwene:
Mat:
Mat: Oh right, the lying.
Mat: Why is there always a law against everything I wanna do?
Faile: Perrin, we are expecting a brat.
Perrin: WHAT? You’re pregnant?
Faile: No, your buddy Mat is comming on friday.
Mat: Talmanes and I are such great friends that sometimes we finish each other’s…
Talmanes:…Snacks?
Mat:…..
Mat: I KNEW IT WAS YOU!!!
Nynaeve: Welcome to Fuck Mat Cauthon club, where we say a collective ‘Fuck You’ to that pathetic human being. But first, let’s welcome our newest member.
Talmanes: So listen, I might’ve misunderstood…
Mat: I didn’t do it!
Egwene: Then why are you laughing?
Mat: Because whoever did it is a bloody genius!
Mat: Dude, are you okay?
Rand: Yeah, why?
Perrin: You fell down the stairs
Rand:
Perrin: We watched you
Mat: Guys I have a crush!
Nynaeve: It’s always a crush and never a job
Had Mat on my mind again
You know what I love? Wheel of Time. You know what soon premiers? The Wheel of Time tv show?!!?!?! It’s unreal, I am VERY excited!
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