You winced as your wife’s horrified expression turned blank. She was once again a mannequin, thanks to the Wedding Dress Org. Who you thought had been defeated by the Rangers. The dollified bride’s sobs were soon replaced by protests when the Org’s palm refamiliarized itself with your crotch.
“So glad I could catch you in the honeymoon suite before the deflowering.”
You opened your mouth to retort, but your admirer’s fingers stuffed themselves inside. You daren’t move, lest you be scratched.
How many grooms has she done this to?
The idea you may be the first of many made you shudder. There was nothing to do but give in. Again.
“Don’t fret, darling,” Wedding Dress Org cooed as you glumly kneeled, preparing your lips to be engulfed by her fanged mouth. “You’ll get to enjoy newlywed sex once I’m finished with you.”
Personal recommendations for Dark Souls characters to get you started. Focusing specifically on Dark Souls 1 because I remember that game more than the other two.
Dark Sun Gwyndolin (Archer, magic user, and has snakes for legs)
Seath the scaleless (betrayed his fellow dragons, went brutally insane trying to find a way to make himself immortal.)
Crossbreed Priscilla: Large woman, half dragon (Seath’s daughter), wields a scythe, and can go invisible (she’s also been trapped in a painted world for eons by herself, so more than likely she’s very lonely… wink wink)
Capra Demon: Strong enough to wield two slabs of metal at once. Clearly does not take “no” for an answer
Dark Dragon Kalameet: Big dragon with telekinetic powers.
Chaos Witch Quelaag: Giant fire spider lady who just wants her sick sister to get better, and will happily kill anyone who interferes with that.
Other quick recommendations from across the series: Knight Ornstein, Sister Friede, The Pursuer (literally a stalker), Flexile Sentry, Mytha the Baneful Queen (Lore says she gives good head), Demon of Song, Nashandra (She has two forms, both are hot), Dancer & Vordt of the Boreal Valley, High Lord Wolnir (Lord of the bone-zone), Pontiff Sulyvahn, Aldrich Devourer of Gods, and the Twin Princes.
The Dark Souls series has lots of beings who are giant people, and even monsters. Sorry, I hope you don’t mind, I just love the series so much I can’t help but gush.
Tawney: Gush all you want! I love learning about new monsters.
Gwyndolin: If he wants to have sex with you, tell him to take the mask off. I’m more worried about someone getting poked with it than the snakes.
Seath: Technically not a scalie.
Priscilla: Well, the family’s open to monster-human relations, so that’s good?
Capra Demon: I am lowering my leggings as we speak.
Kalameet: If he wants to procreate, then would I still give live birth or would he make me lay eggs?
Quelaag: She actually has a good reason to be nude.
Ornstein: Probably a loaded furry who commissioned that armor.
Sister Friede: Are nun kinks as common as priest kinks?
Pursuer: He must be a damn good one with that heavy looking armor.
Sentry: Think of all the hugs, aw.
Mytha: Yeah, I can see that.
Demon of Song: Something, something, “frog in your throat.”
Nashandra: Having a traditionally pretty form and a macabre form will make you popular here. XD
Dancer: But does she give lap dances?
Vordt: “A former Outrider Knight of the Boreal Valley who has degraded into a feral beast.”
Wolnir: He cantakeme to the Bone Zone.
Pontiff Sulyvahn: Pontiff? He is the Pope of Tall People.
Aldrich: So… a blob monster that disguises himself as a pretty boy? Yeah, I’ll go for that.
I have a couple more from my last to do list to post. Once I get a certain number of ones I like, maybe thirty, I’ll close them again. But definitely feel free to recommend any merman, sea monster, etc. characters. Also, working on an Adrian Griffin oneshot. Not sure when that’ll be finished.
Might try to read more comics. I got a request for Galactus, but I’ve never read/watched anything Fantastic Four. I was excited when I found out he appeared in Rise of the Silver Surfer, until I learned they just made him an evil cloud. Or he was hiding in the cloud?
For the past year or so I’ve been utilizing almond milk and oat milk a lot. (Another reason why Hawk is bae.) Also, nutritional yeast as of late. NOOCH. It’s good on popcorn, avocado toast, and eggs.
I’m not going dairy-free, I’m just trying to avoid too much animal fat. My cholesterol isn’t even high. But I don’t ever want it to be. Because I like eggs and pizza a lot.
Anyway, I’m planning on watching Halloween Kills next week before I jump into 2022 cinema. Looking forward to The Batman,Black Phone,Death on the Nile,Halloween Ends,The House,Nope,Salem’s Lot, and Scream.
Note:Ten favorite monsters, part six. Part five. The spider horse from The Brothers Grimm is also an interesting monster, because aside from being an impossible hybrid it also acts as a storage vessel and we have no idea what its actual diet is.
Maybe I should include more literary monsters in future lists? The problem is that they don’t all have illustrations. :(
1. Mycelium from Ben 10
Fungi are more closely related to animals than plants, so it’s a little odd Wildvine could communicate with the Mycelium but Ben couldn’t.
I like how it’s a fungal monster not based on a mushroom. (It does have walking mushroom minions, though.) And like the Martians from War of the Worlds, the Mycelium is defeated by a mundane solution. In this case, athlete’s foot powder.
2. Gingerbread Man from The Brothers Grimm
Gingermud Man? I didn’t like this movie. “The Gingerbread Man” wasn’t even collected by Jacob and Wilhelm. Face stealing reimaginings of folktale pastries are cool, though.
3. Errour from The Faerie Queene
Serpentine brood mama. After she’s slaughtered in self-defense by the Redcrosse Knight, Errour’s hatchlings consume her blood to the point of bursting.
4. Adorea from Franken Fran
Her face is a mass of tendrils and she’s designed to store stolen organs so she has zippers all over her body. The full panel shows her organ collection.
5. Corpse Weeper from Made in Abyss
Any creature that mimics human speech to lure in prey is scary AF and I respect it. (The color scheme and third eye make it even cooler.) They don’t look like parrots or mynahs or any mimicking bird I can think of. The facial structure makes me think of a cartoon rodent or mustelid.
6. Unown from Pokémon 3: The Movie
The only official Pokémon media I’ve finished aside from a few episodes are Time out for Torchic,Pokémon: The First Movie, Pokémon Detective Pikachu, and this movie. I liked Spell of the Unown because it’s basically a portal fantasy with cute monsters. The title characters are a living alphabet colony that grants wishes.
The franchise was super popular pretty much everywhere it is today. Even though I wasn’t into the anime, my childhood favorite was Vulpix. ‘Cause I like dogs and you could get Pokémon stickers from one of those grocery store vending machines.
7. Floop’s Fooglies from Spy Kids
They’re actually people who have been forcibly transformed into grotesque, but technically kid-friendly monsters. (Thankfully, it was only temporary.)
8-10. werecats
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Poor Hermione. Animal shapeshifting is just for Animagi, eh? (Or for rare instances of forced ferretification.) I love the entire concept of the Polyjuice Potion. Moste Potente Potions is only available in the school library’s spooky Restricted Section. The brewing process is like a less complicated Powder of Life. It’s used by heroic and villainous character alike.
Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island: The backstory is interesting. Simone and Lena are the only survivors of a feline worshipping sect. They then decide to live in a house made from pirate ship wood, adopt a bunch of cats, and utilize dark magic to become psychic vampires. They also offered ferryman Jacques immortality in exchange for transporting prey. Their only mistake was not making Beau their tomcat.
Sleepwalkers: More energy vampires! Two of their defining traits are mother-son mating and feeding off female virgins. (The in/cest was probably inspired by Cat People 1982.) Those customs should turn me away from sleepwalkers, but other “napcat” traits are interesting. Their archnemesis is the housecat, they have a Sphynx-esque form, and possess invisibility.
Note:The irony of Rowling being openly transmisogynist after writing an entire book centered around her boy hero and his boy bestie sharing the girls’ room with two girls has been noted by others before me.
Note:Top ten hottest characters, part sixteen. I haven’t seen Peacemaker yet. Or read Robert B. Parker’s Wonderland (or anything by Parker himself), but there’s no way book Hawk is as hot as movie Hawk, right? He’s a boxer. My puppy’s part Boxer. He likes dogs. If we were a couple, Hawk and I could dress up as Boxers for Halloween.
10. Talos (Ben Mendelsohn) from Captain Marvel
Shapeshifting space elf.
9. Stefano (William McNamara) from Opera
If anyone had to be tied up, gagged, and needled…
8. Alex (Justin Long) from He’s Just Not That into You
It’s just not that great a movie. Cute bartender, though.
7. Man with Red Eyes (Kyle Secor) from A Wrinkle in Time
Hypnotized and hypnotizing.
6. Abner Krill (David Dastmalchian) and Christopher Smith (John Cena) from The Suicide Squad
Why are failed/corrupt superheroes hot?
5. Cliff Vandercave (Kyle MacLachlan) from The Flintstones
He (and everyBarney else) dresses silly and should wear shoes. But evil businessman.
4. Matthew Brown (Jonathan Tucker) fromHannibal
Aw, his one-sided crush on Will.
3. Terry Foster (Michael Elcock) from Queens of Mystery
Why is Matilda into an engaged man when P.C. Foster is literally right there and ready to simp?
2. Seymour Krelborn (Conrad Ricamora) from Little Shop of Horrors
Ricamora playing another virile dork.
1. Hawk (Winston Duke) from Spenser Confidential
WHOO.
Note:Previous part. I wish Queens of Mystery got a third season. The narration makes it like a vastly less depressing ASOUE. Also, there are no HD pictures of Secor!Hank. :(
