I don’t want control…I want to let go

Words:611

Character:reader

Warnings: anxiety attack

Summery: after a traumatic event, you suffer from severe anxiety

A/n: please seek help if you can relate to this. Also I just wanted to write something inspired to this quote.

“Are the pills helping?” Your therapist asked you as you sat on the couch opposite of her.

“No, not really.” You honestly told her as you fiddled with your fingers.

“Are you taking them on a regular basis?” She asked.

“Yeah, every evening like you told me to.”

To say that you were tired was a complete lie. You were drained off of every little hormone that would make you feel enthusiastic.

You haven’t gotten a good night sleep in months and going outside made you anxious.

“Well we might have to put you on more meds to control the insomnia and anxiety.” She said as she wrote something down in her book.

“Have you been having nightmares lately?”

“I barely slept but if I did, yes.”

“What were they about?”

You didn’t really want to relive them but you knew that you had to be honest with her.

“About what happened. All of them were the same.”

“How did they make you feel?”

“I just wanted them to stop.” You honestly answered.

“Did you make them stop?”

“No, I always stay awake the rest of the night, but I already told you that.”

“Yeah, yes you did. Okay I’ll write you your new doses down and then we’ll see each other again next week.” She told you.

You knew if she could she would continue talking with you, but sadly your time was up.

You gave her a tired smile as you stood up and collected your things to leave the office.

—–

Dragging your feet up the stairs to your apartment, you could feel the exhaustion creeping up your body.

You went inside and got the water in your bathtub running, wanting to take a long and relaxing bath before maybe watching a movie.

Sinking into the bathtub, you closed your eyes for just a second.

Suddenly you were woken up by a loud crash.

Anxiety began to rise up and filled your stomach with a weird and uncomfortable feeling as you slowly went out of the tub and grabbed a towel. You were scared of your life as tears called down your cheeks.

Slowly you walked out of the bathroom and went into the direction the sound came from.

Your heartbeat fastened as your breaths became faster and faster, without catching much oxygen.

Memories of the worst day of your life flashed through your mind, as if this was a deja vu.

Walking into the living room, you expected the worst.

You expected your life to end for a second time, and for a short second you might would have welcomed it all to end.

Slowly your eyes scanned the room as you noticed some picture frames laying on the floor. You let out a long breath, knowing that they probably got knocked over by the wind blowing in through the open window.

Quickly you closed the window and expected your breathing to go back to normal, but it didn’t.

It became hard for you to take deep breaths as you slid down to the floor and leaned against the couch.

Slowly you tried to control the panic attack, just like you had to do already a thousand times.

A deep breath in, hold it, and then a deep breath out. You repeated the same thing a few times, until you almost had it fully under control again.

But you knew that everything was useless.

All the meds you would have to take, all the meetings and appointments with your therapist, all the self help groups and everything else there to control this anxiety.

You didn’t want to control it, you didn’t want control.

You wanted to let go.

Let’s do a challenge.

You guys give me a character and 3 words and I’ll write a story with this:)

So I’m in quarantine now, so please send plenty of requests.

You can send requests for literally anything (I’ll see if I can write it) or ask questions. :)

Please help me so I don’t bore to death

I got time to write, so pls send requests:)

@fabyoliveira1999

Antonio Dawson x reader

A/n: I know it isn’t really like the request, but this is what I made out of it.

Words: 914

Summary: You struggle after giving birth and Antonio is there to make you feel better

Warnings: postpartum depression

You sat on the couch scrolling through Instagram as you felt yourself wishing to look like all of those healthy, skinny new super moms. You liked your body, you really did. It reminds you that you are human, especially after you gave birth to your baby girl, but just a little part inside of you wasn’t really happy with the way you looked. Always being afraid anyone was talking about you or that the pictures that were taken of you, were making you seem ugly or fat.

That people were able to look through your clothes and see all the stretch marks and scars you had. It makes you feel uneasy. 

Why does everybody in this world always have to say something about the way others look? Why can’t most people be the way they are? You heard your little girl crying in the room next door, so you stood up to get to her.

Not even three months ago, she was still I’m your belly, protected from the cruel world.

You felt shame because you couldn’t bring yourself to wear your old clothes anymore or go out with your friends. Your hair is a mess, bags under your eyes and you were probably smelling really bad too. 

As you picked up the little Dawson to feed her you started to feel very insecure about your boobs as well. Afraid that Antonio wasn’t going to like you anymore. 

It made you feel stupid to even think that.

“Hey honey it’s okay” She was fussing a little and you were doubting yourself.

Were you even a good mother? Did she even like you?

After a while she was quiet again and you gently laid her back inside the bed.

Knowing that Antonio would be back any second, you went into the bathroom to take a shower.

It felt great to feel the droplets of warm water running down your tired and dry skin. Almost relaxing as if it could make every problem vanish. But that didn’t last long, soon everything was catching up to you again and the tears started to spill. You knew about postpartum depression but you didn’t want to admit that you might have been one of so many women suffering from it.

After a while you left the shower and looked into the mirror. 

Looking back at you was someone you barely recognized. You felt so weak.

“Babe I’m home, can I come in?” You heard Antonio ask from outside the door. He was worried because he knew you were having trouble accepting the current situation. He talked with Gabby about it, and she told him that all you needed was him being there for you. He thought it would be good to get back to work as fast as possible to not get caught up in financial struggles, but seeing you suffer so much in the last couple of days, made him take off a few more days.

“No, I’m getting dressed right now.” You choked out from inside the bathroom.

He heard your voice crack and knocked again.

“Babe, please let me in.” Now he was really on edge, he didn’t want you to hurt yourself.

You quickly dried off the tears and put on a towel as you opened the door.

As you looked up you were met by a worried looking Antonio.

“Y/n” He started, seeing your red puffy eyes.

“Baby…” He quickly went and gave you a hug. 

“ ‘Tonio, I don’t think I’m okay,” you whispered.

It hurt him to hear you say those words.

“Talk to me y/n, please.” He pleaded with you.

“I…I can’t do this. I don’t feel confident the way I am right now, everything sucks and I can barely bring myself to do basic human hygiene. Seeing all those people being perfect mothers after giving birth is just making it worse.” Now you were a sobbing mess.

He slowly moved you backwards back into the bathroom right in front of the mirror. 

“Y/n look up at the mirror, please.” You looked at your reflection in the mirror, Antonio standing behind you. 

“What do you see?” He asked you.

“Me?” You didn’t know where he was going with this. 

“No there’s more than that. I see a strong, independent and amazing woman. The best mother for my child and so fucking hot. I live everything about you. Every single stretch mark reminds me of how you are the mother of my child. Every scar reminds me that you don’t stop when it hurts and you keep fighting. You’re so fucking amazing, beautiful and talented. You have the talent to make me laugh even when I’m in a bad mood and you make me smile, just thinking about you. You make me look forward to coming home every day. Y/n Dawson, I love you so fucking much. And I want you to know that you’re so strong and you’re doing an amazing job, don’t give up just yet. I’m here and I’ll help you. ”

His words really meant the world to you. You appreciated every single one that came out of his mouth. 

“Thank you.” You said.

“For what?”

“For making me feel better” You smiled at him. It  was a tired smile, but it was a smile after all.

“No need to thank me. Now go and take a good long nap while I take care of our little girl." 

This was the first step to a long recovery…

I know this is shitty, but pls tell me how you think is was. Feel free to send requests:)

@fabyoliveira1999

Antonio Dawson x reader

Words: 2074

Summary: You got hurt on a case and Antonio finally confesses his feelings.

You were Antonio’s partner and together you two went through thick and thin. But you knew there couldn’t be more between you guys. You were just friends and Antonio made that clear. After his divorce, he often came to you for advice and you were always there for him. He told you that he didn’t know if he could ever really love someone again, after his ex broke his heart like that. Now this was almost two years ago and you two grew closer. But of course you respected his privacy and didn’t want to push things.

“We got a new lead on Dunkins. I’m about to meet with my informant right now.” You told the group as you grabbed your jacket.

“Okay, try to get as much information as possible. I don’t wanna spend another day without this bastard being behind bars.” Voice told you.

After that you made your way downstairs and passed Trudy’s desk. 

“Hey y/ln, you got a letter.” She said as she handed you the envelope.

“Weird, you know who reached it in?” You were wondering.

“No, but if you find out, please tell them that this isn’t a post office.” You could already see that Trudy wasn’t in a good mood, so you just let her be.

You gave her a small smile, took the letter and left the lobby.

You really wanted to open the envelope now but you were already late to the meeting, so you just shoved it into the glove box and started the car.

Usually Voight didn’t like his people to go somewhere alone, but he always made an exception for meetings with the informants.

After your meeting you had some really important information you needed to share immediately. 

So you hurried up the stairs and exited the bullpen.

“Anything good y/ln?” Voight asked you as he saw you entering.

Now all the attention was on you.

“Yes. My CI had information about a deal that was going to be tonight. Not only Dunkin is going to be there but also Roberts.”

“Roberts, as in the guy we tried to find last year?” Jay asked you.

“Yeah exactly this guy. He stayed low after he found out the police were after him. Left Chicago immediately under a fake name and continued dealing elsewhere. Now he’s back and it seems like this is our chance to catch two big fish at once.” You pulled out a picture of Roberts and hung it on the whiteboard. 

“Where is this meeting going to be?” Voight asked you.

“At some downtown club. Seems like Dunkin owns this place, so we have to be extra prepared. But my CI said he likes to have strangers watch the deals, it gives him kind of power, knowing if it goes down,he can drag innocent people in it too.” You didn’t really want to think about all the people he involved in his deals. How scared they must be. 

“What kind of strangers?” Adam now asked.

“Mostly groups of girls or only one, but sometimes also couples. He picks out the shy people who stay back. This guy’s a pure psychopath, he gets off on seeing people scared.”

“Alright, we’re going in undercover. Y/ln and Burgess, I want you two in there as two friends just trying to have fun. Get him to invite you back.

"Halstead, you and Upton watch them closely. Make sure nothing bad happens. This can become really dangerous. I want Dawson with me and Atwater and Ruzek to stay at the backside of the club. Understood?”

“Yessir” came from all directions.

You just put on your dress when Antonio came into the locker room.

“You think this is a good idea?” He asked you.

“You got a better one? This is our only chance, ‘Tonio.” You turned your back towards him and looked into the mirror while he stood behind you to zip up your dress. You felt his touch on your back and shivered. 

“I just want you to be safe, can’t lose another good friend of mine.” He told you.

Wow that hurt, you thought to yourself.

“You know I will.” You told him as you padded his shoulder and left the locker room.

“There’s a microphone in the necklace, we will hear everything you say, once you turn it on. To turn it on you just have to open the locket one time, open it another time it’s turned off again. Understood?” The tech guy asked you.

“Yeah.”

“ I want you two to be careful. We can’t send you in there with guns but just know that we’re close by. Say 'monkey’ for us to an entrance” Voice told you as you and Kim got in the Car.

“Okay let’s go.” You took one more breath as you drove away.

Antonio was worried, in the last couple of months he really started to develop feelings for you, but he wouldn’t act one them yet. He was too afraid of rejection. 

Knowing you would go into the lion’s cave unharmed, made his stomach drop. 

“She’ll be fine Antonio.” Adam said as he appeared next to him. Even though you were oblivious to Antonio’s feelings, he wasn’t. He knew how much you two cared for each other and he noticed your face redden everytime you two were a little too close. 

“I know”

——

The mission was going great so far. Kim and you stayed at the bar away from the dancefloor where you could see Jay and Hailey dancing. 

“When are you going to tell Dawson?” Kim suddenly asked.

“Tell him what though?” You looked at her.

You really didn’t want to have this conversation right now. Luckily you got saved by a man, dressed in black, strolling towards you.

You acted like you were nervously playing with your locket necklace. One time opening and shutting it, turning the hidden microphone on.

“Hello, ladies. Why are two beautiful girls like you sitting all alone at the bar?” The guy asked.

Kim and you chuckled before you went to answer.

“Because no one really made a move to make us feel less alone.” You played with your hair, pretending to be the shy girl from the perfect neighborhood. 

“Oh well, if it’s like that would you two like to keep me and my friends company and the VIP lounge?” He asked with a smug smile. You immediately knew this was one of Dunkin’s men.

“Depends if you are going to offer us some drinks,” Kim said.

“You ladies can bet on it.” So you two stood up and followed the man like two lost puppies.

As you entered the back area you were met by three tall men. 

“You didn’t tell us that your friends were so handsome.” Kim said. 

That made the men laugh out loud.

“Alright, how about someone get us six drinks?” With that you notified your team that there were four men with you at the moment.

The evening went one and the men made no efforts in hiding their stories. They told you about everything and the deal which wasn’t really smart. 

Just then another man entered the room. 

“Ah, James, you finally made it. Ladies, this is James Roberts. James, this is Sally and Kylie.” Dunkin said.

“Nice to meet you ladies. Dun, I got your stuff.” Roberts said.

He motioned for his men to bring it inside. They carried two large black boxes inside.

“This ladies is way better than money.” Dunkin said as he opened the boxes. Inside were bags full with cocaine. Kim laughed out loud.

“Don’t laugh so stupid, you sound like a money.” You said just then the doors flew open. 

“Chicago P.D. freeze” one of the team shouted. You couldn’t really register who shouted it, as shots rang through the air. 

Suddenly you felt a sharp pain in your right arm. A bullet had razed your shoulder and you felt all the color draining from your face. Sure you knew that being shot was part of the job, but it didn’t hurt less. 

The guys were able to get all of the criminals as they gave them over to the police patrols.

“Shit, y/n.” Antonio said as he saw blood on your dress and you trying to put pressure on the wound.

“It’s nothing, just gazed my shoulder.” You tried to restore him.

“But it looks like something. I’m taking you to med now.” He told you and you couldn’t do anything else than follow him.

The air outside was slightly cold and you cursed yourself for forgetting a jacked.

You turned off the mic and put the necklace back into the box it came off. As you two reached the ER, you got greeted by Maggie. 

“Oh god y/n are you okay?” She asked you, with a worried expression on her face.

“I’m fine, just got graced by a bullet. It’s nothing to worry about.”

“But it definitely is. Doctor Halstead” She shouted as she led you into one of the treatment rooms. 

“You look cold. I’ll try to get a jacket for you, while Will stitches up your wound.” She told you.

In the meantime Antonio took a seat on one of the chairs next to the bed.

“You don’t need to wait the whole time.” You told him because he looked really tired. 

“But I will, and I also will take you home once you’re dismissed.” You didn’t want to argue with him. 

Just then Will entered the room with a small smile one his face.

“To what do I deserve this pleasure?” He jokingly asked as he began to inspect the wound.

“It doesn’t look too deep so we should be fine with a few stitches.” He told you. 

But everybody in this room knew how much you hated stitches, they could see it on the grimace you wore on your face.

“Alright, if you have to. Get it over with.” You told him. 

Around half an hour later you were ready to fill out the discharge papers, thanked Maggie for the jacket she found you and were excited to finally be on the way back home.

The last couple of days were rough and you just wanted to be in your bed and sleep.

As you entered your apartment Antonio closed the door behind you.

“What did you think?” He suddenly asked.

“I’m sorry?" 

"How could you agree to Voight knowing they would have guns but you don’t." 

"You act like it was my fault.” You were becoming angry but Antonio was becoming furious.

“I mean it kinda was. You could have told him no, told him that you wanted a gun. But you just agreed because you’re too afraid to say no.”

“Oh wow. Why are you suddenly so mad?”

“Because you could have died. A little closer to your left and it wouldn’t have gazed your shoulder. It could have hit your heart, neck or elsewhere. And you didn’t even say that you were shot. I had to look at you bleeding to notice.” He shouted.

“God, 'Tonio, nothing serious happened. You act like I almost died. Why do you even care?” You shouted back.

“Because I fucking love you." 

This left you speechless. He loved you? 

"You what?” You softly whispered.

“I love you y/n y/ln. I always had but I just didn’t realize it.” He took a step closer to you.

Then another step and one more.

Now he was standing right in front of you.

“Would it make you feel better if I told you that I feel the same?” You slowly said.

That was all he needed before you felt his soft lips on yours.

You two put every emotion in this kiss. All the sadness, anger, but especially love.  Love that has been waiting to be expressed for months now.

He pulled you closer and led you towards the couch, not breaking contact once. But you wanted things to go slow, to actually enjoy this. So you broke apart, taking a few deep breaths. 

“ 'Tonio, I really want this,” You started.

“But?” He interrupted you.

“But I want to take things slow. Maybe go out first?” You suggested.

He left out a small laugh, still holding you in place.

“Alright. Y/n, would you go out with me?”

“I would love to.”

This was the beginning of a new chapter of your life’s.

Please tell me what you think about this one and feel free to send requests.

Words: 897
Warnings: ? tan tan taaaaaaan
A/N: Here we are! Final part of What Could Have Been… Thank you everyone who kept up with the series =) It was really nice and fun to write!

Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 4 |  Part 5|Part 6|Part 7|Part 8|Part 9|Part 10|Part 11|Part 12|Part 13|Part 14|Part 15 |Part 16

Jay has no idea how many traffic laws he broke or how many red light he ran on his way to the hospital, but he can’t find it in himself to care as he parks the car by the entrance, running to his brother, who grabs his shoulders in an attempt to calm him down.

“Jay, stop, take it easy!” Will raises his voice, holding his younger brother in place as Jay looks behind him frantically. “She’s ok, calm down!”

Jay’s gaze finally focuses on Will, his heart beating against his chest.

“Why did you call me?” Jay’s eyes switch frantically between Will and the hallway behind the older Halstead, confusion and panic all over his face, tears brimming his eyes.

“I called you because her condition has changed.” That sentence makes Jay’s blood run cold, and he sees it in Will’s eyes that he must have paled significantly. “Not in a bad way Jay, I already told you! She woke up.”

Jay almost chokes on his next breath, freeing himself from Will’s grasp and jogging towards your room. He stops at the door, listening to the female voice inside and recognizing it to be Stella’s. Everything falls quiet and he hears a chair scrape the floor, followed by footsteps and the door opening, revealing Stella and Severide. Severide nods at Jay, a silent recognition and sign of respect over what he knows happened, and Stella pats his shoulder and winks at him before the two of them make their way down the hallway.

Jay takes a deep breath before he walks inside, his hands shaking as he closes the door once he’s inside. The noise makes you perk up, and the shaky breath you hear gives you a good idea of who just entered your room.

“Jay?” You call out, prompting him to reveal himself. He moves towards your bed, sitting on the edge and you rest one hand on his thigh. “Hello there.”

“Hey… how’re you feeling?” He manages to rasp out, his eyes already glossy as you adjust yourself.

“I’m feeling fine, physical therapy sounds like a pain in the ass though.” You say, making him chuckle. “And how are you doing? You seem tired and a bit pale.”

“Yeah, I… We were working on the case. Pretty nerve-wrecking. But I think it’s all solved now.” You nod, understanding what he’s transmitting through the vagueness of his answer.

“Alright.” You say, giving him a cheeky smile. “I do recall you have a promise to keep, Detective.”

He chuckles and scoots closer to you, leaning down as your noses almost brush together.

“I love you.” The three words leave his lips, sounding as soft as velvet, and you cup his face, the two of you sharing a kiss long overdue.

-

You look at Jay as he stands by your stove, staring intently at the food inside it.

“Jay, honey, the turkeys won’t cook any faster through the pressure of your stare, you know?” You tease, getting a couple of beers from the fridge. You open them both, giving one to Jay. “Why did you agree to even host the Intelligence Christmas Get-Together when you knew that you don’t have space for it in your apartment?”

“Because I have an amazing girlfriend with a big apartment that loves me very much and also happens to like my coworkers?” He says cheekily, taking one of the beers from you as you laugh. “Also, I have a gift for you that comes with them.”

You raise a brow at him, hearing the doorbell ring as if on cue. He runs for it and whispers something, spiking your curiosity as you go the living room, getting a look at the front door and seeing Jay blocking most of the door, talking to a petite blonde woman. She laughs as she points at you and Jay turns around, a sheepish grin on his face as he steps aside and allows you to see the dog sitting at your door, which you recognize as Kayla.

“Look, Rachel told me Kayla failed out of PD K-9 training because she was too friendly, but she was so good on the search and rescue that I thought she would be a nice gift, you can even take her with you to the firehouse when you’re cleared again, you know she’s got what it takes, she’s trained and she doesn’t have to be intimidating to be with the FD.” Jay rants, making you walk across the living room and shutting him up with a kiss. You feel the wet snout of the dog against your leg and you pet her, taking the leash from Rachel, who waves you goodbye. “Are you mad?”

“Are you out of your mind?” You chuckle, kissing him again. “I might even love her more than I love you, I mean, she was the one that found me.”

Jay makes an offended look and you burst out laughing, yelping when Kayla gets on her hind legs and supports the front ones on your shoulders, licking a broad stripe on your cheek and prompting Jay to start laughing.

“This is going to work out.” He says, kissing the top of your head and tucking you to him with his right arm.

“Jay. The turkeys.” You say, making him curse and dash into the kitchen as you fall into a laughter fit.

-

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Words:987
Warnings: Implied violence
A/N: I’m not dead! But work has been demanding and I’ve been finding myself drained after my shifts :( Anywho, second to last part! 

Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 4 |  Part 5|Part 6|Part 7|Part 8|Part 9|Part 10|Part 11|Part 12|Part 13|Part 14 |Part 15

(not my gif)

A few hours later, Adam gets to the hospital, entering your room and giving Jay a curt nod that makes him jump to his feet. Jay kisses your forehead before he and Adam step out into the hallway and begin their way to Adam’s car.

“Halstead, are you sure about this?” Adam asks, still shocked by his friend’s decision. The steely expression on Jay’s face tells him that Jay had already thought about this plenty and knows what he’s about to do.

“I know that this isn’t like the usual me, but this isn’t like a usual case either.” Jay says, climbing into the passenger seat as Adam stands by the driver’s side for a few moments before entering the car. “(Y/N) and I go way back, and he hurt her to get to me. I’m not about to let that slide. She almost died, and she’s not out of danger yet. I won’t let him get the luxury of jail, where he can still live a comfortable life. No, he’s going to pay for what he’s done.”

“So, you remember more about you and (Y/N)? Wasn’t it just friendship?” Adam asks as he pulls out of the parking space, making Jay chuckle.

“No, it wasn’t just friendship. We were dating. We were going to move in together when the tour ended.” Jay says, removing his badge and his gun from his hip just as they reach the docks, the sun setting in the horizon and bathing everything in an eery orange light. “This bastard tried to take her away from me, and he’s going to pay.”

Adam just sits behind the wheel as Jay gives him his gun and his badge before he climbs out of the car, his jaw set as he walks towards the place he knew Voight would have Eric in.

He walks inside, seeing Voight perched on a bench with a glass of whiskey in one hand and another one on the little table by him. The Sergeant gives him a curt nod and points to the other bench, in which Jay takes a seat before grabbing the glass with the amber liquid.

“First time you were here, you were stopping me from ending Pulpo’s miserable life.” Voight remarks, sipping his whiskey. “Berating me about it not being right, not being morally correct, because I’m not anyone to play judge, jury and executor. And now you’re here with me, about to do the very thing you stopped me from doing all those years ago.”

“The circumstances have changed.” Jay’s voice is harsh and cold as he looks at the glass in his hand. “Letting him go to jail would be an act of mercy, and I’m not feeling merciful at all.”

Voight just nods, turning the glass in his hand before he nods towards the man strapped to the chair on the opposite side of the warehouse. There’s also a black bag over his head, and from the muffled sounds, a piece of tape on his mouth.

“You want to get creative or just get this over with?” Voight asks, downing the rest of his whiskey. Jay sets his glass down and gets up, moving towards Eric and removing the bag. The skinny man blinks at the harsh lighting before glaring at Jay, a sick grin still plastered on his face.

“You thought yourself to be so smart, huh?” Jay asks, his face in a scowl. “Wanted to play God, wanted to provoke me, wanted to make me lower my guard? Seems like it backfired.”

Jay removes the tape on Eric’s mouth harshly, regretting it when he hears the evil cackle that spills from him.

“The only reason she’s alive is because I want her to be. If I wanted, I would have painted the walls on those labs with her insides. You’re a lovesick puppy, and it’s sickening.”

“Too bad that you’ve reached the end of this match. This is the end of your line. Wipe that stupid smile off your face.”

“It seems that (Y/N) tugs at your heartstrings enough to make you let go of your moral compass, Detective Halstead. You’re about to sin, like the rest of us mere mortals.” Eric says, giving Jay a twisted grin. “I expected this sort of reaction from her, specially after reading that delightful little file about Afghanistan. But you have indeed surprised me, Detective.”

Jay puts the tape back over Eric’s mouth, having had enough of the man’s taunting, and turns to Voight, giving him a curt nod before turning back around and putting the bag over Eric’s head again.

-

The bullpen is awfully quiet when Jay and Voight return, everyone sitting in their respective desks as they stride in. They see Trudy off to the side, on her phone in what seems to be a heated debate.

Adam quietly hands Jay his badge and gun back as they pass through, watching Kim give them a file before the two men go into Voight’s office and close the door behind them.

“This is our story, our alibi.” Voight informs Jay, giving him a wad of paper. “I knew this would happen, so I had Burgess and Platt fabricate something while we prepared and made the bust.”

Jay flipped through the pages, reading the story. According to the wad of paper, he had been with Severide to the University to double-check the constituents of the bomb while the rest of Intelligence made the fruitless bust on the most recent intel on Eric. Afterwards, all of them had been to Molly’s until closing time with all of 51 as witnesses, making a sort of fundraiser slash get well party in your honor.

Jay nods once he finishes reading the file, tucking it under his arm as his phone begins to ring, Will’s name and number flashing across the screen and making Jay bolt out of the office and bullpen towards his car.

-

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Words: 1286
Warnings: None?

Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 4 |  Part 5|Part 6|Part 7|Part 8|Part 9|Part 10|Part 11|Part 12|Part 13 |Part 14

“What do we got?” Voight asks as Intelligence gathers around him. Kevin grabs his notepad, flicking the pages to the beginning.

“The Emergency Center was heavily sabotaged, their servers have been completely destroyed, thus explaining the inability to respond to calls.”

“What about the fire here? It’s very odd for a building to randomly catch fire in the middle of the winter.” Voight continues.

“Severide says it’s foul play, for sure. Mainly with the bomb.” Jay says, leaning against his table. “It’s very weird, mainly with the fact that it would only catch the firefighters, because most of the researchers are home for the holidays.”

“What if it was directed at the firefighters?” Kim suggests hesitantly, earning confused looks from the rest of the team. She looks at Adam before she continues. “We got that package about (Y/N)… Maybe it was Eric. He has a weird grudge towards her because she knows Jay.”

“Are you sure?” Voight asks, noticing the distraught look on Jay’s face.

“Not sure, but it’s the best theory we have.” She says, wringing her hands together. “And Adam’s CI said he heard a buzz about the whole university ordeal being planned.”

“Why go after her and not me?” Jay asks, anger seeping into his voice. “His problem is with me, not her.”

“He wants to get to you, to anger you, make you drop your guard.” Adam says, crossing his arms. “He knows you’re pissed at this, and he’s counting on your anger to make you be brash and create an opening for him to get to you.”

“Well, he’s succeeding.”

“Jay, why don’t you get to the hospital? I think (Y/N) would really like to see you when she wakes up.” Voight suggests, noticing the weight on the younger detective’s shoulders. “I can give you a ride there on my way to question my CIs.”

“What?” Jay’s brows furrow in confusion. “I can take my truck.”

“I want your truck to be inspected. He rigged a random room to get to (Y/N) and was able to, I don’t want to risk your car being tampered with in any way.” Voight explains, grabbing his jacket and keys.

Jay grabs his jacket and beanie, rubbing his hands on his face as he goes down the stairs after Voight. Trudy sends him a sympathetic look as he follows Voight through the main lobby, and he nods at her in an appreciative way.

The trip to the hospital is quiet until Voight stops his car by the ER door and turns towards Jay.

“I know how you’re feeling right now, like it’s your fault.” The Sergeant says, making Jay look at him. “But it’s not. Eric’s twisted in his head, there was no way we could have predicted or prevented it. You went above and beyond, there was nothing more you could have done.”

“Will says she’s not out of danger yet.” Jay mutters. “That the rod did quite a bit of damage, she lost a lot of blood, the gash on her leg severed a muscle. She’s still in ICU and unconscious, and they don’t know if she’s going to be able to keep on being a firefighter, much less part of Squad.”

“Halstead, none of that is your fault. You helped her the most you could and quite probably saved her life. And now you’re going to be there for her through the recovery, and we’ll nail that son of a bitch down.” Voight says, nodding towards the hospital. “Be there. We’ll let you know if there’s any developments.”

Jay nods and exits the car, entering the ER and spotting Will almost immediately. The older brother leads the youngest into the waiting area filled with firefighters. Their heads turn as they see the brothers come in and Boden, Casey and Severide seem to have a silent conversation before nodding.

“51.” Boden calls, making everyone turn to him. “We have to get back to our job. Jay will stay with (Y/N) and keep us updated. Let’s go.”

The firefighters clap Jay’s shoulder or nod at him as they go by, recognizing him as a trustworthy person to stay and “keep guard” on you. It makes him feel weird on the inside, but he pushes it aside as Will guides him into your room.

He sucks in a breath as he sees you laying in the hospital bed, pale, unmoving, hooked up to numerous machines.

“This looks worse than what you told me on the phone, Will.” Jay manages to say, gingerly sitting at the foot of the bed and resting one hand on your shin. He feels the guilt gnawing at his mind along with an anger he can’t contain; he’s sure that if he’s the one to catch Eric, he won’t make it to prison.

“It does, but it’s mostly preventive.” Will says, looking between Jay and you with a confused face. “I didn’t know you knew her.”

“I’ve known her for longer than you.” Jay chuckles, spotting your dog tags on the small table by the bed and pointing at them. “We served together on my last tour.”

Will’s brows knit in confusion as he approaches his brother, leaning against the foot of the hospital bed.

“You never told me about her.”

“Well… It’s complicated.”

-

A couple of days later and Jay feels at his wit’s end: they have nothing on Eric and you still haven’t waken up. He’s sitting on the crappy hospital chair, laptop atop his legs, left hand scrolling through the little information they have on Eric while his right hand holds yours. His right leg bounces as he feels his patience dwindling and his desperation nipping at his subconscious.

Will walks into the room, making his normal rounds and taking in his brother’s nervous behavior.

“If you bounce that leg more, the laptop is going to fall.” He remarks, marking your vitals on the chart.

“Shouldn’t she be awake by now, Will?” Jay asks, the desperation evident in his voice. Maybe the coffee Mouse had brought him wasn’t such a good idea after all.

“Jay, this is a game of patience. It will take some time for her to recover even after she awakes. The wounds are closing up nicely, but they still did a lot of damage that needs to be reversed with physical therapy.” Will says, setting the chart back on its’ spot. He watches as Jay runs a hand through his face, the bags in his eyes evident, as well as the longer beard. “Shouldn’t you go home and rest for a bit?”

“I’m fine, I just don’t want to leave her side.” Jay admits, earning a nod from Will.

“You know where to find me if you need anything.” Will says, leaving the room.

Jay closes the laptop and sets it on the floor, turning to you and holding your left hand with both of his, leaning his forehead against them.

He stays like that for a few moments, listening to the steady beeping of the machines until his phone starts buzzing in his pocket. He fishes it out, unlocking it and looking at the text on the screen.

Ruzek: We got a lead. Will text details later.

Jay’s heart jumps in his chest at the news, his free hand gripping your tighter as he types back a reply.

Jay: If you get him, let Voight do his thing and let me know.

He feels excited in a weird way that makes him feel guilty for a brief moment before he looks at you again; Eric had put you in an hospital bed, fighting for your life, and there is no way that Jay is going to let him get away with it.

-

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Warnings: 1581
Warnings: Angst?

Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 4 |  Part 5|Part 6|Part 7|Part 8|Part 9|Part 10|Part 11|Part 12 |Part 13

When you finally come to, there’s something wet pressing against your jaw and you hear a muffled male voice cursing.

“Andyou have to get a way to get her out!” The voice says, accompanied by angry footsteps. “This plasma bag won’t last forever, and she lost a lot of blood!”

You take a deep breath, crying out when you feel a searing pain shoot through your abdomen. There’s a bark and a whine right by your ear, and the footsteps come your way until you feel a pair of big, calloused hands holding your face.

“(Y/N), can you hear me?” The voice is right in front of you and you force yourself to open your eyes. Right in front of you is Jay Halstead, piercing blue eyes staring straight at you, his freckled nose nearly touching yours. “Oh, thank God.”

A wet tongue connects with your cheek excitedly and Jay curses before saying a stern “sit!”. Looking at your right you see a Belgian Malinois staring at you, tail wagging and tongue hanging out of its’ open mouth.

“What’s going on?” You rasp, your breaths shaking. “Why are you here? Why is there a doghere?”

“Kayla helped with the search and rescue, she found you actually.” Jay says, running a hand through his face as he sits next to you. “We opened a path and she ran in here; I came after her and Squad was trying to secure the exit but some of it collapsed so we’re kind of trapped here.”

You nod, looking down at yourself and seeing the metal rod sticking out of your stomach. You can feel the blood draining from your face, making Jay scoot closer and block your view with his jacket.

“It seems like I’m in a bit of a pickle, then.” You say, laughing nervously. “Who would say, after everything that went down in Afghanistan, that I’d die in Chicago.”

“Don’t say that, you’re not going to die.” He says, his voice strained. You grab his hand, giving him a soft smile that doesn’t reach your eyes, making his own widen in recognition. “No, don’t look at me like that. That’s the same face from Afghanistan, that’s your ‘I’m giving up’ face, don’t you dare.”

You squeeze his hand and he squeezes yours back, shaking his head. Kayla whines as she nuzzles into your neck.

“Look at all this blood.” You say gesturing around with your free hand, noticing how Jay clenches his jaw. “We’re delaying the inevitable, since they aren’t going to open a path in time. I don’t have much time left, Jay.”

“I don’t care if you think that. I’m not letting that happen. You slipped through my fingers once and I’m not allowing that to happen again.” He confesses with a shaky voice. You chuckle weakly, looking at him softly.

“Little do you know about what slipped through our fingers.”

“Tell me.” He pleads, scooting even closer. “Please, tell me.”

“Jay…” You take a deep breath before continuing, tears welling up in your eyes. “I’ve been in love with you ever since we met, and you said you were too, and it has been killing me that you don’t remember any of it. All the promises, all the plans, we had everything planned out together. We were going to move into some apartment when we came back, it’d be us against the world, but that obviously didn’t happen.”

“What happened? Why did you stay?” His voice is barely a whisper and it pulls at your heart. “I’m sure you could have been medically discharged as well.”

“Well… It wasn’t like I had a saying in staying there or coming home.” You say, taking a shaky breath. “I was captured when I went back to get the other soldiers. Kept as a prisoner, tortured for information, I don’t know for how long exactly. But one day, two of them thought they had broken me and came too close, and I killed them. I managed to free myself, took their rifles and broke out, stole a horse and didn’t stop until I reached a military base. I knew I wouldn’t be able to adapt to civil life, at least not straight away, so I asked to stay. They conceded, and I took another tour to hunt down the group that captured me and many others. That was what the big wad of paper in the package your team got was about, details of my deployment with pictures and everything, it wasn’t pretty. It’s supposedly top secret.”

Jay’s jaw is clamped up so tight you fear he might break something, so you caress his hand with yours.

“I had no idea…” He manages to say, his eyes glistening. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok.” You smile at him. “It’s in the past. Now though, I’m tired like you wouldn’t believe.”

His eyes widen as he leans forward, his hands cupping your face gently. You gaze into his eyes, feeling the eyelids in yours getting heavier every second.

“Don’t you dare close your eyes!” Jay exclaims, his face inches from yours. “I’m here, they must be getting through very soon, you’re going to be ok, but don’t close your eyes.”

“It’s ok, Jay.” You smile at him, your light-headedness increasing steadily. “You did the best you could.”

“No, don’t you dare leave me. We can pick up where we left off, or even start again, but you can’t close your eyes.”

“Maybe in the next life we’ll have your chance…”

“We can have it in this life, if you just stay awake!”

He leans his forehead against yours and you feel tiny droplets falling onto your cheeks. You cup his jaw gently, feeling your heart crack at the pain and desperation in his eyes.

“Jay… It’s ok.” You whisper, feeling him lean into your hand slightly. “I love you.”

He takes a deep breath, an expression you can’t decipher settling on his face as one of his hands leaves your face to hastily grab the radio on his jacket. He turns to you, tears brimming his eyes.

“If you want to hear it back, you can’t give up.” He says before pressing the button. “Severide, you better have news. We’re stretching this too much.”

“Fuck.” Severide’s voice echoes together with a groan. “Look, can you pick her up?”

“Severide, that’s not a good idea.” Casey’s voice is strained.

“It’s not like we have a choice, Casey. It’s either that or she dies, and I don’t want that to happen. No one does.”

“Fine.” Casey’s voice sounds conformed. “Jay, the area where the concrete slab fell is where we’re having more trouble, because it’s very unstable. We’re going to cut a hole in the stabler slab and the moment it’s done you’re going to pick (Y/N) up and bolt out. Got it?”

“See? We’re getting you out.” Jay says to you, looking hopeful. He presses the button to reply. “Got it, get on with it.”

“This metal rod isn’t stuck to the floor?” You rasp, watching him shake his head. He shoves the radio in his pocket as he kneels at your side, his right arm sliding under your shoulders and his left one under your knees. “This is going to hurt, isn’t it?”

“Probably. But it’s better than dying.” He says, pressing a quick kiss on the top of your head before he picks you up against his chest and raises to his feet. You repress the painful cry ripping at your throat and whimper instead, trying to breathe through the pain. “Grab the plasma bag.”

You gingerly reach out and grab the almost empty sac, resting it on a good part of your stomach as you hear the saw working the concrete, noticing that some natural light is starting to seep in and replace the red glow from the emergency lights.

“Kayla, up.” Jay says, watching as a part of the concrete starts to remove itself from the bigger slab. The dog stands by his feet until a bigger part is removed and makes enough room for all of you to get through. “Go!”

“Move it, Halstead!” Severide calls out, gesturing outside. “We don’t know how long it’ll hold!”

Jay rushes out and you groan at the pain the swinging around brings you, closing your eyes when the sunlight floods your face.

“Get her on the backboard.” Casey instructs, helping Jay maneuver you into the slab of plastic attached to a pulley system. “Guys, pull her up and get her to Med now.”

You barely register the backboard being hoisted into the gurney but can’t help but smile as Sylvie comes into your line of sight as she places the oxygen mask on you and switches the IV bags.

“You scared the crap out of us.” She mumbles, cutting away the rest of your shirt and connecting you to the machines before pushing you into the ambulance. “Jay didn’t do a bad job at all, wow.”

“I was the one that instructed him.” Will says, hopping on the back of the ambulance. “You can leave the other paramedic here and take me with her back to Med, that way I can take her in to Connor right away.”

The doors to the ambulance close and Sylvie runs into the driver’s seat, turning the sirens on and peeling off, leaving the rest of the stunned firefighters and cops behind. Severide claps Jay’s shoulder before Stella wraps him in a hug, silently thanking him.

-

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Words: 1655
Warnings: Poorly written medical stuff, mention and treatment of injuries, PTDS (kinda?)

Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 4 |  Part 5|Part 6|Part 7|Part 8|Part 9|Part 10|Part 11 |Part 12

When you come to, you’re having trouble breathing, and if that isn’t enough, the previous events rush to you all at once and your thoughts spin out of control. Suddenly, you’re not in a building in the middle of Chicago anymore; you can feel yourself being blinded by the scorching sun from Afghanistan, you can see the dust in the air, feel the sand under you.

“No, no, this isn’t happening.” You panic, feeling the searing pain on the right side of your hip. Your breathing picks up and your hands start shaking. “I’m in Chicago, I’m in Chicago, I’m not a Marine anymore, Deft Hawk is over.”

You repeat it to yourself like a mantra, shutting your eyes and feeling the tightness in your chest increasing.

“Get me out of here!” You manage to shriek, feeling a scratch in your throat. “For the love of everything, get me out!”

-

Jay looks at Kayla as she stops dead in her tracks, her ears perked up as she presses her nose to the floor.

“You got something there, girl?” He asks, giving her more lead as she moves around and starts whining. “Good girl! Can you find an entrance?”

He unlatches the leash as Kayla searches around, stopping by a displaced slab of concrete. He hears a faint voice coming from under the rubble and his heartrate picks up as he crouches.

“I got something here!” He calls out as he grabs the concrete slab and shoves it out of the way slightly, creating a tiny gap that exposes the hallway underneath.

The firefighters gather around him, someone calling out orders that Jay doesn’t listen; his mind rests solely on the fact that you’re probably down under the rubble, and he must find a way to get to you.

The firefighters join him in moving the concrete slab, opening the gap more and more until a person can go through. Before anyone can process what’s happening, Kayla jumps in and starts barking and running. Jay curses and thinks for a moment before jumping after her, ignoring the calls from the firefighters behind him.

“Halstead!” Severide calls out, making him look up. Jay sees him and Stella peeking into the hole, concern stamped on their face. “Are you out of your mind?”

“I heard her, and I’m not leaving her down here alone.” He says, his jaw clenched tight.

“Wait a bit.” Stella says, earning a confused look from Severide as she gets up and calls someone over. “Move back!”

A bag falls to the floor in front of him, and he recognizes it to be medical supplies.

“Look, we can’t send anyone else in there, it’s too unsafe. We’re going to secure everything the most we can and help you get her out, but for now you’re on your own.” Severide informs, looking glum. “That’s why you shouldn’t have jumped in.”

“I don’t care about that.” Jay says, picking up the bag from the floor and hearing Kayla bark in the next hallway over.

“I’m going to be on channel 3.” Will’s voice comes through before he peeks from the hole too, his red hair disheveled and sweat dotting his forehead. “Be careful, Jay.”

“Always.” He mutters, turning around and calling for Kayla. The dog comes to him and he clips the leash back on her vest before petting her. “Good girl, c’mon, let’s find her.”

The dog runs ahead of him, expertly dodging the debris and apparently following a pre-determined path. Jay slows down as he sees a firefighter’s helmet on the floor, the “3” in the front staring at him and making his heart skip a beat.

“C’mon Kayla, find her, c’mon.” He mutters to the dog, who looks back at him with big eyes and blinks. “You have to find her, I don’t know what I’ll do with myself if you don’t.”

Kayla whines and moves forward, turning a sharp corner and pulling at the leash, making Jay follow her. His breath hitches in his throat once he turns the corner, seeing you laying on the floor with a metal rod stabbing through your stomach and a nasty gash on your right leg. He hooks Kayla’s leash around one of his belt hoops and rushes forward, kneeling by you and removing your SCBA mask, wincing at the amount of blood sticking to your face and his hand shooting to your neck after a pulse. He sighs in relief when he feels a steady heartbeat, switching the radio’s channel with his free hand before pressing down on the button.

“Will, are you there?” Jay asks, flicking the button to leave the radio open. “I found her, but there’s a lot of blood everywhere.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean she’s impaled by a metal rod, her face is bloody, and she has a pretty deep laceration on her right thigh.” Jay says, undoing the front of your turnout coat and cutting it free from the rod with a pair of scissors from the medical bag.

“Expose the wounds the most you can, stabilize the rod, and do a tourniquet on her leg. Then, you’re going to start an IV for plasma, you have it on your bag. If you need more, come back to the hole and we’ll drop some more bags in.” Will says, the strain in his voice letting Jay know he’s dealing with other patients as they speak. “Let me know when you’re about to start the IV so I can talk you through it.”

Jay puts on the disposable gloves and cuts away the shirt around the rod, exposing enough skin to let him look and stabilize it. He feels himself paling as he sees the exit point of the rod, his hands fumbling around the bag in search for tape and gauze. He quickly stabilizes the rod, watching as the gauze quickly becomes red with blood, but moving on to your leg.

He unlatches the suspenders in the front and gingerly sets them out of your shoulders, pointing upwards. Kayla lays down by your head and licks your hand, whining as you don’t respond.

“You did good, girl.” Jay reassures, carefully pulling the turnout pants down. He peels away the fabric of your regular pants and winces at the blood coming out. “Oh, that does not look good.”

“What’s going on?” Will asks, reminding Jay his radio is open.

“There is a lot, and I mean a lot of blood coming out of the gash on her leg.” He mutters, fishing the tourniquet out of the bag and tying it around the very top of your thigh. “I don’t know how many plasma bags you have here, but either Severide stabilizes this fast or it’s not going to be enough.”

“Stabilize her for now, then we’ll see how to proceed. Focus on the task at hand, Jay.”

Jay nods to himself, securing a big wad of gauze against the gash.

“I’m ready for the IV, Will.” Jay says, checking everything in the bag again. “What do I need?”

“Take a cannula with a 16-gauge needle. A cannula is a little plastic thing that looks like a cross. The needle’s color code should be gray.” Will instructs as Jay rummages through the bag, making a victory noise when he finds the materials. “There’s a vein that leads to her middle finger, find it. If you can’t find it, grab her wrist until her veins pop up more. Clean the injection site, disinfect a wider area to make sure the dressing will adhere to her skin and not the dust. Once that’s done, insert the needle right atop the vein.”

Jay takes a deep breath, getting a small square of gauze and alcohol and disinfecting most of your hand before searching for the vein. He finds it fairly easily, but his hands are shaking when he places the needle in place. He clenches his jaw as he pushes the needle in.

“Inserted the needle, now what?” Jay asks, unable to keep the shakiness out of his voice.

“Above all, stay calm. You see the green thing at the end of the needle? It’s the catheter, push it forward slightly. It’s normal for blood to come out, it means it’s in the right spot. After that, take off the needle and connect the cannula to the catheter.”

Jay does as instructed, releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding when a small stream of blood comes out into the catheter. He removes the needle and inserts the cannula, grabbing some modified tape to secure it against the back of your hand.

“Done. Now what?”

“Get the plasma bag, place the bag somewhere above her and let it drip into the tube. Make sure there’s no air, and then connect it to the cannula.” Will says, his voice steadier than Jay feels himself. “You’re doing great. After that you can see if you can get her to regain consciousness.”

Jay sets up the plasma bag on a small ledge of concrete, watching as it drips down the tube. Once he makes sure there’s no air in the tube, he connects it and sighs, feeling a weight come off his shoulders.

He gently wipes some hair off your face, getting a gauze and dipping it in antiseptic, beginning to wipe most of the blood from your face when a loud crash makes the whole structure shake.

“What the fuck was that!?” Jay asks, getting silence for a while before the radio comes to life.

“Some part of the access you went in through came down.” Severide’s voice comes through. “Everything is very unstable and we’re doing the best we can, but clearly we can’t rush it or everything might crumble down.”

Jay lets out an irritated groan, sitting down on the floor as he looks at you and Kayla, the dog’s muzzle resting on your shoulder as she lazily licks your neck.

-

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Words: 1715
Warning: Explosions, fire, injury, being trapped.

Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 4 |  Part 5|Part 6|Part 7|Part 8|Part 9|Part 10 |Part 11

It’s been 6 hours into your shift and there hasn’t been a single call yet, making you uneasy.

“Don’t you guys find it weird to be this quiet?” You ask the remaining members of Squad, being shushed almost instantly.

“Don’t jinx it!” Cruz says, looking at his cards before playing.

“For real though, it’s December, there’s a blizzard, there hasn’t been a shift with 6 dead hours for months.” You continue, looking out the main gate and watching the icy roads. “We should at least have a kid slipping and falling on the ice or something like that.”

You frown at the dismissal, getting up from the chair and heading towards Chief Boden’s office. You catch Casey’s eye and gesture at him to come with you.

“What is it, (Y/L/N)?” He asks, stopping you in the middle of the hallway. “You look frazzled.”

“Aren’t you at the very least intrigued that we haven’t received a single call since the start of the shift? In December, with icy roads and dumb kids running around freely.”

“Yes, I’m finding it odd but at the same time I’m thanking the opportunity to rest. Shifts have been hectic.” He admits, running a hand through his face.

“What if there’s a problem with the dispatch or the communications or something? What if we’ve been getting calls but they don’t come through?”

“That’s… concerning, to say the least.” Casey muses, looking lost in his thoughts. “Let’s talk to Chief and see what he says.”

The two of you march to Boden’s office, knocking before entering, finding him sitting on his chair with his arms crossed and a stoic look on his face.

“Chief, you have a second?” You ask, stepping inside in front of Casey. Boden nods and Casey closes the door behind him, coming to stand by your side. “We’re finding it weird that we haven’t had a single call today.”

“Yes, I’m a little confused as well.” Boden says, looking at the two of you from above his glasses. “I’m going to call the Emergency Management Main Office and see where we go from there.”

“Chief, do you mind if we do a little drive around to check on the community in case the dispatch really is down?” Casey asks, prompting silence from you and Boden for a little bit.

“Yes. Take all the rigs and the ambo, communicate between yourselves.” He says, dismissing you both.

You make your way back into the floor and towards the Squad rig, taking off your boots and prompting weird stares from your crewmates.

“Chief said for us to do a drive around and check if the community is ok.” You say, hearing the men groan as they drop their game of cards and get up from the table.

You’ve been out for a couple of minutes, heading south, when the radio comes to life.

“We need backup at the University’s Labs.” Casey says, sounding distressed. “We have a fire.”

“Squad 3 responding.” Severide replies as Tony turns the rig around and heads for the University.

The truck comes to a stop and you hop out, looking at the fire consuming part of the building for a moment before putting on your SCBA and your helmet.

“Go in and check the building for people.” Casey shouts, helping to hook the hoses. “They say most people are on the main floor and on the underground labs.”

“Let’s start from the lowest floor.” Severide says, jogging inside with the four of you on his tail. “Divide and conquer.”

You jog down the stairs and split up, all five of you heading off into different hallways.

-

“Me and (Y/L/N) are wrapping up the last underground floor, get everyone out of the main floor.” Severide says into the radio as the two of you reach the point where the hallway splits into two. The one on your side is a dead end with a couple of doors and Severide’s leads back to the stairwell.

“I’m taking this side.” You say, pointing at the dead end. Severide nods and heads off, leaving you to turn around and start knocking on doors. “Chicago Fire Department!”

You quickly reach the door at the end of the hallway, grabbing the handle as your radio turns on.

“All clear from my side, (Y/L/N) is finishing up and about to come up too.” Severide’s voice says. You press the button on your radio to reply.

“I’m checking the last room and will be up soon.” You say, opening the door and feeling your blood run cold when you see the strings connected to the door. The blast wave knocks you into the wall and you black out.

-

Trudy makes her way into the bullpen hurriedly, phone pressed against her ear as she snaps her fingers to catch everyone’s attention.

“Chief, I’m going to put you on speaker with Intelligence.” She says, doing so. The detectives slowly gather around her, curious to see what is happening.

“The dispatchers are having issues and can’t work, we did a sweep around and UIC’s Labs were on fire, we responded, and something blew up.” Chief Boden’s voice echoes around the bullpen and Jay feels his blood run cold. “I have people trapped inside and need every ounce of manpower you can get me.”

Jay doesn’t wait for anyone’s orders, grabbing his jacket and beanie and rushing out of the bullpen and precinct, hearing the hurried steps of his friends and coworkers behind him. He gets into his truck and Adam and Kim follow him, both of them looking at him worriedly.

He turns the key and revs the truck before he pulls out of the parking spot, turning on the sirens and speeding towards the UIC campus, his mind running wild with thoughts of how you are.

“She’s most likely ok, Jay.” Kim tries to reassure, watching Jay’s jaw clench. “She’s tougher than you know.”

“I know she is.” He admits, his hands in a vice grip on the steering wheel. The truck screeches to a stop once they reach the front of the labs and he quickly turns the car off, opening the door. “But I still care and worry about her.”

Voight stops his car behind Jay’s truck and rushes out, making his way towards the building with the rest of his team behind him. He reaches Chief Boden, the man looking stressed but relieved to finally see someone come to help.

“What’s the current situation?” Voight asks, shaking Boden’s hand.

“We have 4 firefighters trapped inside, we managed to speak with 3 of them and they’re fine.” Boden says, pursing his lips before continuing. “But one of our Squad members is trapped in the first underground floor and we can’t establish contact.”

“Who?” Jay blurts out, the sympathetic look Boden gives him telling him everything he needs to know.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N). We think one of the doors was rigged to an explosive device.” Boden says, looking directly at Jay. “Many people were injured in the blast and we can’t handle all of this, we’ve called Med and asked for a Trauma team on scene. Even with them, I don’t know if it’s going to be enough.”

“Atwater, Rojas, call Med and ask for an update on the trauma team, if needed go and get them. Ruzek and Halstead, help with the victims, and Burgess, come with me for crowd control.” Voight directs, moving towards the perimeter set by a few good samaritans and firefighters.

Jay rushes towards the building, Adam hot on his trail.

“She’s ok, isn’t she?” Jay says, sarcasm dripping from his voice. “So ok that she’s unreachable under the rubble.”

“Jay, don’t.” Adam cuts him off. “It’s a delicate situation, and that attitude does absolutely zero to help. You want to get her out, so focus on the task at hand instead of being sassy and holding grudges.”

Jay clenches his jaw as he reaches the firefighters on the building.

“Casey, where do you need us?” He asks as the Captain looks around, visibly distraught.

“Uhhhh… Pick up a heat cam and see if you can find anyone under the rubble.” He says, pointing at the devices on the floor. “We’re finishing up freeing Cruz and we’ll be right there.”

Jay grabs one of the heat cams and turns it on, pointing at the floor near the stairwell, but stopping shortly after as his phone starts ringing.

“Halstead, take the radios, I don’t want to risk losing communication.” Voight’s voice comes through very briefly before the call goes dead.

“Ruzek, go back to my truck, our radios are in the trunk, get them. The cell towers are getting jammed.” Jay calls out, watching as the other man does what he asks in record time.

Jay hooks the radio on himself quickly as he sees a CPD K-9 truck pull up, the officer moving quickly to get the dog out. Jay’s eyebrows shoot up when he sees not one, but two dogs hopping out of the back and the handler waving him over. He rushes over and shakes the woman’s hand.

“Rachel Wyatt, Sergeant Platt called about needing all hands on deck.” She introduces herself, giving Jay a firm handshake. “I brought my own K-9, Fido, and another K-9 from training, Kayla. They say Kayla is too friendly and focuses too much on fetching rather than attacking, she’s probably going to be failed from the K-9 training, but I thought she’d be a great fit for this situation. Her commands are in English, and she’s very easy to handle.”

“What do you mean?” Jay asks, looking at the doe eyed red Belgian Malinois sitting in front of him, her tail wagging like crazy. “I’m supposed to take Kayla?”

“Yes. She’s very excitable but very easy to manage.” She says, pointing at the German Shepard at her feet. “I’d take them both, but Fido is a bit jealous when on the field.”

Jay gingerly takes the leash from Rachel, leading the dog into the building and finding Adam staring at him with a funny face.

“Since when are you a dog handler?” He asks, petting Kayla.

“Since Officer Wyatt decided it was a good idea.” Jay mutters, pulling slightly on the leash and redirecting the dog. “C’mon Kayla, let’s find her.”

-

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Words: 1063
Warnings: Arguing? 
A/N: About the requests I have in, (they’re 17 if I’m not mistaken?) I’m writing them, guys! I haven’t forgotten!  It’s just going slowly, because I work full-time in front of a screen and sitting down in front of another one after clocking out isn’t quite appealing. Nonetheless, I’m writing them! I’ll try to go on a writing spree this weekend, hopefully things will smooth down then! :) 

Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 4 |  Part 5|Part 6|Part 7|Part 8|Part 9 |Part 10

You stop by the kitchen window on your way back, watching the road and prompting Jay to get up and do the same. He stands right behind you, shirt still on his hand as you both watch the black SUV parked behind Jay’s truck. You move quickly, slipping on some shoes and grabbing your gun from under the kitchen island, noticing how Jay’s eyebrows rise in surprise.

“Whoa, (Y/N), wait up.” He says, scrambling to put his shirt back on as you walk out the door with purpose on your step. He runs after you, his hand on his own gun as you cross the street.

The SUV’s doors open and Jay sighs as he sees Adam and Kim get out with their hands raised.

“Sorry, sorry!” Adam says, pointing at his badge as Jay reaches you, your gun lowering slowly. “We just didn’t want to interrupt something since Jay wasn’t answering his phone and his truck is here… and we saw him shirtless through the window.”

Jay shoots him a look as you tuck your gun into the waist of your pajama pants, looking at them sternly.

“They work with me, Adam Ruzek and Kim Burgess.” He introduces, watching as you nod in understanding, recognizing the woman from the anthrax call.

“Why are you here, then?” You ask, turning on your heel and walking back towards the apartment building. “We can have this conversation inside, it’s cold out.”

The four of you make your way back into your house, gathering around the kitchen island as you put the gun back in its’ hiding spot.

“We got an unsettling package after Jay left the precinct.” Adam says as Kim sets a folder down on the table and opens it gingerly, spreading the contents on top of the marble.

Your hand shoots out and grabs a large wad of paper, your hands shaking as you skim through the pages and recognize it as the report from your last mission in Afghanistan. You turn it away from everyone, knowing its’ contents and not wanting them to see, but the look on Kim’s eyes lets you know she already did. You slam the wad back on the island, looking intently at Adam and Kim.

“How do you have this?” You say, looking at the pictures Jay is spreading across the table and seeing some from your last shift along with one taken minutes ago, when Jay knocked on your door. “What the hell?”

“Eric.” Jay mutters, making you turn to him. “It’s my fault, I should have just gone home.”

“Who’s Eric?” You ask, running your hands through your hair.

“The guy from the anthrax. I’m really sorry (Y/N), I shouldn’t have come here, I put you on the line.”

“That’s not true, Jay.” Adam clears up, waving a piece of paper. “He left this note in the package, detailing how he was entranced by (Y/N) when he saw her yesterday, and how he felt angry and betrayed that the two of you know each other.”

“That bastard winked at me yesterday, when he ran away.” You mutter pressing the heels of your palms to your eyes. “Do you have anything substantial about him?”

“Not quite.” Kim admits, looking between you and Jay. “He hides his tracks very well; we’re having trouble with pinning him down to make a bust.”

“What if you lure him out?” You suggest, earning shocked looks from the three cops on your kitchen. “I’ve done it before in much worse circumstances, and it worked. And I’m not about to stop my life just because some bug-eyed psycho decided he wanted to mess with me.”

“Absolutely not.” Jay interjects before anyone has a chance to speak, making you raise a brow at him. “He’s incredibly suspicious, and he knows you hang out with cops. He won’t fall for it.”

“He also knows I’m ex-military, and yet he’s still pulling this.” You counter, watching as Jay shakes his head again.

“No, you’re not going into the line of danger like that.” He says stubbornly, and you feel your blood begin to boil.

“I’m a grown-ass woman with a military past to make many pale in comparison, I think I can handle being in the line of danger.” You snap, watching as Jay’s face hardens.

“Yeah, last time I saw you do that it didn’t go over too well.”

“It went well enough, clearly, since I’m still alive.”

“Voight would never approve it, and I’m not about to watch you do that when it can be prevented. Last time I couldn’t do anything, but now I can.” He growls, his knuckles becoming white as he grips the marble top of the kitchen island. “It’s not happening.”

“Look, (Y/N), we know what you’re capable of, we had to read the folder.” Kim intervenes, noticing how angry the two of you are getting. “But we also know what Eric can do, and we don’t want to put anyone in that position.”

“He tied me to a pole in a room full of anthrax, fully intending to expose me to it once he was done interrogating me.” Jay says, crossing his arms. “I’m not risking losing you again, (Y/N).”

Your scowl softens with his confession, being replaced with a look of confusion. Adam and Kim retrieve the contents of the package, placing them back on the evidence box as you stare at Jay.

“We’ll be in touch, but we have to return to the precinct now.” Kim says, nearly dragging Adam out the door with her.

The door closes and you lean against the counter, watching the man in front of you as you wait for him to elaborate his previous statement.

“What?” He asks, shifting as he feels uncomfortable under your stare.

“You don’t know half of what we lost, Jay. Both as individuals and collectively.” You mutter, shaking your head as you turn back around, rinsing the mugs on your sink.

“Care to enlighten me?”

“What for? It’s lost to the time, stuck in the past. It’s no use musing about what was or could have been, because it’ll never be. It’s irrelevant now.” You dry your hands, turning to find him looking at you with pleading eyes. You run your hands through your face, feeling your eyes heavy. “I think it’s better if you go now, I’m tired and want to sleep some more.”

-

@thexplosivegirl|@godohammers|@savingprivatecass​ | @princxss-fia | @fullwattpadmusictree​ | @bethii1​ | @doramstr​ | @annaallicce​ | @hehurst23​ | @dreamslove92 | @lostsoulwalking | @magicxshadows​ | @lookatallthefeels | @miranda0102​ | @killjoys-make-some-noise-na-na​ | @corebore123​ | @talicat713​ | @jayxuptons​ | @detectiveinchicago​ | @cozyfandoms​ | @justanotheronechicagofan​ | @redsmemories​ | @nocturnalherb16​ | @lovejessejay​ | @zizzlekwum​ | @music-is-my-escape71 | @inlovewith3​ | @panaitbeatrice​ | @goingwiththewind​ | @sesamepancakes​ | @caitoszmerlo​ | @rebel-without-care​ | @poguesvixen​ | @cookiecakeslive​ | @csigeoblue​ (I’m sorry but the notif never came in, I was going through the notes yesterday and saw you asked, I’m soooooorryyyyyyyyyyy :( )

Words: 1719
Warnings: Bruises?

Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 4 |  Part 5|Part 6|Part 7|Part 8 |Part 9

The end of the shift doesn’t come soon enough, and you bolt up when the buzzer sounds out. You move to the locker room, quickly changing into your civilian clothes and leaving the firehouse, deciding to walk home.

You put on your headphones and adjust your beanie before starting your route, glad that your apartment isn’t very far from the firehouse.

When you notice, you’re standing in front of your door and you unlock it, stepping inside and kicking off your sneakers. You shake the snow off your coat into the street and remove your beanie, hanging them both on the coatrack by the door.

Turning on the kettle, you lean against the kitchen counter and nearly jump when your phone starts buzzing in your pocket. You frown, looking at the caller ID before answering the call.

“Hey!” Mouse’s voice sounds cheery on the other side and you rub a hand through your face.

“I don’t know how you manage to be so chirpy so early in the morning, but please tell me.”

“I heard you had a crazy shift, how are you doing?” You press your lips into a thin line, staring out the window.

“Well, I’m fine. Your friend was worse off than me.”

“Whoa there, ‘my friend’? What’s up?”

“Don’t play dumb, Mouse. You know what happened, I’m sure Jay told you.” You cringe when you hear your own voice so cold and hard. “Sorry, last shift was stressful.”

“I can imagine. Anthrax must not be easy to deal with.”

“Yeah, it’s not. Can we talk later? I’m really not in the right mindset for a conversation right now.”

“Sounds like a plan to me. Talk to you later, then.”

“See you, Mouse. Take care.”

You end the call and pour some of the warm water and a tea bag on a mug, warming your hands on it before taking a sip and heading to your room, setting the mug on your night stand and changing into a pair of fluffy, comfy pajamas.

You sit on the bed and lean against the headboard, retrieving the mug and drinking some more.

-

“How are we on Eric?” Voight asks, standing in the middle of the bullpen.

“He has more hideouts than the ones I was in.” Jay says, holding an icepack to his cheek. “We have no idea where he might be, but at least we managed to secure the anthrax.”

“I thought I told you to go home, Halstead.” The Sergeant’s voice is harsh, but Jay doesn’t relent.

“And do what? Stare at the wall while you guys are here trying to catch him?”

“Halstead. Go home.”

Jay clenches his free fist, engaging in a stare-off with Voight.

“Jay, man.” Adam calls, forcing him to divert his gaze. “Go home, or to the hospital even. You need to rest.”

The rest of the unit nods in agreement and Jay scowls, getting up and grabbing his jacket before storming off the bullpen. He only stops once he’s in his truck, turning on the heating as he sits behind the wheel, staring at the road in front of him as he recalls what happened in the last 24 hours.

He turns the key and the truck comes to life as he pulls out of the parking space, only stopping in front of the familiar apartment building. He knows he’s probably going to regret what he’s doing, but he parks the truck and exits, locking it up before he heads towards the door.

He stops in front of the door, debating mentally if he really should do this or not before he finally knocks. He hears rustling on the inside before the door opens, revealing you in a set of fluffy pajamas wiping the sleep off your face. Your eyebrows furrow when your sight focuses on him and you can’t hide the hurt that flashes on your eyes; it makes his heart clench and his mind fill with regret.

“What are you doing here, Jay?” Your voice is raspy and sounds tired, and he kicks himself mentally: he probably woke you up when he knocked. “Is everything ok?”

“I know I shouldn’t be here, but I had to say I’m sorry.” He blurts out, making you blink a couple of times in confusion. “I shouldn’t have acted the way I did the other day, I was stupid, I’m sorry. If it got you in any trouble with Carl tell me and I’ll talk to him, it was my fault-”

“Carl and I broke up.” You cut him off, your voice neutral as if you are stating that the sky is blue. “Nothing to do with what happened between us. He had been cheating on me for a while.”

“What?” It’s his turn to be confused. “Carl cheated on you? On what grounds?”

You open the door a little wider and step aside, gesturing at him to come inside. He enters and shrugs off his jacket, hanging it in the coatrack next to yours.

“Want coffee, tea?” You offer, going into the kitchen. He promptly follows you.

“Coffee would be nice, haven’t slept since yesterday.” He sighs, looking at you as you calmly prepare the coffee machine to brew a fresh pot.

“He cheated on me on the grounds that he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life with a veteran who became a firefighter and who risks her life on the job. You know, the usual.” You say, shrugging as you grab a mug from the cabinet. Jay feels like his mouth is hanging open when you turn back around, a conformed look on your face.

“That makes no sense, why didn’t he just talk to you?” He cringes as he hears the shock on his voice. You shrug again, pouring the freshly made coffee into the mug and giving it to him.

“Ask him, I sure as hell didn’t ask for an explanation. I told him to get his stuff, gave him the ring back and sent him on his way.”

“It was the best thing you could have done.” He says, noticing how you’re examining his face. “What?”

“Did you clean that cut on your forehead?” You ask, crossing your arms. “It doesn’t look too good.”

“I kind of denied medical care.” He says, making your eyebrows shoot up before scrunching down again.

“Are you out of your mind?” You almost shriek, stalking out of the kitchen and returning with a first-aid kit. “You should be more careful, and not deny medical care.”

You grab a gauze strip and pour some of the antiseptic solution on it before wiping his wound gently, inspecting it up-close before stepping away.

“They tested if I had any anthrax on me and when it came back negative, I walked. It’s just a few bruises on the ribs and that cut.” He says, making her huff.

“Show me the bruises.” You command, your face hardening when he just stares at you. “Halstead, show me the bruises. It could be something more than simple bruising, you can have cracked or even broken ribs.”

“I’ve had five of those before, and I’m fine.”

“I’m pretty sure that you had proper medical care too, or else you wouldn’t be.” You grumble, crossing your arms. “I’m waiting.”

Jay sighs as he removes his shirt, goosebumps forming on his skin as the cold air hits him. You scrunch your nose as you see the bruises marking his chest, your fingers brushing lightly against his skin as you examine him.

“Halstead!” Your voice is slightly panicked when you see him and the rest of the reckon team come back with blood on their uniforms and bruises and cuts on their faces. He’s limping, supported by another Ranger that looks like he could use some help, so you rush forward and grab Jay from the other side, easing him onto your shoulders and carrying some of his weight. “What happened?”

“We found some friends during the reckon.” A Ranger replies, shrugging. “Nothing we couldn’t handle, ultimately.”

You walk Jay to the barracks, helping him sit on his bed before you kneel in front of him, examining his face.

“I’m fine.” He says sweetly, grabbing your hands. “It’s just some bruising.”

“Are you sure?” You ask, your eyes scanning his face. He nods, one of his hands leaving yours to gently cup your cheek.

“I’m fine, sweetheart.” He grins at you. “With all our plans now, do you really think I’m going to let some bruises get in the way of making a life with you?”

“Do you experience any shortness of breath or severe pain when breathing?” You ask, tracing one of his lower ribs in an attempt to feel for a crack and snapping him out of his flashback. “Did anything make a cracking noise?”

“No to everything. It hurts if you press on them, as bruises usually do.” He sasses, hissing when you poke one finger into a bruise with an unamused expression.

“Who would’ve thought!” You say sarcastically, turning back to the little pouch and taking a tube of cream out, unscrewing the cap before squeezing some onto your palm. “This is a very specific balm that helps bruises drain faster. It was my best friend during the academy and some of the harder weeks on the job.”

You gently massage it into his bruises, one by one until they are all covered in a thin layer of cream and the room smells lightly of menthol. You notice how he’s still freckled, but also how the number of scars on him has increased. You screw the cap back in and hand him the tube.

“It’s ok, I don’t need it.” He tries to argue as you turn your back to him and gather the rest of the things back into the bag, zipping it up.

“Take it, Jay.” You say, taking the bag back to the bathroom.

You stop by the kitchen window on your way back, watching the road and prompting Jay to get up and do the same. He stands right behind you, shirt still on his hand as you both watch the black SUV parked behind Jay’s truck. You move quickly, slipping on some shoes and grabbing your gun from under the kitchen island, noticing how Jay’s eyebrows rise in surprise.

-

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Words: 1353
Warnings: Canonical violence, probably a poorly written response about hazmat shit
A/N: I’m sorry for taking so long guys! I’m starting a new job and shit’s chaotic right now :( 

Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 4 |  Part 5|Part 6|Part 7 |Part 8

You’re nursing a cup of coffee when Chief Boden comes in the mess hall, a grave look plastered on his face. He’s not even fully stopped before he starts talking.

“Everyone, get to your rigs!” He shouts, prompting everyone to stop and drop what they are doing to rush to the floor with him rushing after you. “Sergeant Voight called me, they found hazardous material on a scene and need our help securing it. CDC is meeting us there. Make sure you’re airtight, as far as we know, we’re dealing with anthrax.”

Your blood runs cold, but you put on your turnout coat and grab your helmet before rushing inside the Squad’s rig seconds before Tony floors it out of the firehouse.

“Something went sour and part of the building is on fire.” Boden’s voice comes through the radio. “It’s not the room with the anthrax, but Squad, as soon as you hit the scene, get inside, get everyone out, try to secure the anthrax and make sure the fire doesn’t reach it. Engine, you’re backing up Squad with fire suppression, and Truck is fighting the fire directly. Ambo will be on stand-by for potential victims.”

You arrive to the scene and find several police cars stopped in the middle of the road. You and Severide exit the rig before it comes to a complete stop, securing your SCBAs and grabbing halligans before you run towards the building, Capp and Cruz hot on your trail as Tony secures the rig.

“(Y/L/N), with me on the left.” Severide calls out. “Capp, Cruz, Tony, take the right. Open radios, everyone.”

You quickly flick the dial on your radio, almost immediately hearing Chief’s voice coming through.

“We don’t have an exact location on the room the anthrax is in, but it’s in the general area that Squad is in right now. Intelligence will also be on this channel, as you may encounter some perps still inside and they’ll help you.”

“Chief, with all due respect, but I think Intelligence coming in is not a good decision, no matter what.” You say, busting down a door and finding an empty room, moving on to the next one. “They don’t have the adequate gear to deal with a possible anthrax outbreak, they could be needlessly contaminated. I’ve seen what anthrax does to people without the adequate gear, and it’s not pretty.”

“Is this the same firefighter that found the bodies?” You hear Voight’s gruff voice coming through the radio.

“That would be me indeed, Sergeant.” You reply. “Other than being Squad and having training in dealing with hazmat, I’m a former Staff Sergeant in the Navy with three tours under my belt. I’ve dealt with this before. How long until the Haz-Mat Unit, Chief?”

“They’re on route. Keep on working until then, and keep your eyes peeled. Be careful.” Boden’s voice sounds concerned, and you knock down another door, finding yet another empty room. A loud crash diverts your attention to the hallway and you rush out of the room, finding Severide leaning against the wall as 3 men run away. You lock eyes with the lankier man, the look on his face making your stomach churn. He winks at you before he disappears through a side door.

“Severide!” You call out, rushing to him and checking the integrity of his turnout and SCBA. “What was that!?”

“They were in the last room I checked. The anthrax is there two, along with your… friend.”

“My friend?” You mutter, watching as Cruz and Capp go inside the room Severide was in and bring out a bloodied man. Your heart sinks, worry settling on your chest. “Oh God.”

“Brett, we need a gurney!” Cruz calls out into the radio as the three of them move down the hallway.

You, Severide and Tony are dousing the barrels of anthrax with water and sand in an effort to keep the barrels from burning as the Engine crew douses the surrounding rooms when the radio comes to life.

“Get away from the anthrax!” Casey’s voice comes through, sounding stressed. “Part of the fire is leaking into a gas tank and it’s going to blow!”

You rush out of the room, pushing Tony and Severide ahead of you into the hallway, closing the door behind you in a mute effort to stop anything from getting into the barrels before rushing down the hallway.

The blast wave knocks you all down and you scramble to get up, your mind reeling out of control. You manage to get on your feet and urge everyone else to do so as well, helping Severide get up and out, supporting him. You notice everyone else up and moving, sighing in relief, but the clench in your heart doesn’t relent.

You make it outside, finding the H.I.T. crew with a decontamination circuit ready for you.

“Squad, Engine, don’t touch anyone who wasn’t inside with you, we don’t want to risk any possible cross-contaminations.” A man calls out, pointing at the decontamination circuit. “You will all go through there with your full gear, as you are wearing it now.”

You slowly move through the decontamination circuit, removing your helmet and SCBA after they’re decontaminated and sighing in relief, wiping your hair off your forehead. You see Stella rushing towards Severide once he’s out of the circuit and smile to yourself; at least your best friend has a good relationship with her boyfriend.

You grab your gear and head off to the Squad rig, hanging the coat on the door to finish drying, slumping against the side of the truck and taking a deep breath. You see Boden and Voight coming towards you through the corner of your eyes and curse internally, realising maybe you shouldn’t have talked to Voight the way you did. You peel yourself from the rig once the two men are in front of you, holding up a finger before they start talking.

“Let me just say something before you guys start.” You ask, seeing Boden nod and Voight cross his arms. You turn to the Sergeant. “I’m sorry if I was out of line, but I think you understand I was acting in everyone’s best interest. It probably cost you your suspect, but I think that having a team that’s not fighting for their life from anthrax poisoning is better. And if they had come in and accidentally shot one of the barrels, we surely wouldn’t be here and having this conversation.”

“I understand.” Voight says, giving you a curt nod. “I wasn’t thinking as straight as I should have been, but I had a man trapped inside and just wanted him out, and for the people that got him there to pay.”

“Trust me, I understand the feeling.” You say, giving him a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. He nods, clapping your shoulder before he goes back to his unit, and you make eye contact with a short woman, pale, with brown straight hair. Her face is hardened, probably from everything that she has seen during her time as a cop, but her eyes are kind and understanding. Her lips are pressed in a straight line and you’re confused as to why she’s looking at you like that, but Stella jumping onto your arms distracts you from her.

“Are you ok?” She asks, grabbing your face and inspecting you, making you laugh.

“I’m fine, Stella. Weren’t you examining Severide?” You ask, raising a brow and smirking.

“I’ll examine him better later.” She says, winking and making you laugh. “But seriously, are you ok?”

“I’m ok, trust me.” You smile at her and she nods, resting her hands on your shoulders.

“I should be thanking you, so thanks.”

“What do you mean?”

“Severide told me you got him out.”

“Oh, no, it’s not like that, he was just having some difficulties with regaining his footing and I helped him. It was nothing.”

“(Y/N/N), seriously. Thank you.”

“Stells, cut it. I’ll accept those thanks when you come by my apartment again to finish the rest of the booze.” You laugh, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the conversation.

-

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From Anon:

Hey girl! Would you mind doing another Jay Halstead pr maybe Jesse Lee Soffer imagine/one shot*? Maybe being the hidden girlfriend? Thanks hun!

Words: 2147
Warnings: Kidnapping, torture, canonical violence
Pairing: Jay Halstead x Officer!Reader
A/N: This ask has two viable one shots, actually. I did this one now, but I’ll probably pick up the JLS sometime in the future. Hope you like it, hun!

Deep down, both of you knew this day would come. The day when Voight barked out to bring a uniform up for an undercover stint, and the Intelligence member brought you up. 

Jay tries to interfere and go with Adam as he goes to get one of the officers down at the lobby, but Voight quickly shuts him down, remembering him that Adam knew the suspect’s type better than Jay. His jaw clenches and his hands close into fists as Adam goes down the stairs, already knowing you are going to be the one he brings up. 

The two of you have been dating for a few months, and Jay liked having you to himself. By hiding your relationship, not only are the two of you not in the public eye for dating each other - the last thing you need is someone calling you a badge bunny and saying you’re sleeping with Jay to climb the hierarchy - but you are also out of the line of immediate danger that comes with dating a law enforcement agent, inevitably becoming a target.

At first, Jay wasn’t very keen on the idea of you: a new cop with shiny eyes and hope in the world; he knew you would be shattered by the job, and he didn’t want to watch it. But then he started warming up to you. He couldn’t pin down what you had done exactly, if it was how you refused to drop your kindness with Platt, or how you could offer an input that he hadn’t seen, or how you would charge in, gun in hand with unwavering intent when someone’s life was at risk… it was probably how you didn’t try to take pity in him or treat him like a baby when you saw him having a particularly nasty flashback that made him freeze in the middle of the locker room. You had just grabbed his hands in yours and gently coaxed him out, giving him the visual help of the “Chicago Police Department” badge on your vest - you would never know how much it meant to him. 

He had seen your determination falter over the time, but he always tried to make you get back up on the positivity horse; secretly, it kept him going too, the idea that someone could see so much good in the world and still believe in the best possible outcome. It was something rare and precious, in your line of work. 

So, when Adam comes back to the bullpen with you in tow, Jay feels like punching him. He feels like going out on a solo manhunt and face the consequences of it, if it means that you won’t be brought into this case. But he watches you walk into Voight’s office and nod after the Sergeant explains what he called you up for. He knows that you would never refuse the opportunity to help other people - that’s why you had become an officer in the first place.

He sits in his chair, resigned, as he watches you and Voight leave the office. 

“So, officer (Y/L/N) will go undercover as an immigrant that needs help getting the rest of her family inside, no matter the cost.” Voight says, pointing at the board. The pictures of 7 women are pinned in, their faces stuck in an eery, eternal smile, unknowing of the atrocities that committed against them. All they wanted was to give their families a better life.

Jay meets you in the locker room after he makes sure that no one saw the two of you entering, and crosses his arms. 

“There’s no chance I’m talking you out of this, is there?” He asks, his voice small and defeated. You turn back, already wearing your civilian clothes, and give him a reassuring smile as you lay your hands atop his forearms. 

“I’m a good cop, and this will be over quickly.” You say, lightly rubbing his arms. “It has to be done, they can’t keep killing these women.”

“What if something happens?” He asks, his brows furrowed - you don’t quite grasp the seriousness and danger of this, and it worries him deeply. “It’s more dangerous than you think.”

“Jay… I’ve been a cop in Chicago for a while. A beat cop. I’m cussed at and thrown things at for existing. There, I’m going to be a girl that they’re going to underestimate. The only way this can go wrong is if they figure out I’m a cop, and that’s a risk every undercover takes, and that you have also taken several times.” You grab his face. “It’s going to be ok.”

-

Unintentionally, you had jinxed yourself in your conversation with Jay. Not in a thousand years would you have thought that the measly drug dealer you arrested a couple weeks ago would be involved with a human trafficking ring, and when he saw you, you knew it was over. He shouted to everyone how you were a “pig”, how you were there to arrest them all. You had stood your ground, unwavering, claiming you had never seen him before in your life and had no idea what he was blabbering about, but no one bought it. They ganged up on you and you knew that resistance was futile and would only hurt you further.

And now, 3 days later, here you are. Bruised, bloody, sweaty, laying on the cement floor of an abandoned warehouse somewhere by the river, in between torture sessions. The big boss doesn’t know who you work for - all he knows is that you’re with law enforcement. He’s too paranoid and knows that CPD isn’t the only one after him, and even though he knows you’re CPD, he has no idea if you’re working directly for them or if you’ve been “scouted” by a bigger agency. 

Your mind rarely leaves your memories of Jay, trying to isolate and disassociate yourself from the prodding metal and angry fists connecting with the several different parts of your body. A small part of you hangs on to hope that Jay and the rest of Intelligence are coming for you, but the bigger part tells you that they either won’t make it in time, or that they think you’re already dead. 

The footsteps in the hallway drag you out of your thoughts and you raise bloodshot eyes to glare at the grunt in front of you. He hastily pulls you up by one arm and drags you into another room, different from the one you had been beaten in. There’s a hook hanging from the ceiling, but there’s also a chair and some blades arranged neatly by the chair. The thing that jumps at you is the camera standing in the corner of the room, hooked to a computer, and aimed at the hook and chair. The grunt stands with you by the door as the boss walks into the room, walking with his usual swagger towards the camera.

“Since I don’t know who my little toy is working for, here’s what is going on: to whom it may concern, this bitch is at my mercy, and either her employer comes forward, or I’m going to kill her.” He says darkly as the grunt drags you into further inside, near the hook. 

You put on your best brave face as he hangs you in the hook by the bindings on your wrists. Your shoulders scream at you but you refuse to show pain. The boss sits on the chair next to you and the grunt leaves, making it just the two of you in the room. He grabs a small, yet sharp blade from the assortment and turns to you, smirking darkly. 

“So, I’ll ask you again. Who are you working for?" 

"Your mom.” You spit at him, biting your tongue to not cry out when the blade cuts across the skin in your stomach.

-

The mug in Jay’s hand hits the floor the second he sees the screen of his computer taken over by a video of a dark, grimy room, with you hanging from a hook and a slimy-looking guy in a suit passing around you with a large blade in hand. 

He knew to fear something bad when they stopped getting the daily debriefs from you, but part of him had been influenced by you into thinking it was the best-case scenario: maybe you had gone deep to the point of not being able to contact them, but were about to resurface with enough evidence to nail every single interferent in the trafficking ring. He feels his heart sink to his stomach and his legs threaten to give out as his gaze fixates on the screen. Your face is bloody and bruised, along with the rest of your body, but your expression is one of stubbornness; whatever the guy is asking of you, you’re not complying. 

“This would all be over much quicker if you told me who you’re working for.” The guy snarks, and your expression remains unchanging.

“We both know you’re going to kill me either way, just get it over with. Besides, I already told you I’m working for your mom.” His fist connects with your ribs and you give out a pained chuckle. Jay’s fists close up as anger begins to boil and cloud his head. “Or maybe for Brutus over there. Maybe you’re his Ceasar, and he’s waiting for the right chance to stab you in the back thirty times. Now seems like a good time, Brutus.”

Voight bolts out of his office, vest on one hand, and a post-it note on the other. 

“A contact of mine got me an address. Let’s role.” He barks out sternly. Jay bolts out behind him and the whole team gets in the armory, putting on their vests and grabbing their choice of weapon before getting into the cars and driving towards the address Voight’s contact had given him. 

Jay checks his three guns yet again: one Glock 19 in his hip holster, one Glock 17 in his thigh holster, and an AK-47 in his hand. He knows every moment from breach is going to count, and the longer they take to get to you, the worse the outcome can be. 

The car comes to a stop and he turns off the security in the AK, rolling his shoulders as he steps out of the car and stealths towards one of the entrances. He peeks through a window, seeing two grunts. He gestures what he saw towards the rest of the team and prepares for breach, kicking in the door when Voight says so. 

He feels the adrenaline coursing through his veins and doesn’t stop until he’s passed the guarded area. The hallways are silent and he strains his ears, trying to pick up something, anything that will guide him to you. 

In the room, you’re still dangling from the ceiling when the loud noises snap the guy from yet another monologue about how it would be easier for you to just give up and blah blah blah. Honestly, you had started to tune out the moment he opened his mouth, already knowing some variation of what was about to leave his lips.

“Go check out whatever that was!” He barks at the grunt, making you focus on the door as the other man exits through it. Before you realize what’s happening, a shot rings out and the grunt falls back into the room, making the boss jump in fright. You see Jay slowly stepping over the body, AK steadily trained on the suited guy standing by your legs. 

“If you move another inch, I’m blowing your brains out.” Jay growls out as the other man tries to reach for the gun on the chair. “My finger is feeling very, very trigger-happy, and I just need you to give me a reason to give it what it wants.”

You feel tears prickling at your eyes, both of joy and of pent up frustration and fear, flinching when you see the man moving towards his gun and Jay delivering a clean shot to his chest, dropping him to the floor instantly. 

The AK hits the floor with a clatter before Jay rushes to you, unhooking you and lowering you to the floor before wrapping you in a bear hug. You feel yourself starting to sob as you hide your face on his neck, relishing in the feeling of being wrapped by Jay and his scent surrounding you. 

“I would die happy if I died like this.” You mutter into his neck, feeling him chuckle as he pulls away.

“You’re not dying anytime soon, I’ll waltz in and save you every time.” Jay says, retrieving his AK and slinging it over his chest before he picks you up. “Let’s get you home, yeah?”

“Sounds good to me.”

Words: 1165
Warnings: Canonical violence

Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 4 |  Part 5|Part 6|Part 7

“Talk to me, Halstead.” Kim presses as she notices the distraught look on his face, shifting in the car seat. He looks at her briefly before looking back at the warehouse they’re staking out.

“What do you expect me to talk about?” He asks curtly, snapping some photos of a couple of suspicious looking guys that exit the warehouse.

“About whatever is on your mind, because you’re clearly not yourself today.”

“I’m fine, Kim.” He mutters, this time capturing pictures of a van that’s entering the warehouse. “Can we focus on this stakeout, please?”

“For someone who’s supposed to go undercover and be convincing, you’re shit at lying.” She rants, crossing her arms. Jay turns, looking at her like she had just had the most brilliant idea ever.

“Undercover!” He exclaims, pulling out his phone and calling Voight. “Boss, I have an idea about how we can crack the case.”

-

The next day he finds himself regretting his decision. They suspected it was just some relatively harmless arms dealing, but when Jay finally earned the ringleader’s trust to get into his house and see the massive network of underground tunnels and bunkers, he quickly realized there had to be something else going on.

“Should I invest in one of those?” Jay half-jokes, pointing at the bunkers. The ringleader, Eric, turns to Jay and gives him an unsettling grin.

Eric is scrawny and pale, his eyes bug out of his skull and are glazed more often than not, making his stare disturbing; Jay finds himself on the receiving end of that stare too many times to his taste.

“If you value surviving, probably. But we still have some empty bunkers, you can claim one for yourself.” Eric’s grin grows wider when he notices the confusion on Jay’s face. “Let’s just say we do business with more than one kind of weapons.”

Every siren in Jay’s mind goes off with that sentence: Eric deals biological weapons. Jay gives him a nod, wrecking his mind for an excuse to leave and contact the rest of Intelligence.

“Maybe I could just skip town, no?” Jay suggests, shrugging. “I don’t do well in closed spaces.”

Eric raises a brow at him, smirking.

“In that case, you should skip the state.” The scrawny man says, laughing.

“And when is that going to happen? To book a way to bail.” Jay says, eyeing the man in search of a sign that he’s getting suspicious but not finding any.

“Some time in the next month. The December snow won’t be white this year.”

Jay gets goosebumps from Eric’s laugh, quietly pressing the volume key on his phone the way Mouse programmed it to ring a fake call. A few seconds later the ringtone floods the empty room and Jay excuses himself, exiting the room to take the “call”. Upon returning, he gives Eric a bullshit excuse about how one of his shipments got busted at the borders and he must go and find a way to bail his courier.

Jay doesn’t notice the way Eric frowns as he turns his back on him, or how he grabs his phone and sends a text to one of his contacts.

Jay rushes into a deserted alley, spotting the surveillance truck on the other side of the street. Adam meets him in the alley, disguised as a homeless man.

“You look spooked.” Adam comments as they move further down the alley to avoid prying eyes.

“They’re also moving bioweapons.” Jay blurts, watching as Adam’s eyes go wide. “Yeah, and apparently, they’re doing something next month, statewide.”

“Does he have any other warehouse or anything of the sort? Something off the records?”

“Not that I know of, but I’ve only been in his ring for a day. He wouldn’t tell me about a bioweapon stash just like that.” Jay sighs. “I’m going to press for it later today after I ‘deal’ with my courier.”

“Take this.” Adam says, slipping him a small ceramic blade. “There’s a tracker and a bug embedded in the hilt, and Voight said the stress word is ‘Marine’. We’ll be as close to you as we can.”

Jay stalls for a bit, eventually sending Eric a text through his undercover phone about how the courier thing took longer than expected and that he’ll go back to meet with him tomorrow.

He can’t really sleep, not only due to the noise provided by the bad neighborhood his undercover apartment was in, but mostly due to fear and nerves about the assignment. He isn’t one to feel like this often, but when it comes to something he can’t quite control, he feels uneasy.

His mind betrays him and drifts to you and your kiss. He knows it was wrong, but it felt so right; it felt like you connected most of the broken pieces that litter his heart. But you’re engaged, and not even the fact that you’re having second thoughts makes it ok for him to kiss you or try to take you away from Carl.

Clearly, Carl had been there when Jay couldn’t, when Jay didn’t even remember you existed, and he has to accept it, has to accept that even though he found a lost part of himself in you, you’re out of reach; and even if you were within reach, he had been through a lot with his recovery from Deft Hawk, his time as a Detective, and Erin, and it would be unfair to dump all of that on top of a woman that clearly already had more than enough to deal with on her own.

He drifts off to sleep with thoughts of you and wonders of what relationship you really had during your deployment.

The second he steps into the warehouse in the morning, a blunt instrument meets the back of his head and he crumbles to the floor. When he comes to, there’s a black bag on his head and he can feel his arms restrained behind his back. He feels the small ceramic blade resting against his calf, cursing inwardly for putting it out of his reach.

He hears steps coming towards him and tenses up as the bag is removed, revealing Eric standing in front of him with a disapproving look on his face.

“Did you really think you were going to trick me, Detective Halstead?” Eric spits as Jay looks around, noticing the several barrels surrounding them on the small room.

“No, not really. I just hoped to stall you enough to get evidence on you.” Jay remarks, earning a punch by one of Eric’s goons. He feels the metallic taste of blood in his mouth and spits it out before looking back at Eric. “This is your bio stash, huh? Anthrax?”

“What leads you to believe that?” Eric snarls, unintentionally letting Jay know he’s right.

“Well, I don’t have to be a specialized marine to get that those barrels are hazardous.” He says, silently praying that his team would get the message.

-

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From@samantha-chicagos​:

Can you do 39 “Well, my sibling never told me they worked with someone so attractive” with Ruzek’s sister and you can pick who you want to write it with.

Words: 1126
Warnings: None
Pairing: Kevin Atwater x Ruzek!Reader
A/N: Hope you like it, hun!

You waltz into the 21st Precinct, a spring in your step and a smile plastered on your face. The stony-faced woman behind the front desk stares you down, a scowl on her face, and her silver hair in a low ponytail. You slowly approach her, unable to hide your smile and grasping the strap of your purse.

“Hi!” You say, earning a scowl from the woman as she looks at you from above her glasses. “I’m here to see Adam Ruzek? I’m his sister, (Y/N) Ruzek.”

“And how is that my problem?” She snaps, making you blink twice in shock.

“It’s not, but I was wondering if you could help me, maybe?” You say, raising your brows hopefully.

She points behind you and you hear a buzz, turning around to see your brother come out of a cage-looking structure around a staircase. You wave excitedly at him and he laughs, opening his arms as you hop to him for a hug.

“You weren’t supposed to arrive so early!” He says, pulling away from the hug. “You could have called, I would have gone and picked you up.”

“I got an Uber, it’s no biggie. You’re here doing some big-shot police work, I couldn’t bring myself to pull you away from it.” You say, hearing a scoff come from the silver-haired woman behind the desk.

“He’s not a big-shot, hun.” She says, not even looking up from the forms on the table. You chuckle and turn back to him, seeing the sheepish look on his face.

“Thanks, Sergeant Platt. Ever so kind to me.” He mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck. “How’s the business treating you?”

“I got my own office now, it’s really nice. I feel like I’m actually helping people.” You say, grinning. “All those years slaving away at psychology textbooks paid off, finally.”

“That’s great!” He says, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you to him. “Want to come upstairs and meet the rest of the guys?”

You nod and he guides you to the small cage-like thing in the staircase.

“What’s this all about?” You ask, gesturing at the metal structure as he scans his palm and the door buzzes open. “You’re in a police station, this seems like overkill.”

“I don’t know either.” He admits, letting you through before closing the door behind the two of you. “But let’s go up so you can meet everyone, I was just about to get out to have some lunch anyway, you can meet them real quick before we go out and eat.”

“Sounds good to me!” You say, smiling as the two of you climb the stairs. He goes in front of you and pulls you behind him, quickly positioning you in sight for the whole team.

“Hey, guys!” He says, gathering the attention of everyone in the room. “This is my sister, (Y/N).”

You give a shy wave to everyone, bouncing on the balls of your feet as everyone looks at you. The two women in the team are the first to move forward to you, extending their hands.

“Hi, I’m Kim!” The paler woman says, and you narrow your eyes slightly.

“You look familiar.” You reply, cocking your head as she blushes.

“Yeah, Adam and I used to date…” She admits, making you gasp as you grab her hands.

“I’m sorry! I’m happy that you ditched him, he’s a pain in the ass.” You say, making her laugh as an offended huff sounds out behind you. The tanner woman outstretches her arm and you shake her hand, smiling at her.

“I’m Vanessa.” She says, a tight smile on her face.

“Nice to meet you, Vanessa.” You say, turning as the two women stand to the side and being replaced with three men. The oldest one intimidates you with the way he stares you down while you greet the light-eyed man.

“I’m Jay.” He says, giving you a small smile that you return. The older man outstretches his hand and gives yours a firm handshake, and you hope you’re being able to hide the uneasiness you’re feeling.

“Hank Voight.” He says curtly, making you only nod as you shake his hand back.

“It’s a pleasure.” You manage to mumble before he steps away, turning to look at your brother with wide eyes before turning back, doing a doubletake when you see the man in front of you. “Oh wow.”

You turn about 20 different shades of blushing when you realize that you said it out loud, the hysterical cackle coming from your brother eliciting even more embarrassment. The man has a couple of inches on your brother, making him the tallest person in the room; his width matches his height, his hair and beard are neatly trimmed and groomed, and the grin he throws at you makes your knees turn to jelly.

“I’m Kevin. Nice to meet you, Miss. And don’t mind Sergeant Voight, he’s always like that.” He says, gently shaking your hand.

“It’s doctor, actually.” Adam butts in, making you glare at him. “(Y/N) Ruzek, PhD in Psychology and Psychiatry, with her own office now!”

“Can you be any more embarrassing? I’m starting to think you take some sort of evil pleasure out of it.” You huff at him, poking your pointer finger in his chest before lowering your voice to a whisper. “Why didn’t you warn me about that hot piece of man right there?”

“What, Kevin?” He says loudly, smirking as you recoil like someone had just punched you in the stomach.

“Shut up Adam, I swear to God I’m going to kill your sorry ass.” You hiss, feeling the blood rushing up your neck and into your cheeks.

“He’s coming over. Own it.” The words barely leave his lips before you whip around and take a step back, ending up with your back against Adam’s arm and with barely two inches between you and Kevin.

“You guys called?” Kevin asks, and Adam nods towards you. If you had a hole nearby, you’d be hiding already.

“It’s just- ah- I- Well, er, Adam never told me he worked with someone so attractive.” You manage to choke out, mentally berating yourself for stuttering. Kevin blinks before he flashes you another dashing smile.

“I’m flattered to get that sort of compliment from someone like yourself, (Y/N).” He says, making you blush even further. “Say, do you have plans for later or would you be interested in going for a beer with me?”

“I’d love that.” You answer, feeling and hearing your brother beginning to argue before you elbow him in the stomach and make him double over, a sweet smile always plastered on your face as Kevin’s brows rise and he chuckles. “How does 8 work for you?”