I enjoy using labels for my identity, especially in regards to gender, sexuality, and romantic orientation. I am a trans man. I am an oriented aromantic asexual. I also consider myself T4T and open to being in a QPR as well as a romantic relationship. I have many flags under my belt, I collect them like they’re Pokemon cards. But first and foremost, before I even became aware of all of these labels that fit who I am as a person, I am Black. And, as a Black person, this is the first thing that people will know about me the moment they lay eyes on me.
As a Black person, it’s imperative that I know that this will alwaysbe the first thing that people see about me, both because it’s quite obvious, but also because I must for my own survival. There are people who will see me, see that I am Black, and refuse to learn more about me then and there, which will become apparent with their sudden coldness or hostility. Some may see me as a threat, something to be eliminated. And that only gets amplified if they become aware of the fact that I am also queer.
I’ve personally experienced and seen many forms of antiblackness, whether or not the perpetrator of that hate wanted to admit it or not. As allies, it is imperative that you become aware of the history behind the various forms of antiblackness around the world, as I have at such a young age, to adequately protect and defend your black siblings and friends. It’s not something as obvious as pure violence or hostile speech. It can be microaggressions as well. Little comments such as “You look like ‘x’ celebrity!” when the individual looks nothing like them, or maybe dumping issues on your black friend (especially if they’re female) like she’s your therapist without ever checking up on her or taking her own issues or mental health into account. Even little gestures such as this have a serious historical significance to them, and white supremacy over the years will ensure that these various institutions of violence are upkept by even both black and nonblack people alike, whether or not they become aware that they are perpetuating it.
As an aromantic and an asexual, I can’t say that I’ve personally experienced any form of excessive violent antiblackness in the community, which is a good thing. Although, in the larger aro and ace spaces that I was active in, I couldn’t help but feel like I was a “token” in the community. I was especially active on Amino, which I felt was an excellent way to be part of the ace and aro communities in a more exclusive manner, however I eventually left due to this isolating feeling as well as other less relevant issues. I am unaware of any exclusive space for Black aros, however I believe the creation of one would be best for the safety and wellbeing of these members of our community. I remember seeing a post on Twitter that said something along the lines of “Being Black and LGBTQ+ is navigating through anti-Black LGBTQ+ spaces and anti LGBTQ+ Black spaces.” When you’re aro and/or ace, that further complicates the matter, especially with vehement anti-aspec rhetoric floating around the LGBTQ+ community, some of which I’ve also been confronted with personally, and the anti-LGBTQ+ and painfully amatonormative rhetoric floating around most Black spaces, which in my experience tied in with Christianity.
I have also seen antiblackness being perpetuated by other members of both the ace and aro communities, and I’ve noticed a trend of the responsibility of holding these racist individuals accountable for their actions being thrusted upon black members, while the actions as perceived by white or other nonblack members largely go unchecked. This is unacceptable. We as a community need to become more anti-racist, as opposed to believing the false narrative that racism has “gotten better” or is nonexistent, which is the impression I get from many aros and aces alike in the spaces that I was previously active in.
Being anti-racist is not a passive stance, but an active effort. As a community, we need to be aware of the additional pitfalls that other BIPOC aros experience for not only being LGBTQ+, but also people of color. It is important that our fellow white members of the aromantic community understand that as people of color, other hateful individuals will see our skin before they see our identities as LGBTQ+ people, and upon learning this about us, their hostility towards us may increase. As a mixed Black and South Asian aromantic, I implore all nonblack aros and even other members of the LGBTQ+ community to educate themselves on black history, and remember to listen, uplift, support, and protect your fellow black members of the LGBTQ+ community.
Oh! This is one of my favorite panels in the comics. Archie’s line here cuts deep, as any aromantic person who’s had close friends and family invalidate their experiences like that could tell you. But what really shines here in my opinion is actually Jughead’s reaction–that expression, the obvious hurt, anger, and betrayal (shoutout to artist Derek Charm). A lot of stories, even without an aro character, would drop lines like Archie’s; very few would so deliberately and clearly place him in the wrong. It’s not shown here, but Archie apologizes immediately after this, and Jughead brushes it off. That apology really matters to me. The writers (someone correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure this is one of Ryan North’s chapters!) clearly put some thought into this.
This entire chapter is actually one of my favorites. The plot, to be brief for those who don’t know, is Jughead and Archie getting lost in the woods–it’s supposed to be a chance for the two of them to hang out, but Archie’s using it as a chance to pick up girls at camp, which is what leads to their argument. What I like about this chapter is that Jughead’s disappointment and frustration with Archie, his best friend who barely spends any time with him that isn’t somehow related to his crushes, is treated seriously–it’s Archie who’s in the wrong here, and I think so many aros relate to this situation.
Sorry for jumping on your post! I just think that if Jughead is one of the only aro characters we’ve got, we should talk about him whenever we get the chance!
You know what. I never see a post like this, so shout out to alloaro mspec men specifically. Your love is so queer, you’re not predatory I promise. Your love deserves to be celebrated.
You might be sexually attracted to that person if…
- You think sexual thoughts about the person out of nowhere
- You feel aroused upon seeing the person outside of a sexual setting
- You find yourself wondering what the person is like in bed and what their genitals look like
- You want to have sex with that person because your body is screaming for sex with that one person in particular.
- Seriously though if you’re already horny and that person is there you will feel all hot and sexually aroused and might drool a bit and fantasies of doing X-rated things to that person will fly through your mind and your body will literally be screaming for that person to take you or for you to take that person. Even just thinking about that person while horny can do this to you.
- TMI but if you get off while fantasizing about you having sex with that person, the orgasms can be absolutely mind-blowing and may even give you leg cramps.
- You really do “just know.”
You might not be sexually attracted to that person if…
- You make a conscious effort to fantasize about sex with that person, mainly to see if you actually want to
- You feel aroused during a sexual situation, but that arousal has more to do with the activities instead of the specific person. Alternatively, you just don’t feel aroused at all.
- You feel aroused at random, but it’s directed towards no one
- You want to have sex with that person because you want to make them happy or are just horny and want to get off with a partner or want babies or want money or literally any other reason aside from your body screaming for sex with that one person in particular.
- TMI but if you try to get off while fantasizing about you having sex with that person, you may get bored and start thinking of other things. Or, you may start fantasizing about that person doing sexual things that don’t involve you in which case aegosexual might be worth looking into.
- You just don’t know.
If the “you might be sexually attracted” list boggles your mind, you are possibly asexual.
If the “you might not be sexually attracted” list boggles your mind, you are possibly not asexual.
If you can relate to the “might not be sexually attracted” list, but also feel like you’ve experienced some of the things on the “might be sexually attracted” list, it may be worth checking out some acespec identities.
(Disclaimer: This is strictly based off of my own experiences as acespec and is meant to be a guide for people questioning sexual attraction. Overall, you know yourself best and I’m not gonna tell you what you’re feeling or how to identify.)
These types of lists are always so helpful!
A big one too, I think is, you may fantasize, but the people in your fantasies are never YOU. They’re fictional characters or your OCs but they’re never you specifically. And if they are it’s an idealized version of you.
That top list makes me realize I’ve never experienced any of that, it’s kinda like when I stumbled into an ask Reddit about what sexual attraction felt like and I went “yeah, I have never felt THAT way and whatever I feel isn’t sexual attraction”
here it is, the info I’ve always wanted to see, breaking down attraction vs not-attraction in intense, analytical detail
Here’s a few more for aces who do experience aesthetic attraction and who aren’t repulsed, because goodness knows these are the ones that confused me when I was figuring things out.
If you have sexual fantasies that involve things being in a certain situation or having things done to you, but you aren’t visualizing anything or imagining specific people, you might not experience sexual attraction
If you’ve ever had the thought “masturbation is better than sex because it is more efficient and skips the boring bits,” you might not experience sexual attraction.
If you find someone attractive, but the thought of seeing them with their clothes off isn’t more attractive, it probably isn’t sexual attraction. (A naked body is just a naked body. But people are so lovely when in a look they’ve picked out to express themselves.)
If you occasionally notice body parts considered sexual and think they look nice, but do not want to do anything sexual related to those parts, it might not be sexual attraction. (I will occasionally think someone has nice boobs or a nice butt, and I assumed that was sexual attraction for a long time. But I’ve learned that for allo people, thinking those things leads to them having a response of “therefore I want to tap that” which is absolutely baffling to me. Also, again, those thoughts don’t lead to “and therefore I want to see them without clothing.”
If your response to something that seems to be making others horny is very similar to your response to those videos of “oddly satisfying” things, it might not be sexual attraction.
