Had a sexologist come to our auditorium yesterday and, as a sex-repulsed ace, I thought I was going to hate every second of it.
Oddly enough, I didn’t?? I actually had a blast and learned a lot of things. That woman changed my whole perception on so much. And I have to say this.
Allos and all you non-repulsed aces: don’t be ashamed of your sexual nature. Talk about it, be gross and “not proper”, fight against the shaming, demand your sexual rights because did you know there was a World Congress of Sexology held in Hong Kong, 1999 that established the Declaration of Sexual Rights? If you want to know more, here.
ALSO!! Aces who still m@ stürb@ te and have sexual fantasies: YOU’RE SO VALID! Don’t hide it thinking that you’re “betraying” the asexual community like I did. I promise that you’re not. The community is here for you and there’s little (regarding your sexuality) that you can do to harm it in any way.
You might be sexually attracted to that person if…
- You think sexual thoughts about the person out of nowhere
- You feel aroused upon seeing the person outside of a sexual setting
- You find yourself wondering what the person is like in bed and what their genitals look like
- You want to have sex with that person because your body is screaming for sex with that one person in particular.
- Seriously though if you’re already horny and that person is there you will feel all hot and sexually aroused and might drool a bit and fantasies of doing X-rated things to that person will fly through your mind and your body will literally be screaming for that person to take you or for you to take that person. Even just thinking about that person while horny can do this to you.
- TMI but if you get off while fantasizing about you having sex with that person, the orgasms can be absolutely mind-blowing and may even give you leg cramps.
- You really do “just know.”
You might not be sexually attracted to that person if…
- You make a conscious effort to fantasize about sex with that person, mainly to see if you actually want to
- You feel aroused during a sexual situation, but that arousal has more to do with the activities instead of the specific person. Alternatively, you just don’t feel aroused at all.
- You feel aroused at random, but it’s directed towards no one
- You want to have sex with that person because you want to make them happy or are just horny and want to get off with a partner or want babies or want money or literally any other reason aside from your body screaming for sex with that one person in particular.
- TMI but if you try to get off while fantasizing about you having sex with that person, you may get bored and start thinking of other things. Or, you may start fantasizing about that person doing sexual things that don’t involve you in which case aegosexual might be worth looking into.
- You just don’t know.
If the “you might be sexually attracted” list boggles your mind, you are possibly asexual.
If the “you might not be sexually attracted” list boggles your mind, you are possibly not asexual.
If you can relate to the “might not be sexually attracted” list, but also feel like you’ve experienced some of the things on the “might be sexually attracted” list, it may be worth checking out some acespec identities.
(Disclaimer: This is strictly based off of my own experiences as acespec and is meant to be a guide for people questioning sexual attraction. Overall, you know yourself best and I’m not gonna tell you what you’re feeling or how to identify.)
These types of lists are always so helpful!
A big one too, I think is, you may fantasize, but the people in your fantasies are never YOU. They’re fictional characters or your OCs but they’re never you specifically. And if they are it’s an idealized version of you.
That top list makes me realize I’ve never experienced any of that, it’s kinda like when I stumbled into an ask Reddit about what sexual attraction felt like and I went “yeah, I have never felt THAT way and whatever I feel isn’t sexual attraction”
here it is, the info I’ve always wanted to see, breaking down attraction vs not-attraction in intense, analytical detail
Here’s a few more for aces who do experience aesthetic attraction and who aren’t repulsed, because goodness knows these are the ones that confused me when I was figuring things out.
If you have sexual fantasies that involve things being in a certain situation or having things done to you, but you aren’t visualizing anything or imagining specific people, you might not experience sexual attraction
If you’ve ever had the thought “masturbation is better than sex because it is more efficient and skips the boring bits,” you might not experience sexual attraction.
If you find someone attractive, but the thought of seeing them with their clothes off isn’t more attractive, it probably isn’t sexual attraction. (A naked body is just a naked body. But people are so lovely when in a look they’ve picked out to express themselves.)
If you occasionally notice body parts considered sexual and think they look nice, but do not want to do anything sexual related to those parts, it might not be sexual attraction. (I will occasionally think someone has nice boobs or a nice butt, and I assumed that was sexual attraction for a long time. But I’ve learned that for allo people, thinking those things leads to them having a response of “therefore I want to tap that” which is absolutely baffling to me. Also, again, those thoughts don’t lead to “and therefore I want to see them without clothing.”
If your response to something that seems to be making others horny is very similar to your response to those videos of “oddly satisfying” things, it might not be sexual attraction.
I’m going through the ace discourse tag to block people again and someone is actually saying that the word “allosexual” is bad and we should just say “sexual”?? Um. Wasn’t using the word “sexual” the problem that made people coin “allosexual”
Yes, yes it was. And may I just say, from the bottom of my heart…
*screams for ten minutes without pausing for breath*
