#retail problems

Today marked only my fourth but also my final shift working in retail over the summer. It’s also the last time (at least for awhile) I have to watch in horror as a customer tries to be helpful and insists on putting the item of clothing back by themselves and doing it COMPLETELY WRONG!!

“Yes, we can ship your order to your house.”

“Is the shipping free?”

“No, there is a shipping fee, which is determined based on purchase amount. Since your order is under $40, shipping will be $5.99.”

“YOU DON’T SHIP FOR FREE?!”

“N… no… it’ll be $5.99 to ship your order.”

“But LL Bean and Amazon Prime ship for free! Why don’t you ship for free?!”

“Because we don’t.” We don’t build shipping costs into the costs of our products, nor do we charge you a monthly fee so you can get free shipping… in all these situations, you’re still paying for shipping. It’s just a matter of how you’re paying for that shipping…

“Well, how can I get you to ship this for free? Don’t you have a first time customer waiver or something?“

“Are you a first time customer?”

“No.”

“Then no. No, there’s nothing I can do. You’ll have to pay the $5.99 to ship this to your home on the other side of the country.

There’s a fine balance when greeting customers at our store. Management tells us we must greet everyone who walks through the door and ask them if we can help them find anything. However, we don’t always know who’s been greeted yet or not by another associate, so we just cover our bases and greet any customer we personally haven’t already greeted (I’m a fan of the “Are you still finding everything alright?” question since it both assumes the person has already been greeted yet leaves room for the customer to ask me for help if they now need it).

What annoys me more than the mandatory greeting is how some customers react to the constant greetings. Most people will kind of giggle or smile pointing out they’ve already been helped. Then there’s those cranky old ladies who freaking lose their minds and flip out on us.

I once approached this woman while she was browsing our slipper selection, kindly asked if she was still finding everything alright; and she snaps at me:

“YOU ALL NEED TO CONVERSE OR GET ON THE SAME PAGE or SOMETHING!”

Apparently she’d already been greeted by several of my coworkers. I just turned around, walked away, and pointed her out to everyone working that day saying, “Don’t talk to that woman. She does not want help…”

The double edged sword to this scenario? We also have those people who may be missed in the commotion of a normal work day, and we’ve gotten hate mail from those cranky old ladies. Yes, there are bitter old people who are so offended that they didn’t get greeted or offered help at a retail store (and they didn’t bother to ASK for help because they don’t think that’s something they should have to do) that they write the company hate mail…

Do people like this really have nothing better to waste their energy on? Really, we either greet them too much or not enough… no happy medium with this. It really just depends on the customer’s ability to handle the attention or be able to ask for it if they need it.

Customer walks up to my register holding a white napkin. She abruptly starts in, “Hi. I bought these jeans here a few months ago, and look!” She begins vigorously rubbing the napkin on the dark wash jeans she’s wearing, lifts the napkin and shows me that some of the dye has worn off onto the napkin. “IT’S BLUE!”

“Yes, I see that.”

“The dye is rubbing right off!”

“It does appear to be doing so.”

“I’ve washed these jeans several times since I bought them and they’re STILL rubbing color off onto things!”

“That particular brand did come with labels warning that the dye is very highly pigmented (as they are a high quality name brand) and that the dye may continue to transfer with initial washes.”

“This pair didn’t have that tag whenI bought them.”

“Are you looking to return the jeans?”

“Iruined my friend’s white couch because I wore these jeans when I went to her house! I was SO embarrassed! I was mortified!”

“Ma’am, are you looking to return the jeans? Do you want a new pair? Do you want a credit?”

“I washed them several times since I bought them and they’re still rubbing color off on everything! My LEGSareblueevery time I take them off! I would have expected this from cheap Target jeans but not from here. Not for how much I paid for these jeans.”

“Ma’am,what do you want me to do about this?”

…apparently nothing. Apparently she just wanted to complain about how the jeans were still turning everything blue… complain in front of eight other customers who were waiting in line to ring up their purchases.

Is the customer smiling? Do they look ready to fight? This could either be a simple reconditioning order that needs paperwork, or this may be a nasty return… just be calm. Don’t get ahead of yourself. Everything’s going to be fine.

I really do hate the ambiguous trash bags… 

HR: “So, considering your duties, what would you say would have been adequate compensation? What are you making now?”

Me: “I’m making $11.00 per hour now… after over three years starting from $10.00.”

HR: “So, do you think say… $11.25 would be adequate?”

Are you serious? Did you read my exit interview questionnaire answers? Why do you think anybody would work their ass off to earn a measly extra $0.25 per year? That’s the most we can earn if we’re performing our duties above average expectations. That’s shit.

I’m splitting rent and utilities with three other people, and I can only justafford my living expenses on $11.00 per hour… Why do you think I’d find $11.25 more acceptable? That’s only an extra $9.75 per week (even at full time, we almost never hit 40 hrs) before taxes are taken out. Where’s the incentive in that?

If you truly appreciate your employees, pay them like you appreciate them and actually want them to stay with your company.

“Nobody can find them anywhere,” this customer explains, “It’s like nobody makes them anymore. Those wonderful cool, crisp percale sheets. They’re just so cold when you first get into bed, and crisssp. Those wonderful 50/50 blends… and they never wrinkle. You just can’t find them anymore.”

“Well, we do sell percale sheets. They are 100% cotton though; we don’t sell any cotton polyester blend sheets, and the nature of percale weaves is that they will wrinkle.”

“Noo, I don’t want sheets that wrinkle.”

“The only sheets we sell that don’t wrinkle are the cotton sateen sheets.”

“Oh, I hate sateen. They’re too soft and they’re warm. Why doesn’t anybody make those wonderful crisp cool percales anymore? There’s SO MANY people looking for them. You wouldn’t believe it, but there’s a whole [web]page full of people looking for real percale sheeting! A whole PAGE!”

I’m honestly picturing this woman looking online and finding only one website where old ladies are talking about the percale sheets their mothers used and how they can’t find those types of sheets anywhere.

“We do have customers who prefer percales because they’re cooler and crisper than the sateen weaves. Most of our customers seem satisfied with our Italian percales or organic cotton percale sheets. However, they do wrinkle.”

“But I don’t want them to wrinkle!”

“Well, this is what we sell. Our only wrinkle free sheet is the cotton sateen, which is why that sheeting line is our most popular bedding collection. The only way to get a wrinkle free percale is to purchase a cotton/poly blend, and we only sell all cotton sheeting. That’s what our customer want. They’ve become very wary of synthetic fibers and chemicals, so the majority of our customers demand all natural fiber blends for our fabrics. This is why we carry the selection we carry.”

“But I want those cool crisp percales. I’m one of your customers.”

“Then I recommend you look into our Italian percales. It’s the closest in texture to the sheets (she brought in pillowcases of the sheets she’s trying to replace) you’re looking for.”

“I bet everything here is made in China, too.”

“Actually, we have percales that are made in Italy (I just fucking told you this… we don’t call it “Italian Percale” for shits and giggles), our organic percale is made in Portugal, we carried sheets made in France and Pakistan, etc…”

“Ooo, where are your French percales?”

“We don’t have any right now. We’ve carried them in the past - usually only in patterned styles.” I show her the style we currently have that’s made in Pakistan that is a near exact comparison between it and the French style.

“So, this one is made in France?”

“No, this one is made in Pakistan. It’s unchanged from how the original French sheeting in this pattern feels. Whenever I have customers looking for a classic, crisp percale, they usually prefer this texture.” She feels the fabric, hums, hahs, and finally agrees that she likes it.

“Where are your sheets like this?”

“We only have this pair of pillowcases. It’s a current item in our catalog, and since we’re an outlet we usually won’t get these new patterns unless they’re returned from catalog orders or discontinued.”

“Where are the regular sheets from France?”

“By regular do you mean solid colors?”

She looks at me like I’m stupid… so I continue, “We don’t carry the French fabric in solids. We only occasionally have it with seasonal patterns. If you want a solid color, I recommend the Italian percale. It’s the closest in texture to these pillowcases.” I show her a discontinued brown pillowcase in the Italian percale pointing out, “We’re no longer producing this color, so we’ve marked it down for clearance. It’s $29 from $79.”

“Do you have that in any other colors?”

“Yes, but those other colors are still current and therefore full price at $79.”

“Well, I can see why that color is marked down. It’s awful.” Beggars can’t be choosers, woman. She goes on complaining, “Oh, why don’t they make those wonderful percales anymore? It’s not like nobody wants them. There’s a whole page of people looking for them! Even on facebook - people keep saying they have to go to yard sales to find those perfect percale sheets. Imagine it - YARD SALES!”

I finally get her over to the register. She’s decided to get the percale pillowcase from Pakistan, but she’s still grumbling about the price and how she’s worried these aren’t going to be the most wonderful pillowcases ever… “If you’re unhappy with them,” I reassure her, “just hang onto your receipt, and you’ll have thirty days to return the pillowcases and get your money back.” She purchases the pillowcases, and keeps mumbling her way out the door how nobody makes wonderful percales sheets anymore that are cool, crisp, and never wrinkle…

Helping a customer while she’s looking at duvet covers. She’s the type of customer who doesn’t necessarily need help shopping, but she keeps talking to you anyway because she… well… likes someone to talk to.

She stops when she gets to this particular blue duvet cover - it’s a textured style that has this stretchy bubble ruching all over the top, which makes the comforter look fuller on the bed. She stops and begins explaining, “I bought this duvet cover a few months back, and I love your products, but I’ve never been more disappointed with one of your products than with that cover. It’s just huge. I bought the queen size for my queen sized comforter, and I swear it must hang at least five inches extra on both sides of the comforter. The comforter just swims inside the cover. Oh! I’m just sooodisappointed…”

She goes on like this for twenty minutes, going onto other topics and then coming back to how disappointed she is with that bubble duvet cover. I look at her and suggest, “Why don’t you just return it?” The woman looks at me in shock, “…I cando that?” I’m thinking, Psssh, yeah.Everybody else does. “Yeah, just let me see if I can find your purchase in our system (I was able to), and we’ll give you a store credit for the amount you paid. You can then use that credit towards buying a duvet cover you’d be more happy with - like that daisy pattern you were looking at earlier.”

The woman’s eyes widen, “…but I’ve been using the cover. I’ve washed it, but I’ve been using it. You’ll still take it back?”

”Yeah, I mean… we won’t resell it. You bought it eight months ago. We’re not going to resell it. It’s just going to go away…”

She pauses, looks at me (still somewhat in shock) and adds, “…but that means you’ll be losing money on that sale, right? I mean, if I return it, use the credit to buy a new cover, and then my old cover just gets sent to trash. Your company will be losing money.” 

“I suppose that’s true. However, you seem to be really unhappy with your prior purchase, so this is what we can do for you so you’ll go home with a product you’re happy with.”The woman was so incredibly happy that this was an option for her. I was still terribly amused that it never occurred to her that she could return the cover even after having used it… hell, we’ve had enough people use bedding for nearly a decade and return it expectingthey’ll get their money back or be able to exchange it for replacements.

Sometimes it’s refreshing to offer such services for customers who seemingly don’t expect they’ll get those benefits.

The woman is suuuuper chatty though. She stopped in again today, and she talked with four different associates before coming to a decision on her purchase. She’s pretty nice. Just a little time consuming.

“…and reason for the return?”

“Oh, I bought it for my son. He didn’t like the color.”

The duvet cover is out of the package, so I ask, “Has it been used?”

She replies, “No.“

Finish the return. Issue the credit back to her card. Everyone goes on their merry way. I take the duvet cover over to our folding area to check it over and display it for clearance sale. Throw it on the table, unfold it, notice this light discolored line… look a little closer and…

… jizz. That is most certainly jizz. Quickly wad the duvet cover up into a ball, shove it in a plastic bag, and have my supervisor transfer it out of stock. “What’s wrong with it?” she asks.

“Snail trails. Most definitely snail trails.”

Helping this older woman (she’s probably in her late 50s/early 60s) put together a bed set from our clearance options. She keeps eying the ever growing pile that another female customer is creating. “Oh, that color’s nice. Oh, I like that pattern,” she says, “Oh she keeps finding all these nice things. She should save some of the bargains for me!”

My coworker is helping this younger woman compile her order, and I overhear bits and pieces of their conversation while I’m still helping my customer. Mention to my coworker when she steps away from her customer, “Hey, that looks like it’ll be a good sale for you.” She replies, “Their family lost their house in a fire. They apparently just got the insurance money to buy an new one and need to replace all their bedding…” I’m like… “Well, that sucks…”

Go back to helping my customer, who now keeps making rude comments about how the younger woman seems to have more than her share and should leave some for the “rest of us” - mainly meaning her because she’s not thrilled with the options we’re finding (mainly because she’s being cheap and doesn’t want to pay for the newer styles she actually likes). “Don’t you think she has enough already? I mean, really…”

I look her square in the eye and inform her, “Their family actually lost their house in a fire. She’s here trying to replace all the bedding for their home.”

Woman’s eyes widen, face drops, puts her hand over her mouth and chokes, “Oh my god… I’m a total bitch. Ohhhhh my god. Here I am going on like a selfish old bag, and she’s just suffered that tragedy. I am an awfulperson.”

Glad you realized it. Have you learned your lesson?

Cornered in a nightmare by two figures that looked oddly like The Silence with bobbed haircuts. They were also wearing 1950s style dresses. Scene was somehow attached to a retail anxiety dream… they were not happy with the current quality of their bedding and were less happy that we wouldn’t give them their money back.

I kept pleading, “You must understand - those sheets are fifteen years old. You can’t really expect them to have stayed perfect for that long!”

Direct Commerce Suite, you are a useless, antiquated point of sales system. You don’t make our lives as retailers any easier. You should be ashamed for developing this trash. Pretty much every five minutes while customers are waiting to have their purchases finalized, we’re standing there twiddling our thumbs while the order screen times out, we have to back out of the program, reboot the system, ring up the order again, watch it freeze again, try a different register, apologize to the customer for the umpteenth time and thank them for their patience, and then pray that the order screen doesn’t freeze again while trying to scan in the merchandise or bring up the payment screen.

My catch phrase has become, “No, computer! Why aren’t you letting me do the things I want to do?!” I’ve actually gotten to the point when I wonder if just smashing the computer will make it work better. It might, actually. We’ve had to write up manual receipts (so, using pen, paper, and manually calculating tax and discounts) for customers when the system fails us; at least this way we can send the customers on their merry way in a timely fashion and just deal with the system failures on our own time.

Happy Memorial Day, everybody!

While you enjoy your discount shopping, barbequing, camping, and whatever else it is normal people do on long holiday weekends, I’ll simply be waiting for my chance to go home and collapse.

Now if only my sleep wasn’t interrupted by the weird retail anxiety dreams I have.