TRIGER WARNINGS: TERFS, depression physical abuse, sexual abuse, suicide, death, sexual harrassment, sexual harrassment from a family member, abusive relationship, abusive boyfriend, toxic relationship, unaccepting family, rape, toxic family, family
as everyone knows i have quit tumblr. i originally joined when I was closeted as an escape from my family who are not open minded. i had posted my early transition progress frequently including when I found out that I’m intersex. when i started this blog i had short blonde hair and walked around naked constantly because all of my male clothes made me super dysphoric. a year after i joined engaged to a guy named Luke who i never ever showed pics of or even introduced to any of my irl friends, mainly because he was physically and sexually abusive and i didn’t want pics of someone who i was terrified of on my blog. i used to make a bunch of awful jokes and even made a joke blog about not wiping my ass under the name of Mark Skidz as a coping mechanism with all the bullshit in my life. then my house caught on fire and shortly after i started getting sexually harrased by a distant relative on facebook then after that tumblr started to become toxic to me when i got cyberbullied by over 500 TERFs, i also got sexually harrased on tumblr in my anons (many of which i was stupid enough to answer instead of just deleting them). then i found out Luke was cheating on me constantly and that was basically the final straw for me which caused me to post a bunch of suicidal posts on here and basically caused my life to go completely downhill since, i did have a girlfriend for a brief period she was cute and supportive but it just didn’t work out because we had too many problems of our own. after that break up i decided to take a break from social media. but shortly after i quit without warning because i couldn’t post on here anymore because it was too painful for me. long story short this post is my final goodbye. thank you to everyone who supported me over the years until we meet again
I Had An Interesting AU Idea (Trigger Warning for Sexual Harassment and Horrible Extended Family Members)…
What if Diluc’s extended family (either his father’s side, mother’s side, or both) didn’t approve of Kaeya when they found out about him? If they felt he didn’t deserve to be part of the Ragnvindr family.
In front of Diluc and Crepus, they would treat him nicely only because they knew Crepus wouldn’t tolerate any bad language towards his adopted son. Any other time, they’d whisper about him and make cruel remarks about him, his appearance, and his possible lineage and homeland.
Kaeya endures all of this in silence until Crepus and Diluc catch them badmouthing him outside. Diluc ends up taking Kaeya inside and does everything to reassure him he is family while Crepus stays outside to chew them out and tells them not to come back if they couldn’t respect his son.
Years and a falling out later, the extended family comes to visit Diluc only to find him gone and ecstatic to hear rumors that he disowned Kaeya. They occasionally visit to see if Diluc had returned and to harass Kaeya, saying things like he had never deserved to be part of the family and how he should know his place. They would abuse him by forcing him to basically be their servant during their visits and humiliating him in public.
Though, Kaeya feels the urge to lash out, to scream and cause a scene, tell them to go screw themselves in a very vulgar manor, he holds his tongue. He has long since learned that anything they considered backtalk would be met with punishment. It was better to silently take it.
Any help Jean tried to give was gently but firmly turned down. Lisa always made sure to have a brew of calming calla lillie tea waiting for him after every visit. Albedo never said anything but he never turned Kaeya away when he needed a quiet place to unwind where no one would find him. Even Amber and Eula both seemed to get a little indignant at how he was treated, as strange as the idea was.
When Diluc returns, it doesn’t take too long for his extended family to hear about it. It only takes a month for them to show up, a month of being reminded by Diluc what they had already drilled into his head over the past three years.
Kaeya is nursing a Death After Noon after an already crappy day when they walk in. It takes everything in him not to curse but it just had to be his luck. They immediately swoon over Diluc, telling him how happy they were to see him and his much they missed him. Diluc appears unfazed by their praise, much to their annoyance. Kaeya could tell they were losing their patience.
Then they finally notice Kaeya and dread fills his gut. He wonders if it’s too late to make a break for it.
Diluc’s uncle huffs, asking what a stray mutt was doing at the counter. His wife lets out a haughty laugh that grates on Kaeya’s nerves as she says that he’s probably begging for scraps since he was so poor and his pay had probably been cut again. As they continue to degrade him, none of them seem to notice that Diluc had gone deathly still as Charles looked like he didn’t know if he should run to Kaeya’s aid or hurry to defuse his employer.
Surprisingly, it’s not Diluc who snaps first. Maybe all the bullying had finally gotten to him, maybe all of it plus Diluc’s new harsh and cold attitude towards him caused the captain to snap. Slamming his glass on the counter, Kaeya shoots up from his seat and gets in Diluc’s uncle’s face. He raises his voice, not shouting but definitely loud enough to be heard by the people around them. He chews them out about how they’ve treated him pretty much ever since they met and how sick he was of them.
He then proceeds to drop a bombshell that the uncle and his wife have been cheating on each other, the wife longer than her husband. He even spills how, despite him supposedly being a low, dirty mutt, that the wife had come onto him several times as well as their daughter. By the time he finished the tavern was hushed in stunned silence while the family was flushed red with anger. The father gives an angered shout, calling Kaeya a filthy liar as he charged him, his fist pulled back.
In a blur of movement, the man found himself on his back, the wind knocked out of him. Kaeya is stunned as Diluc rises from his crouched position between him and the wine tycoon’s family. Diluc makes sure to stay between them as he tells them that violence isn’t allowed in his establishment and tells them to leave. The aunt tries to object but the look Diluc gave her probably scared her because she scrambled to help her husband up and the family rushed out. Diluc tells everyone the tavern is closed and, understanding not to argue, everyone silently exits. Kaeya tries to leave as well but is stopped by Diluc calling his name. The look he gave him and the nod towards his seat were all that was needed to get his point across.
Even as he sat back in his seat, he found himself wondering if this was it. Was Diluc going to officially ban him from Angel’s Share for life? A restraining order? When he looks up at Diluc, the man has put his hands on the counter and is leaning forward, he breathing forcibly deep and even as if he was trying to calm himself down. Had he made Diluc that angry? His question is answered when Diluc asks how long they’ve been treating him like that. Kaeya tries to dodge the question but Diluc isn’t having it, demanding to know.
So Kaeya tells him. His mouth starts running and he’s horrified that he can’t seem to stop. He doesn’t tell everything but he gets the general point across. By the end of his rant, Diluc looks angrier than Kaeya thought he ever would, even more than that night. He’s terrified.
All of his panicked thoughts are cut off when Diluc hops the counter and forcibly pulls him into his arms, his fingers from one hand burying themselves in his hair while the other wraps around his back to hold him close as he mutters apologies and promises that Kaeya will never have to deal with them again. Kaeya freezes at first, unable to comprehend the situation (that Diluc would ever hold him like this again, whispering reassurances into his hair, anddear Barbatos were those tears he felt) before he melts and hugs back. He doesn’t bother to hide his tears as he breaks down and only feels safer when Diluc tightens his grip.
I feel the need to post this because someone needs to have this reminder.
Don’t ever guilt trip yourself or let someone guilt trip you for being or acting “ugly” someone who had made you feel unsafe and uncomfortable.
Don’t ever be afraid to stand up for yourself or stand your ground even if that means your voice is shaking or knees are trembling.
You are allowed, fully, to distance yourself from the person who has made you uncomfortable.
You are allowed to protect and defend yourself never let the people around you tell you otherwise. They don’t know what the situation you were placed in was like for you and how it made you feel and think.
When women are not taught anything about sex–that it should be pleasurable for them, that their partners should listen to them and care about their needs, that they are allowed to say no, that they should never be coerced, guilted, or forced into having sex–women go into the sexual phase of their lives completely unprepared. It leaves them very vulnerable to being used, manipulated, and abused.
New York Times reporters Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey, who broke the story of Harvey Weinstein’s alleged sexual misconduct, talk about the obstacles Weinstein created to prevent their investigation. Their book is She Said: Breaking the Sexual Harassment Story That Helped Ignite a Movement.
On Gwyneth Paltrow’s critical role in reporting the story
Jodi Kantor: So to our surprise, Gwyneth Paltrow had a really powerful story of sexual harassment by Harvey Weinstein and of being threatened when her first really important roles were on the line. Early on in the investigation when almost nobody in Hollywood would talk to us she did – and she even tried to help us find other women. But she was very scared to go on the record. It became clear in the course of the investigation that Harvey Weinstein was obsessed with the question of whether or not we were speaking to Paltrow. He showed up at a party at her house early. She called us from the bathroom completely panicked. In the sort of series of final confrontations about the story that took place at The New York Times Weinstein kept hammering us, “Are you talking to Gwyneth? Is Gwyneth in the story?” And at that point she was still at a totally secret source, and we couldn’t figure out why he was so obsessed with something that wasn’t even part of the story. The answer only became clear over a course of weeks and months after we broke the story. As more and more Weinstein victims came forward, they said publicly they told us – and they even told Paltrow – that what Weinstein had said to them in the course of harassing or assaulting them was essentially, “Don’t you want what Gwyneth has?” Meaning he was implying to them that she had slept with him and that this was the bargain of sex for work. If you go along with this you can have the Oscar, the wealth, the fame, the golden girl status. So essentially two things happened: First of all, Paltrow was very, very upset to learn this. Not only had she never sexually succumb to Weinstein, but she was so horrified to find out that she had been used essentially as a tool of predation. She spent a long time on the phone in the fall of 2017 with other Weinstein victims coming to terms with the way he had used her and with feeling like she had somehow been used as an accessory in this. But then the other thing we finally realized is that this was probably why he’d been so obsessed with whether or not we were talking to Paltrow. Because as soon as other women heard Paltrow’s story and heard that she had never given in to him and that she had refused him, then they would understand so much more about his psyche, the way his scheme worked, and that it would all fall apart.
I remember: Everyone at the time knew Britney’s Rolling Stone cover was incredibly inappropriate. (I was only 13 at the time and thought “Damn, that is weird to dress up a teen as a child.”)
“But, she’s getting paid for it! And think about the exposure! She’s young but still sly enough to know what she is doing!”
You’d think that by now I’d realize that Facebook is dangerous. No, I wasn’t drawn into a debate with relatives that don’t seem to understand that being an awful, ignorant person on all facets should not be a viable political platform. I was drawn, instead, to watching an anime. Usually those ripped video clips stuck between two white bars that say something to the effect of “When you break up with a girl in anime” don’t grab me, but this video did. Here, let me show you. (Content warning for child abuse and bullying.)
These are the first nine minutes of the 2013 anime Kotoura-san, and immediately after watching this I knew I had to look up the summary to see if it was worth investing any more time in. I had no interest in watching a series devoted to the further torturing of its protagonist; however, the summary wasted no time in saying that this series was a romantic comedy (what?) that focused on the titular Kotoura-san making friends and healing from her childhood trauma. What followed was, yes, that in generous helpings. But Kotoura-san was also filled with, in equal parts, a bunch of uncomfortable sexual harassment and an unsatisfying narrative resolution to parental negligence which only served to undermine the actual good things going on.
Spoilers below the cut. All the previous warnings still apply, with an additional one for incest.
