#stay positive
28/07/2020 – Take a good book to bed with you… they don’t snore!
One of the things that really gets to me on any of my positivity posts that get vaguely popular, is the sheer number of people deriding it for false optimism and wishy washy sentiment.
Simple statements like “hang in there, it gets better” are met with comments like “does it though, does it really” and things like “yea maybe if you’re neurotypical”, and here’s the thing: yes the fuck it does, and I’m sorry that you can’t see that right now, but please don’t assume that just because I’m not drowning in active nihilism, doesn’t mean I’m not struggling.
I’m not spouting false platitudes. I’m not trying to undermine your depression. What I am doing is trying to circumvent my own depression and suicidal thoughts by not giving them a foothold.
You don’t know this, but my own internal soundtrack is pretty bleak. The words “I want to die” float across my brain pretty often. It’s not even a conscious thought, it’s just there, like background noise in a cacophony of all the other shit that’d tear me apart if I’d let it.
I’m a chronically ill being with mental health issues, a worsening pain disorder and a history of childhood trauma.
So yes, I do understand what you’re feeling in context. I understand the maw of bleakness where life ought to be.
But I also understand that in order to get better you have to challenge it.
I don’t make jokes about suicide. I don’t jokingly say things like “I want to die”, because it is a slippery slope towards validating what my illness wants me to believe. So I take steps, not to avoid it because I cant avoid it, but to adjust my way of thinking.
And I do this, by telling myself out loud over and over, that it gets better. One day at a time, every day I’m still alive is a good day.
And fuck you for trying to take that from me. Hope is a survival mechanism. It keeps us going when there’s nothing else left. And sometimes we have to create our own.
Get help. I’m serious. Get the help you need and deserve, because that desire to convince others the world is dark and awful? It’s not healthy. And it’s not the only way life has to be.
You deserve to get better. Start telling yourself that. Every day for the rest of your life if you have to. And if you can’t tell yourself that right now, I’m here to do it for you.
You deserve better. And I hope one day you’ll see that.
I mean, for me, what’s important is - acknowledging the feelings that I have, not the ones I feel like I’m supposed to have? Like. I grew up in the “if you’re not happy all of the time then you’re disappointing God” area of things. And sometimes the positivity (not yours, joy, but ya know) can feel that way - that you’re letting yourself down. So I’m in pain and now its my own fault for not smiling? And all.
So for me it’s necessary and healthy to say “yes I feel like shit today, yes my brain is full of angry weasels, yes i want to die sometimes.” And for that to not be a moral failing, ya know?
And then I look at the emotion, admit it, and sort of go “that is not a helpful response, so here’s what we’re going to do instead.” I basically pull a nick fury on them - “I acknowledge that my brain has made a decision, but…..”
Idk bibliomum, maybe that’s what you were getting at.
What you’re describing isn’t despair or nihilism, nor is it negative. It’s acknowledging your emotions and working through them.
It’s a profoundly important part of recovery.
What is not part of recovery is stopping short at “I want to die” which is what so many fucking people post on my posts.
Someone this morning literally left the message “cool story OP but I still want to die” Yea? Well guess what, me too. But I acknowledge it’s not a healthy thought and I make steps to work through my shit, instead of attempting to undermine the recovery of others. And tumblr has such a toxic mentality towards recovery. It’s almost like if you dare to get better, you weren’t sick to begin with, and that is adamantly not true.
Recovering from mental health issues is hard, ugly work that requires active participation and regular intervention to keep going. But it is possible, and it’s important to remember that what looks like recovery for some is still illness to others, but you take what you can. I will likely never not be depressed. I will likely always have that part of my brain that wants me to jump. But I can learn to better live with it so it doesn’t win. And live is the key word there.
“ Can I get a sad themed aesthetic for a noncanon wife of Jotaro Kujo who never left him, but felt that she was the reason that he began to ignore her. I still dont know of it was intentional or nor but its happening to me again with someone and I just. Need a lil comfort. Dark blue and gold colors if you could please. ”
I know you wanted a sad theme, but I had to put the gold sign to not worry in there. People can hurt you and people can drift apart, but as with every problem, the best solution is to give voice to it. If you feel you’re close to losing someone dear to you, or that someone you love may be drifting apart, ask them about it. Maybe tell them how much they mean to you and express you don’t want to lose them. I understand it’s too late to do so with Jotaro, but in your current timeline, please take care of yourself and remember that you are not defined by these things. You’ll pull through, my dear, and if you need cheering up, my blogs always here.
If you remember any more details about your life as Jotaros wife, feel free to send them in. I’d love to hear more, and it may even help you find a canonmate. I’d love to help however I can
- Mod Adrien
((hey guys, if you want to follow me on another form of social media i have a tiktok! follow me @/deannalizabeth. its like deanna elizabeth but without first e in elizabeth. i post body positive content and would love to have some of u guys on there))
it all works out in the end. you end up where you are supposed and with who you are supposed to be with. in the end you would have done all that you are meant to do and you would have helped all of the people you were meant to help. it all works out.
people are so happy that you are alive today. there are so many people and animals who are so thankful that you are in their lives. whether it be in a passing moment or long term, you change people’s lives for good. thank you for being here.
its normal to be afraid. never be ashamed to feel fear. bravery is not the absence of fear but how you act in the face of it. its how you carry on despite fear.
you’re doing great and you are so brave.
