#sterek

A close friend of mine just lost his aunt yesterday. His family is heartbroken as it was unexpected. In this moment of grief, I have shown my support in all I can. If you can please spread this gofundme campaign I will forever be grateful.
The family is trying to raise money for burial expenses. Please help if you can.

https://www.gofundme.com/gcw2j8-rest-in-peace

Love you, mom

cupidsbower:

I’ve had a few people message me saying they’ve read a lot of fics with Laura in them, and don’t quite get which parts might be abusive, so I’ve decided to write a quick overview of the kinds of things I’ve read which I consider problematic.

Before I get into that: sometimes these tropes are so normalised that we don’t notice them until we’re a certain way on our journey in understanding sexism, and learning about feminism. When I was younger, I didn’t notice them either. I sometimes re-read books now that were favourites when I was a teen, and I’m appalled, because the women are treated so badly, and I didn’t even notice back then.

My point is, if you can’t see it yet, don’t beat yourself up about it. Take this as a moment to look at what you’re reading with new eyes, but remember it’s a journey. You don’t need to get understand everything at once. It will come with time and experience.

A good place to start is to ask yourself how you’d feel if you were treated the way the characters are in a story. That will often give you a solid clue if something is creepy or problematic.

TV tends to only name abuse as “abuse” when it’s the really full-on criminal and extreme versions. But the more common forms of abuse are often small things which are hard to explain to someone else who doesn’t experience them. It’s the pattern and intentions behind them that make them abusive. Someone doing them once might genuinely be joking, or it might be a friend who is over-reaching without realising it. But when they are a pattern of behaviour that’s motivated by a lack of respect for the other person’s boundaries, and a desire to have power over them, it becomes abuse. And that’s what fanon Laura is like a lot of the time.

The kinds of abuse in fanfic that I’m talking about are often small scale, but relentless. One of the most damaging parts of this kind of abuse is that usually each thing on its own is so small and petty that in real life if you try to tell someone they look at you like you’re crazy. Their look will say, “So you think they hid the book you were reading? So what?” But when it was a book today, and your keys the day before, and the new box of cereal you just bought the day before that… you end up going, “Did I really put the cereal in the freezer? Did I really put the keys in the houseplant? Did I really put my favourite book in the bin? Am I going crazy?” That kind of abuse is known as gaslighting.

It can be other kinds of things too, like people constantly borrowing your stuff without asking, and then making you feel dumb if you try to complain, or going behind your back and arranging things with mutual friends or family and then just expecting you to go along with it, and saying “But I did if for you, why are you so ungrateful?” if you try to explain why you don’t want to.

Enough warm-up. Let’s get down to some concrete examples I’ve read in Sterek fanfic.

I’ve read stories which have Laura do things like set up a dating profile for Derek without asking, and then bullying him into going on a date, even though he’s clearly unwilling to do so – Derek’s a rape survivor, remember. It would still be overstepping even if he wasn’t, but with that thrown in, it’s a really horrible power play, equivalent to telling someone to “Just get over it.” The fact he then ends up on a date with Stiles and likes him doesn’t magically justify the behaviour. The ends don’t justify the means. This is an example of abuse. If she’d asked first and he’d been tentatively okay with it, it wouldn’t be abuse. If he’d asked her because he was having trouble taking the plunge by himself, it wouldn’t be abuse. It’s because it’s a) nonconsensual, and b) bullying him into something he doesn’t want that makes it abusive.

Other stories will (quite commonly) have her demanding to know everything about his life, especially his romantic relationships, the minute it happens, laying a guilt trip on him if he doesn’t tell her, and not taking “no” for an answer, to the point she’ll steal his phone and snoop, or read his email, or interrogate his friends, and so on. She will come into his room or his house without asking, and interrupt what he’s doing as though it’s her right, even though he’s clearly not okay with it. She’ll spy on his computer usage or the people he meets. Derek won’t feel he can tell her “no”, or will reveal in his internal monologue that he’s “learned there’s no point” trying to get her to stop. This is abuse. It’s crossing Derek’s personal boundaries without consent, not listening to him, and taking advantage of the fact he values his family relationships too much to cut her from his life for this behaviour. If he volunteered the information because he genuinely wanted to share it, it wouldn’t be abuse, especially if she shared back equally. It’s the expectation that Laura has some right to know about Derek’s life and personal choices, even when he doesn’t want to share, that makes it abusive.

Laura sometimes vets his partners for suitableness without his consent, and/or will threaten Derek’s partners with retribution if they hurt him. This is commonly known as the “shovel speech”, but that in itself is an abusive trope. It disrespects the person’s ability to choose their own partner and decide about the relationship for themselves, disrespects the person they are dating, and threats are intrinsically abusive in any case. Again, if Derek asked for Laura’s opinion it would be a different matter, but in many stories she just goes ahead and does it, even though he is worried it will “scare Stiles off”.

There are stories where Derek is so sick of his family pestering him about having a romantic relationship that he fakes a relationship just to get them to leave him alone. In other words, he feels the need to lie and deceive in order to have autonomy over his own life. Again, the fact it works out and he meets Stiles doesn’t make the premise of having a family who won’t let him live his life in a way that makes him happy any less abusive. In real life, what if he were asexual? Or had social anxiety/introversion? What if he wasn’t sufficiently over his PTSD or last partner? What if he were queer and not out? What if he were trans and not out? And so on. This exact kind of overbearing behaviour that lays expectations on people in real life has terrible consequences a lot of the time – it can lead kids to cut, to run away from home, to eating disorders, to drugs, to suicide attempts. Romanticising overbearing family expectations is problematic because it normalises that kind of behaviour. We all want the best for our family, that’s totally normal. But we can’t live their lives for them. Trying to do so is abusive, no matter how well meaning.

These are some of the obvious examples of abusive behaviours which are played for laughs that I’ve come across in Sterek romantic comedies, although it’s by no means an exhaustive list.

it’s not just Laura who does these things either, but when Laura is in a fic, there is often an abusive element to her character – moreso than with most other sympathetic characters. Sometimes it’s not played for laughs, and the author actually makes it clear the behaviour is a problem. But there are also a bunch of stories that present the abusive behaviour as though Laura is being a good sister by doing these things.

I hope that’s helped clarify what I mean when I say fanon Laura is often abusive.

Person A has to go through their closet and get ride of some stuff, so they’re going through and trying things to see if they should keep or throw away. All through this impromptu fashion show, person B is laying on the bed just showering A with compliments and love about how amazing/sexy A looks.

You found me wandering lost around an Ikea. We’re both lost and I’m getting really scared so you built us a fort and now the employees are trying to get us out of it.

I’ve lost my dog and I’ve been searching for them all day now. You found me crying on the curb and offered to help. I have no idea who you are but thank you so much for helping.

Our group had a lip sync battle and you got up there and lip synced to Sexy Back and didn’t break eye contact with me. I’m both turned on and embarrassed.

You pepper sprayed me in the face because you thought I was your creepy ex. I’m mad but then I actually looked at you and said a cheesy pick up line so now we’re just staring at each other awkwardly, but my eyes still burn please help.

FBI au where Person A is an agent and Person B works in the labs. They don’t positively interact a whole lot because of their jobs and they don’t really get along. That is until they both unknowingly sign up for the same cooking class and they now have to cook together three times a week. And they’re both a mess because work them is different than class them.

I hope with this new movie……that there will be a rise…….in beauty and the beast aus……

Why do people feel the need to write dub con/ non con or unhealthy relationship fanfiction? Like? It doesn’t make people happy? Its not Good? Why not write about them cuddling? Or fighting crime? Or literally anything else.

otp-headcanon:

What about a soul mate au where you hear background music for the most important parts of your life, and when you meet your soul mate it’s dramatic and romantic music

But on the other hand…..

“Guys we really shouldn’t go in there, can’t you hear the creepy ass music? I don’t want to get killed.”

“Fuck I’m pretty sure this is fighting music I can’t fight you I have exams to study for.”

“Oh no poor kitty why are you out here all on your-NO STOP THE SAD MUSIC THIS CAT ISN’T GONNA DIE JUST WATCH ME”

Im bringing this back bc now my vision has changed. Have you seen commercials for Zoeys Extraordinary Playlist?

Guys just IMAGINE the more grumpy one of the otp singing a very romantic song or Sucker? Wow

Executive decision: my next fic is bigdick!Derek, virgin!Stiles with lots of training.