” I just don’t understand ”

” explain to me ” he said through the phone while hearing her cry

” you explain to me! I don’t understand how you can tell someone you love then go and act like they don’t matter do you? Explain to me how you managed to sleep at night knowing that I was crying because you made me feel worthless? How do you live with yourself after telling someone you love them but not prove a damn thing? ”

” I.. You know I love you ” he interrupted her

” Do I? ” She was gasping for air. ” if you loved me, how could you treat me like that? You didn’t. That’s the explanation, you just didn’t love me. ”

- the only logical explanation for us

”I’m stuck in a time that has already passed by”

- I still think you’re mine sometimes

”I have tried, tried to meet others but it always ends up the same. I compare them to you. I compare to the details of what we had. But you have probably met someone new. Are you like you and I were? Do you do the same things? Does she care about you? Is it possible that she can love you more than me?

I can’t stop thinking.

- she can never love you more than I did, never

”What am I supposed to do with all of the love I wanted to give to you but you didn’t want it? What do I do when I still hear your voice, your laugh, your touch on my skin? I still se our memories, I still see you everywhere I go.

Tell me, what the hell am I supposed to do?”

- excerpt from something I’ll never say to you

” Since you’ve been gone I’ve been lost. Lost in a place where I only feel and see you and nobody else. Yet, this is the only place where I have you, because in reality you’re not mine and to be true, I’d rather be lost than to live in a world where you and I don’t belong to each other ”

- I might as well be lost forever

” I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I can’t relax, think or do anything at all. Seriously, I can barely breathe. What is right and what is wrong? I’m so fucking confused. ”

excerpt from my diary (17/5-2017)

I want to say that I deserve better, that I am not getting the love and attention that I need. But what do I deserve? How am I supposed to know what I deserve? I don’t think love is supposed to be this way, but what the hell do I know? I want him to show me that he loves me, just like he did before. I am tired of words, it feels like I’m wasting my time.

I want to cry but I can’t. Why do I have do feel this way? How do I know when it’s time to let go? How am I supposed know what is best for me when he is all my heart knows about? This makes me so confused.

I think that I deserve more love than I am getting.

- excerpt from my diary (12/4-2017)

”Before you, I saw everything as poetry. I saw everything others just passed by, things they refused to see, things they were too blind to see.

But now the whole world is just so pale. Words are just words, boys are just boys, people are just people. Everything’s just, nothing.”

- nothing makes any sense

”There will be other girls who’ll love you, hurt you, care for you. But remember that only I turned you into poetry”

- I think that says it all

” The thing that scares me the most is that I was willing to die for you. I was willing to die for a boy who didn’t even know how to love me. ”

- I’d kill myself if that would’ve made you love me

” Searching for something to say, that I haven’t already said. In case it makes you stay. ”

” I don’t cry everyday. Neither do I think about you everyday. But then something reminds me of you, or you in someway just manage to cross my mind. It can be such a little thing as your cologane on someone else. Such a little thing, yet it feels like I’m losing you all over again. ”

- Is this what hell is?

” My heart aches and I don’t know what the fuck to do about it. ”

- I can barely breathe