#surgery

wonderer-86:

Crazy love korean drama episode 02

when the arrogant boss got hit by a car after his secretary tried to get back at him for treating her badly for a year and she learned that she’s going to die so she went to his house to scare him a little he chased after her outside his house then got hit by a car intentionally not by her but by some one else,, the honest assistant returned for him to find him laying on the ground unconscious and bleeding heavily ,, she rushed him to the hospital and gave her consent for the surgery … cried for his safety and stayed by his bedside looking messy from all the crying ,,, she was concerned for his life ,, then he had a seizure after the surgery and was treated by the doctor

The smudged mascara is so realistic I love it

Pieces, acrylic on linen, 2019

Based off pastel portraits of wounded WW1 soldiers by Henry Tonks, artist and surgeon (middle images).

The two year anniversary of my breast reduction just passed. It’s been one of the most important decisions I’ve made, not only because the quality of my life has improved by bounds, but because it was one of the first active, positive decisions that I made regarding my body.

Not many people know that I had the surgery, mostly because I was good at hiding under baggy clothes and bad posture. As soon as I got a full-time job and the health insurance that came with it kicked in, I started looking for a surgeon. I had spent most of my senior year in college trying to accept my body and find bras that fit well and looked okay; the years before that, I had resigned myself to ill-fitting bras. However, in the process of empowering myself by finding a bra that fit, I realized that I could get rid of the problem entirely. I was done spending time, energy, and money on something that I didn’t think necessitated so much of my life.

Bras

Bras are not one-size-fits-all. They’re complicated because breasts are complicated. Not only is there the usual band and cup size to think about, but the wire width, cup depth, and construction of the bra are some of the other considerations necessary to finding a well-fitting bra. It’s not as simple as calculating your bra size and then buying any bra off-the-shelf; bra brands and models differ in sizing, and it takes multiple tries to find one that fits. Moreover, bras are expensive. Well-constructed bras are often $50+ each.

When I started on my bra-fitting journey, I was able to buy some used bras at a reduced price from /r/braswap (a reddit community for buying, selling, and exchanging bras) and Bratabase (similarly great community that also has a database of bra measurements and reviews). I ended up finding a couple of bras that fit me fairly well after an exhausting search spanning half a year, having tried at least a dozen different bra brands/styles/sizes, with multiple crying sessions when bras didn’t fit. It may seem absurd to cry over a bra, but I don’t know how to convey the frustration, anger, sadness, and hatred I felt toward my body when I had no bras that fit, no clothes that fit the way I wanted them to, and no way to exercise comfortably. Not only that, but the way I viewed myself clashed with my physical body and the way society viewed it.

Asian Identity

Being an Asian girl with large breasts is a really weird experience. I can’t even count the number of times I googled phrases such as “asian with large breasts” in an effort to find how other people deal with it, only to be met with images and links fetishizing Asian women. (How do you even google for such a thing?) The fetishization of feminine Asian bodies, especially those with larger breasts, distilled my body – my everyday body, the body I had to constantly live in – into a sex object. It felt terrible.

I finally found one blog, CurvyHK, with writings about the blogger’s personal experiences, bra reviews, and interesting resources and anecdotes on East Asian culture and breasts, such as a Korean documentary about Park Chaeri and her breast reduction. The documentary was exciting because it was the first time I had seen another Asian woman with my body type. However, I also struggled with the thought that getting a reduction would just be conceding to societal norms – being tired of feeling like an “other”, as Park Chaeri did. Conforming to the thin, small-chested Asian stereotype grants privilege (fitting into societal expectations and standard clothing sizes), and I wondered if it was the allure of that privilege that was pushing me to get the surgery.

Boob Problems

Breast reductions are interesting because they’re not a purely cosmetic surgery; the ramifications of carrying multiple pounds of flesh on your chest can be severe. I had minor neck and shoulder pain along with terrible, awful posture from trying to minimize how my chest looked. I had rashes due to constant skin contact and certain areas never having a chance to breathe. The only sports bra that allowed me to run comfortably was $70, or else I had to wear two or more bras when I exercised.

More often than not, though, the emotional toll was greater than the physical toll. Society tells us that our bodies are wrong when we don’t fit into certain clothes when the real reason is that the clothes themselves are wrong. I knew this intellectually, but it still hurt emotionally when the only button-up shirt that fit me had to be two sizes larger to accommodate my chest. Moreover, I was resentful that I had to spend so much time learning about bra sizing and fitting. I realized that all of the reasons – societally influenced or not – led me to overwhelming choose the surgery. I was certain that getting it would improve my life and how I viewed my body. Getting a reduction was a way for me to take back control of my body and my time.

Bodily Autonomy

My body is my own. My body is me. Unfortunately, we’re often told that our bodies are not ours by the media, by society, and even by the people whom we love. Bodies – especially feminine bodies – are commodified as objects to view, and even as objects to own.

My intimate partner at the time had a heteronormative view on bodies and relationships. He would say things like, “my body is yours”, with the implication that my body was therefore his. He opposed my choice of getting a breast reduction because he feared the resulting scars would make me less sexually attractive to him. While I was trying to take control over my body through the surgery, he was trying to convince me that his opinions on my body mattered more than my own. We had many arguments over the course of months, and he only conceded when I told him that my parents were supportive of my decision. Even after the surgery, he would prod me to use scar reducing cream. While I was ecstatic with my new breasts and new scars – and I had never thought I would ever be able to ecstatically look at my body – he shamed me because he thought scars were unattractive.

Throughout the course of my reduction process and into recovery, I gave advice to other women who were interested in getting reductions but had disapproving husbands or boyfriends. I told them about the many conversations I had, and how my boyfriend finally came around after realizing that 1) I wouldn’t rant about bras as much and 2) I would feel better about myself. Most of their partners also came around. What makes me angry is how I and these other women had to spend so much time convincing our partners to let us make a decision on our own bodies in the first place, needing to explain how the surgery would benefit them when the benefits for ourselves should’ve been enough. I loathe that people feel obliged to think about their sexual partners when modifying their bodies.

Asexuality

Breasts are viewed as sexual. As an asexual person, this was something that made me feel extremely uncomfortable in my own skin. Even touching my breasts made me tense because they were these weird, sexualized things that were somehow still a part of me. It certainly didn’t help that my partner was sexually attracted to them. I dreaded showering, putting on clothes, anything where I had to look at or touch them or remember that I had breasts.

When I had my reduction, I wasn’t aware of asexuality. When I look back, though, a lot of the emotional reasons why I hated my breasts were related to how alien the sexuality tied to them felt. Not only did I feel removed from the fetishization of my body due to them, I wanted them gone because I wanted to be less sexually attractive. My breasts didn’t hold any meaning to me and were a nuisance physically, as well as a way for people to perceive me as feminine and sexual. Now, they’ve taken on meaning for me through my scars.

Scars

Ilove my scars. Even when I don’t love my body for whatever reason, I still love my scars. They remind me that I’m ultimately in control of my body. They remind me of the time when I knew exactly what I wanted and made it happen. They remind me that I am capable.

If anyone is wondering what the process for going through a breast reduction is like – finding a good surgeon, getting it covered by insurance, the surgery and recovery process, etc. – please don’t hesitate to ask me. I was a 28G and got reduced to a 28DD (the smallest I could go, with 2+ lbs removed).

For bra fitting, I highly recommend the ABTF Beginner’s Guide – it goes through finding your bra size (your UK size, since US bra sizes aren’t standardized) and includes recommendations for which bras might best fit your breast shape. There’s a great community at /r/abrathatfits with many knowledgeable and helpful people as well.