#surviving

Agony

Sometimes you have to detach yourself from your situation. Starting a hobby or finishing a project will take your mind off of your troubles because you are no longer thinking about your illness. It is agonizing enough to live with cancer that you do not want it to rule your entire being. Detaching involves pealing away the layers of pain that you can concentrate on other things. We are so complex that it may take a few tries, but remember there is beauty in this world along with happiness. In your world, maintaining a specific life style will also help you to relax and be yourself. Cancer is only an unwanted guest that showed up at the most inopportune time. Maintaining a regular life style will keep you feeling normal and in control of your own destiny. Don’t agonize over your illness! It will only cause more damage. Find the real you and take advantage of what you can do.

Displeasure

Cancer is a journey that everyone fears. Just like the changing of the seasons – your life is forever changed by its affects. Again, no one likes change. We feel displeasure when we are out of our comfort zone. We don’t know if the change will be permanent or if it’s just something we must endure for a season. This is the time to start viewing your life in a new light. If things have to change – make the changes you want. Plan out a new future and what you want to accomplish. Do not let cancer take away your opportunity to have freedom. Each of us go through stages in cancer treatment, but the one thing we have in common is the fear of death. We need to set our minds to positive change that will surround us with pleasure. It’s not easy to have to change things in your life, but sometimes it’s a necessity.

Resentment

There are so many times I feel resentment toward cancer and what it did to me. I feel like a shadow of my former self. I remember what life was like before I was sick and I see my life now. I have nearly lost everything in my battle with cancer. Yet, I have gained new life – a second chance. I want to live this new life, however, pain and sorrow fill me because I can no longer do some of the things I used to. In my second change of life, it has given me new sight. I remember my old self and know now how to make changes to improve my current self. Before I would have never had the time to write or draw. I would have never created a new dream. I would have been stuck wondering if there was more out there. Now I try to seek a brighter future. A life filled with more dreams a life filled with taking chances, and becoming the real me, not a shadow of what I thought was me.

Arousal

When a rock hits the water it sends ripples of water to the shore line. The same is true with cancer. Once it hits you, it sends ripples throughout your body and hits your bones like a blade. Yet, these ripples alert your system and give you the sensation of arousal because you finally realize how important your life is. There are other ripples in our lives and sometimes we notice them and sometimes we don’t, but we feel the affects none the less. Our lives can take a new direction, either consciously or unconsciously. Either way we were constructed to be able to with stand the waves in our lives. They may be heart retching but we are strong enough to handle the pain. We need to remember that life is but a stones throw and we are the water. We need to remain full of life and able to endure. The ripples only enhance the sensation of living.

Doubtful

There are many faces in life. A large percent of our communication is based on physical movement and facial expressions. When we are sick the emotion shows just like when we are happy. Sometimes there ids doubt and frustration. We put our faith into doctors and other medical staff. They will tell you that what you are experiencing is normal! There is nothing normal about chemo or radiation therapy. Doctors always ask how you’re doing when they should be able to read it on your face. There are times we fell doubtful and uneasy about our treatments and our progression or even regression. If only all that could be replaced with reassurance that or lives will continue on a more normal path in life and that we would know for certain that we will survive another day.

Destructive

The heart is the strongest organ in your body. It pumps life into your veins and makes sure your body has enough energy to keep living. When your heart is threatened – your life hangs in the balance. Chemo treatments weaken your heart and leaves you open to several aliments. Not only do you have to worry about the cancer and treatments, you also have to worry about your immune system and heart failure. It’s a very destructive feeling and quite frightening. It leaves you with the feeling of being tormented by the thought of the loss of life. Now, what we can look forward to is a complete healing. Exercise for you heart like cardio vascular ones can help to keep your heart strong. We must protect ourselves from any more damage. Then we pray that the treatments work and we will be cancer free and have a second chance at life. Most of it depends on how strong we are as individuals.

Weary

We really don’t know what life has in store for us. We can plan all our activities and where we would like to be in 5 years, but the truth is, it is all left to chance. Planning is good because it keeps us focused on life itself. Yet, we are never prepared for disaster. We want to believe that life will go as planned and any thing that interferes, we can just dismiss. However, when cancer strikes your life – plans automatically change. No one likes change! We have to change our life styles and our daily plans. Nothing hurts more than knowing you are no longer capable of achieving your original goals. It makes you feel incomplete and isolated. The good thing is that you can set new goals and plan for a new future. It’s almost as if you were given a second chance. This time you want to live like there is no tomorrow.

I had horrible dreams and slept well past noon so my day so far has consisted of a long, slow breakfast with coffee and trying really hard not to get incredibly overwhelmed by everything I need to do. 

for once, iTunes seems to understand exactly what I need cause I first put on
Lemonade by Beyoncé, then it came up with
The Pink Print by Nicki Minaj, and now it’s playing
Forever by Spice Girls

and I’m one second away from a weepy emotional mess but in the best way possible <3