#surviving
Denial
I was once told that ‘Our eyes are the windows to our soul!’ Everything can be seen through your eyes. Everything can be seen through your eyes. It’s a form of body language. It’s amazing what an expression can have on a person. Shame, I believe is the most disabling. If we feel shame, we have that tendency to hide our true wants, needs, and desires. This removes hope from your life and gives you a sense of being lost or wondering what it’s all worth anyway. Our eyes can be portals to our emotions. If you’re feeling happy – your eyes will glisten. If you’re feeling sad your eyes will fill with tears. Sometimes it is hard to hide what you’re feeling because your eye will give you away. You wonder if the world could see through your eyes would they understand your fears, your joys, your pain, and your life. Could you express how far apart you feel from reality and how close to the end. Look into my eyes and tell me what you see!
Calamitous
We have natural coping mechanism. Most of us know which one they are and others still struggle to balance their lives. We also have the tendency to remember the negative times in our lives than we do the happier days. Sometimes it feels like life is just full of failure and regret, but this is not focus on hope and dreams. This is a very positive way to live because once those are gone we no longer care about those around us or even ourselves. This is why we come fully supplied with a ‘fight or flight’ system. In those desperate times what you choose to do determines the outcome or success of your illness. If you decide to fight, your chances of survival increase 100%. If you chose to let nature takes its course, just remember there is nothing natural about cancer. Knowing this changes your odds of winning and it declines 100%. We must find that inward warrior and take up our swords and fight. In everything else, we fight to receive what we have. Don’t give up now!
Frustrated
As we live through our illness, we will come across a variety of mixed emotions. Joy and happiness are there because you only have three more treatments to go. Yet, sadness and grief can slide in and overwhelm you because you have become accustom t this life style and change is right around the corner. We have to concentrate on the positive emotions and things in our life. Don’t let yourself feel blotted out of everyday life. Be inspired to try something new. I know it’s exhausting to even think about but you are far too important to just wither up or close down. Start a journal and describe your emotions, then use a counter emotion to change the negative feeling and concentrate on how much better it is to feel good, to feel life, to know that you are almost there. Remember, you matter.
Left Out
During treatments you can feel suspended because you’re waiting for the cure or to find out what happens next. Cancer is a touch and go kind of illness. Either it’s cured or it becomes a life long chronic illness. To be successful one has to be consistent and not afraid to ask questions. Sometimes we remain quiet and not ask questions because we figure the Doctor’s know what they are doing. This is not always the case. Just like you always asking why, the doctor’s are asking the same questions. They have to go through a process of elimination. They have to figure out which treatment will be the most successful. To feel suspended means that you are feeling vulnerable and lift hanging. We want answers now, not three months from now. But there are times we have to wait for the results. When you begin to feel suspended or ignored, meditate or positive things. Put yourself in a healing mode and focus on being cured.
Hello there,
I just added the second set of emotional abstracts and drawings. I did these more than 10 years ago. Still working on more (lol). I plan on having the book done with drawings and other chapters of dialog. It has been a rewarding endeavor and I am still learning and drawing (better) than I think I ever had.
I hope that you enjoy the drawings and that they enlighten you to what an emotion can look like, especially, through the eyes of a cancer patient, survivor, or cured,
Thanks for the support.
Maria
Captured
Cancer is like being in a fish bowl. It leaves you feeling exposed and trapped within an environment where everyone can see. It’s like your life is on display. You no longer have any privacy and your space is filled with the pressure of the world barring down on you. You swim around in circles, never making it anywhere. Knowing that there is a war going on in your body and physically you don’t know how to fight it. The treatments kill every living and deadly cell in your body making you feel like an empty shell (the fish bowl). Mentally your exhausted and all you can concentrate on is the pain (the rocks at the bottom of the fish bowl) and it is debilitation because you’re not strong enough to fight or just don’t care to fight anymore. Spiritually, you’re hurt and don’t know anything other than pleading for your life. You can go to the top of your fish bowl for a small breath, but you still cannot get out. Gotcha!
Stable
Balancing a regular life and having cancer is very complicated and delicate. The things you want to do seem almost impossible and the things you don’t want to do you feel forced to do. Cancer doesn’t give you many choices. To balance the daily activities, such as work, cleaning house, even self care is like trying to balance on a line beam above the ground or having the ability to balance like a ballerina. It takes a lot of effort and energy. Yet, you must find the ability to master the art of balance.
You’re the one who has to take charge and make life what you want it to be. Find something to balance your fear, your anxiety, and your stress. This can be done by taking up a hobby, going on a trip, even finding ways to meditate and relax. We have the ability to make our own choices and being able to change the way we feel. We locate that inner balance from the center of our being.
Tranquil
Cancer has a way of separating you from the normal flow of life. It’s like living in a bubble. Though it is your own space, you still feel invaded. You view life around you as busy and steady, yet your life has slowed down dramatically. You want to feel safe in your bubble and separate yourself from your illness. Sometimes it just calls for ‘breathing.’ Cancer brings on feelings of confinement and restriction. It is almost like being put in a prison with no windows. What you need to do is relax and just breathe. Breathing is a good thing. Our bodies are designed to automatically breathe without us being aware of its actions. It brings oxygen to our blood cells and takes away the carbon dioxide that pollutes our system. Yet, when you take a deep breath, you fill your lungs with the life around you. Sometimes you just need to be alone so you can breath and meditate on your new life. A good thing to do is to go outside take a deep breath, feel the wind on your face and the warmth of the sun. Become one with your environment and just breathe.
Scornful
Life happens! No one knows exactly what their future holds. Of course, we can plan and hope that our lives will be full and successful. However, remember you are not the one in control. We may have goals and aspirations of what our life should be, but we need to understand that change can and will happen. So when being diagnosed with cancer it enters your life and tries to destroy everything we thought we could do. Now life changes and we have to adjust the way we live and come to the realization that life will never be the same. It’s like an unseen force that takes over and we become a shell of who we used to be. We can no longer interact with society and time feels fleeting. Yet, we need to remember and focus on the fact that we are still here; we are still alive and fighting for the right to survive. Though no one likes changes, sometime change is necessary. Not exactly because of cancer, but something to remind us that we should strive for a better life and never give up on our dreams. Maybe, even create new dreams. Cancer can either be a set back, a complete road block, or a reminder of how precious life really is.
Destructive
The heart is the strongest organ in your body. It pumps life into your veins and makes sure your body has enough energy to keep living. When your heart is threatened – your life hangs in the balance. Chemo treatments weaken your heart and leaves you open to several aliments. Not only do you have to worry about the cancer and treatments, you also have to worry about your immune system and heart failure. It’s a very destructive feeling and quite frightening. It leaves you with the feeling of being tormented by the thought of the loss of life. Now, what we can look forward to is a complete healing. Exercise for you heart like cardio vascular ones can help to keep your heart strong. We must protect ourselves from any more damage. Then we pray that the treatments work and we will be cancer free and have a second chance at life. Most of it depends on how strong we are as individuals.
Weary
We really don’t know what life has in store for us. We can plan all our activities and where we would like to be in 5 years, but the truth is, it is all left to chance. Planning is good because it keeps us focused on life itself. Yet, we are never prepared for disaster. We want to believe that life will go as planned and any thing that interferes, we can just dismiss. However, when cancer strikes your life – plans automatically change. No one likes change! We have to change our life styles and our daily plans. Nothing hurts more than knowing you are no longer capable of achieving your original goals. It makes you feel incomplete and isolated. The good thing is that you can set new goals and plan for a new future. It’s almost as if you were given a second chance. This time you want to live like there is no tomorrow.
EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!!
21 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A SURVIVOR OF ABUSE/ S.A. !!!
https://www.asafeport.org/programs/direct-services/what-not-to-say-to-a-victim-of-sexual-assault/
Fair Haven - What Not to Say to a Victim of Sexual Assault
Please share!! By survivors for survivors is the MOST valid and best type of resource for anything sexual assault/abuse/trauma related.
LIFE IS ALREADY DIFFICULT ENOUGH FOR US AS SURVIVORS OF ABUSE AND ASSAULT. THE LAST THING WE NEED IS PEOPLE WHO ARE PURPOSEFULLY TRYING TO PREY ON OUR WEAKNESSES OR MAKE US FEEL LIKE IT WAS DESERVED BECAUSE IT WAS 100% NOT. THE OPINIONS OF THOSE PEOPLE DO NOT MATTER. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, YOU KNOW YOUR TRUTH, YOU KNOW YOURSELF. THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. YOU DO NOT NEED TO PROVE YOURSELF TO ANYBODY. PEOPLE WHO WOULD EVEN THINK TO PUT YOU DOWN BECAUSE OF YOUR TRAUMA OR PURPOSEFULLY ENXOURAGE IT HAPPENING AGAIN ARE HORRIBLY SICK AND HAVE THEIR OWN VERY EXTENSUVE ISSUES AND HEALING TO DO, THEIR HATE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU OR THE VALIDITY OF YOUR TRAUMA. YOU ARE 100% VALID. YOU KNOW YOU ARE TELLING THE TRUTH. YOU KNOW HOW REAL IT IS. YOU KNOW THAT THEY COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND. YOU ARE SO STRONG.
ASAFEPORT.ORG
I had horrible dreams and slept well past noon so my day so far has consisted of a long, slow breakfast with coffee and trying really hard not to get incredibly overwhelmed by everything I need to do.
for once, iTunes seems to understand exactly what I need cause I first put on
Lemonade by Beyoncé, then it came up with
The Pink Print by Nicki Minaj, and now it’s playing
Forever by Spice Girls
and I’m one second away from a weepy emotional mess but in the best way possible <3
