#the man
Instagram Story by Apple Music (March 7th 2020)
9 mos vs. 7 mos vs. 6 mos vs. 2 mos
I really haven’t documented much of my transition or paid much attention to where I have come from which is why I have abandoned this blog. I had went through depression and lots of anxiety. I am coming out of most of it, much of it was depression of being trans instead of born cis-male. Some find pride in the transition, I’ve found reminders and missed opportunity. I’m better off transitioning, but it took a mental hit for me. I’m to the point I want to be medically transitioned completely and never look back. I know some identify as trans while that depresses me. I hear more of a man and see more of the man, I knew was here all along. I have always passed to an extent, and use to talk way less because my voice could give me away, now I have a voice, a deepened still squeaky voice. My beard is now capable of being full, but I have to shave for work (hints my stubble). I’m trying to find peace with my journey, but I only want the end goal.
Post link
There wasn’t enough thirsty art of Mando so I had to take matters in to my own hands…
•
•
•
That smile. That damned smile. ♠️♠️♠️
~REQUESTED BY @kittikatsblog: RYAN REYNOLDS: Ryan helps main character (Kat) after experiencing some troubling times ~
A/N: A quick lil’ something I whipped up for one of my dearest friends who adores Ryan.Apologies for any typos, not gonna proofread. Also- I haven’t posted an imagine an over a year but I’m hoping to return. I’ve got my motivation back!
Kat had been sitting on her couch, scrolling through tumblr and drinking her favorite tea. While deeply gazing into her laptop screen, she felt her phone vibrate beneath her leg, followed by a muffled notification sound. She nonchalantly reached under her leg for her phone and looked down at the notification that popped up.
Text Message From-
Ryan: Hey, love. Are you free tonight?
Kat’s smile quickly faded, as she felt a pang of guilt in her stomach. She frowned to herself after an uncomfortable feeling settled in. She typically would’ve been thrilled at the mere fact that Ryan was trying to take her out on another date. Let’s be honest, the first few dates were amazing and he’s a great kisser… But still, she had been feeling offlately.
Trying to come up with another excuse to sit at home and shut everyone out had become draining in itself. Kat stared at the message, sulking in the gloomy aura that had consumed her and claimed her hostage.
Then came the double text.
Ryan: Please? I rather not spend another Friday night alone. If not tonight, maybe tomorrow?
Kat couldn’t help but smile at the effort Ryan was putting in. Within seconds she became aggravated with herself, wondering; why couldn’t I just feel better?, why is it so hard to be normal and social?, why do I push good things away?…
Kat took a deep breath, feeling her eyes slightly water, as she began to respond to the text.
Kat: Hey Ryan.
She hit send quickly, before she could talk herself out of it.
Kat:I can’t tonight It’s just not a good time.
She waited a minute for a response, watching as the three dots appeared signifying that he was typing. A few more seconds go by and the dots disappeared and a message was never sent. Kat’s heart sank in her chest, along with self hatred for the hurt she must’ve caused Ryan.
Suddenly, her phone began to ring.
~Call From Ryan~
“Ryan!” Kat panicked, starring at the screen of her phone and hesitating to answer. After a few seconds of anxiously contemplating whether or not she should answer, she gave in. I don’t want him to hate me…
“Hello?” Kat answered nervously, trying to contain her shaky voice.
“What’s up?” Ryan asked concerned. “Why do you keep blowing me off when I ask you out?”
“I’m not- I just-…” Her voice was shaking. Dammit Kat. Don’t cry.
“Kat… I know somethings up.” He said softly. “Listen, just tell me one thing-” He paused, as if he was waiting for a response.
“Mhmm.” Kat mumbled, in approval for him to continue.
“Is it me? Is it something I did or are you not interested? ‘Cause if it is-”
“No Ryan…” She answered quickly. Her voice so distinct, he could tell it was sincere.
“Okay. Well, I’m coming over to see you okay. You got 20 minutes.”
“What-?!” Kat gasped, before hearing him chuckle and hang up the phone. “Wow…”
Kat jumped up from the couch and thought to herself. I need to shower…
“Wow. You got ready pretty fast.” Ryan smirked taking a step closer to Kat, entering her apartment.
“Didn’t really have much of a choice, did I?” She sassed with a side-smiled.
She could feel her spirit lifting and it was all thanks to the man of her dreams…
“Well, I needed to see you! It’s been weeks since I got to see your beautiful face and kiss those soft lips of yours. Can I-?” He asked with a soft child-like voice, wrapping his arms around Kat’s waist, pulling her into him, and leaning over her.
Kat smiled and nodded slightly, before reaching up, planting her lips on his eagerly.
After parting ways from the kiss, Ryan stood there, smiling over at Kat.
“What?” She asked, smiling nervously.
“Nothing. But hey, I was thinking… I know you don’t feeling like going out, but I thought we could stay in and watch-”
“-No.” Kat smiled, interrupting quickly. “I actually, I’m starting to feel like myself again.”
“Really?” He asked, a relieved smile plastered itself on his face. Kat thought it was adorable how happy he was for her.
“Mhmm. All thanks to you. I mean- I know the random waves of sadness come and go, so tomorrow or next week I might start trying to push people away again… But right now, you helped me. Because of you I got up, and forced myself to get ready and that alone made me feel 100 times better. And you being here, showing up for me and feeling these feelings for you-” Kat noticed Ryan’s smile become a wide grin. Her face flushed as she became embarrassed and hesitated to continue speaking. “-I’m rambling…”
“You’re so fucking cute.” He grinned before colliding his lips with hers again, kissing her passionately. “Let’s go out then. Come on. I know a place we can go.” He winked, taking Kat’s hand in his and guiding it up to his mouth, before kissing it. “Ready?”
“Ready.” Kat blushed, smiling.
~Part II coming soon ~
“The Man Is Mean”
A Taylor Swift Mashup by Lina
